Author ThumbingMyWay Posted March 10, 2005 Author Share Posted March 10, 2005 Originally posted by sylviaguardian Thumbs, I am at a loss for words. How do you do it? I would love you to explain this a bit more. Why don't you feel alone anymore? Why aren't you afraid? Can you tell us a bit more. I am willing to learn. Syl I dont know how i do it......sometimes I think I too am in a fog....casue I had a bad night last night and then this morning. Feeling very low....been talking alot with wife and alot of truth of her feelings are coming out......and it hurts.....I am still human.... BUT I reeeeaaalllllyyyy try to focus of the positve goal....and I focus on knowing that when all is done....I still have the love of God...and that is what keeps me from feeling all alone. I am just impatient...and I need to accept TIME........just having one of those days today.... I'm not going to lie to anyone here......I AM DYING inside....but I am trying to maintain focus of the positive that this will all work out.....but I am hurting real bad.....just having one of the bad days.....I'm scared to lose everything as I know it.....my rollercoaster ride continues Betrayal of the heart is the most painful thing in the world Link to post Share on other sites
mourningMM Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 You don't have to be strong every minute, you don't have to be accepting or gracious or even kind as she reveals parts of her betrayal. You don't have to like someone, to still love them. Think of your kids, and how you love them even when you wish they would disappear for 2 minutes to give you some peace! That momentary wish for release and rest does not negate the love, or make you a bad parent. You love your wife, that is obvious... but you don't have to pretend to like anything. Accepting the reality is not equivalent to agreeing with it or approving it. All you do by accepting is acknowledge that you have heard the reality. And each time you re-inforce the fact that there is still love after each admission, you are giving your marriage a gift, your children a gift, and yourself a gift of the example that love can be unconditional. She may never deserve that gift, or live up to it, but in giving it, YOU are a better human being, YOU are closer to God, YOU are being a more wonderful role-model for your children. Let God be the judge...you do not have to judge, here in this place in your process, you need to percieve that there are many ways to absorb what you hear...(can you tell I've done the Myers-Briggs testing recently?) My MC talks about the space between black and white as being something other than grey...she calls it brown, like the earth. I have a little more jaded view: s*** is brown, but applied appropriately it can be a fertile place for growth... Think of this as the manure that God is putting into your life, to help you grow. Advice: A bad night's sleep, missing food, lacking exercise, all are indicators that your mental and emotional strength will be weakened. Anything she says or does will cause a reaction in you, but if you are tired, hungry, and stressed the reaction will be stronger and more negative than it needs to be. SCHEDULE YOURSELF an hour in the morning and the evening of alone-time (or if it works for you alone-time-with-the-kids) to re-charge your emotional and physical batteries. The best way to be strong for the marriage and your children and even her is to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 I'm sure it feels horrible and those bad days will hit you on and off for a while. Feel what you feel, don't deny it. Work through the pain, vent it out. Go running and do alot of physical exercise if you can. Those endorphins kick in and will help feel better too. You are really strong and are keeping such a positive attitude most of the time, it's okay to lose it and feel down too. A bad night's sleep, missing food, lacking exercise, all are indicators that your mental and emotional strength will be weakened. Anything she says or does will cause a reaction in you, but if you are tired, hungry, and stressed the reaction will be stronger and more negative than it needs to be. SCHEDULE YOURSELF an hour in the morning and the evening of alone-time (or if it works for you alone-time-with-the-kids) to re-charge your emotional and physical batteries. The best way to be strong for the marriage and your children and even her is to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF Very true. Be good to yourself and remember that your needs are just as important as everyone else's. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThumbingMyWay Posted March 14, 2005 Author Share Posted March 14, 2005 I had a good weekend. Had some good talks with my wife.....still have a long road ahead of us.....but I got a very good feeling. Feeling positive today....she is starting to see the signs of love.....I know she knows the right thing to do....and I will stand by her all the way. Its amazing....I have seen a change in her in just a day. She is starting to "SEE" the signs that have been in front of her all along.... POSITIVE THINKING.... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 Glad to hear the weekend went well!! She is starting to "SEE" the signs that have been in front of her all along.... Reality is hitting her and she is seeing things in a clearer and better light...I'm sure she is doing soulsearching and kicking herself thinking about what she did and how stupid it was. Keep that faith and positive thinking...I'm happy for you both! Link to post Share on other sites
