Asking your friend(s) to set you up with someone.

[R3d]

Surprisingly, today for the first time I read that this is actually anoter viable way to get a girlfriend (or boyfriend if you're a girl).

 

After doing some brief research on this, I thought I'd ask here if any of you have been set up, whether it was successful or disastrous, and how it all works.

 

I also wanted to ask if this is a viable option for a person in high school (me). I mean, I don't have that many friends but I have a few and one of my goals next year is to actually make some more friends by joining a club or two, attending more school events, and just being more open and social in general.

 

From a superficial view, this seems like a more efficient and easier way as you don't have to approach and date around as much since the girls or guys you'll be dating will be more likely to be compatible with you. A lot of the work in the initial attraction phase is already done for you. Seems like getting romance handed to you on a silver platter.

 

I am also just curious to know how well it works for you old farts.

Edited August 24, 2014 by R3d

[The dot]

I don't know why you'd bother. Seriously.

 

For one thing, if you're in high school, you're too young to be wasting time on serious relationships anyway. What you should be doing (apart from concentrating on school work and getting yourself a quality education) is making some new friends, maybe casually dating different people to develop your social skills and learn about yourself. What will you do if you get a girlfriend, then find the two of you end up attending colleges in different cities, for example?

[R3d]

Well the making friends is something I plan on working on next year like I said. I do do well in school, have other hobbies and interests (accomplished violinist), and do other stuff.

 

But see, I am a relationship-oriented, romantic, and commitment kind of guy. I am not a fan of casual dating (or sex). I want a real relationship and have wanted one deep down for almost 4 years. And the intensity of the desire of this dream of mine has increased dramatically a few months ago and I actually did start trying to talk to a few girls and my crushes last school year but was quite unsuccessful. Then again, I am kind of just getting started and I do somewhat have a better idea on how to go about things next year.

 

As for the move for college, you can try LDR...it has worked and 1-2% of high school couples DO end up getting married. You never know. I think it's worth, even if it has to end right before college. I have got 2 years man. That's a pretty long time at a young age.

 

Also, 83.9% of high schoolers report being in a serious relationship by high school relationship, statistics show.

Edited August 24, 2014 by R3d

[The dot]

Well the making friends is something I plan on working on next year like I said. I do do well in school, have other hobbies and interests (accomplished violinist), and do other stuff.

 

But see, I am a relationship-oriented, romantic, and commitment kind of guy. Not the casual dating kind. I want a real relationship and have wanted one deep down for almost 4 years. And the intensity of the desire of this dream of mine has increased dramatically a few months ago and I actually did start trying to talk to a few girls last school year but was quite unsuccessful. Then again, I am kind of just getting startes and I do somewhat have a better idea on how to go about things next year.

 

As for the move for college, you can try LDR...it has worked and 1-2% of high school couples DO end up getting married. You never know. I think it's worth.

 

No offence, dude, but at your age, can you really be sure what kind of person you truly are? There are things I believed when I was 20 that I thought were ridiculous by the time I was 30. From what other people tell me, they felt the same way. And even if you DO feel the same way for the rest of your life, your high school girlfriend probably won't.

 

Seriously, just relax and have fun. Your schoolwork should be your top priority now anyway, but beyond that, just have fun and don't get too hung up on any one particular person. 1-2% represents really dreadful odds, especially when you also consider that 80% of marriages where both partners are under 21 end in divorce anyway.

 

As far as the LDR thing goes, that generally only works if you're prepared to accept that one or both people are going to cheat, because that's usually what happens.

[The dot]

Also, 83.9% of high schoolers report being in a serious relationship by high school relationship, statistics show.

 

Yes, and most of those self-reported, so-called "Serious relationships" end before graduation, too. Which is basically the same result you'd get from casual dating, only with some shattered expectations along the way.

[R3d]

Cite for statistics: http://www.calstatela.edu/faculty/pregan/PDF%20files/Regan%20et%20al.%20(2004)%20-%20First%20Sexual%20and%20Romantic%20Experiences.pdf

 

Okay, you're right that I might change in the future, but that's the future...something we are not even sure of...not now.

 

As Jad T Jones says, don't wait for life. Make your dreams come true today.

