health Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 My girl is always around for my phone calls. One day out of the blue shes not there (She can do what she wants I just wanted to know I was worried) she was out the whole day with new friends she met at school. I called her friend to see if shes talking about any guys, she said she told her friend that her friend would think this one guy is cute....now she wants to go out on the weekend with these people...she can do whatever she wants...Im scared shes falling for another guy though......am I paranoid? Or is there enough evidence? I also had a dream a while ago that she kissed another guy by the same club she'll be going to...two dreams about this! My brohter had a dream of his girl kissing another guy and it really happened.... Link to post Share on other sites
_Saffy_ Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 In any relationship there comes a time when you have to allow the other person to breathe. You have to stand back while they are expanding themselves. There are two ways to deal with this, firstly, you can be supportive and understanding and let them now that you understand their needs, or you can get anxious and stifling and make them feel that you are against them. If you push them away, become resentful and accusing, ask friends to betray confidences, then you are likely to cause a huge rift in your relationship, which will probably result in you losing that person. It sounds to me like she is having a great time with her new friends, and that you should be glad of this. It is often difficult for the partner left behind, you should use this time to do something that you have wanted to do for a while, get fit, join a class, expand yourself, and let her breathe. Link to post Share on other sites
Author health Posted March 1, 2005 Author Share Posted March 1, 2005 Thank you so much for you reply. Your right, she's happy exploring new things. I should allow myself to let go instead of hurting myself and focus on making my music which I hardly have time for. Thanks again, talking this out really helped me. Link to post Share on other sites
_Saffy_ Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 you're welcome health, you just made my day Link to post Share on other sites
Author health Posted March 2, 2005 Author Share Posted March 2, 2005 ...I hope this dosn't upset your day..lol I just broke up with my girlfriend of 1 year and 6 months. To make a long story short I caught her in a big lie....I called her and got her answering machine quick like she was on the other line, I call again she picks up/clicks on like she was on the other line....I said "Who were you talking to?" she said no one I'm paranoid and have no trust..... I said I know you were talking to someone...I wait for her to hang up again she clicks to the next line..I call again she tells me F-U! and clicks..I call again in an hour I asked her for 10 min...finally she admits she lied to me...she said "yeah so what I was on the other line"...again I say with who..she lies..I say really who? She said she didn't want to tell me because she was afraid of hurting me...she ended up saying she was talking to the guy I was paranoid about the whole time!.....the whole mistrust paranoia I was having was justifiable! I had a gut feeling...I told her she could end it to make the transition easier with this new person cause I don't want to carry on this way..in the middle of this....she started crying and said "Can we still be friends?" I said yeah - But I wont call her again........Was this a good reason to end it? It was not that she was talking to another guy..she always talked to other guys, most of her friends are guys...I was cool with that, it was just the lying and the gut feeling I was getting and her acting real strange lately......I even prayed to God last night to give me a sign. She dosn't care for school, or work....I still had a lot of love for her, But i"m convinced this is the final straw..... Link to post Share on other sites
Numb Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Ya be done with her, liars are worthless. I had that some gut feeling your talking about for 8 months and I did nothing except qeustion her and give small hints that I knew something was up. She told me that she didn't want to be in a relationship anymore and wanted to experiance life and do other things, bla bla bla. The whole time I was right with my gut feeling and she was right about one thing and that was "doing other things" she had another guy for 8 months of our 3 years. So look at it this way atleast you caught it early and didn't have to suffer the pain and betrayal I did, I wish to this day (not that it matters now) that I booted her ass to the curb when I had the gut feeling and for now on my freind I will live by my gut feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
_Saffy_ Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh~~~!!! sorry health. i think one of my biggest problems is that i fail to see the bad in anyone until its belting me across the head with a wet kipper. sorry things didnt work out for you, you did the right thing, it is very unlikely that you will be able to carry on and keep any element of trust between you now. no contact and stay strong <hugs> Link to post Share on other sites
