Finally ready...

[Eighty_nine]

Yesterday I reactivated my Tinder account. I personally feel that online dating is a total waste of time and I don't like it, but I really am trying to put myself out there.

I did have an online dating account last year but I tried it for a few months and had some extremely boring dates and emailing/chatting seemed a waste of my time. I just prefer the old fashioned way....plus, the dating apps are (mainly) for people just looking to hook up, which I'm trying to AVOID. I'm just not sure what to do. I don't want to go out and screw around anymore.

 

I think trying so hard is what I was doing wrong in the past; for example over the past month or so, I had stopped 'looking' or 'trying' to find someone. Then what do you know, I was just minding my business, someone walked right up to me, and made it clear that he wanted me. Kissed me right on the spot.

See what I mean? That's what I want, something not forced. I don't want to waste time wondering if someone's interested or wonder if there's chemistry...

 

I was just so thrilled about the prospect of meeting someone I was actually interested in, the fireworks were flying, he seemed really into me at first too.. I just don't understand am feeling so discouraged. I know this is a LONG thread and so much has been said already.

 

I just really want to meet someone, date, develop a relationship... but it's just not an 'on-demand' thing! I guess you have to kiss a lot of frogs, right? It's been YEARS since I have had real intimacy. I want it so badly but the minute I let my guard down again I get hurt!! What's the lesson in that?

 

Dating sites and apps do suck. I've been on 7 online dates in the past year (first year ever online dating).... I was only remotely interested in 2/7 in person, after thinking online I'd like all 7. The odds are not good! I'm pretty much done with it now.

 

Venus, I just want to say thanks for sharing this whole experience with us. The thread is long, yeah, and people are saying 'why a thread so long over this guy who sucks' or whatever, but reading the whole thing is helpful I think to understand this whole process. Because this kind of thing, or very similar situations happen a LOT. As women, we have a right to like these guys! We have a real reason to hope that chemistry will turn into something more. Even when all outside opinions say it's not going anywhere, maybe our nature is to hope? You could've backed out of this thread/your own opinions a long time ago but I commend you for sticking with them. Yeah, I do think that they could end up getting you hurt and you are avoiding seeing some truths here. BUT I appreciate your take and obviously, you know the situation better than any of we do.

 

Recent good read: "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough." I think it highlights the differences between the chemistry women are so drawn to (myself included) and the qualities that really make a guy worth our time. If we're lucky enough there's both but it's hard to find!

[BluEyeL]

You girls have to give it time. Look for traits as emotional stability, low novelty seeking (yes, more boring guys), career stability/work ethic, shared VALUES, kindness, intelligence, agreeability,.... And less for common interests, first sight/date chemistry, exciting personality, great looks.

 

Then, as the relationship progresses, look if:

-he takes you out on dates at least once a week at the beginning

- contacts you a few times a week between dates

- goes out of his way to make sure you're happy

- later, asks to see you more than once a week

- introduces you to friends and family

- after 3-4 months, makes you his girlfriend

etc.

 

You need to put in the time. You have to deal with the uncertainty of the beginning, don't get emotionally invested and throw back men who don't do the above. You have to wait until you are in a relationship to sleep with the guy. I know that's controversial, but sex bonds you and then you become blind to the above signs.

[heartshaped]

Yesterday I reactivated my Tinder account. I personally feel that online dating is a total waste of time and I don't like it, but I really am trying to put myself out there.

I did have an online dating account last year but I tried it for a few months and had some extremely boring dates and emailing/chatting seemed a waste of my time. I just prefer the old fashioned way....plus, the dating apps are (mainly) for people just looking to hook up, which I'm trying to AVOID. I'm just not sure what to do. I don't want to go out and screw around anymore.

 

I think trying so hard is what I was doing wrong in the past; for example over the past month or so, I had stopped 'looking' or 'trying' to find someone. Then what do you know, I was just minding my business, someone walked right up to me, and made it clear that he wanted me. Kissed me right on the spot.

See what I mean? That's what I want, something not forced. I don't want to waste time wondering if someone's interested or wonder if there's chemistry...

 

I was just so thrilled about the prospect of meeting someone I was actually interested in, the fireworks were flying, he seemed really into me at first too.. I just don't understand am feeling so discouraged. I know this is a LONG thread and so much has been said already.

 

I just really want to meet someone, date, develop a relationship... but it's just not an 'on-demand' thing! I guess you have to kiss a lot of frogs, right? It's been YEARS since I have had real intimacy. I want it so badly but the minute I let my guard down again I get hurt!! What's the lesson in that?

 

First off, Tinder is a hook up site. There's a long, long thread about that somewhere on here. If you are going to try online dating try match.com or eharmony or okcupid or pof. Anything basically, but Tinder, which is mainly, exclusively for hookups.

 

If you aren't looking for hookups anymore, just be clear about that. That's the great thing about online dating you can actually say what you are looking for without it being a big deal. On most sites there's actually a place for you to enter in that information.

 

I'm not saying OLD is the end all be all, trust me, it's not, but it is a way to meet men fairly easily. Another way is the simple, old, and true route. Simply go out, live life, do the things you enjoy, and sooner or later you will run across someone you are interested in. Don't be afraid to approach them if they don't approach you.

 

However, life is not some fairy tale. I hear all this "I should just let it happen" crap all the time. Like some magical, perfect for you guy is going to fall out of the sky. My best friend tried that approach for years. Not really putting any effort into dating, just living her life, waiting for the right guy to just notice her. I think during all that time she met and dated two guys. Now she's putting herself out there more, using OLD, and also, just going to singles events and meetup groups and meeting a ton of more men.

 

Dating, unfortunately, is a numbers game and a gamble as well. Sparks or chemistry does not equal a long term relationship with anyone. More often than not I find instant chemistry just equals a short term thing. I guess because mostly that chemistry you're feeling is just lust. You don't know anything about that person in the beginning to be attracted to.

 

I'm not saying chemistry is bad, but I think putting too much emphasis on it is. I find if you date anyone for a while (say 4-5 dates) chemistry will usually develop as you get to know the person and have fun with them. Sometimes the chemistry will never develop and that's when you should exit stage door left.

 

I know all of this sounds like a lot of work and like a long term plan and yeah it is. No one just up and goes on a date with someone and then has an instant relationship. I've been in several long term relationships and am currently single now and all I remember about being single before my relationships is how many men I had to date before I finally found that one I did settle on.

 

Dating is a long term process if you are looking for a relationship.

[venusishername]

Thanks, everyone. This has been quite the self journey! As I said I was always in long term relationships before so being single, and now ready to be open to something long term again is truly a learning process.

 

I am technologically inept or just being lazy to multi-quote, but a couple things stuck out to me from the recent posts:

That dating is a long term process if you want a relationship. You can't just jump in and have an 'instant' thing. If that were the case, it probably wouldn't be right anyway so it's best to take the time.

Also, picking through many before 'settling' on one. My girlfriend shared that same piece of advice just last night. I hate to think of 'settling'; maybe that's the wrong word.. but I understand. It's just a matter of weeding out the 'many'.

I have been guilty of being an easy target for the 'bulldozers' and feeling very vulnerable and lonely. I've jumped into bed too quickly, or got my hopes up and disappointed... only because I do have good intentions and want to find the right person. I got caught up in the moment and I know now it's best to slow down if I want something real to develop. It's so easy to get something superficial... in the past and with this particular situation, my mindset has been 'well, this is better than nothing at all, so I'm going to go with it' even if I know it's a risk. I remember weeks ago when I was in this man's bed near intercourse and I was fighting it, knowing that doing that would be a risk because I really liked him. I was fighting a battle with myself and I gave into it.... and what do you know, here are the consequences to that action.

 

As I mentioned, it's been so rare that I meet someone I really like, so that's why I've been taking this one so hard. It's actually never happened to me before that someone would come on so strong and seem really interested, even reaching out after sex to see me again, and then totally go silent. I don't understand, and I guess I won't have the answer as to why. It's hard to understand how much could change within a week's time.

(I know many of you will repeat that he was just 'playing' me). But whether or not that's the case, it still hurts!

 

 

I've craved the rush and excitement and physical chemistry and lust and all those things, but I know those things don't necessarily make for something lasting. It happens, of course, which is what I want, but not always the case right off the bat.

I was dating someone last year who was great, and he really wanted to pursue a relationship. He came on very strong and called me often, took me on some very nice dates, was very respectful and a gentleman and did all the right things. He wined and dined me, called me several times a week, set up the next date immediately after one ended, and even surprised me with awesome concert tickets. Some time went by without contact, and he texted me asking what was going on and that he wanted to see me. I told him I didn't want to see him anymore because he was moving too fast and I wasn't looking for anything serious. A year later I'm kicking myself thinking how great it would be now to have what he was offering then. He was a catch and a good man and I pushed him away.

 

Since then, with dating, I've remained closed off, not being open, and shutting down at the first sign of feeling vulnerable or having some fear come to the surface. (Or just simply losing interest). My dad called me today asking about my trip, and he happened to ask if I was still seeing this guy, who I mentioned to him the last time after our Labor Day boat trip date. I told him about our last exchange, and my dad said don't shut down, be confident and just reach out and tell him you're back, like he said and that you'd still like to get together sometime. It wouldn't hurt. If you don't, he may assume you're not interested. I don't think being honest and true to what your heart is saying makes you weak or puts you in a lower place of power. In fact, I think it's always the high road. It's not a power play.

I know many here will disagree about this. My friends and family just want to see me happy, they're all telling me that's what they would do. The more I think about it, I'd rather run into him in the future knowing I put my cards on the table than just be a chicken and wimp out. I've been thinking ahead to the inevitable when we run into each other around town and how it might be that's keeping me thinking about this.

 

As for the online dating, I did try Match before and had some very boring dates. I know it works for many and is a good way to meet people, but I just can't get into it. I'd rather focus on myself and do the things I love, work on opening up and getting more comfortable with letting new people into my life. I don't want to try too hard, but I know I have to put forth some effort and change the way I've been going about things.

Edited September 23, 2014 by venusishername

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

Your family means well, but they're wrong. If you reach out to him and "put your cards on the table", he's going to reject you all over again. Haven't you had enough yet? Won't that make seeing him around town even more awkward?

 

I think he very well may contact you again, but it'll be for another one-night stand. When men find they can get sex easily they usually come back, even if it's months or years later when they're in the mood. You know you don't want that.

 

Please do not contact him. He hasn't reached out to you in weeks; that tells you where you are on his list of priorities. Why would you want a man who doesn't want you? Trying again is only going to set back your healing process. Online dating sucks, but you'll at least meet new people. Hold your head high and do something that feels good for YOU.

[HappyLove]

Ok, so you wanna be brave put your heart out there, family wants to see you happy.... Why are you not putting this effort into the man you dated last year who treated you well? That's the one you need to go after!

[Zahara]

I think your father and friends aren't being realistic in that the world of dating isn't a bed of roses -- there will be people that aren't functioning with the right intentions. Yes, they want you to be happy but that comes with making smart choices and having healthy boundaries and not just running blindly and being vulnerable to anyone because you want to be happy. Being honest and true doesn't make you weak and powerless but it does when you have more to lose. Your dad mentioned you being confident. The thing is with this man, you aren't. Saying and doing are two different things. You can believe you are but if you really aren't, it's a different story.

 

Your father is probably old school, or has a different concept of how a woman should be treated. And he probably projects those ideals but it's such a different world out there. Your friends probably just feel they have to feed you what you need to hear.

