IntrovertedLEO Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 Hey everyone, So here is the story. I am a 31 year old male recently separated from my wife of nearly 5 years. We have two kids aged 3 and 1. We have always been the type of couple to fight a lot but always make up and get over it. Needless to say it's been a rocky road a lot of the time and in hindsight we may not have been the best match. However things had been going normally with no substantial fights or anything recently. I came home from work one day and my wife told me to read the letter on the counter. It basically said she was unhappy and wanted out and she hasn't been happy in years. I was understandably devasted and crushed after reading the letter. By the next day I was living at my parents and just totally lost in life. I tried to plead with her to tough it out and work through it like we always have in the past, especially for the kids. She was blunt and firm and said that it's over and she's not changing her mind this time. After a couple of emotional days I did start seeing the big picture and how us constantly fighting in front of the kids was really not healthy for them to see. Fast forward to two days later and she tells me she basically is already seeing someone new that she met at work. She says they have bonded over the last few months based on the fact they were both unhappy in their marriages (both my wife and him had been married around 5 years and have 2 kids). So she tells me a few days after she asked for a separation with me that he did the same thing to his wife and left. This is a little too convenient to me and it feels as if they both planned it. So he is living out of his RV and the wife asks me if he can park it in our driveway and live there. She said he would be willing to pay $200 a month to keep his RV there. Obviously this seemed ridiculous and way too soon for myself so I explained my displeasure with the idea. She ended up letting him stay there in the driveway in his RV. After a couple days my neighbour said he wants the RV gone as it basically blocked out the entire side of his house (kitchen window) etc. I am obviously happy to hear this news. So a few days later (approx 4 days post separation) she tells me they are dating. I am absolutely just in shock and blown away by this seemingly heartless women that I have been married too. I told her this is moving way too fast and they both should take some time to get to know each other before jumping into a new relationship. So today it has been one week since we separated and she tells me they are dropping off his RV at his dad's house and plan on living together in OUR house. I tell her no way this is not acceptable and I don't want a total stranger around my kids and I don't want my 3 year old confused why there is a new guy sleeping in "Daddy's spot." She fluffs it off like it's no big deal and he will get used to it. This whole thing is just so ridiculous to me that sometimes all I can do is laugh at the comedy of it. I go from sad, relieved, happy and crying back and forth throughout most days since the separation. I talked to my little guy on the phone yesterday and he said "want you to come home dad" and I just lost it and broke down. This just crushed me. Anyways I am wondering what you guys think of this whole thing? And legally seeing as I am still half owner of the house (still paying half the mortgage and most of the bills) what do I do here? I am willing for her to move on and date but having the guy move in this fast seems just wrong. What are my legal options here? Is there anything I can do or do I just let this all happen? Link to post Share on other sites
thedude1974 Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 Sorry you are going through this. Your wife is not the person you married anymore, and doesnt have your best interest at heart. I know this is hell but you must muster all your inner strength right now, you are in shock and denial, anger will follow and will help you pulling through this. Now is the time for decisive action. Fight for your home and your kids. - Lawyer up. - Have you moved out? This your house, move back in, your sbxw can move out if she wants. She cheated, she can move out if she wants. Get POSOM out of YOUR house if that is the case, change locks in the master bedroom and tell sbxw you re not comfortable with her sleeping in there anymore. Let her have the couch. - File for D. - Do a hard 180 and limit all communication to kids and divorce proceedings Only. DONT Waste time reclaiming your home and children. Your sbxw is gone and living off the excitement in unicorn Land. Use the mr wonderful effect and the High she is in now to get the best possible outcome in D proceedings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author IntrovertedLEO Posted August 23, 2014 Author Share Posted August 23, 2014 (edited) Thanks for the advice. I've been hitting the gym hard to release the anger and pent up frustration. The weird thing is the wife and I are getting along fairly civilly via text at least most of the time. I have been trying to take the high road as much as I can for the kids. We have discussed joint/shared custody and she is on board and tells me I can get the kids whenever I want. I was hoping to keep this civil for the sake of the kids but it may be tough with all the crap that has went down. I do not want to go for sole custody or anything. The kids deserve their mom and their dad. I would prefer if she keeps the house for now seeing as it is a good environment for the kids (minus the new bf obv). I have moved out, pretty well all of my stuff is gone and I am at my parents. We planned to be separated for a year before filing for divorce but this process may have to be sped up. The thing is she didn't "cheat on me" while married at least according to her. Seeing as we are separated does this count as adultery though? I have read various different answers online so likely will have to talk to a lawyer about it. I have been saving and printing all texts and communication between us as everyone I show it too thinks shes absolutely bat chit crazy and I think I have a very strong case when it comes to future child/spousal support and divorce proceedings. This is by far the toughest thing I have gone through in my life, thanks for your support man I appreciate it. Edited August 23, 2014 by IntrovertedLEO Link to post Share on other sites
Author IntrovertedLEO Posted August 23, 2014 Author Share Posted August 23, 2014 A few other tidbits I forgot to add: -after being separated for two days she asked if I wanted to come meet the new guy. (WTF, seriously?) -she sends me a picture of the guy and says he wants to meet me. I don't know what these two are on but seriously?! How naive and insensitive to this can you be? She is 27 years old and the new boyfriend is 41! I haven't met the guy obviously but I gotta question his common sense and logic for actually going along with moving in with her without any real afterthoughts about the matter at all. He too is freshly divorced with two kids as well. This whole situation just boggles my mind and I feel like I'm in a different dimension or something Link to post Share on other sites
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