LDR Break Up

[Christophe]

I am doing lots more stuff now but this evening I have felt a bit down. It's just over three months now and although I have unfriended her and blocked all her friends on facebook I miss her a lot tonight. Part of me wishes I had not removed her as a friend. I know I need to move on and she is most likely never going to contact me again but part of me wonders if keeping her there on Facebook could have reignited her interest in me. I have experienced a lot of sadness the last few days.

 

I hope this is only a blip in my recovery. Some days I am so hopeful and optimistic about myself and others I just feel so heavy and overwhelmed without her.

 

I feel stupid saying this in a way because I want to be improving myself. I know people on here have said some really helpful things though I hope you can help again.

 

Chris

[Els]

It's normal to take some steps back while moving forward. Stay strong, Christophe.

[HeavenOrHell]

Hi Chris, heartbreak is rarely a smooth road, you can feel you're doing fine and then it hits you again.

You're doing so well, and I think you were right to remove her from facebook as I think it would get in the way of you moving forward with your life and would just be painful for you as she's with someone else, you don't need to see or hear about that.

I don't think fb would have reignited her interest, I think if she was going to get back in touch she would do it whether you were fb friends or not.

You are doing all the right things and you are improving your life, keep looking ahead, not back

 

 

I am doing lots more stuff now but this evening I have felt a bit down. It's just over three months now and although I have unfriended her and blocked all her friends on facebook I miss her a lot tonight. Part of me wishes I had not removed her as a friend. I know I need to move on and she is most likely never going to contact me again but part of me wonders if keeping her there on Facebook could have reignited her interest in me. I have experienced a lot of sadness the last few days.

 

I hope this is only a blip in my recovery. Some days I am so hopeful and optimistic about myself and others I just feel so heavy and overwhelmed without her.

 

I feel stupid saying this in a way because I want to be improving myself. I know people on here have said some really helpful things though I hope you can help again.

 

Chris

[Christophe]

Thanks again for your replies I have so much I want to try and explain in this message so I apologize if it is a bit all over the place.

 

The thing is right now I feel like I may possibly never get over Andrea. I have moments of optimism at times followed by crippling self-doubt and lack of self-belief that seem so dark and hopeless. I know everyone tells me first love always takes a long time to heal from and maybe I should not be so impatient with myself after it has only been about 13 weeks now (although it feels like a lifetime).

 

The thing is I just cannot imagine feeling the way I did with her ever again with anyone else. I felt so comfortable and happy with her and she made me feel ten feet tall. I can't explain how good she made me feel. And I know she brought out the best in me as I made her feel special and loved. We were so good together and I know we are better for each other than her ex she has gone back to. I have started feeling angry about it again. She is all I ever wanted in a woman and without her in my life I feel so empty. Yes I am trying to keep as busy as possible and doing lots of hobbies eg guitar, salsa, Spanish, football, gym but at the end of the day I am still alone and all I want is to be with her. To have her in my life again. With her in my life there was hope and optimism. Now it all just feels hollow. Almost as though I am doing all these things for the sake of it. I have never loved anyone before Andrea and I pretty much gave myself to her. I feel like I have lost myself.

 

My parents have both said recently how I see to be doing better and being more positive and better company and I went for a nice walk with my Dad yesterday and felt quite relaxed. However I feel like these good times come and go and then I dip again. Saturday nights are the worst. I know she is getting ready to go out and have fun with her boyfriend and her friends and looking beautiful while I am stuck here without her on my own.

 

I don't know I will ever be ready to meet other girls. I go to salsa and there is a little interaction and I enjoy the dancing but I feel socially awkward. For example afterwards I hung around for a while and was talking with a girl and some of her friends but I did not feel confident. I think I am putting pressure on myself again to try and come across as attractive and then I just feel uncomfortable. That old insecurity is back. With Andrea it was so effortless and I have never experienced that before. We fell in love and it was so natural. And as I have mentioned before she is the most beautiful girl I ever met. I cannot imagine another girl looking at me the way she used to. I miss her a lot. I wish I could tell her but I know it would do no good now. I want to tell my friends Ana and Carlos but I know they want me to move on and I don't want to look weak to them after they thought I was doing better.

 

It feels like now I don't know how to interact with girls again without seeming shy or awkward. Maybe I do appear confident as my mum says I often do look confident even when I don't feel it. I know I should not look for another girl yet I just feel like I am missing out while everyone else around me is loving their lives in relationships. I am not saying all of their relationships will be perfect but just to have someone special in your life who loves you and is there for you is priceless to me. Someone to come home to and be affectionate with and wake up with every day. There is no better feeling and now I have lost it I feel very empty and lacking.

 

I had a very strange dream last night too. It was about Andrea partly. She had got back in touch with me and wanted to talk. It all seemed nice and then somehow I found out that she had been doing really badly and taking a lot of drugs and she had been like this the whole time. It was pretty horrible and I don't understand what this means if anything. Then the dream was me in bed with a blonde girl and I remember it was like the feeling I had when I was with Andrea. However I realised this was a girl I met a few weeks ago in Barcelona and I did not even like her. I don't know It was very weird.

 

I wish there was a way Andrea would contact me. I know I should move on but I feel very low without her especially on weekends. I don't feel like I could try and contact her especially as I don't know the situation with her and her boyfriend now I don't have her on Facebook. As far as I know they are still together. I miss her and keep beating myself up about it but I can't change how I feel.

 

Sorry for such a long post I hope it makes sense.

 

Chris