 

If you want to reach out, just reach out. Do it because you want to and not because you're flip flopping from the different advice given. The fact that you're holding back and that you're unsure about yourself, that's the little part in you that's trying to do the right thing.

Edited September 23, 2014 by Zahara

[BluEyeL]

Family and friends mean well ,but don't have the experience and also are too involved. Sort of like having a surgeon operate on a family member. I really don't think you are in a good place to date effectively by the way you're talking. So tinder is OK, but "match" is "boring". So hook ups are OK, but knowing someone slowly is "boring". WTH??

 

I really think it would be good if you worked with a dating coach. Like I said somewhere else, I worked with one, and it wasn't expensive. I was writing emails and getting advice every step of the way, after every date etc. Mine was Ronnie Ann Ryan. There are others, but they're more expensive and I couldn't afford them. She was great, and kept me away from some disasters. When you are "in it" you can't see objectively. Someone who has worked with many people who were dating has all the information and can guide you. That is, if you listen, because if you don't, everything is still useless.

[heartshaped]

My advice is reach out if you want to, but only if you are prepared to deal with the potential of complete rejection or this turning into nothing more but something casual where the two of you sleep together.

 

From what you've said before, I don't think you're in a place where you could deal with that type of rejection. I think it would set you back tremendously.

 

But ultimately, I think you need to know one way or another consequences or not.

 

However, I don't think the odds are in your favor. He's done nothing recently to show anything besides casual interest plus you saw him out with another woman when he couldn't make time for you.

[venusishername]

Your family means well, but they're wrong. If you reach out to him and "put your cards on the table", he's going to reject you all over again. Haven't you had enough yet? Won't that make seeing him around town even more awkward?

 

I think he very well may contact you again, but it'll be for another one-night stand. When men find they can get sex easily they usually come back, even if it's months or years later when they're in the mood. You know you don't want that.

 

Please do not contact him. He hasn't reached out to you in weeks; that tells you where you are on his list of priorities. Why would you want a man who doesn't want you? Trying again is only going to set back your healing process. Online dating sucks, but you'll at least meet new people. Hold your head high and do something that feels good for YOU.

 

No, I don't want to feel rejection. But I already do, that's the problem. I don't know which would be more awkward when we run into each other; doing the fadeout or just being straightforward.

 

I think he very well may contact you again, but it'll be for another one-night stand. When men find they can get sex easily they usually come back, even if it's months or years later when they're in the mood. You know you don't want that.

 

Interesting that you say that. Another 'one night stand?' (I think I know what you mean). I find it hard to believe that would happen after THAT much time has passed. Although I must say, I know the physical part with me had to be unforgettable ! ;P He clearly really enjoyed himself. It was all really hot!!

 

Once before I had a casual hookup do the fade out, and it was mutual. But we really had nothing between us at all, although we knew each other more than this guy and I do. I don't understand the logic of these things.

Edited September 23, 2014 by venusishername

[venusishername]

Ok, so you wanna be brave put your heart out there, family wants to see you happy.... Why are you not putting this effort into the man you dated last year who treated you well? That's the one you need to go after!

 

I heard through the grapevine he has had a girlfriend who is a total beeotch.

Was hoping I'd run into him via the group we were introduced by, but he hasn't been around. Still have his number, but there must have been a reason why I called it off other than the fact that he was moving too fast. He was a little too intense for me....

[venusishername]

Can someone please give me a step by step instruction how to multiple quote sections from different posts?

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

I find it hard to believe that would happen after THAT much time has passed.

 

I had a one-night stand while recovering from a bad breakup (and, I have to admit, partially out of curiosity). He called me the next weekend and I ignored it. He called me three months after that. Then he called a whole EIGHT MONTHS after that. I hadn't even stored his number in my phone and had no idea who he was. So, yes, a one-night stand could absolutely happen again. Don't kid yourself; what you had was a one-night stand over a slightly longer period of time. What matters is that he got what he wanted and left.