goldy Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 I found IT Post: 95 | Quote: Last night, I had the most enlightened individual MC session I've ever had. It all finaly set in with me. And I am calm. I am OK. I will be OK.....no I will be better than OK....I will live and feel and be at peace within myself. Throughout MC and searching my faith.....plus all the reading I have done here and in books...and thru MC and deep soul searching.....I was trying to find a way to meet all my wifes needs. But I have come to the conclusion.........there is no ONE person that will ever meet my or my wifes most important needs. I can only meet some of them for her....may it be 80% or 90%.....the rest comes from within..... The path to TRUTH and happiness in ourselves....lies within YOU....within ME, within my WIFE. The individual is responsible for inner peace.....and if you dont let it in...and accept it...and be at peace with WHO you are, not what you are....then you will never truly be happy. Its a journey I have been on for 9 months....and it all finaly makes sense with me.....and I am grateful to find ME. Now its up to my wife to find HER. I will support her in her journey, i will be there for her....but ultimately...its NOT ME....I am not the problem. I told my wife last night....."you need to find "IT"...the void that is holding you back from inner peace. Your not going to find it in ME, in another man, in a new dress or a new car, or a college education. Your not going to find it by leaving everything you;ve worked for.....and starting over....you dont need to start over. You can take this journey to a better place...with me and your children by your side". My wife doesnt feel loved....she hasnt her whole life....as much as I would tell her I loved her, that I truely deeply loved her, she had walls that would not let it in....walls she has built her whole life. So she searched elsewhere for it....and she didnt get it from OM....she didnt get it from losing weight or buying nice clothes or getting drunk.....and she finaly is realizing that she needs to breakdown her walls....and FEEL....truly deeply FEEL...and she is scared...as was I when I started my journey She is scared to take this journey...cause after 34 years of living life...she now knows she has to start feeling life... I was in her palce 9 months ago, scared and feeling all alone....but this journey I am on, gave me hope that I am OK.....my life is ok and I accepted it. Now she has to do the same....and I truly believe she will get there and experince the love that she has been so despartly searching for her whole life. Me, the kids, my family, her family...the love is there...she just needs to let it in.... I am a blessed man...the Grace of God came into my heart...and I let him in....and I am OK. its something I cannot explain...its something I feel...and I will forever be grateful to Him. TRUST THE PROCESS....He will show me the way.... QUOTE ORIGINALLY POSTED BY THUMBING MY WAY i love this post. there is a great book called "the power of now" which may help you and your wife both. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThumbingMyWay Posted March 28, 2005 Author Share Posted March 28, 2005 Well…. its been 28 days since the whole truth came out. Wife and I have had a lot of talks…..lots of truth…lots of feelings….. Its VERY hard to say the least……looking in my wifes eyes, missing her so badly…and knowing she is in pain. Pain from hurting me and pain from missing her OM. Very tuff spot for me to be in. I still don’t think I know EXACTLY what I feel about the whole thing…or what I should be doing. I know I made the choice to stay and work things out. And I can see in my wife, that she wants to work things out too. But the problem is TIME…..I always preach give it TIME….but my God man…I sometimes cant shake it. She has admitted that she does not want to be a single mother, nor does she want to be with the OM. She says she wants to try and make things work with us……its just I feel a sense of doubt…..and I cant shake it…. TIME….hahahaha….there we go again. She said last night…..to bear with her and give her time to sort things out….she will come around, she says she will. But why do I feel this doubt….this doubt is that I will stick it out, just for her to figure out what she wants and then leave me in the end. For the first time EVER in my life….I have doubt in my future….I have begun thinking about what it would be like to be single, to date, to experience things with another female. And it scares me because I want to stay focused on fixing us….and I am now distracted. I look at her, and I feel pain and anger…..my heart is broken and I don’t know what to do or feel. My faith is the only thing keeping me intact….I thank Him for His Grace to guide me through this journey…. TIME….here we go again…. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 TMW- I'm not sure about what you're referring to...what further time does SHE need??? If you're referring to withdrawl from the OM, well, that's one thing and at this point she should darn sure know enough to recognize that for what it is. If you're saying she needs time to figure out what she wants out of your marriage or relationship, I'd say that she needs to take a look and realize that right now, it's about YOUR needs. She's not given a rat's damn about them up to this point...so its time for HER to start doing the work that needs to happen to heal you and to fix things. And if she can't do that, then she needs to start facing those consequences you mentioned....being a single mom. My friend, you've worked so hard to help HER deal that you're now realizing you've done nothing to help yourself. And at this point, it really IS her turn to take responsibility and sustain the work to repair and heal you marriage. And if she's not willing, then she really does need to have the harsh reality of her actions come down on her...maybe THAT is the catalyst she needs to start taking ACTION, instead of sitting there crying. I honestly think that it was something similar that made my wife come to her senses...about three weeks after she'd not left, and had been going through the withdrawl, I finally got tired of her lashing out at me, and at her intentionally hurting me for what she had done. I broke down and did what I had discussed but not done...I consulted a lawyer and learned about divorce proceedings for our state. And when I got home, she attacked me verbally again...I reached into my bag and pulled out my notes from that meeting. And I told her that perhaps she was right...and read to her what it would take to get a divorce. I even recommended that SHE be the one to get a lawyer (my work only assists with the fees for one attorney), since he would have to represent one or the other of us. She sat there and listened...and then started crying, because she FINALLY realized that she had gotten us to that point, not I. It was later that nite when we REALLY decided to work on our marriage, instead of going through the seperation that she'd talked about. Hang in there friend. You CAN make it through this. It's hard, I have not one whit of doubt, knowing what I've gone through. But I also know the source of your strength, and I know that His strength is without limits. He is there for you, and you can lean on him when you can't go on. Pray, ask for His will to be done, and ask him for the wisdom to see what He wants to happen, and the strength for ALL of you to make His will happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 TMW- One last thing I'd like to offer to you.... Your 'distraction' with the thoughts of what it would be like to date again, to be single, to experience things with another female... they're a fantasy created by your mind to provide you with a means of 'avoiding' the pain of what you're going through right now. They're like the confusion that clouds the mind of those that get involved in an affair in the first place...remember when your wife said "I've never been happy"??? (I am assuming she did...it's classical 'fog' talk)...Or made any kind of statement along those lines? Or comments like "I love you, but not IN LOVE with you"? Same kind of things. Their all mental and emotional defense mechanisms to allow you to avoid the reality and pain of what's going on...recognize them for what they are, and ignore them. Put them in their place, and stay focused on the TRUE goal... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThumbingMyWay Posted March 28, 2005 Author Share Posted March 28, 2005 Owl, I am trying to stay focused....my MC said the same thing you did....these are just thoughts I am having....nothing else. My goal is to make this marriage work and for both of us to be happy. I am just afraid that I will never be truly happy...knowing that she did this to me. Of course that is how i feel now....its the TIME thing....I may feel diferent 6 months from now. As for laying it on the line.....I am not at that point. Thanks to reading 100's of infidelity stories....I know it will take anywhere from 3 weeks to 3 months for her fog to lift and she can see clearly....I just need to give it time...... I know what I want.....and I think she knows what she wants...I mean she says she dont wanna end this marriage....but I also know she has to take the same journey I did that last 9 months....I mean, she really just began hers....so i need to stay strong and see where it takes her and I.... its just the TIME thing...I wanna quick fix, but I realize and i cant get that.....so I wait everyday from now till I feel it.....hopefully IT comes sooner than later... Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 I suggest you still look up the 5 stages of grief. You are showing signs of it. Everyone goes through it when they lose a loved one due to death or infidelity. Do a search on google. Yes it's cliche, but time does heal wounds. Whether or not you decide that everything you had between each other and everything you might have between each other in the future is tainted, that is upto you. However, by allowing that to happen not only are you letting this OM win, you are voiding yourself of true happiness. You are letting the devil win sort of speak. She did not do this to hurt you, she did this for reasons that will continue to come out in MC. Her needing time is possibly her way of just sorting out all the confusion in her head that has recently come to light. She was living it, now she has taken a few steps back to see the whole scenario. If she says she wants to work things out then give her the chance to prove it. I won't use the word trust her because of what she has done but give her the chance. You thinking about other women is natural partially because you are so mad at her. Maybe part of you would like her to feel some of the pain and abandonedment that she has done to you. However like owl said, it will pass. One thing you need to stop however or prevent from going into is what I call the "pity ditch" Because once you are in that, it's very hard to get out and while you are in this ditch nothing productive will come out of it. You need to stop thinking "Why me". As hard as it may seem right now you need to start thinking some positive things about yourself and her. She is with you because she LOVES you. Try keeping your focus on that. I'd hate to see you slide further into a depression, and please stop overworking your mind with this. Enjoy the time you have with her pretend for a few hours a day or even a week at this point that none of this has ever happened. It'll relieve your mind some. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThumbingMyWay Posted March 28, 2005 Author Share Posted March 28, 2005 thanks JM... that helped me....I am in a ditch so to speak....I know it...I need to dig deep to get out....and I will....its just one of the bad days I guess... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 ((Thumbs)) I agree with what Owl and JM said... Focus on you now. Heal yourself. I know that you don't know what the future holds, even more so because of the trust issues. I think that you can do this because of the love between you both. She does need her time to mourn him, yes it hurts you like hell, but until she can completely get him out of her system, there isn't more you can do, cuz you've done it all. I'm sorry you're having a rough day, and sorry I just read my above words and dont think I'm making it any better for you. I should delete but I won't. She will come around because she has said she would. I know her word/trust may not mean alot to you but in the past 28 days she has shown you alot, and you've felt it as well. Don't go looking for anybody else. It is an escape for you and that's not good. Join a gym and enjoy some time with your guy friends. Be a kid - laugh and have fun! BUT with the boys not the girls...You only need one girl and that's your wife. OK hope you have a better day tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
sylviaguardian Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Originally posted by jmargel Maybe part of you would like her to feel some of the pain and abandonedment that she has done to you. However like owl said, it will pass. One thing you need to stop however or prevent from going into is what I call the "pity ditch" Because once you are in that, it's very hard to get out and while you are in this ditch nothing productive will come out of it. . JM, I couldn't agree with this more. Syl Link to post Share on other sites
sylviaguardian Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Thumbs, I am sorry that I hven't been on this thread too often. I've had my own s*** to deal with lately, which has kind of taken over. I hope things are a little better for you. All the things everyone said about taking care of yourself is true. I have been through many hard times (none as hard as this, admittedly) but one time someone said to me 'Time can't hurt'. i thought it was a really stupid thing to say as, at the time, I was hurting like h3ll! Now I know what it means. Humans are very resilient. They have a way of bouncing back from the worst possible things. There are a few times in my life when I thought that my worst nightmare had come true (starting with one of my parents walking out one day when I was a child) and somehow I got through. Not just got through. In some ways, some of the stuff that happened to me made me a better person, more appreciative, more empathic, deeper than most. I know what is real in life and what is not, what is worth pursuing and what is not. When I am down I repeat over and over, like a mantra "This too shall pass". No-one can tell you how to do it. You will be guided if you stop resisting. On a separate issue, I too have thought long and hard about telling the OW's husband. I freely admit that in my case, it would be entirely out of revenge. I feel that this woman is 50% responsible for ruining my life. Everytime I think of her in my H's arms, laughing and giggling I am tempted. So far I have resisted the temptation. Why? The first answer is that it will do no good. It will not make my life any easier or better. I would have the satisfaction of knowing that her home was a mess, that her husband could see her for the lying tramp that she is, but this would be transitory. Once that passed I will have to live with the knowledge that I was instrumental in making another person feel the way that I do now. I would be a part of her children watching their parents rip one another apart. I would not wish that on any child. The second answer is that I have examined my behaviour over the course of our marriage and I have asked myself whether I have behaved like a person with morals and dignity. The answer is yes. If I tell her husband the answer would be no from then on. Many of my friends have said to me that in my position they would do so. None of them have been in my position so they don't really know what it feels. They have no idea of the nightmare that I would throw the OW's husband into. Being a good person is about self-control. It's about managing primitive urges that are based on emotion and which do not consider others. If we give in to them, we are no better than the BS. I wish you well Thumbs. Take care, keep strong. You are a good person. Syl P.S. If it doesn't work out, fancy a date? LOL, only joking!