girleegirl Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 [font=arial][/font][color=black][/color] My 5 1/2 boy seems to be so whiney and he cries at the drop of a hat and he often likes to put on his 6 1/2 year olds sisters play clothes. It's okay for him to be senstitive but I don't feel comfortable with him doing this. I have ordered some play clothes for him such as fireman, police and doctor stuff. On the upside he is very affectionate , caring and senstive to people's needs. His dad is very macho and does not like any of the above and he is VERY hard on him. I get mad and remind him that he is only 5 1/2. He says he is a boy and needs to be tough. I don't like to take away my husband's authority but how can I co-parent even though we disagree on how tough we need to be with our son? Anybody else have this problem? Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 The whining will continue till he Dies! Men seem to never grow out of the whining stage, but some do learn to keep it quiet. Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 I don't put up with whining for very long - I understand it when the child is very tired or upset but otherwise they don't get my attention (or presence) until they stop whining. Give them a time out (5 or 6 minutes for your son) and tell him he can come back and interact with you when he is not whining/crying. Is he crying to get attention or does he seem genuinely upset? You need to gauge that too, figure out what is really bothering him. The dress up part is harder - I think you are doing the right thing by getting him some more masculine costumes but don't forget mens hats, capes (like maybe magician getup), super hero type utility belts...some of your husbands old shoes, shirts, ties?? All good for pretending and cheap if you get from friends or Goodwill. I swear to God I thought my son really thought he was a superhero until he was about six. Just hoped he wouldn't try to fly or crash through a wall - loved karate chopping, etc. I think he has finally joined the real world - kind of bittersweet - he's growing up. Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 My son gets whiney and we just tell him that we can't understand what he's saying, and if he can take a deep breath and talk to us in a normal voice we will be able to listen and help him. As for the dress-up, I would say that it's nothing. Let him dress up however he wants for pete's sake. He's only 5 1/2 and at that age they just want to play and do what the other kids are doing whether it's playing with dolls, dress-up in girls play stuff, (boys like pretty and sparkly things too!). When my son was younger he got to pick a balloon at this certain office we would go to and he would always pick pink. When I laughed the woman there said you wouldn't believe how many boys take a pink balloon! My son is not gay. He's not tough. He is a normal ten year old and he is who he is and we'll always love him and learn to accept the choices he makes in life. Your husband needs a good book on parenting in the 2000's and not follow what his parents did. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 I think whiny at this stage is normal- I read a book one time that called the 5-6 year olds "Drama Queens and Kings" Everything- no matter how tiny- is the end of the world. They are so dramatic. When my son was five he was like this. We didn't put up with it past a certain point but the seam on his socks being wrong in his shoes would send him into hysterics! No kidding! There was alot of time outs going on at our house believe me but he got over it eventually! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 It's okay for him to be senstitive but I don't feel comfortable with him doing this. I have ordered some play clothes for him such as fireman, police and doctor stuff. On the upside he is very affectionate , caring and senstive to people's needs. Well, it'll be no comfort to you, but if he was born gay, no amount of 'macho' clothes and toys will 'switch' him. However, he's just a little kid and for your husband to think he needs to be 'tough' as a child is just stupid. Screw his 'authority'. Authority based on stupidity deserves no respect whatsoever. Link to post Share on other sites
CaGirl1980 Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Well, I do not have children of my own, but I have been a nanny for a long time and I've dealt with many children who love to whine. I think usually it's their way of wanting attention. I think others had good suggestions about telling them that they have to calm down in order to get your attention. If they are successful with the whining, they'll continue to do it because it works for them. As for the dressing up in girls clothes, he's probably doing it because it's his sisters clothes and he loves his sister. I'm sure it has nothing to do with wanting to be girlie. Gender roles are all a social construction anyways. 100 years ago, pink was the boys color because it was more vibrant and seen as active while blue was for girls because it was seen as calm and serene. I've already had this conversation with my husband many times, and if I ever see him being mean to our boy because he wants to play with a doll or dress up in mine, or his sister's clothes, I'll be sooo upset. He needs time to figure out his role in life, and pretending to play in other roles is completely natural, he's just finding out where he fits in in life. It will not make him a sissy or gay or anything like that. I would definitely try to stand up for your son as much as possible. What he's doing it completely natural. Anyways, good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Originally posted by girleegirl [font=arial][/font][color=black][/color] My 5 1/2 boy seems to be so whiney and he cries at the drop of a hat and he often likes to put on his 6 1/2 year olds sisters play clothes. I think he might be doing this because the clothes are his sister's and it might get HER upset, so then he has created a situation where he sees if his sister gets attention (from crying because he has her clothes) or if he gets attention (from misbehaving). My kids (2 1/2 years apart) used to do this, but it was about going into the other kid's room. So, I'd frequently hear, "Mmmmmommmmm . . . he's in my room again." And let's not forget the times that daughter thought I loved son more because I poured his milk first . . . Link to post Share on other sites
Nubianangel Posted March 3, 2005 Share Posted March 3, 2005 My sons dad is the same way, he thinks my son is "too" sensitive. He says he needs to be tougher or he'll be picked on. I've worried about him being picked on as well but each day that I watch my son develop, I have no doubt he'll be ok. You should do the same. My son is a thoughtful, caring, sensitive and very affectionate 8 yr old. A lot of people, especially men, believe these are traits females should exhibit but I teach my son to express his emotions. At one time, he was pretty whiney but has grown out of that. He realized he was getting nowhere with me or his dad being whiney! As for playing dress up, I had one brother who loved dressing in me and my sisters clothes. We even had a nickname for him when we'd play, his name was Linda. He is now in a relationship with 2 children, not effeminate or gay at all. My little sister used to put girly bows in my youngest brothers hair. My mom was furious thinking he'd "become" gay, far from it. He's the polar opposite, he's what we'd call a heartbreaker or player! Link to post Share on other sites
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