 

You have described at some length how sexy, beautiful, stunning, and now how "unforgettable" you are. So why do you have such a difficult time finding romance? Why do you chase after players and reject men who are genuinely interested in you? Exploring this will be much more valuable than wasting another thought on some guy who used you.

[venusishername]

I had a one-night stand while recovering from a bad breakup (and, I have to admit, partially out of curiosity). He called me the next weekend and I ignored it. He called me three months after that. Then he called a whole EIGHT MONTHS after that. I hadn't even stored his number in my phone and had no idea who he was. So, yes, a one-night stand could absolutely happen again. Don't kid yourself; what you had was a one-night stand over a slightly longer period of time. What matters is that he got what he wanted and left.

 

You have described at some length how sexy, beautiful, stunning, and now how "unforgettable" you are. So why do you have such a difficult time finding romance? Why do you chase after players and reject men who are genuinely interested in you? Exploring this will be much more valuable than wasting another thought on some guy who used you.

 

Ha, yes, I had a one night stand in Vegas about 2 years ago now. He STILL contacts me to this day requesting to be my friend on FB and he lives in friggin Germany!! ??

 

I only use those adjectives just because people (men included) tell me those things often, plus I believe it's true that I'm an attractive woman. I get a lot of male attention, but that certainly doesn't equal happiness or romance!! That's what I mean, I'm not sure if I'm just closed off or what; it seems to take the ones who "bulldoze their way into my heart" to get my attention. I guess it makes it easier for me.

 

Someone mentioned this in a previous post: I think the answer is because I'm not 100% ready to be completely emotionally available, so I gravitate to and attract the 'Mr. Unavailables' (they come in different forms).

 

I turned down two (heck, maybe more) great guys over the past couple years, who were genuinely interested and treated me well. This is because I didn't feel the intense rush and whatever other feelings I am looking for. Yes, that is definitely something I need to focus on, although I don't agree with the using me part. I think people for the most part have genuine and true intentions, but thank you for what you said.

Edited September 23, 2014 by venusishername

[sid3]

Although I must say, I know the physical part with me had to be unforgettable ! ;P He clearly really enjoyed himself. It was all really hot!!

.

 

Seriously? Wasn't sure if I should have laughed or felt bad for you when I read that.

[venusishername]

Seriously? Wasn't sure if I should have laughed or felt bad for you when I read that.

 

 

Why do either?

It was great sex, that's all I'm saying!

[boilingpoint]

No, I don't want to feel rejection. But I already do, that's the problem. I don't know which would be more awkward when we run into each other; doing the fadeout or just being straightforward.

 

 

Interesting that you say that. Another 'one night stand?' (I think I know what you mean). I find it hard to believe that would happen after THAT much time has passed. Although I must say, I know the physical part with me had to be unforgettable ! ;P He clearly really enjoyed himself. It was all really hot!!

 

This guy is clearly good with women - I'd love it if some chick created a 16 page thread on some forum about me, with all these other girls screaming 'dump the loser!!!'

 

But yeah you're way more into this guy then he is into you so he effectively has all the power here. That's all.

 

You know what usually happens when a dude likes a chick more than she likes him by the way? Squat, zero, friend-zone... so be happy you got some action and date other men.

[sid3]

Why do either?

It was great sex, that's all I'm saying!

 

Apparently there's a cause for one or the other, thus the 15+ pages on LS. Obviously I could care less, something implies you may though. Although I speculate, great sex would would likely lead to a follow up call sooner rather than five days later, just saying.

[venusishername]

Apparently there's a cause for one or the other, thus the 15+ pages on LS. Obviously I could care less, something implies you may though. Although I speculate, great sex would would likely lead to a follow up call sooner rather than five days later, just saying.