 

And also, I do know that I am an introverted guy. I perfer fewer but closer relationships with people. I actually prefer to spend time with one person at a time (even to a small extent if we are just talking friends here). I have been this way since early childhood. I doubt this is going to change much, especially in terms of dating. If you knew me, you would not be surprised at all that I am a relationship-oriented guy.

Edited August 24, 2014 by R3d

[R3d]

I am sorry man, but you're trying to change me here. I might naturally change in the future. There is a slight possibility even for this characteristic of mine. But I'll let that happen naturally (if it is meant to happen). As of now, I am a relationship-oriented guy. Game on.

[The dot]

Cite for statistics: http://www.calstatela.edu/faculty/pregan/PDF%20files/Regan%20et%20al.%20(2004)%20-%20First%20Sexual%20and%20Romantic%20Experiences.pdf

 

Okay, you're right that I might change in the future, but that's the future...something we are not even sure of...not now.

 

Which is exactly why you shouldn't be making any commitments now. By all means, go and hang out with girls your own age when you aren't studying, just don't get so tied down that it might compromise anything you might do in the future.

 

As Jad T Jones says, don't wait for life. Make your dreams come true today.

 

That's a trendy phrase, but the world doesn't always work that way. Any dreams that are actually worth pursuing will take longer than a day to turn into reality.

 

And also, I do know that I am an introverted guy. I perfer fewer but closer relationships with people. I actually prefer to spend time with one person at a time (even to a small extent if we are just talking friends here). I have been this way since early childhood. I doubt this is going to change much, especially in terms of dating. If you knew me, you would not be surprised at all that I am a relationship-oriented guy.

 

That isn't particularly relevant to the discussion. If you're looking for one person to spend your life with, you need to be absolutely sure that the one person is compatible and appropriate for you. The only way to find that out is date different people and learn about yourself and about what's out there. Oh, and asking your friends to find that ONE person for you is a VERY bad way to go about it. You know yourself better than they ever will.

[The dot]

I am sorry man, but you're trying to change me here. I might naturally change in the future. There is a slight possibility even for this characteristic of mine. But I'll let that happen naturally (if it is meant to happen). As of now, I am a relationship-oriented guy. Game on.

 

Honestly, changing you isn't something that bothers me one way or another. You asked in the OP how it works for other people, and I answered it. If you want to go and make the same mistakes as others have, you'll have to live with it.

[R3d]

Well he means to start putting effort in to make them come true today, even if it actually takes months or years or whatever to come true.

[R3d]

I concede that you are right that I shouldn't sacrifice my academic performance or other things for a relationship. Honestly, I am actually planning on not playing video games so much (I might not play at all or hardly at allespecially if I start getting some dates and get busy with other stuff) and putting more time into my schoolwork next year. I do well in school, but I can do better.

Edited August 24, 2014 by R3d

[The dot]

Well he means to start putting effort in to make them come true today, even if it actually takes months or years or whatever to come true.

 

Yes, which means schoolwork has to be top of your list for at least the next few years. It also means that you should forget about finding "the one" girl for now, and concentrate on learning the skills. The fact is, the ideal girl for you may not be attending your high school right now, you may not meet her until college, or even after you graduate collage. So just learn the skills of dating and talking to girls. The rest will take care of itself after that.

[R3d]

True, but I still only want to date one girl at a time and would want to go exclusive/official if I felt that the chemistry, compatibility, and commonity was there and she felt the same.

 

And in the process, I WILL get more comfortable around girls and more confident talking to them and learn how to date, regardless of whether I am cold approaching (don't want to do this too much), chatting up a girl from a common club, class, or actvity, or getting set up. More than likely, I will have to go through a few to many rejections. It's unlikely that the first girl I go up to will say "yes", but even if she does, I will still have to date and get to know her first anyway.

 

They say all teenage guys are after sex and don't want to commit. I am an exception man. Yeah, I would love sex, but to me that's only one great aspect of a relationship that I can live without if say a girl is waiting until marriage (personally, I myself don't want to have sex until after exclusivity). Like to me, that isn't a dealbreaker - I can be satisfied in a relationship without sex. I am in it for the romance and good times more.

