Wondering how to cope

[Mario]

What should I do ? My girlfriend recently ended our relationship, she said she needed to be alone for a while because all through her life she has always had a boyfriend. She said she owes it to me to find out if she really loves me or if I'm just a security blanket that fills some kind of void in her life.I am certain that this is the girl I want to be with for the rest of my life yet she made it extremely clear that I wasn't what she needed in her life right now and that I was supposed to get on with mine. She also said that she didn't expect me to wait around for her. I was crushed.

 

Anyway a week later I got on with my life and ended up sleeping with some random girl from a Saturday night bar scene. I had been drinking but not to the extent that I didn't know what was going on. I don't know why I did it. It was totally out of character for me. I guess I wanted to feel as though at least somebody wanted me. (probably a rebound reaction deal). Anyway the whole time I was with this other person I had a huge guilty feeling like I was cheating on my ex. Anyway the weekend past and my ex called me up and said that she really missed me and it sounded like she is ready to try "us" again. I feel so dirty and low which leads me to my question which is how do I deal with these guilty feelings? and do I ever let her know that I was with somebody else during our brief down period?

[ubaygirl]

What should I do ? My girlfriend recently ended our relationship, she said she needed to be alone for a while because all through her life she has always had a boyfriend. She said she owes it to me to find out if she really loves me or if I'm just a security blanket that fills some kind of void in her life.I am certain that this is the girl I want to be with for the rest of my life yet she made it extremely clear that I wasn't what she needed in her life right now and that I was supposed to get on with mine. She also said that she didn't expect me to wait around for her. I was crushed. Anyway a week later I got on with my life and ended up sleeping with some random girl from a Saturday night bar scene. I had been drinking but not to the extent that I didn't know what was going on. I don't know why I did it. It was totally out of character for me. I guess I wanted to feel as though at least somebody wanted me. (probably a rebound reaction deal). Anyway the whole time I was with this other person I had a huge guilty feeling like I was cheating on my ex. Anyway the weekend past and my ex called me up and said that she really missed me and it sounded like she is ready to try "us" again. I feel so dirty and low which leads me to my question which is how do I deal with these guilty feelings? and do I ever let her know that I was with somebody else during our brief down period?

don't feel dirty and low. you were not cheating on your ex. you two were seperated, there is no reason to feel guilty. i would say that if she asks about that time you two were not together, then you should answer truthfully. she probably would be hurt, but there should be no reason that she does not understand. but if she never asks, i see no reason to tell her. telling her about the "random girl" would be tell her about an experience you had with some other ex, and she really doesn't need to hear that stuff. ya dig? i hope you two have a good and happy life together.

[Heart Broken]

Hi All,

 

I have been dating this woman for exactly 1 year. We met at work and really hit it off. We had a VERY good relationship . . good communication, mutual respect, and a love of being in each others comapny. After 5 months into our relationship, she decides to take a good paying job across the state (300 miles away). I was hurt that she did not even discuss this with me in any way but I figured that I should not stand in her way with this job. I was shattered to see her go but I was determined to make our relationship work. Things were good for months; we talked daily, I visited on weekends numerous times and she stayed with me for 10 days over Christmas. We were VERY close and we planned our future together (marrage etc.) This new job requires lots of travel and she is out of town more often than not. In Febuary, our daily talks became every other day and then 3 times a week. I could see the relationship drifting apart and I would bring this to her attention. Weeks would go by between conversations. I have tried explaining our situation to her in e-mails and in the rare times that we communicated but she says that she is too busy.I was hurt that she could not afford even 30 seconds to check in with me while she was traveling so I would know that she was ok. After 2 1/2 months of this, I stopped calling her: enough was enough and I am not going to beat a dead horse. Typical to fashion, she did not call me or find out what the problem was. I was really heart broken and disapointed in her yet I knew that it was the right thing to do. Anyway, she is calling co-worker friends of mine telling them that she is moving to town. I feel like she is going to cause trouble for me at work because of things I have said about co-workers in out private conversations. How should I handle this situation. Sorry for the long post but I have nowhere else to turn!

[baboo]

don't feel dirty and low. you were not cheating on your ex. you two were seperated, there is no reason to feel guilty. i would say that if she asks about that time you two were not together, then you should answer truthfully. she probably would be hurt, but there should be no reason that she does not understand. but if she never asks, i see no reason to tell her. telling her about the "random girl" would be tell her about an experience you had with some other ex, and she really doesn't need to hear that stuff. ya dig? i hope you two have a good and happy life together.

You're doing what you can to cope with the pain that you felt when you heard from the person who you thought you would be with forever that it was over. What if she never called you back? Of course this woman meant nothing - you knew that at the time you acted upon it, regardless of whether the love of you life ever returned. It okay to feel guilty - in fact, it says alot that you feel this way, because you came to believe in your mind that you did not want to ever be with anyone else other than your current girlfriend - therefore, feeling guilty just reinforces how much you care about her. You didn't do this to hurt her - you just did it to feel better about yourself, or just to get you mind off of things for the time being. Telling her would just make her think that you were doing it to spite her. It would cause alot of unneccesary unhappiness for the BOTH or you if you told her. Good luck --- it's nice to know that there still people out there who feel remorse for there actions. Yours however is completely justifiable to everyone out here (except hers).