 

There is nothing more to say here about this particular man and situation. 15+ pages has been about other things than this one person. Anyway, I've decided for certain that the only way I'd reach out to him at this point is ONLY IF he had or does contact me, but he hasn't. If he had said just a simple 'when do you get back', or 'how was your trip', etc., sure I would reach out to him now that I'm back. But I'm not desperate and not going to chase someone. I am certain I will be running into him in the future, but it's clear we are no longer dating and he seems to have changed his mind for whatever reason. It is really his loss. Moving on.

 

What I feel this thread is really about is the title, finally ready. I just realized that I need to be open to meeting many people, and not going into it searching and looking for 'THE ONE'. That has not been working at all for me. I need to go out with the mindset of 'looking for fun and meeting new people, and if love comes along the way, that's great!' That is THE ONLY way things will change. I've been turning down several men who were interested, I won't even TALK to most guys, or immediately write someone off for XYZ qualities. Because I'm lonely and we all want the same things as far as intimacy, affection, sex, companionship, and the feelings associated with those things, I have been easily swept away by the 'bulldozer' types. That saves me the trouble of putting in the effort.

 

Anyway, I'm going to try this new mindset instead from now on and start opening up to more opportunities.

Edited September 24, 2014 by venusishername

[sid3]

There is nothing more to say here about this particular man and situation. 15+ pages has been about other things than this one person. Anyway, I've decided for certain that the only way I'd reach out to him at this point is ONLY IF he had or does contact me, but he hasn't. If he had said just a simple 'when do you get back', or 'how was your trip', etc., sure I would reach out to him now that I'm back. But I'm not desperate and not going to chase someone. I am certain I will be running into him in the future, but it's clear we are no longer dating and he seems to have changed his mind for whatever reason. It is really his loss. Moving on.

 

What I feel this thread is really about is the title, finally ready. I just realized that I need to be open to meeting many people, and not going into it searching and looking for 'THE ONE'. That has not been working at all for me. I need to go out with the mindset of 'looking for fun and meeting new people, and if love comes along the way, that's great!' That is THE ONLY way things will change. I've been turning down several men who were interested, I won't even TALK to most guys, or immediately write someone off for XYZ qualities. Because I'm lonely and we all want the same things as far as intimacy, affection, sex, companionship, and the feelings associated with those things, I have been easily swept away by the 'bulldozer' types. That saves me the trouble of putting in the effort.

 

Anyway, I'm going to try this new mindset instead from now on and start opening up to more opportunities.

 

Good for you, sounds like ultimately this will prove to have been a positive experience for you, although subjective, great sex aside.

[venusishername]

There's a certain user here who offered me to send a private message, and I tried to and it said that user could not receive private messages. I'd like to do so; if you know who you are, please PM me. Thanks!

Edited September 24, 2014 by venusishername

[venusishername]

I have an update, but it's pretty insignificant.

 

I reactivated my dating app and online account, just to TRY. I've been chatting with someone and he asked to meet me for coffee, which was today, and he totally flaked!! See what I mean, I don't like the online crap. I've had ONE positive experience so far. I'll keep open but like I said before it's really not my thing... And this is why.

 

I decided once and for all the other day to text him and just put it out there. After being gone and not seeing him, and the lack of effort, my interest level and the 'attachment' feelings have waned for me. I'm still interested, but mainly I guess I was seeking validation.

I said 'I'm back in town, glad to be home. We should get a drink sometime, I had a good time with you.' He did respond, although delayed. I was about to delete his number. His response was positive I suppose. 'Welcome back! Yes let's get together soon.'

I realize that's not much. However I was thinking he'd just as soon drop off the face of the planet and change his mind.

No planned date but I do expect to hear from him... Probably impromptu again. I'm not going to jump and be available when it's not convenient for me, but I don't see the harm in spending time with him, at least to get to know each other more. We moved WAY too fast before and I got caught up in it, obsessing and putting all my eggs in one basket. If there's a chance for us to get to know each other more, that's great. I'd prefer to slow down anyway.

