Finally ready...

[Mascara]

No, do NOT text him to get closure. His silence IS your answer.

 

He knows what he's supposed to do. You think he wouldn't call if he wanted to? Don't be that crazy chick (his interpretation) who didn't get the hint. Be the one who breezes away.

[venusishername]

No, do NOT text him to get closure. His silence IS your answer.

 

He knows what he's supposed to do. You think he wouldn't call if he wanted to? Don't be that crazy chick (his interpretation) who didn't get the hint. Be the one who breezes away.

 

I know you're right, but I don't want to be the 'cool and aloof' one who 'breezes away'. I have feelings and I am human. I can't pretend I'm not affected by this; I think it's better to be honest..

[Lisey9]

Hi Mrin, thanks for your support. I'm trying to focus on my work but I'm fighting the tears! I think I'm so fragile and affected by this because I've been treated so badly in the past and had my heart broken... and honestly I feel like a lot of men see me as just a sex object, or at least maybe I just feel that way about myself...

 

I think your question was rhetorical, but either way, a romantic thought! Yes, he is military. I have no idea if or where his work may have taken him. He's a high ranking officer pilot so I would expect there's a hell of a lot that comes up on a daily basis, so who knows.

This screams geo-bachelor to me...that happens a lot in my area.

 

Are you sure he is divorced? Positive he went home for a custody hearing and not because it was his weekend he was supposed to go home to his family?

[venusishername]

This screams geo-bachelor to me...that happens a lot in my area.Are you sure he is divorced? Positive he went home for a custody hearing and not because it was his weekend he was supposed to go home to his family?

 

I never heard of 'geo bachelor' before, I had to look it up! Of course I couldn't be 100% positive.. but I'm pretty damn sure he was being honest, with specifics like divorce was final 10 months ago, the results of the custody hearing, etc. I don't think that's the reason why I haven't heard from him.

[HappyLove]

I never heard of 'geo bachelor' before, I had to look it up! Of course I couldn't be 100% positive.. but I'm pretty damn sure he was being honest, with specifics like divorce was final 10 months ago, the results of the custody hearing, etc. I don't think that's the reason why I haven't heard from him.

 

ALWAYS look at ACTIONS not words!

[BluEyeL]

ALWAYS look at ACTIONS not words!

In fact, both need to match. You need to look at actions first, and words second. If he is asking you out and doing everything that he's supposed to, but at the same time he's not verbally telling you that he likes you, later that he wants to be exclusive, or your boyfriend, or eventually to marry you, then actions only are not enough. Even if he's with you, even living with you.

 

Words AND actions have to match. Actions weigh more than words though.

[venusishername]

Hi everyone,

Today was really rough. I think this on top of my current state of anxiety lately got the best of me. But I did 'take care' of myself and did the things that make me happy.. trying hard to pull myself out of this depression. I planned to meet with a very good friend of mine tonight who I confided in about this particular issue...

While I was waiting to meet him (my friend), I did get a text from this guy I've been writing about. It did make me happy...

 

He asked me if I had plans this weekend, that he thought he saw me walking tonight, (which I was... I walk often along the bluffs in our town, it's my meditation). He said he's been busy getting his house together, unpacking, etc. and asked if maybe we could get together on Saturday?

We texted back and forth a little, small talk, and I said I would love to.

So, nothing planned yet, but I was really happy to hear from him!

 

Taking myself out of it, and talking to my friend tonight reminded me to look in the mirror about this. I think when I met him it made me feel like I used to feel... I've been grasping for my past and falling in love again, even just opening up to someone and a new experience. I felt so anxious I think because I've wanted so badly to open up and be ready to date again...and I found someone who I believe is quality and worth taking a risk.

 

It's taken me years to want to be open again, it's a big step for me. I know not to put all my eggs in one basket, and I want to tread slowly here... and I know that when we do see each other it's really important to me to get to know each other, avoiding the physical stuff. So that's my update of the night. In the meantime, I'm going to chill out

[HappyLove]

Yes, please take him off that pedestal. If you go out and he flakes it's not the most horrible thing. If him disappointing you destroys you then you really need more time out of the dating scene. If you want to get to know someone you need to go on proper dates. LS'ers will tell you never go to a mans house unless you're ready for sex so don't put yourself in a bad situation. Glad you're feeling better. Good luck!

