alicewhite Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 (edited) Hello, I would really appreciate some advice. There is a man who comes into my work (a cafe), lets call him "Dave". Dave is nearly 40, I am 22. I thought he was handsome from the first time I saw him and he turned out to be my bosses friend. My boss told me that him and Dave play soccer together and I always thought playing soccer sounded fun but never tried so eventually my boss introduced us and told him that I was keen on playing and so Dave asked for my number and innocently texted me saying I can drop you home after soccer and we can go together. I really felt not much towards him other than being pretty good looking and a really nice person (especially seeing as he was willing to drop me home after soccer). A little time had passed and we were occasionally sending each other friendly texts, mostly he would initiate them but sometimes I would, then I kind of started feeling a sexual attraction to him and started thinking about him in a sexual manor. One day my boss told me about his wife and kids and I was surprised he was married let alone had kids and I was pretty disheartened but still slightly interested in him sexually. Everytime he came in to work I could tell he was checking me out and flirting with me. I never thought much of it though but subconsciously I felt that he would be down to have sex with me, given the chance he wasn't married. He never really mentioned his wife on the occasions that he talked to me. One day the innocent texting turned sexual and for about a week we were sending each other texts that were of a very sexual nature (including pictures of myself), he was even discussing how he wanted to **** me in his car after soccer practice. That time came after soccer practice and he was telling me in the car how his wife is extremely jealous and paranoid so he said he didn't want to have sex yet (until the timing was right), instead he fingered me in his car and then dropped me home, he said he promised we would have sex (maybe in the next month). In this same week he told me he wanted to have sex with me the coming Friday night and we made plans. On that Friday during work he wasn't really texting me and I became a bit regretful and said "i think we should just forget about this i feel foolish", he said "i thought we were having fun?" he then eventually told me that things are bad right now and he wants to continue this when the circumstances are right (his wife is having an operation and one of his kids has a lung disease). All I am asking is, do you think he will actually want to pick up where we left off or just was saying that? (I know that what I am doing is wrong but advice would be appreciated please) Edited August 23, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Add paragraphs and clarify title Link to post Share on other sites
HeartDesires Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 He was just saying that...his life is complicated with serious issues he has to deal with...you were just a distraction, nothing more. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
blue963 Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 He will fit you in where its convenient. You deserve more than that. Your young. Go have some fun with your life with men that are available to you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Zeurich Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 Why don't you try for a single man who is matching for your age? I mean,,, I don't understand this young ladies now days.... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 It disheartens me that you would consider having an affair with a married man with children. Do you not know the repercussions? How would you feel being partially responsible for tearing a family apart and not just their family, but their friends and their own families, even your own. You and him will hurt many many other people. I hope you have a broader view of what your actions could have gotten you. I'm glad you had some conscience to step away from this. Now delete this guy off your contacts list, and hope your boss doesn't find out...you could lose your job. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nattie Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 Take it from me, the "I can drop you off home after soccer" text was anything but innocent. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 Take it from me, the "I can drop you off home after soccer" text was anything but innocent. You took the words right out of my mouth. Alice, this entire situation was planned from the beginning and he pegged you right; you're too ignorant to realize that none of this is a compliment to you in any way. You're too ignorant to see that there was nothing innocent about the texts or the offer to drive you home. Men that age know the power of attention. He is 100% using you because he knows you're not smart enough to see through this ridiculous game he's playing with you. I hope that you will get smart very, very quickly. His wife is paranoid and jealous? Gee, I wonder why. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 Take it from me, the "I can drop you off home after soccer" text was anything but innocent. Totally agree. My impression is that he has gone down this path before seeing how he has managed and manipulated the OP throughout all this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author alicewhite Posted August 26, 2014 Author Share Posted August 26, 2014 (edited) So since his last text he hasn't been sending me any texts, he came into the cafe yesterday and was friendly but that's all. Today he hasn't come in and has not texted me at all. It's terrible but I can't stop thinking about him and it's driving me crazy because it's so wrong. Why do you think he is doing this? Edited August 26, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 Why do you think he is doing this? He realized he was nearly twice your age and married and is now kicking himself for how quickly he could've nuked his entire family and destroyed their lives all for sex with a woman he barely knew? Either that or he really is waiting things out so he can keep you as his thing on the side when circumstances improve... I'm not going tell you how to live your life but this is a man with a sick wife and a sick kid and he's running around picking up 22 year old baristas. This..THIS is the man you can't stop thinking about? REALLY? I...wow. No dick in the world sounds good enough to stoop to that level. Take a step back and really think about whether you'd like to reward this kind of behavior - because that's what having a continued sexual relationship with this man would be...a reward. Then ask yourself why, when you're at pretty much your peak level of attractiveness would you want to waste your time on a married man? Why don't you want more for yourself? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author alicewhite Posted August 26, 2014 Author Share Posted August 26, 2014 I keep on reading this, this has really made me rethink the whole situation. I am naturally a very lonely person and when someone shows me attention I tend to latch and its always been a downfall for me, I have improved over the years but this was really a low point for me. I can't believe how stupid and foolish I was to even begin an affair with a man who is married with kids, let alone someone who treats me like this. It will take a month or two to forget about him, do you have any suggestions to forget him easier? Link to post Share on other sites
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