Edited September 27, 2014 by venusishername

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

I don't see the harm in spending time with him

 

You don't see the harm? You obsessed about this guy after just two interactions, clung to him even when it was obvious he wasn't interested, continued to overanalyze it for fifteen pages, and now you think you can keep hanging out and it'll be "harmless"?

 

We moved WAY too fast before and I got caught up in it, obsessing and putting all my eggs in one basket. If there's a chance for us to get to know each other more, that's great.

 

Moving too fast is what people in a relationship do. You are not in a relationship. I hate to sound harsh, but you need to realize that you aren't fooling anybody except yourself. You are not the casual, easy-breezy go-with-it girl that you seem to think you are. You are not going to "get to know" him; you're going to hang out, have sex again, then spiral into despair and self-hatred when you see him out with one of his other side pieces, at which point you'll do something desperate and he'll toss you off for good.

 

He read your text message as "I am available for fooling around." If he gets in touch again that's all he's going to want. You CANNOT see him again and keep your feelings out of it. Why are you prolonging this torture? Every day you see him is another day that you aren't spending with someone who actually wants to be with you.

[venusishername]

You don't see the harm? You obsessed about this guy after just two interactions, clung to him even when it was obvious he wasn't interested, continued to overanalyze it for fifteen pages, and now you think you can keep hanging out and it'll be "harmless"?

 

 

 

Moving too fast is what people in a relationship do. You are not in a relationship. I hate to sound harsh, but you need to realize that you aren't fooling anybody except yourself. You are not the casual, easy-breezy go-with-it girl that you seem to think you are. You are not going to "get to know" him; you're going to hang out, have sex again, then spiral into despair and self-hatred when you see him out with one of his other side pieces, at which point you'll do something desperate and he'll toss you off for good.

 

He read your text message as "I am available for fooling around." If he gets in touch again that's all he's going to want. You CANNOT see him again and keep your feelings out of it. Why are you prolonging this torture? Every day you see him is another day that you aren't spending with someone who actually wants to be with you.

 

Listen, I'm not fooling myself chimpan-z. We had three dates and consistent contact during that time. I really don't see where I 'clung' to him where he was 'clearly not interested'. What came across as obsessing was fueled by a lot of unnecessary negativity and feeling the need to defend myself (like now) here on LS. I know fully well what I'm doing.

I'm not emotionally weak and I'm a grown woman in charge of my own emotions. You can go ahead and assume I'm just going to sleep with him and be a side dish then do something desperate , but come on. Also, the 15 pages were filled with others' comments too.

 

I hope that's not the way he read my text. There was no hidden meaning in it. that wasn't the message I was putting across at all. I'm not throwing myself at him for god's sake. I'm still remaining open to other options. There just aren't any others readily available right now.

Edited September 27, 2014 by venusishername

[sid3]

You don't see the harm? You obsessed about this guy after just two interactions, clung to him even when it was obvious he wasn't interested, continued to overanalyze it for fifteen pages, and now you think you can keep hanging out and it'll be "harmless"?

 

 

 

Moving too fast is what people in a relationship do. You are not in a relationship. I hate to sound harsh, but you need to realize that you aren't fooling anybody except yourself. You are not the casual, easy-breezy go-with-it girl that you seem to think you are. You are not going to "get to know" him; you're going to hang out, have sex again, then spiral into despair and self-hatred when you see him out with one of his other side pieces, at which point you'll do something desperate and he'll toss you off for good.

 

He read your text message as "I am available for fooling around." If he gets in touch again that's all he's going to want. You CANNOT see him again and keep your feelings out of it. Why are you prolonging this torture? Every day you see him is another day that you aren't spending with someone who actually wants to be with you.

 

While not what you want to hear, this was absolutely spot on and extremely well articulated, you were basically just given some very good insight for free that couldn't be bested by a $300 an hour shrink. Do as you may though, it's your life.