mikkiG Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 I've been with my bf for going on 18 months. A few months ago, we ran into his ex (who he dated for about 6 months) and for some reason my bf didn't want to speak to her - he didn't say hello or anything. I thought that kind of strange since they used to be in a relationship, but I ignored it. More recently, we run into the same ex at a local festival, and again he doesn't speak to her, but this time she is with her new bf. After they pass, my bf acts as though he is annoyed to see her with someone new. In fact, he says to me, "I guess she's getting married to him". Then I asked, "Why do you care" and he just ignored my question. Should I be worried/concerned? Link to post Share on other sites
nugirl Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Well, if he didnt answer when you asked then you need to ask him the same question again. You need to ask him why he made that comment and dont let him get away without answering. Ask him how he feels about his ex now. Look at the bigger picture. Does he talk about her or anything else that would make you think that he wanted to be with her again?[color=red][/color] Link to post Share on other sites
very-confused-girl Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Well, actually if my boyfriend would act like he did not want to speak to his ex anymore, he acted like if they have never been together, I would be a little bit worried. Because it would feel to me like he is hiding something from me. Maybe that he is trying to hide the fact he still has feelings for her. Therefore he is trying to ignore her to kind of lie to himself. My boyfriend talks about his previous relationships and when they speak on the phone they treat each other like friends, therefore I am not worried cos I know that if he was hiding something from me, he WOULD NOT talk about them and he WOULD NOT be comfortable talking on the phone with them while I am around and he would try to act like he has nothing to do with them. Your situation might be different. Maybe by ignoring her your boyfriend is just trying to express to you that he does not want her anymore that you are his princess. But you should ask again, whether he cares about her getting married. You have been together for year and a half, so it should not be such a big deal and you should be already set in his mind very deeply, but still try to assure yourself by talking to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Just Visiting Posted March 19, 2005 Share Posted March 19, 2005 My bf and I have been together since November. Right from the start, we knew that we complemented each other in so many ways. Previously, he was in a five year relationship with someone and they share a son. His ex was already seeing someone by the time him and I got together. However, I noticed my bf making snide remarks about her and her bf. At first I didn't really care. But lately it was starting to get my nerves. I couldn't help but wonder if his remarks were from jealousy. So last night, just when he was going to make another remark I stopped him. I said that I was sick of hearing him talking about his ex and her bf. And that I shouldn't have to listen to that crap, what he was doing was petty. I told him to quit making remarks about her bf and to let it go. He agreed that it was petty and that he will stop. I figure if he makes another down the road, I am going to say he sounds jealous and needs to make a decision whose relationship is more important. Theirs or ours. Link to post Share on other sites
AshleyV Posted March 20, 2005 Share Posted March 20, 2005 It is natural to feel that way about an ex, I am married now and have the greatest guy in the world and when I see my x with someone its not like it bothers me in the sense that I want him back, because believe me I dont, I guess the reason it bothers me is because I dont think he deserves anyone, and I was with him for three years, so its hard to get used to that. But over time he will get over it. I dont think you should be worried,, hes with you. Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted March 20, 2005 Share Posted March 20, 2005 Ashley, "hes with you"................I am not so sure that comment eliminates any worries that each of these people have in regards to their significant others still having unresolved feelings for their ex. Just because someone is with you does not mean that they are fully capable of giving a 100+% effort towards the relationship that you have. Unless this person has gone through something so traumatic, I tend to think that part of the healing process after a breakup is acceptance and the ability to realize that it was best for the breakup to occur and that there is no hard feelings as both are best off for the future. I don't understand why there would be any anger towards an ex if this person has completely moved on with their life and are so happy to be where they are presently. Again I do not know the specifics of the prior breakups of your boyfriends ladies yet I plead with you to sit down and communicate with your current bfs to determine what exactly took place, when and discuss exactly how you feel and they feel about it. I have been in the same boat. I was with my ex gf for over a year and things were great between us. Her ex of four years began to stalk me doing things like showing up at my home at the wee hours of the morning, gluing my locks shut, paint thinner on my car.........very scary stuff to me as I never experienced this. She would always stand by my side, talk a good game and admonish him for doing it, even calling the police with me. Yet everytime I tried to talk to her about her true feelings over his actions she would tell me "can we please not discuss it" and start to cry. Something told me she was not fully healed from this guy and low and behold she wound up breaking up with me and finally admitted that she was not over her past. I for one can't believe someone would still have feeling for an ex who does things like this yet she apparently could as she had not fully reconciled her breakup with him. I have NO ill feelings for her at this point and really hope she is happy in her life with whoever....including him. I reconciled that I am better off and I would be polite and say hello to her if I saw her out and about. That's it though as my allegiance is with my current gf who I adore and want to develop with................... Link to post Share on other sites
AshleyV Posted March 20, 2005 Share Posted March 20, 2005 I was not saying that I have this "anger" towards my ex, he was an ass hole and still is, he put me through hell and I still have to see him because we have a 3 yr old son together. He is an awful dad who makes up excuses not to see his son. I DONT THINK HE DESERVES ANYONE because he is a BAD person. But o well they will figure it out sooner or later. My HUSBAND. is a great guy, and we trust eachother and have a lot of communication. If a person is hung up on an ex thats a different story, its just a little disturbing to see that ex with someone else. I talk to my ex (only to do with my son) but he calls me occasionally to tell me that he "loves me and misses me" because he is still hung up on me. I dont want to have anything to do with him because I am happy with my husband, who treats me like a princess. So I dont know what to say to you, I think I would be happier if I was in that situation, that my bf didnt talk to that ex, and ignored her/him. People think differently. Im just glad I dont have to deal with all this bull s*** anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted March 20, 2005 Share Posted March 20, 2005 Ashley, I think you hit got the point now. Its not that one should feel secure in a relationship just because your SO is with you.............it is because there is tons of communication between yourselves..........these posters mentioned that the BF would not speak about why he became so silent.........that to me means that there is something buring inside him that he has not dealt with............... Link to post Share on other sites
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