Georgia2014 Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 (edited) I have had a very abusive ex he would be sexually, physically and emotionally abusive. I have been worried about being with another abusive man. I went on 2 dates with a man I met from OLD. I am proud to say I did realize he would have been abusive. My date talked non stop about himself, he repeatedly interrupted me, tried pressuring me for sex not caring I didn't want it. He didn't get it. He would criticize me, criticize my dog and criticize things I own. I am glad he didn't want a 3rd date. He also didn't care he kept me up all night pressuring me for sex. After our first date he had made plans to take me out to lunch the next day then minutes later he took back the invitation and wanted me to go swimming with him at the last minute. From reading online about abusers those are all early warning signs. I do feel better knowing I can spot a potentially abusive partner. Edited August 24, 2014 by Georgia2014 Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Good job on protecting yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 (edited) Great job spotting that guy but, next time, do yourself a favor and don't ever put yourself in a position like that again. First of all, when you date a complete stranger (I'm assuming that's what this guy was) meet him somewhere for a drink or coffee. I learned this trick from a guy I once dated for about 2 yrs. He said that when he invited me out for a drink, he did it to have an easy out if he wanted to get away from me. Someone who knew us set us up, so we didn't know each other. Well we ended up having dinner but I had no idea what his plan had been. It was a good one when you think about it. A complete stranger does not need to know where you live, and he especially doesn't need to enter your home. Also, putting yourself in a position where you depend on him to take you home, or where he can badger you all night is a very bad plan. Never forget that if a person is a stranger, they can be capable of anything. You have no idea. Wait until you feel you can trust a guy before you put yourself in that position. Personally, I would've excused myself to go to the bathroom and would've called a cab. No way would I put up with someone acting that way. As you probably know, not all abusive guys are as obvious as this guy you described. They can be very subtle. I think the key is to have a rule for yourself that you don't get sexually involved with a man until you've had a chance to get to know him. If he's genuine, he will wait for you. If he's an abuser or a user, this will piss him off and he'll either disappear or he'll start pressuring you in a mean way. Learn to weed out these guys and protect yourself. Any decent guy would not fault you for being self-protective. The thing about abusive guys is that they can't hide that trait for very long. I was once with someone who was abusive and I don't worry at all about getting involved with another person like that because I would shut him down so fast he wouldn't know what happened. I have no time for people like that. You'll be able to spot them quickly, too. Just stay safe. Edited August 25, 2014 by bathtub-row Link to post Share on other sites
Author Georgia2014 Posted August 25, 2014 Author Share Posted August 25, 2014 Thank you for the advice. From now on if a man pressures me for sex on the first date he is not getting a second date. Link to post Share on other sites
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