[BluEyeL]

I'm glad he made contact. Lift your spirits up and be careful. If he's for you, is going to happen, if he's not, you didn't lose the one anyway.

[venusishername]

I'm glad too. I know I need to tread carefully here and just enjoy it. I feel like I'm 're-learning' how to date again! It feels a little intimidating.

[venusishername]

Ok, so I want to see this guy before the weekend. He was the one who suggested that we get together then, but no plans made yet.

Help me out with the dating 'rules'... is it appropriate now that he's reached out to me again for me to contact him? What if I happen to be planning on being in his area later for my appointments and I just feel like getting a drink on this beautiful summer night....?

[venusishername]

I realize he's not the only fish in the sea here, but we now have been texting every couple days for the past nearly two weeks. He asked me few days ago about getting together this weekend... and I'm not sure whether I should keep my schedule flexible or not!

 

I was reading another thread here and could relate....should I go ahead and make plans then?! He did mention getting together Saturday or Sunday, it's now Friday afternoon, and no mention of it yesterday when we texted...

 

Our text message conversation yesterday consisted of me saying hi, I'll be in his area for an appointment, maybe if he was free we could grab a drink, he said he had some work thing, then biking back home which is a very long distance and that he would let me know once he returned. The whole evening passed and I heard nothing. Finally, once it was past a decent hour to meet, I saw I had a missed text from him apologizing but he was still biking back home, had made a stop along the way to get a beer, that he was taking some self guided bike tour back from an island off our city. We texted back and forth a bit but but that was it. ??

 

 

This is really frustrating :/ After last week's intense teenage lustiness all this innocent texting is making me feel all anxious and like I'm a corked champagne bottle all shook up.

Is he clueless? He texts me to let me know he's thinking about me, the contact is mutual, for the third time now he makes the suggestions to meet, which have progressed thus far... but we haven't seen each other since last week. I know he's interested, but I can't help but feel he's only lukewarm about it... So am I supposed to just go with the flow?? What do you think and when is it 'too late' to accept a man's date invitation?

Edited August 29, 2014 by venusishername

[HappyLove]

I think you're right he's very luke warm. Like I said ACTIONS not words. Dude goes from giving you a key to not being able to meet for a drink. Be wary.

 

Did he ever follow through?

[venusishername]

Yes he majorly followed through. More later...

Can't stop smiling ))

[venusishername]

I hate this anxious feeling, but I love this feeling at the same time...

something new but not sure and not letting my excitement get the best of me here...

 

 

So, he had mentioned getting together over the weekend earlier this week. Texted me Friday afternoon asking me if i was free to join him on a boat in the bay Saturday afternoon.

I was free, and met him yesterday morning to head over to meet his friends who were renting the boat. I thought it was cool and was flattered that he introduced me to his friends, I felt comfortable and I'm a social person so I enjoyed meeting them all.

We spent a wonderful day on the water, I had a great time.. he was affectionate and had his arm around me at moments, I enjoyed seeing him keep his eyes on me, we sat together and applied sunscreen to each other regularly and the 'feelings' were intensifying... we swam off the boat together had an alone moment away from the crowd.

One of the women there has known him for years and she knew his ex wife, she took to me and said it was great that he was bringing me around, she liked me, mentioned his 'bad' divorce, reminded me that he was cautious. The gist I got was that he's a little gun-shy... for good reason... but I get the drift that he doesn't bring women around his friends, recently anyway.

We had such a great day. Once the boat party calmed down, people dispersed around sunset, he and I were alone and we went out for a drink and had a chance to talk one on one. It was great. The physical chemistry was off the charts.. for me it keeps getting better. I felt he was on the same page for sure! This feeling makes me feel reckless and free, something I haven't felt for some time. We swam in the ocean in a private cove at night, got my hair wet, literally and figuratively.. he hung onto me and played in the waves. I've been holding on to opening my heart for so long it felt so amazing to be with a man like that who makes me feel alive again. He's awakened something dormant and repressed in me.