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThumbingMyWay Posted March 29, 2005 Author Share Posted March 29, 2005 Sly... first let me say, after reading your post.....you have realy come far in your journey....I can see your progression...good job..... Originally posted by sylviaguardian When I am down I repeat over and over, like a mantra "This too shall pass". No-one can tell you how to do it. You will be guided if you stop resisting. I too have a little mantra...."trust the process, He will show me the way". The problem right now is...my internal defense....my "box of fear" is back open for business. I have the tools to overcome it...I did it before in this last 9 months....so i know what to do....I;m still just a little beat down...but I know what I have to do to take care of myself....actually DOING it is where I am struggling...but i WILL come around.... On a separate issue, I too have thought long and hard about telling the OW's husband. I freely admit that in my case, it would be entirely out of revenge. I feel that this woman is 50% responsible for ruining my life. Everytime I think of her in my H's arms, laughing and giggling I am tempted. So far I have resisted the temptation. Why? The first answer is that it will do no good. It will not make my life any easier or better. I would have the satisfaction of knowing that her home was a mess, that her husband could see her for the lying tramp that she is, but this would be transitory. Once that passed I will have to live with the knowledge that I was instrumental in making another person feel the way that I do now. I would be a part of her children watching their parents rip one another apart. I would not wish that on any child. The second answer is that I have examined my behaviour over the course of our marriage and I have asked myself whether I have behaved like a person with morals and dignity. The answer is yes. If I tell her husband the answer would be no from then on. You have a way about you....and so do I....I agree with your analogy. I know what I am feeling....and I just dont know if i want to tell OM wife.....I want to see OM in pain...I do....and becasue of my faith, I shouldnt feel that way....but i do. I DONT want to see OM wife in pain, or there children suffer from this.....BUT...they deserve to the know the TRUTH....I jsut dont know what to do about that yet....my wife wants to tell OM wife...but mostly to see OM feel pain...so for her its vengefull so he cant hurt like she is hurting.....needless to say....I am still undecided on this issue... Being a good person is about self-control. It's about managing primitive urges that are based on emotion and which do not consider others. If we give in to them, we are no better than the BS. Character = how you act when your around people. Integrity = how you act when you are alone. Alot of people have character, but no integrity. Sly, you have both..... P.S. If it doesn't work out, fancy a date? LOL, only joking!! hehehehe....SURE....but the plane tix will cost a fortune.... Link to post Share on other sites
mourningMM Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 I am in a situation where the OW has my ex, and they have gotten engaged. So although you are feeling pain and anger, I envy you your hope for the future that you always planned on. I envy you the fact that your spouse is willing to return to the marriage and the vows. Take your time, feel your own pain, but realize that you have been given a gift and opportunity that others in this world will never have. Here is my advice to you. Act like a child, believe in magic and happily-ever-after. Live in the moment, don't think about the past or the future, but learn to focus on the good in the present. Don't let your imagination and "lower self" rob you of any minutes of pleasure that you could have right now. Meditate, read, find ways to heal yourself of the pain...and let her take the responsibility for doing the same for herself. Spend joyous time with your children, and leave the door open to her joining you in the event. Build new and better memories. Turn to your family, and your friends. But don't "hang with the boys" if they aren't married...because although they could be fun, they won't lead you in the right direction. Here is a link that I use to help me focus on the reality of the present, and let go of the hurt and the anger...sometimes it works: http://www.llangley.com/yoga/wisdom/rightnow%5b2%5d.htm Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
sylviaguardian Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Why thank you for the compliments kind sir! Sylvia Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThumbingMyWay Posted April 4, 2005 Author Share Posted April 4, 2005 There were a few things that have happened in the last few weeks. Mostly things that Wife hears about the OM that have made her angry. Not sure if shes anrgy at herself or OM...I think both. One thing is a friend of hers saw OM and his wife at JC penny picking out new curtains for there home. I asked my wife why does that matter? She said she was angry that he is sitting there like nothing happened...like what they did and talked about was nothing. And his wife is just going along with life as if nothing is wrong....cause she dont know. I asked my wife, again WHY?. She said, all the things he said to me, i wonder (or she knows) if they were just lies?. i said what does him buiying curtains have to do with that?. She said, he never even planned on leaving his wife...as if she was made about it...or at least anrgy that she believed him. Another was this same freind saw OM and family at a resturant. All happy together and like nothing has happened. Again, my wife seemed angry about this....for the same reasons above....here he is living like nothing happened between them and his family life is all OK...