lucylancelot Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 Hi I just found out this forum and I really liked it. I just got one question. I was sexually abused in different occasions in the past and I was traumatized by it. Now I am now more stable and getting on with my life for about a year now. Recently I started to have opposite feelings about those abuses and strangely enough I really felt that I missed them. I can't help but got turned on thinking about them. So I talked about this to someone I trust and he said it is normal in some people. As he suggested I even tried the role play with him and I really enjoyed it. I did not even plan to use the safeword and I didn't. He said we can try something a bit more realistic next time. I mean, is that really normal? Those were my nightmares but they are now turning into my fantasy. If these feelings became uncontrollable I am worried I could get myself into deeper troubles. Any suggestions/ discussions will be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 By making it a "fantasy" you are taking control of the situation which changes it. This is a fairly common occurrence. You should seek therapy. And I'm very sorry this has happened to you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIvy Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 Hi I just found out this forum and I really liked it. I just got one question. I was sexually abused in different occasions in the past and I was traumatized by it. Now I am now more stable and getting on with my life for about a year now. Recently I started to have opposite feelings about those abuses and strangely enough I really felt that I missed them. I can't help but got turned on thinking about them. So I talked about this to someone I trust and he said it is normal in some people. As he suggested I even tried the role play with him and I really enjoyed it. I did not even plan to use the safeword and I didn't. He said we can try something a bit more realistic next time. I mean, is that really normal? Those were my nightmares but they are now turning into my fantasy. If these feelings became uncontrollable I am worried I could get myself into deeper troubles. Any suggestions/ discussions will be appreciated. I think you need to seek counseling, if you haven't already to give you some sense into your feelings. You aren't defined but what happened to you, but how strong you have become. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucylancelot Posted August 24, 2014 Author Share Posted August 24, 2014 heya thnx guys Sorry I did not mentioned very clear in the first post. I discovered sex very early even before I did not even know much about my body. I did not even realize it was an abuse until later on. But I don't wanna be a drama queen and moan about it. What it's done is done. I was not physically hurt. I was ok and i moved on. Then there were occasions where I was forced and raped. I dunno how common it was for other girls out there but it happened to me more than just a few times. I dunno if it was me not knowing boundaries or reading the dangerous signs. i dunno if it was the wrong type of guys or crowds i was with. I did not like it when it happened but i did not report them to the police apart from the last one cos someone else found me and called the police. Anyway i moved on and i was happy with my sexuality. Yes i did have the therapy after the last one but didn't really find it helpful. But recently i felt it is something missing from my current sex life. i am pretty sure that my dark past becoming my dark desires now. i have tried a role play with some1 i knew but it only made it worse to be honest. what should i do? what would u do? Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 I would continue to seek therapy. Role play *could* potentially make things much worse. Or give you power and clarity. Either way that's something to explore only after you've truly dealt with it psychologically. Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 These are still your nightmares in my mind. I think you gotta be careful of triggers and flashbacks...PTSD. Sex brings back bad memories. Also it is a scientific fact that woman get physically aroused from fear so that they do not injure their vaginas from dry sex. Sexual arousal from fear is different from sexual arousal from love. I think this is something you need to learn. Sex is also a self-soothing act. Something these people were doing at your expense and you learned too as a desperate act of self care, absent better self-soothing strategies like exercise, meditation, journaling, art, what have you. Going through role play could be part of healing to figure out how to prevent sexual abuse from happening again...but I don't think it's necessary. If you learn how to stand up for yourself you can skip bad sex and go straight to self love. A good therapist will help. Link to post Share on other sites
Justaguy30 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 I recently dated a woman who had been sexually abused as a child and she would always want me to do things like that which made me feel uncomfortable. I fear that it can turn into a pretty serious sex addiction as it did in her. She is a full on sex addict so its something you should take very seriously and seek treatment. As a result of what she did to me I am hypersexual now too and its not easy to deal with. Best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
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