Edited August 24, 2014 by R3d

[d0nnivain]

R3d

 

While asking friends & family to fix you up is a viable way for adults to find an LTR, it's not going to work as well at your age simply because friends your own age really aren't any better at this then you are & don't yet have the sophistication to help. If you see a girl you would like to know better & you know somebody who knows her you can say, hey buddy can you introduce me to the girl over there in the pink shirt but you have to specific when you ask your high school peers for help.

 

I think your idea of getting involved in more clubs & activities at school is a good move though. Doing that you are more likely to find a girl with whom you share common interests. Being active in these organizations will give you the time to build a rapport with a girl before you ask her on a date.

 

To truly expand your circle, try to join at least one group / activity that is not connected to your school, like a Church group or scouts.

[R3d]

Alright, that would make sense. Thanks d0nnivain.

[KaliLove]

You're not helping yourself by reading all of this crap..99% of what you read here will not apply to you for a long time. Adult relationships are very different from teenaged relationships. You're going to end up ruining your chances by being too well-informed. You will have huge expectations of this grand adult relationship that no 16 year old girl will meet. You're only going to end up disappointed if you keep reading on this site and whatever other sites you're reading.

 

Most 16 year old girls do not want to be in serious relationships. They're just playing at being in a relationship. They're imitating what they see on TV. They want to have fun with their friends and flirt and date and experiment and be silly and dramatic. So if you are expecting to magically find a girlfriend who wants to settle down, you're in for a rude awakening.

 

I had a boyfriend when I was 16 and it was NOTHING like anything I read here, or like my current boyfriend. We had fun. We mostly hung out in groups of friends, or went to the movies, or snuck wine coolers by the pool and hook up. We fought about stupid stuff. You're not going to learn how to do that by being on LS. You just have to do it.

 

You're already planning to go make friends. That's all you can do. Get offline and be more social. That is literally the only advice you need.

[R3d]

You're not helping yourself by reading all of this crap..99% of what you read here will not apply to you for a long time. Adult relationships are very different from teenaged relationships. You're going to end up ruining your chances by being too well-informed. You will have huge expectations of this grand adult relationship that no 16 year old girl will meet. You're only going to end up disappointed if you keep reading on this site and whatever other sites you're reading.

 

Most 16 year old girls do not want to be in serious relationships. They're just playing at being in a relationship. They're imitating what they see on TV. They want to have fun with their friends and flirt and date and experiment and be silly and dramatic. So if you are expecting to magically find a girlfriend who wants to settle down, you're in for a rude awakening.

 

I had a boyfriend when I was 16 and it was NOTHING like anything I read here, or like my current boyfriend. We had fun. We mostly hung out in groups of friends, or went to the movies, or snuck wine coolers by the pool and hook up. We fought about stupid stuff. You're not going to learn how to do that by being on LS. You just have to do it.

Honestly, if the only girls available to date are either annoyingly shallow and/or materialistic, silly immature drama queens, or disloyal flirts, then I'd rather honestly be single for now. I want all (a real relationship) or nothing (being single). I am not going to waste my time being in relationships with girls like that. If I am going to put time into a relationship, I want it to be worthwhile.

 

Don't get me wrong. Hanging out with your SO in groups of friends, going to the movies, etc, is all fine and dandy. I mean that's majorly how you spend time with your SO, especially when you don't have much mobility or money. As for alcohol, I am choosing to remain abstinent. But all the drama, fighting about stupid stuff, etc...nah, I'll pass.

 

I doubt ALL girls are like this at this age though. There's got to be a few good eggs. I have read countless stories of actual real relationships in high school where the couple was mature. It's possible. I'll just have to keep looking and go after girls who seem mature and balanced.

 

What I want in a relationship (and why I want a girlfriend): physical and emotional intimacy, companionship, trust, attachment, and romance.

 

I am also willing and want to give in a relationship. You know, make her happy, do romantic things for her , take her out (I have a lot of allowance money saved up and will see if I can get a little part-time job next year), be there for her in times of difficulty, etc. This reminds me of one of my mother's quotes, "Make someone else happy and you'll be even happier." She's right. I like it when people are happy as a result of me helping them out or doing something for them. It's a nice feeling. That's another reason why I want a relationship.

Edited August 24, 2014 by R3d

[KaliLove]

Honestly, if the only girls available to date are either annoyingly shallow and/or materialistic, silly immature drama queens, or disloyal flirts, then I'd rather honestly be single for now. I want all (a real relationship) or nothing (being single). I am not going to waste my time being in relationships with girls like that. If I am going to put time into a relationship, I want it to be worthwhile.

