Once a cheater always a cheater?

[carhill]

Another factor is verifiability. Unless a person has been sued in an at-fault jurisdiction for adultery/infidelity and/or has had charges filed for criminal conversation and such suits/charges have been proven and adjudicated, there's no way to verify if someone has cheated or not. People can say anything, either way, and not just the principals. Anyone. People lie, and not just cheaters. Yup, if they lie, they're liars for life. It's a great label to wear but, again, can we prove their lie? Try doing that sometime.

 

I personally only know of two MW's who ever voluntarily admitted to cheating on their spouses and know of no males who made the same admission. I don't even know if the MW's statements were true, except I do know that one had inappropriate relations with myself but she didn't call it cheating because sex wasn't involved. Then again, I could be lying. See how that works?

[loversquarrel]

Once a cheater always a cheater doesn't matter to me. I'm not sticking around to find out the always part.

[MadJackBird]

I would say, "once a cheater always a risk for cheating again." As I see it, a cheater is sort of like an alcoholic. They may not drink anymore, but that is only because of the consequences, but its in there.

 

By way of explaining consider this: How many "former cheaters" have been polygraphed on whether they have fond memories of, fantasize about, or have other pleasure feelings/memories of their affairs or the sex. Everyone writes that they hate who they were or what they did, but deep down, what really goes on in their minds. It is for that reason that I answered the question like I did. I think that they all have fond memories that they may suppress, but still have, thus they are always at risk for cheating.

 

+1. My former wife cheated on me multiple times. It was an addiction to her as she had other addictions as well.

[Space Ritual]

The work required to regain trust after infidelity is far too daunting for some. So in my opinion it really comes down to whether a cheater can make themselves a safe person to be around. Like anything else, some can and will do the hard work, some can't or won't.

 

 

To those who have, I applaud you.

[BeingMe]

When people say, "I would never cheat," it just means they haven't been in that situation yet. They'll change their tune when they are chronically dissatisfied with their current partner and someone better makes a valid offer.

 

Not true.

 

I was chronically unhappy with my husband. I've had a few different (attractive) men offer me the opportunity to cheat. I refused. I have good boundaries and a good sense of self worth/ethics.

 

Cheating isn't about opportunity per se. Or about the state of the marriage. It's about the brokenness of the cheater. An emotionally healthy person does not cheat,they work on the relationship or they end it.

 

So, I reckon that once someone has cheated, it will always be a weakness for them, but that if they've done the hard work on themselves, worked on their self worth, personal issues,emotional health and decided to have good boundaries, they are less likely to cheat than someone who is emotionally broken. But for a cheater, like an alcoholic, they will have to have good boundaries for life,have to keep an eye on their weak points for life, and they may fall off the wagon again.

[smackie9]

There are different kinds of cheaters. One time cheaters (remorseful), and serial cheaters. One time cheaters usually learn from their mistake and never consider doing it again, serial cheaters have long time coping issues or sex addiction or other issues that may have started since childhood. Serial cheaters can be rehabilitated, but most don't bother to seek help. It's a no braier to steer away from those who continue to cheat.