 

I told myself that I wanted to hold back, and once I knew his intentions were sincere as they could be, same as mine for such little time... but making out in the water day and night, touching, laughing and feeling free, talking about things that make me passionate, having fun and just in the moment... he invited me home and we got in the hot shower for about an hour and did everything but... I tried to fight my feelings but I gave in, I couldn't fight it anymore. I tried to resist and he wasn't pushing at all, he said we don't have to have sex and he was respectful of me being comfortable just playing around, he liked it. It's fun. He had said before he felt like we were acting like teenagers, kissing on the beach and in the car, the innocence of it was exciting.

I must say and let's be honest last time we already 'broke the ice' by getting to third base. You can't 'rewind' that. It's been building and yesterday even more so. It was so incredible, multiple times incredible, and into the morning too!

 

We woke up and he invited me to stay for a homemade breakfast and we sat and had coffee for about an hour, talking, ended up into bed again, and I fought every urge to want to spend many more hours having coffee and sex but I got dressed and said I had to be on my way. We left it open (meaning no mention about next time or when), and I left with a permanent smile that's lasted all day. The hormones are at full throttle.. All day I've been thinking about that hot shower, just him rubbing foamy soap all over me and kissing me everywhere. I hope this is not too X-rated for LS...

 

This is scaring me, just because the risk of being with someone new that I'm really into; on my end the interest level keeps growing and he does seem the same, obviously. Not lukewarm at all around me, maybe a little gunshy, like I was two years out of a long term relationship too. I can relate! I mentioned I was in a long term relationship too, I've had my heart broken myself.

 

He has two little kids and I'm learning that he's heartbroken not being with them...it breaks MY heart to see that he's set his new house set up for his kids to stay when they come to visit, pictures of them all around. I can't even imagine. I asked him what he was looking for when we were having wine the night before, and he said honestly he's not jumping at the gun to get seriously involved with someone immediately, obviously.. I've been there myself, in fact I feel the same caution. He's back in town after a long break away, fairly recently single back in our town...but he likes me and wants to spend time with me, which he's making clear and he told me so. He said at this point in time he's comfortable with dating and seeing someone a couple times a week but again isn't immediately looking to jump in completely. I think that's fair and to be honest I'm in the same boat! I would like something serious but that takes time and it shouldn't be immediate in my view. I would've been spooked if he was itching to latch on to someone and was going full force. I understand having your independence and career, being 'open', but he strikes me very much as the kind of man who definitely isn't out prowling and bedding every woman he meets at all. I know a player for sure, my attraction may be clouding my judgment but from what I gather so far, he's a good guy with good intentions.

I certainly can't say at this moment that I'm the one he wants to spend those couple times a week with, and be with, but it's too soon. You certainly can't expect that when you meet someone new that you are the only person they might have on their radar, you know? He doesn't know my story, I don't know his. We're still exploring this.

 

While in bed, he had let it slip that it had been a long time since he has been with a woman...and the sex was pretty intense that I have no doubt he's definitely going to be thinking about it!

 

I'm going to take a step back, let it flow, I can't help but have butterflies and glow today. I won't reach out to him first, I think it best that he continue to make the moves. Once you introduce sex to the mix I feel it will make it or break it, just in my experience.

 

It's so hard not to be hopeful. We took it to the next level, but after spending this time together I'm learning it's not all physical attraction. I don't want to be his good time girl, I want more for myself and I won't ever settle even if I'm really into someone. I know I can call the shots on that one. I tend to think the worst case scenario, I'm cynical and protecting my heart too, coming out of a traumatic breakup myself, having my time to be single and free too. It's empty. I want to trust again and I want something real.

 

If I met someone else I wouldn't turn down talking to another man or giving someone a chance if that opportunity arises. But I really like him and now I'm certain it's mutual. I think we both made that clear to each other over the past 24 hours, but over the past couple weeks too its come to this point.

 

At the end of the day, I know these things are all risks. I let my hair down and let my guard down again, and it felt so incredible. I feel great knowing I can feel that way again, just in general. I'm ready! I held back for SO LONG, closing myself off. Obviously I like him a lot and I would like to proceed here, but it's not going to break me if he pulls back or changes his tune. I want to give my heart and myself to the right person. I found somebody I think is quality that I really like being around (I told him that) and I respect him and we are both grown adults just putting ourselves out there. Isn't that's what this is all about?!

Edited September 1, 2014 by venusishername

[venusishername]

Now I'm pulling a completely bipolar reaction and I've picked up cigarettes again lately I've been so anxious.