 

Don't get me wrong. Hanging out with your SO in groups of friends, going to the movies, etc, is all fine and dandy. I mean that's majorly how you spend time with your SO, especially when you don't have much mobility or money. As for alcohol, I am choosing to remain abstinent. But all the drama, fighting about stupid stuff, etc...nah, I'll pass.

 

I doubt ALL girls are like this at this age though. There's got to be a few good eggs. I have read countless stories of actual real relationships in high school. It's possible.

 

What I want in a relationship: physical and emotional intimacy, companionship, trust, attachment, and romance.

 

I am also willing and want to give in a relationship. You know, make her happy, do romantic things for her , take her out (I have a lot of allowance money saved up and will see if I can get a little part-time job next year), be there for her in times of difficulty, etc. This reminds me of one of my mother's quotes, "Make someone else happy and you'll be even happier."

 

I've read about Harry Potter and his magical school but that doesn't mean I believe it. Stop reading about it and go do things for yourself.

 

It doesn't matter what you want. You don't have any understanding of normal 16 year olds at all anymore because of all the junk you've read here and on whatever other sites you're perusing. You need to stop reading about it and go do it. Reading about it is ruining you for real life..your expectations are way too high. Instead of reading about 16 year old girls, go meet some!

 

By the way, I had fun but I also did very well in school. I got a full scholarship to an Ivy League college. I wasn't a bad egg just because I enjoyed myself. Snobbery won't help you make friends.

 

You're totally not getting my point at all so I give up. Good luck kid.

Edited August 24, 2014 by KaliLove

[R3d]

Also, to clarify, I didn't get all of that from here, KaliLove. Most of my expectations (if not all) of a romantic relationship have existed for years, and I have only been here since March 2014.

 

I wasn't a bad egg just because I enjoyed myself. Snobbery won't help you make friends.

No you weren't. Some people are just looking for casual dating and fun. That's their choice and doesn't in and of itself make them a "bad egg".

 

Most 16 year old girls do not want to be in serious relationships.

 

See, even you said it. Most. Not all. I'll just keep searching until I find a girl that is looking for the same things as me and is interested. If I don't, I am fine being single in the meantime and will just keep focusing on improving my social life in general.

Edited August 24, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge

[clia]

I think you are vastly overthinking the high school dating process.

 

When I was in high school, the way most people started dating was simply a result of hanging out with their friends, and interacting with other friend groups or groups of friends. It was all very casual. Sometimes people within the same friend group started dating, sometimes they met friends of friends and started dating, etc. But it was all about hanging out and being out and talking to people. So, the most important thing you can do is to expand your social circle and start making friends. Go to football games, dances, pep rallies, and other school events, and interact with your fellow students. Join clubs, sports, study groups, and other extracurricular activities and interact with your fellow students. Go out on Friday and Saturday nights with your friends to wherever people in your school hang out.

[Always Pondering]

I think you are vastly overthinking the high school dating process.

 

...Join clubs, sports, study groups, and other extracurricular activities and interact with your fellow students. Go out on Friday and Saturday nights with your friends to wherever people in your school hang out.

 

R3d,

 

I think you'll be surprised how much easier meeting girls becomes once you expand your social circle as you say you are going to do. I'm not sure when you plan on doing that but for my local area, high school has started about a week or two ago. I was never set up from a friend so I can't speak from experience on that but I turned out well in my opinion. I (only?) had three girlfriends throughout high school that lasted at least a year long each and this is how I met them:

 

#1.) She sat in 1st Chair / Row with me in Orchestra, I thought she was cute so I asked if she wanted to go out on a date with me, she said yes.

#2.) One of my friends went home every day by having his older sister pick him up. I joined Art Club and found out she was a member then we ended up hooking up and yes, my friend was cool with it.

#3.) Met through a mutual friend, he invited the both of us (and several others) to a lot of events and it was clear we were both attracted to each other so we became a couple.

 

As you can see, I met all of them through extracurricular activities, clubs, or mutual friends. It all kind of just came together so to say and I was never really a fan of approaching some random girl in the hallway and going from there.