(which it is not according to my wife) I'm not sure what my wife is feeling.....I think the fog is starting to lift...and she is seeing the truth of the matter. If they did indeed talk about a future together and how much they loved each other..and that they could be happy togheter....i think my wife is now seeing the lies in all of this. This man had NO intention of rocking his boat....he was in this for one thing. My wife doesnt want to beleive this though...she wants to think that everything he said was true and that he loved her.... I think she feels betrayed by him and his lies....sounds wierd on my side....but that is what I think she is feeling. Everything she told him was the truth...and she now is starting to realize that this OM told her what she wanted or needed to hear... And that TRUTH is what is making my wife angry... I WANT HER TO FEEL ANGRY TOWARDS THE OM...... This whole f-ing thing was based on LIES, LIES LIES...on both ends. But my wife realy cared for him...and now she is seeing the truth of the matter.....and she feels stupid for letting herself believe in this OM... TIME TIME TIME...... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 Because she is suffering, the marriage has suffered and most of all, YOU are suffering...He got off free and has no worries, no regrets and nothing to deal with but living life as it was before. She is pissed and resents how easy it is for him. My guess too is she IS mad at herself - Allowing it all to happen and feels quite used...She needs to let go of it completely and try her best to forget it. Do you think she wants to drop the bomb there? Tell the wife about it all??? Hang in there Thumbs... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThumbingMyWay Posted April 4, 2005 Author Share Posted April 4, 2005 Originally posted by whichwayisup Do you think she wants to drop the bomb there? Tell the wife about it all??? WE have been debating this alot. Still not sure what we will do. The problem is...the OM wife is extremely unstable, depressed, suffers from migraines and never leaves home...I guess she FINALLY got a job, but had to quit a few days later....so, from what my wife knows of her and his family life...it will be a MAJOR blow to him, her and there family. They also have a 9 and 14 yo, PLUS the wifes mother lives with them....so if the truth came out.....THAT family is in for a world of truth.....and heartache..... I am not sure I could be the messenger of the TRUTH to the OM wife...knowing that her entire world will be turned upside down. Not to mention, what if she goes all crazy and comes after me or my wife? (Now that I type this....no wonder he fancied my wife.....he has a ****ty home life and used my wife for fun times....whatever, f***in jerk...) anyway....Part of me just wants to move on and not casue anymore issues....telling OM wife will cause more issues....at our home, at my wifes work BUT mostly in OM;s mind and his homelife. Part of me wants to SEE HIM IN PAIN.....but not his wife...she dont deserve any of this....but part of me wants her to now the truth.....and part of me see this as an opp to make this OM come clean with all his problems...and stop living a lie..... SO...I dunno... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 I am not sure I could be the messenger of the TRUTH to the OM wife...knowing that her entire world will be turned upside down. Not to mention, what if she goes all crazy and comes after me or my wife? Then don't do it. Yes, you want to see OM bake in his own pile of s***...He's a real f*cker ain't he? The wife doesn't need to know as you explained how their life is...It will just kill that poor woman and she couldn't deal with it. Bet ya though deep down she KNOWS though, but won't ever come out and say anything to her H. He's a prick, you know it, your wife knows it and ofcourse HE knows it too...Trust me, someday all this will come and bite him in the ass! It always does eh...Karma...Bites back 100x harder though. Just have faith in that...With a smile! Link to post Share on other sites
fleafly Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 Hey thumbs, hope all is well! Just a quick suggestion, pick up a copy of After the Affair, have your wife read chapter 3 (I think!) it describes really well what both men and women are feeling while involved in an affair, it will open up her eyes, I guarantee it. My wife was the same way when this all came out, its funny how immediately after this came out, the first thing she did was call the OM, only to hear him ell her to never call him again. I am sure it is quite a blow to know and realize that you were being used, and it sounds like you're wife needs some closure on this issue. My wife left a message on OM's voice mail, saying how she couldnt believe that he could do this to her, she thought they were friends, blah blah blah. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 You're a better man than I am, TMW. Nothing could stop me from exposing the OM to his wife if I were in your shoes. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 4, 2005 Share Posted April 4, 2005 Isn't that a normal thing though? To have closure...We all need it, whether it be a loved ones death or a breakup...Either through an affair, marriage or any relationship. NOONE wants to feel used and thrown away like an old stuffed animal...like it was some big game and now they're laughing away somewhere. Thing is, most don't get that closure and they have to try to get it within themselves...Therapy therapy and therapy!! Nothing wrong with therapy to help someone through letting go - IN any situation. Link to post Share on other sites
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