Poptarts Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 I didn't know where to post this ... I am the other woman but only in a platonic friendship with my male best friend. My friend is in a long distantance relationship with a girl who lives in Turkey. We live in west Europe. I'm married 39 years old. He is 31 years old. We started out as collegues but became close friends. There are no romantic feelings at all from both sides. Just we get along and hang out once in a while. His girlfriend knows about our friendship and all was okay ... It seemed. Don't know what happened but today I received a message from her through Facebook where she asked about the nature of the relationship, she had the right to know. I told her that we are just friends and that I was looking forward to meet her when she is coming to visit. Again I told her to please not worry. She then told me she had a problem with me hanging out with her boyfriend. They had a fight about it. And now she wanted to ask me to stop this friendship ..... But in a way that he would never find out it was her behind this. I could never tell him about this conversation. What to do now?? I'm flabbergasted!! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Talk to your husband about this and do show your friend the note. I take it your husband knows your male friend and has spent time with him as well? Does his gf know you're married? It isn't right of her to ask you to keep this from him. She has a trust issue and it being long distance she cannot verify if what you and him are saying is true which is why she's feeling insecure about their 'online' relationship. Have they actually met in person or soon it will be their first time meeting? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Poptarts Posted August 25, 2014 Author Share Posted August 25, 2014 She knows I'm married. My husband meets him once in a while too. But he has his own cirlcle of friends. They met on his holiday in Turkey. They will be meeting for the third time next month. It will be the first time for her to come here. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 I think it's kind of psycho of the gf to trying to control the friendships of a guy she has only seen in person twice. I think you should be honest with your friend and tell him about the email. The gf has gone behind his back and now she's asking you to be dishonest with him as well. He should know that she is a controlling dishonest woman. However, if he is madly in love with her you will probably lose his friendship anyways because after you tell him about the email his gf will hate you with a passion. Link to post Share on other sites
herself Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Your platonic friendship is EXACTLY how my EA started and if you now need to add a secret element to it to shield from gf it will go that route even more. Even if its innocent I fear for you it may not remain so and hurt alot when its done. His gf is trusting her gut that she should worry I guess. If he isnt a real real close longterm friend, it might just be less drama to honor her wishes. Not because your doing anything wrong, just because whats the point? Lastly, dont show him the note on fb. Girl to girl it would embarrass her and she is only feeling insecurity and missing him she meant no ill will in my opinion. Kinda feel sorry for her. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 As long as your husband knows about your friendship, I think you are OK. The GF has a lot of nerve. Tell your friend what his GF wrote. Send him the exact message if you can. Ask him to tell her to stop contacting you if she can't be civil. Perhaps try to arrange a double date to calm her fears but be wary of her. She's nutty. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovemesomehim Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 I didn't know where to post this ... I am the other woman but only in a platonic friendship with my male best friend. My friend is in a long distantance relationship with a girl who lives in Turkey. We live in west Europe. I'm married 39 years old. He is 31 years old. We started out as collegues but became close friends. There are no romantic feelings at all from both sides. Just we get along and hang out once in a while. His girlfriend knows about our friendship and all was okay ... It seemed. Don't know what happened but today I received a message from her through Facebook where she asked about the nature of the relationship, she had the right to know. I told her that we are just friends and that I was looking forward to meet her when she is coming to visit. Again I told her to please not worry. She then told me she had a problem with me hanging out with her boyfriend. They had a fight about it. And now she wanted to ask me to stop this friendship ..... But in a way that he would never find out it was her behind this. I could never tell him about this conversation. What to do now?? I'm flabbergasted!! I know you may be confused about her position, but if you would step back for just a second and look at it in a different perspective, you may understand where she's coming from. She's in Turkey and you all are together in west Europe. She cannot be with him to do all the fun things that you two are doing together, therefore, she feels threatened by your relationship with her boyfriend. She's probably wondering, why a married woman would go out with a single man. He's probably telling her of the good times you two are having together and she's feeling some type of way about it. She may think that the relationship is on the verge of becoming more than friends. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Baby123 Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 She has no right to be dictating his relationships, let alone yours. Are you doing anything that may seem inappropriate? like being overly physical in facebook pictures? or over the top in commenting his social media? I would tell her to do one, its a joke. Why should you loose a platonic relationship because of her jealousy. If shes too jealous to be in a long distance relationship- she should end it. I would query her on it all. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 I know you may be confused about her position, but if you would step back for just a second and look at it in a different perspective, you may understand where she's coming from. She's in Turkey and you all are together in west Europe. She cannot be with him to do all the fun things that you two are doing together, therefore, she feels threatened by your relationship with her boyfriend. She's probably wondering, why a married woman would go out with a single man. He's probably telling her of the good times you two are having together and she's feeling some type of way about it. She may think that the relationship is on the verge of becoming more than friends. Yes but the problem is that the girlfriend has gone behind her boyfriends back to talk to the OP and now she is asking the OP to end the friendship in such a way that her boyfriend wont know it was because of her. That is creepy and dishonest in my opinion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 Why not respond that you and your H would love to meet her next time she comes in town and that you hope that will put her fears to rest! Then tell her in the nicest way, that while you understand her concert given the situation, you think that she jumped the gun in the dishonest way she handled it. Ask her to tell your friend because you want to preserve both their friendships. Then suggest something fun the four of you could do based in something you know she likes. This way you've been open, understanding, yet drawn a boundary (hopefully) and let her know that you prefer to keep things open and honest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jana3360 Posted August 25, 2014 Share Posted August 25, 2014 I agree with the above post. Link to post Share on other sites
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