 

 

As incredible of a time I have had with him, I'm scared as hell to see or talk to him again out of pure fear of being hurt and disappointed. I kind of want to just disappear for the week and pretend this didn't happen.

 

 

****.

[WonderKid]

You need to think with logic and reason before emotion. And I am not proud to say, but I have done these exact same things once upon a time when I was really into my "**** the world" mode. And I've never even been married. It all could've been prevented for the girls if they would've kept their legs closed from me. I hope you know what you are doing. You are a grown woman after all.

 

But I can say. A true man doesn't need to pull down your panties to get a look at your heart. He made it pretty clear that he is sewing his royal oats. Common sense.

But if you're okay with that, then I guess it is fine.

What you need to know is that he is not on the same emotional level that you are in. You are on a rollercoaster. This guy, is getting his rocks off. And probably feels like he's on top of the world now. When he goes on those trips, he's hanging other women. Believe that. But you are his go-to-girl. Ever watch football?

 

You know that receiver that has reliable hands? Always can count on him for a first down? To move the chains? If all else fails, you can go back to that guy.

 

You need to slow the hell down. If the ****ing is good, then keep it at that. Don't get too invested in this guy when you have already given him access to your very body. I am 24 telling you this. What you got here is a classic, raw and uncut FWB situation here. It'll be nothing more. And for the love of humanity use condoms.

[venusishername]

I don't agree with everything you say here but there are a few things that stand out. Yes I am a grown woman and I know what I'm doing and also having safe sex of course. I made it clear that MY intentions are NOT to have something empty and casual. I'm human, we're attracted to each other and we gave into our desires. I don't feel guilty about that or am beating myself up thinking 'I'm just his go to girl'. That's ridiculous. I know that I'm not, no man can make me feel that way.

 

. He made it pretty clear that he is sewing his royal oats. Common sense.But if you're okay with that, then I guess it is fine.

What you need to know is that he is not on the same emotional level that you are in. You are on a rollercoaster. This guy, is getting his rocks off. And probably feels like he's on top of the world now.

 

I do agree with that. I want to get off this rollercoaster. For that reason I'm not going to show face.

 

. You need to slow the hell down. If the ****ing is good, then keep it at that. What you got here is a classic, raw and uncut FWB situation here. It'll be nothing more. .

 

Rather than slow the hell down, I'm slamming on the brakes starting now. The sex is incredible and very tempting now that I know... but I'm not anyone's FWB. That's not what I want, I don't give a crap what HIS view may or may not be. I was honest with him too. As much of a rollercoaster I'm on, I'm confident enough in my worth that I'm not going to put myself in a situation like that. If that's all it will ever be, it's not going to be.

Edited September 1, 2014 by venusishername

[HappyLove]

Sounds like this is right out of a book. I'm old school I guess. Getting to know a man, dating, getting him checked for STD's before ending up in bed. I guess that's not as romantic but I believe in protecting my heart. I like to weigh the consequences of things. Some people can never hear from this guy again and still have a smile on thir face. Others like me can never hear from this guy again and be devastated. So it's important for me to play things out and not jump in head first.

 

I hope it works out for you.

[venusishername]

Sounds like this is right out of a book. Some people can never hear from this guy again and still have a smile on thir face. Others like me can never hear from this guy again and be devastated. So it's important for me to play things out and not jump in head first.I hope it works out for you.

 

So, care to elaborate a little more HappyLove? What's your take on this since you've been following this thread since the beginning? Are you implying I may never hear from him again? I don't get that impression at all...

 

I think that if a guy's into you the physical part whenever that happens is totally irrelevant and it won't influence his opinion, goes both ways too. I know he likes me, I wouldn't have slept with him obviously if I wasn't sure. And it's not like we had unprotected sex or that either one of us would allow that to happen. I am being smart about it! We also talked about our 'health' prior to this happening.

 

My only way I can base any of this on is my last relationship that began 7 years ago now. A man saw me in a crowded room, stopped dead in his tracks, approached me, touched my arm, leaned over me and got close into my space, asked for my number, and asked me for a date within days. He was aggressive and assertive and contacted me every few days, saw each other maybe weekly, and within three or four dates we were in bed. It only intensified from there, and he slammed on the brakes because he got scared of how he was feeling for me, and he was kind of playing the field. He backed off, I was hurt and thought I wouldn't see him again, but he came back around very slowly and we kind of didn't see each other much, but he kept reaching out to me, and I was patient, and four months later we were a couple.

