life on hold due to work

[rester]

I've been working 60-hour weeks for the last couple months while working on a high pressure project with strict deadlines and parameters that change daily. I'm losing my mind and losing touch with my friends and my relationship is going to crap. I'm not exercising enough and have no time to cook, so my meals are not as healthy as I like.

 

How do you busy people juggle the different aspects of a balanced life in areas such as career, relationship, friends, exercise, family, SLEEP, etc? I seem to only have time for my job, a quick dinner, and sleep these days.

 

Thank you.

[Lisey9]

Make meals ahead of time. For example, Sunday afternoon make all your lunches and dinners for the week.

[d0nnivain]

Buy a crock pot.

 

For exercise park as far away from the door of work as possible & walk. Tale the stairs. At lunch time at least do an outside lap around the building.

[Gold Pile]

Your career will involve many episodes of overworking like this. An occasional short term push is fine, but if it becomes all too common....you'll have to decide if the career is worth it.

 

60 hours clearly saps all your energy. Over the years I was offered promotions to certain managerial positions in large companies. I accepted these promotions twice, learned my lesson and turned down many more offers after that.

 

you simply can't have it all...a balanced live and a 60 hour work week.

[Els]

My SO constantly works 60 hour weeks on average (sometimes less, but sometimes more). Count your lucky stars that yours is temporary! That being said, though, I admire anyone who can do that and still balance their life. It must be insanely, insanely tough.

 

Some tips I can offer on his behalf (he's been doing it for several years and is mostly fine, our R is also doing well):

- Don't cook every day. Either make bulk meals on weekends or cook something like stews in a slow cooker that you can eat for a few days in a row. Worst come to worst, get a healthy takeaway - if you're working that much then you can afford it. Noodles or salad or a health-conscious caterer.

- Now that you've saved time on cooking, you can spend the time you've saved on your relationship and friends. You can't go out every night but you'll have time for maybe an hour with the gf, and a quick FB message to your friends.

- Exercise: Is cycling to work an option? My SO used to do that when he could, so it killed two birds with one stone.

[rester]

Make meals ahead of time. For example, Sunday afternoon make all your lunches and dinners for the week.

 

Good suggestion. I do love to cook, so this is something I could put into practice, at least once a month. Spending that much time in the kitchen on a Sunday though, when the weather is beautiful, is difficult!

 

Buy a crock pot.

 

For exercise park as far away from the door of work as possible & walk. Tale the stairs. At lunch time at least do an outside lap around the building.

 

I've been meaning to get a crock pot. I do think that will help. I walk plenty...it's more of the aerobic exercise I've been putting aside for the summer. I'm used to cycling 80-100 miles a week and that has dropped to almost nothing. I could get in a nice ride on the weekends, but that ends up cutting into chores and my relationship.

 

Your career will involve many episodes of overworking like this. An occasional short term push is fine, but if it becomes all too common....you'll have to decide if the career is worth it.

 

60 hours clearly saps all your energy. Over the years I was offered promotions to certain managerial positions in large companies. I accepted these promotions twice, learned my lesson and turned down many more offers after that.

 

you simply can't have it all...a balanced live and a 60 hour work week.

 

 

You’re absolutely right. It’s not even the hours that sap my energy, but the pressure I’m under. I don’t have any more energy to talk to my girlfriend or call up friends or anything until Saturday. And even then, it’s a struggle to not want to be by myself all weekend to relax and get things done. I’m no stranger to these temporary pushes (15+ years in my field), but this one in particular is burning me out.

 

 

My SO constantly works 60 hour weeks on average (sometimes less, but sometimes more). Count your lucky stars that yours is temporary! That being said, though, I admire anyone who can do that and still balance their life. It must be insanely, insanely tough.

 

Some tips I can offer on his behalf (he's been doing it for several years and is mostly fine, our R is also doing well):

- Don't cook every day. Either make bulk meals on weekends or cook something like stews in a slow cooker that you can eat for a few days in a row. Worst come to worst, get a healthy takeaway - if you're working that much then you can afford it. Noodles or salad or a health-conscious caterer.

- Now that you've saved time on cooking, you can spend the time you've saved on your relationship and friends. You can't go out every night but you'll have time for maybe an hour with the gf, and a quick FB message to your friends.

- Exercise: Is cycling to work an option? My SO used to do that when he could, so it killed two birds with one stone.

 

Thank you for the tips. I’m especially curious how you personally deal with your SO’s long hours. Do you see him often, or not so often? How does that work for you? For him? I do feel lucky that this is temporary.

 

Unfortunately I don’t get any more money than when I’m working my typical 45 hours per week, but I’m willing to spend extra money on food that is satisfying and healthy. I typically cycle 8 miles each way to work, but for this project I need to drive. It’s one of the things that I’m finding difficult to deal with.

Edited August 26, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[rester]

Maybe I should start a new thread with this question, but I’ll start here.

 

What’s the first thing people sacrifice when getting too busy to keep up on chores, personal fitness and health, relationships, social life, etc? How do you cope with these sacrifices, and how do they adversely affect your life?

 

For me it seems to be personal relationships, social life, and chores that I sacrifice. I don’t want to skip out on a quick Saturday morning run in order to stay in bed with my SO, but she complains about things like this. So I feel as though I’m regularly sacrificing my own health and fitness to save the relationship and be able to spend enough time with her. If I didn’t have the relationship, I would have time to get my exercise, do my chores, spend some time with a friend on a Saturday night, etc. This all falls to the wayside when working so much and making sure to spend enough time with my girlfriend. At the same time, she’s one of the best things that has ever happened to me, so I’m not wanting to end the relationship or anything like that.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I buy healthy takeaways. I can afford them and I cbf cooking when I get home tired.

 

I go to the gym 2x a week in the evenings and walk most of the way to work and back (a total of 6kms daily).

 

I have friends that I see either on Sat or Sun but no relationship. Really have no idea how that would work.

 

BTW for me this is not temporary. If I get the promotion I anticipate, it's only going to get worse.

Edited August 26, 2014 by Eternal Sunshine

[Lisey9]

Maybe I should start a new thread with this question, but I’ll start here.

 

What’s the first thing people sacrifice when getting too busy to keep up on chores, personal fitness and health, relationships, social life, etc? How do you cope with these sacrifices, and how do they adversely affect your life?

 

For me it seems to be personal relationships, social life, and chores that I sacrifice. I don’t want to skip out on a quick Saturday morning run in order to stay in bed with my SO, but she complains about things like this. So I feel as though I’m regularly sacrificing my own health and fitness to save the relationship and be able to spend enough time with her. If I didn’t have the relationship, I would have time to get my exercise, do my chores, spend some time with a friend on a Saturday night, etc. This all falls to the wayside when working so much and making sure to spend enough time with my girlfriend. At the same time, she’s one of the best things that has ever happened to me, so I’m not wanting to end the relationship or anything like that.

Exercise is a great stress reliever/stress management tool. Don't give that up.

[Els]

 

Thank you for the tips. I’m especially curious how you personally deal with your SO’s long hours. Do you see him often, or not so often? How does that work for you? For him? I do feel lucky that this is temporary.

 

We get 1-2 hours of doing stuff together most days, except for the days when he works 16+ hours - those days he just crashes right away after work. It's fine for me, as I'm busy on weekdays too, and we make up for it on weekends. The harder bits are when he works weekends or holidays.

 

It helps that he actually wants to spend the bulk of his free time with me (not all, but most of it). There are some couples where one of them works long hours but still wants to spend an entire day with the guys every week, and have lots of time for their solitary hobbies, etc - in those cases I don't know how their partner deals with it either.

 

Unfortunately I don’t get any more money than when I’m working my typical 45 hours per week, but I’m willing to spend extra money on food that is satisfying and healthy. I typically cycle 8 miles each way to work, but for this project I need to drive. It’s one of the things that I’m finding difficult to deal with.

 

How long til this project ends?

[Els]

 

For me it seems to be personal relationships, social life, and chores that I sacrifice. I don’t want to skip out on a quick Saturday morning run in order to stay in bed with my SO, but she complains about things like this.

 

The Saturday morning run should be fine, IMO, if you spend most of the afternoon and evening with her.

[rester]

We get 1-2 hours of doing stuff together most days, except for the days when he works 16+ hours - those days he just crashes right away after work. It's fine for me, as I'm busy on weekdays too, and we make up for it on weekends. The harder bits are when he works weekends or holidays.

 

It helps that he actually wants to spend the bulk of his free time with me (not all, but most of it). There are some couples where one of them works long hours but still wants to spend an entire day with the guys every week, and have lots of time for their solitary hobbies, etc - in those cases I don't know how their partner deals with it either.

 

 

 

How long til this project ends?

 

This phase of the project will be over in November.

 

During the week doesn't work well for us. She is busy herself, and we both end up spending weeknights alone, which we prefer. But then on weekends, if I don't have to work on Saturday, it's catch up on sleep, exercise, chores, personal projects and hobbies, and maybe a beer with a friend or two once a month, if I'm lucky. I enjoy being with my girlfriend, but don't feel like I have the time currently, and that I'm not being fair to her. I've been this busy in the past, but never while in a relationship.

 

Are there people that love their partner but at the same time don't feel like they have enough time to devote to a relationship? How does this work?

 

I know there are posters out there that are far busier than I am, and have more responsibilities like kids and pets and ailing parents, so I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, which I'm not. I have a great life and I'm proud of where I'm at and what I've accomplished, but at the same time I'm finding it difficult to prioritize a relationship over my own life and finding that balance. From what I've read on here, one night a week with a long-term partner is well below par. We've been together for three years at this point.

[Els]

 

During the week doesn't work well for us. She is busy herself, and we both end up spending weeknights alone, which we prefer. But then on weekends, if I don't have to work on Saturday, it's catch up on sleep, exercise, chores, personal projects and hobbies, and maybe a beer with a friend or two once a month, if I'm lucky. I enjoy being with my girlfriend, but don't feel like I have the time currently, and that I'm not being fair to her. I've been this busy in the past, but never while in a relationship.

 

Are there people that love their partner but at the same time don't feel like they have enough time to devote to a relationship? How does this work?

 

Well, I mean yes, you do have to make some tough choices. If you are wanting to spend all of every Saturday doing personal projects and hobbies etc, then you have to weigh that desire against your desire to keep your relationship. Most people can't 'have it all', at least not 100%. Something has to give somewhere.

 

What happens on Sunday?

 

From what I've read on here, one night a week with a long-term partner is well below par. We've been together for three years at this point.

 

I'm afraid I can't reassure you about that - it really is well below par. For us, at least. And we've been together for about 6 years.

 

Honestly, if you value your R, my suggestion would be to put something else on hold (such as your personal projects) til November, so that you could spend a bit more time with your girlfriend. I mean, it's only three months away. If you see your R potentially lasting for the long term, benching your project for 3 months doesn't sound like a bad deal in exchange for it.

[Mister Zen]

Your career will involve many episodes of overworking like this. An occasional short term push is fine, but if it becomes all too common....you'll have to decide if the career is worth it.

 

60 hours clearly saps all your energy. Over the years I was offered promotions to certain managerial positions in large companies. I accepted these promotions twice, learned my lesson and turned down many more offers after that.

 

you simply can't have it all...a balanced live and a 60 hour work week.

 

I agree totally.. and its not worth it either, because I've seen people give decades of blood, sweat and tears for an employer only to be discarded like trash the minute that employer found a cheaper or more efficient alternative. That's the name of the game.

 

I'm learning that when you work for an employer you really need to do it with yourself in mind and not the employer. A lot of people get sucked into the trap of thinking they can't be replaced and they have a vital role. Wrong. You can be replaced and you will. Therefore, its silly to really care about the employer you work for. Its much better to work with a personal goal in mind focused around your education, savings, investing, your resume, etc. Make yourself a hot commodity in general, so that you can replace an employer as easily as they can replace you.

[FitChick]

Save your money, buy things you need but try to stay out of debt. Then you can walk away more easily and get a job that pays less but allows you some time for yourself.

 

There were executives heads rolling down the hall where I work, which shocked most of us. No one has a permanent job.

[Gold Pile]

I agree totally.. and its not worth it either, because I've seen people give decades of blood, sweat and tears for an employer only to be discarded like trash the minute that employer found a cheaper or more efficient alternative. That's the name of the game.

 

I'm learning that when you work for an employer you really need to do it with yourself in mind and not the employer. A lot of people get sucked into the trap of thinking they can't be replaced and they have a vital role. Wrong. You can be replaced and you will. Therefore, its silly to really care about the employer you work for. Its much better to work with a personal goal in mind focused around your education, savings, investing, your resume, etc. Make yourself a hot commodity in general, so that you can replace an employer as easily as they can replace you.

 

Well said. I've always had trouble articulating this point of view. The modern lean employer doesn't reward loyalty in any truly meaningful way. They are there to make money and will change the dynamic (as in let people go) as soon as it makes financial sense to do so. That's no crime, it's the reality of the global economy. Employees need to adapt their mindset to the same model....you are their to make money and will change the dynamic (move to a better paying employer) when it makes financial sense to do so.