Triguluous Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Well, here is my 2 cents. Whenever a girl starts becoming distant with you and short. There is trouble. When the relationship ends, remember that a girl isn't going to leave you just because she needs alone time or baba. That blaba is another guy. This fact as been disussed many times. I have experianced it for my self a few times and so has many guys. Girls don't leave a guy until she has alread found your replacement. If your one of those guys that a girl breaks up with her current b-f for you, do you think that she might do the same to you? Yes. but the ride is better than the destination I guess. I am just rambling, on. Don't think anything bad about it. It is a small piece of life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author health Posted March 7, 2005 Author Share Posted March 7, 2005 Hey, I got back with her. Because like my sister said we were always with each other shes young and she needs to be with others as well.....when I broke up with her I gave her a letter saying I still love her etc....and we both cried hard and got back together......I still get those gut feelings. now she went to this other dudes house to get a cd and I totally trust her.....the thing is with these new people she met..I feel weird..its like I hurt all day at work just worrying..I try to knock it off but I can't...at the same time I know my girl is good hearted and wouldn't do something like that...she is like a tom boy and has lots of guy friends...she always hated it when I bumped into girls I knew.....now I'll be talking to my friends that are girls....... but the worst thing was when we ended it the first time I was like it'll be easier if we break up now so the transistion with the other guy will be easier, and she cried and said can we still be friends? Then she talked to him later on the same night after we broke up..I asked her - did you talk about how we broke up? She said no. I'm like - what did you talk about? shes like - we are friends, just stuff..so either way its bad...how can she break up with me, call up another guy right after and just talk like everything is normal?....I was going to post here and say that I will start trusting more...but really I am putting myself through so much pain....Its crazy cause I am very anxious and worry about alot about things anyway so I don't know how Im comming off to you guys......this is what Ill do now.....She called and said its over just now anyway cause of my being paranoid.....so I will end it and not talk to her for 2 months.....then if we are both still free maybee we can start over...if she ends up going with that dude I was paranoid about...theres no chance.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author health Posted March 7, 2005 Author Share Posted March 7, 2005 Really you can see by my indecisiveness how axious I am....Really I don't trust many people..not even familly sometimes..It's like if someone does one thing that betrays me at a level I lose trust.....My friends used to get with girls I'd like, so they're not my friends anymore...My decision is this......I will make a decision to let go and really trust my girl because really I dont want to lose her......but if theres anything that will show...like her lying or me cathing her doing something, then I'll know to leave her for certain....because this can be a big lesson in me learning to trust and forgive other people...the thing is..I can't let anyone talk me out of my gut feelings....I can't try to lie to myself and ignore my gut feelings either..I have to move very smart from here on...now I will decide to trust her, we will see what happens. Thank you all you have been very helpful! Link to post Share on other sites
Author health Posted March 7, 2005 Author Share Posted March 7, 2005 I can see that point - where a girl will leave a guy when they find a replacement because then they feel more secure.....those relationships will never last...cause they see the grass being greener on the other side...they see the situation through rose colored glasses, 4 months down the line they see the problems...then they hop to the next guy...and those people who do that will never be fulfilled.....relationships are not a game to me.....you don't just share your soul with anyone. I just want to know whats happening with mine..cause I would mourn it for 2 weeks, and wont even attempt finding another girl for4 months after...but Im scarred I will always have feelings for my girl...I dont want to go out like a sucker where the girl leaves me and is like he was so hurt when I left....I would e hurt but I cant let it get to me...Im also worried of seeing her down the line with some other guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author health Posted March 7, 2005 Author Share Posted March 7, 2005 I think I'm jealous and very possesive of her...before I make a real decision I will read this book I found, It's called Overcoming Jealousy and Possessiveness by Paul A. Hauck Cause I really do get jelous of any guy she talks to...I think its more me then her...but we will see...I am trying to better myself here. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts