Please help me "out"

[SarahMarie]

My boyfriend has cheated on me about five times in our relationship, that i know of. Most of this has come only recently. After being with him for so long, I want to leave but i am afraid. I have no friends or family that can help me. As soon I as I moved away from home, he was there, even after he broke up with me a few times. I have never been alone (without him or otherwise) and it terrifies me, maybe even more than staying with a person i hate.

The worst thing is, is the same dream I have been having over and over.

 

All the girls he has cheated with are surrounding me, taunting me ( a few have actually done that in reality) and laughing how they got my boyfriend. i am stuck in the middle and crying and just wanting to escape. Then my boyfriend comes into the circle and is standing there happy and smug. I keep trying to ask him why he has done this, why has he made me suffer so much, but he won't answer just keeps laughing at me and calling me horrible names (yes he does this right now) and I wake up crying and reliving all that pain over again.

 

It's the same thing a few times a week, and it's getting to me.

 

Has anyone else been in a relationship that they had a hard time leaving even though it was painful and abusive? Please tell me it's going to be okay, I need to know that , I need to know it's not going to be like this forever.

[sami]

Just leave.

[Hep]

I know how you feel but it will get worse if you continue the relationship. He is emotionally abusing you, and he wants you to feel you have no friends and nowhere to go. You don't have ANY relatives?????????? ANYTHING WOULD BE BETTER THAN STAYING THERE........ GET OUT IS MY ONLY ADVICE.. GOOD LUCK

[luv4u]

get out while u can

[lexnmike4enomore]

I was in that relationship. He never cheated on my but he made me feel like i was the dog s*it on the bottom of his boots. But i never left. I was too scared, I depended on him just like your depending on you BF. You have to turn the tables. I did this sublimanaly and it worked. If he calls you and gets mad that you for certain things, then get mad at something he does. That he would have yelled at you about. Like if he tells you that he doesn't like you with a certain person. When he's with someone you don't like tell HIM that you don't like him with that person. He wont like being beneath you in that situation and get pissed b/c he doesn't have the upper hand. Then hopefully he'll say he cant take that and break up with YOU. Thats what happened to me. At first, of course, i was heart broken. But then i realized how wonderful life is without him. I mean I'm going out and see whoever i want to whenever i want to and however i want to. I'm doing things that he would't let me and its absolutely wonderful. Trust me. There is a life outside of an abusive relationship

 

YOU WERE HAPPY BEFORE HIM, YOU WILL BE HAPPY AFTER HIM

[broken24]

I am just in the process of leaving my cheating boyfriend. He has said he is sorry, he would never do it again and begged me not to leave. I have been torn in 2 over this, I love him so much and like you I don't have any friends or family close by. The pain I feel at times is unbearable but I have thought long and hard about this decision and although I am scared to be on my own I know deep down its the right thing to do.

 

Nobody has to put up with cheating and abusive partners, life is just too short. It might be really hard to leave him but don't stay because you are scared to leave or afraid of been alone.

 

For me every day that passes by things get a little bit easier and I know nothing stays to same forever so the way I am feeling will change too. You meet new people and make new friends. For me is was about self respect and what I believe I am worth, I want to be someone who loves me enough not to hurt me. I don't want to hear the words sorry. Just love and respect is all I want.

 

I'm not telling you what to do but what I am saying is it does get easier and you would be ok if you left your boyfriend. In time you would start to feel happy again and get your self esteem back, its not easy but you have to think what your life is going to be like if you stay with your boyfriend?

 

I hope your ok and I hope it works out for you.

[Devildog]

SarahMarie, If I may offer a suggestion that might be a little out of the norm. Perhaps you might want to talk to a military recruiter. It would give you an "out" and a place to go. And it would also do alot to get your confidence built up. He would be unable to get you if you have some fear of physical retaliation from him.

 

It would also give you some direction, perhaps some useful job skills so you wouldn't have to be dependent on a jerk like this. And just about anyone can get accepted in the Army, Air Force or Navy.

[iceisles]

Grab a large piece of paper and a marker and write this down - are you ready?

 

"I can do better than him. It's time to move on."

 

Get out of this relationship, and do it now. It will hurt to sever ties, but nobody needs to be in an unfaithful relationship.

[emopunk]

Your dream leaves little left to interpretation. You know how you feel... trapped. You feel walled in by his actions, and by him. I have only little advice for you, advice that is hard. I know.

 

You may be afraid of being alone, but you will be free. I had a hard time letting go of my ex-fiance many years ago... I had to realize that by hanging on, I was the one responsible for hurting myself. Come to think of it, I discovered she had cheated on me about 5 times with my so-called friends. I had to let go and move on. Leaving led into a period of several years where I did not really date anyone. I knew I had to learn how to be alone again before I could be happy again.

 

I didn't have the fear of solitude that you appear to have, but it was tough because everyone I knew was getting married or considering proposal. I found other things that made it easier to work through. I got back into things that I really enjoyed and explored new things as well.

 

Then when I least expected (and as a cliche' "when I wasn't looking") the love of my life found me. And I was ready to recognize this.

 

I can tell you that it will be okay, but you do have to get out. It's the only way you can get through this. By staying, you only give him further license to act with indiscretion. Once can be an honest mistake. Twice is too suspicious for me. Five times... that's a pattern. And you need to break free of his cycle. It hurts, I won't tell you it doesn't. But you have to.

 

Unless you honestly believe he can change. But based on your initial posting, that doesn't seem to be the case. But no one has the right to treat another person like that. Good luck and keep us posted.

[Afool4him]

Girl...trust me I completely feel your pain..I was with my BF for 7 years, I just kicked him out 4 months ago for cheating on me the 2nd time! And for constantly disrespecting me & my feelings...My #1 fear, I WILL NEVER FIND ANYBODY ELSE...Please believe me,what would you say to your friend if she came & told you her BF cheated on her 5 times...YOU DO NOT deserve this, and now he is just mocking you, cause he knows you have nowhere to go. I am sure that you have someone that you can go to...It will get easier, believe me, the hardest part is LEAVING...I am not gonna say everything is fine with me everyday, I still cry...but I cry less & less....Good Luck with everything....You have to always be strong & take care of yourself FIRST..

[crazy gurl123]

You should leave him, you have many choices, if you have suffered this much being with him would it be better without him. You can always go home, i know that you would be welcomed or maybe just go hang out with friends it will make you feel better. There are many other great guys out there waiting for you just leave him and you will find many other great choices.