So far this sounds from the start very similar to what I'm going through now. I don't expect the same result, but there was a time with my ex that I felt this same 'sickness' and insecurity of thinking I got 'played' or that he wasn't after anything more, etc. The more time we spent together the more I became sure that he did in fact have deeper feelings for me and he really wanted to date me. We jumped in head first and had to pull back and in hindsight was the best idea.

 

For all I know this new guy probably also feels insecure about dating me or dating in general...everyone's trying to protect their heart, but we all want the same things after all. I can't make him into the 'big bad wolf' and think now that I slept with him that's all he was after and now I may never hear from him again. Sure, it could happen, but in this situation I honestly doubt it.

 

Right now I'm going to 'remove' myself from any expectations of anything more than what it is at the moment. I won't contact him, I think it's appropriate for him to be the one to reach out. We'll see what happens... either way I think slowing down is the best idea. For me that means no contact. My gf told me to delete his number from my phone so I'm not tempted, but only delete it once... and if he contacts me, I'll know and I can re-save it. Maybe that's a good idea....

[HappyLove]

I'm saying to move so fast you have to be ok with the possibility that someone won't contact you after. I know I couldn't handle that so I don't put myself in those situations. I'm not saying he won't contact you. Like I said I really do hope it works out.

 

The deleting the phone number and things like that sounds like games to me but to each their own. There's a trend of women I notice on the boards who can give their bodies to a man yet can't initiate discussions. Sounds backwards to me but like I said to each their own.

 

And talking about health is just that, TALK. It means nothing. Don't be naive.

Edited September 1, 2014 by HappyLove

[venusishername]

I'm saying to move so fast you have to be ok with the possibility that someone won't contact you after. I know I couldn't handle that so I don't put myself in those situations. I'm not saying he won't contact you. Like I said I really do hope it works out.

 

The deleting the phone number and things like that sounds like games to me but to each their own. There's a trend of women I notice on the boards who can give their bodies to a man yet can't initiate discussions. Sounds backwards to me but like I said to each their own.

 

And talking about health is just that, TALK. It means nothing. Don't be naive.

 

Fair enough! I think that's always a risk, with or without sex though. It comes down to interest level more than anything else. I'm ok with that risk because as an adult woman I put myself in this situation. I can't think of the what ifs. I know what I know so far and I have no reason to worry that he's not interested. I also have no problems initiating discussions and I think we were both straightforward about where our heads are at here and what we want.

[venusishername]

Does anyone have any other input on this? Reading that post that now I'm just his 'go to girl' and that's all it ever will be doesn't make me feel so great. My friends all say something totally opposite.

 

Just need some support. I worked myself up so much about it and am now settling and feeling more myself, but still feeling insecure...

Edited September 2, 2014 by venusishername

[GildedLily]

It's been a long time since I've been on LS, and I've had quite the healing process since my last serious relationship. Since then, three years ago, I've had a string of casual relationships that never made it past date three; either by my choice, theirs, or mutually.. including a few one night stands I'm not proud of.

 

 

But recently I'm FINALLY ready to open up and have something serious again, whereas in the past I was guilty of pushing it away. I didn't WANT to be in a relationship. But now I do. I had stopped trying recently, just very frustrated and very lonely.

 

Short novel here: Just FYI, I'm 30 and this man is 38....

Last weekend I was out at bar with male and female friends, and a man walked by and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me. He came over and introduced himself and sat next to me and struck up a conversation. I really liked him right away and liked his confidence to approach me. Most men do not do that, or at least not so politely. Anyway, the attraction was strong and the conversation was great. He touched my calf and was really engaged with me, he asked me questions and listened to me talking and kind of stopped me and said "I love how you're so straightforward and honest and passionate... I think that's incredibly hot" and he grabbed me and kissed me in a crowded bar for everyone to see. I would normally be miffed, but I was really feeling it with him so I let him kiss me, and pulled back out of decency. We eventually left together; my friends ditched me because they prob assumed I was occupied, and we ended up walking back to his place. We didn't have sex, just 'second base' stuff.

The next morning, it was that dreaded anticipation of 'oh god, what did I get myself into', but it was really nice... and he was very affectionate and we talked more, I learned I liked him more than the night before, and he asked for my number and invited me on a date later on that day. He walked me back to my car, and asked me to breakfast. So we had a really nice breakfast, and planned to meet up a few hours later.

 

 

I came back to his place later that day, and I was happy to find that on a 'fresh start' I still felt the same way, and it just kept getting better being with him. We spent the whole afternoon together, we had a really romantic day.. on the beach, in the water, getting coffee, he kept extending it before he had to meet his family for dinner, wanted to squeeze in a drink and appetizer with me.. he seemed to be totally enamored, and I was feeling really high myself. I liked him a lot.. he was saying things like 'I'm so glad I met you, this is my first day in my new place I just moved into, how ironic all my things are in boxes, and I come back to live here again and I meet you...' He was stroking my hair, kissing me a lot, obviously extremely on fire for me, but really into me too, the conversation was great, we're really on the same level mentally, and have things in common, etc.

 

 

The evening was coming to a close, and he had to go.. but he offered me his key if I wanted to wait for him there! It was going so well, we didn't want it to end... I did take the key, but decided to go home. I had told him that I didn't want his sister to walk in to see me there, and he said "No, no, I think she'd be happy for me. My family would like to see me move on." I was very flattered by that; that shows that he likes me more than just a casual fling... Anyway, I left his key and texted him thank you. He replied that he had a great time and let's do it again soon.

 

 

He is divorced as of about 10 months ago, but separated for 2 years. She lives in another state with his two young kids. He had literally just moved in to his new place here, because he is stationed back in our city again after traveling and living in another state for work.

 

 

We had both shared with each other that we were both in long term relationships that ended a couple years ago, and in the meantime we have both been disinterested or hesitant to get involved with someone seriously again, but now are ready, or willing...

 

 

Ok, so he went out of town for a final custody hearing, so I didn't expect to hear from him for awhile. He texted me while he was there, two days after our date. He flirted, and said 'let's get together soon'.

 

 

The next day, he arrived back in town. He texted me spontaneously and invited me to join him and his buddy who had also just flown in as a surprise visit for work. He lit up again when he saw me and was again very engaged and affectionate. He wanted me to join them for a drink at the next place, but he had to make the night short because of work the next day. We had a great time, even though his friend was there! We all walked out and he gave his friend the key to stay with him and basically gave him the boot so he could be alone with me. He walked me to my car, but put his arm around me and we made out on the sidewalk, not getting very far... ended up making out IN my car, and it was getting so hot and heavy that he said to just come back with him. But before we did, he wanted to have 'the safety talk', which no man has ever done with me outside of the bedroom, or apart from the actual act. I told him I wanted to wait anyway, but at least now that's out of the way.

 

 

We fooled around again, this time taking it a little further.. there came a point where intercourse was about to happen and I said not now and he stopped. He asked me to stay the night but we both had to be at work the next morning. We woke up and he walked me again to my car, hugged and kissed me on the cheek and said 'see you soon, have a good day, etc.'

 

 

That was Thursday morning; today is Monday. I texted him Saturday to say hello and how's the weekend (hint, hint)... and he responded, his friend still in town til Saturday night, etc. I said 'hope to see you again soon'.. and no response.

 

 

I'm freaking out. He seemed very eager before... I didn't sleep with him, and he respects that, we're on the same page... am I jumping the gun by thinking he slipped away already?

 

 

We had an amazing connection and chemistry. He seemed so sincere and genuinely interested in me. Am I being impatient or can people be this fickle?!

 

I didn't read the other responses, my take is he was looking to get laid over the wknd and that's why he didn't call you (sorry) also it's bad the way he is already trying to get into another relationship just 10 months out of a divorce. He can't just be alone . Lastly, did I read right that he LEFT his 2 kids to move to another state? This guy is no prize.

[venusishername]

I didn't read the other responses, my take is he was looking to get laid over the wknd and that's why he didn't call you (sorry) also it's bad the way he is already trying to get into another relationship just 10 months out of a divorce. He can't just be alone . Lastly, did I read right that he LEFT his 2 kids to move to another state? This guy is no prize.

 

I don't think you got the context of the entire thread at all...