Finally ready...

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

This is still REALLY bothering me. WHY, WHY, WHY would anyone even make the effort to make something like that up?!!

 

Because if he said "I'm busy with another woman", he knows you wouldn't sleep with him again. But he doesn't want you to think he's COMPLETLEY blowing you off, either, so he needs a specific reason that makes him look good.

 

Also, as some of you are stating, I just can't believe he's some sex-hound womanizer with a slew of women. I just can't.

 

This is exactly why he's succeeding: because you can't believe the truth.

 

Sure, he's going on dates, but I don't believe he's 'dirty' or out on the prowl every free moment to try and get laid. That's pretty extreme, and I really don't think he has all that free time anyway.

 

"Sure, he's a very busy man who spends what little free time he has going out on dates with multiple women, but I don't think he's out on the prowl!" What? Listen to yourself. You know that when he isn't working or visiting his kids (which takes up most of his time), he's dating at least several other women. That's exactly what players do.

 

When he talked to me and kissed me he gave me a rush, the physical chemistry was intense and what I've been DYING to have for so long

 

Emphasis on "physical". Great chemistry is a must-have, but great chemistry does not a relationship make.

 

he has XYZ going for him

 

Herpes?

 

he's a military pilot in a commanding rank...those guys are truly the best and the brightest.

 

Suddenly everything else about you makes sense. You're impressed by a military pilot?! Ten bucks says he's from Chair Force.

 

As you all know I've been hurt and confused as to why he would pull back and slow down the pursuit, and then to see him out with a woman, that he declined my last invitation, couldn't carve out a few moments to see me before I go, and the other disappointments I've mentioned here.

 

He got exactly what he wanted from you with very little effort on his part. Now all he has to do is give you just enough so that he can still sleep with you whenever he wants.

 

I thought it followed naturally that a man would want more of that, or at least make an attempt to secure the possibility of more of that.

 

He did. You're the one inviting him out and asking him to do things. He already knows he has you on the hook.

 

If he was playing me, he'd milk me for more sex.

 

He doesn't need to. He has plenty of women to choose from.

 

 

I know it's embarrassing to admit when you've been played, but you've been played. If you have such great self-esteem and consider yourself selective, why are you immediately settling for so, so much less than you want? This guy is not offering you love, affection and romantic beach dates; he's offering you the bare minimum to ensure he can get laid whenever he feels like it. Delete his number and go meet a guy who will drop everything for you.

[Conners]

Don't and dissect every little thing he has said. He probably said it so it sounded like he had a legitimate reason for not been able to catch up.

Why doesn't he want more sex from you even if it was good? Some guys lose interest after the chase is over.. I've lost interest in guys after the first couple of times and it wasn't because of the sex either.

[sid3]

he has XYZ going for him, totally different from any man I've met before, not the losers I've always dated in the past, etc. He does have a hell of a lot to offer, it's not he's some everyday insurance salesman or construction worker, he's a military pilot in a commanding rank...those guys are truly the best and the brightest.

 

This part made me feel sad for you. While you've proclaimed yourself to be amazing and beautiful, it's obvious clueless was left out of your self description. Please try and educate yourself to the fact that what a person does for a living in no way defines what kind of person they really are. There's plenty of us out there that although not military pilots, five days wouldnt go by without so much as "hi" after having been intimate with another person. While it seems most have replied to this thread proclaiming this guy is a player, which I do agree with, it's apparent that the bigger problem for you is yourself. That became obvious once you described yourself as being beautiful rather than choosing attractive. Vanity appears to be crippling you, what's worse is you're projecting it onto this guy.

Edited September 15, 2014 by sid3

[Diezel]

This is still REALLY bothering me. WHY, WHY, WHY would anyone even make the effort to make something like that up?!! Just say you're ****ing busy!! Why would any adult feel the need to lie about that?! If you're not available, why would you create some fake situation as an excuse?! I just don't get it.

For example, when he asked if I was free to meet last Saturday night, I said simply, 'No, I'm not.' (because I was home sick, which I didn't even offer). I didn't create some BS excuse like I had a friend in town or even volunteer any additional information. ?! Somebody please help me with this.

 

The sooner you understand that the excuse he gave you wasn't for YOU, but for HIM... maybe you'll get past that.

 

He's trying to justify his lie by using what would seem to be an iron-clad alibi. It makes him feel better. HIM. Not YOU.

 

The intention isn't for you to feel better about anything. Sometimes liars fabricate a second part to their lie so it justifies and lessens the guilt factor of the first part of their lie.

[venusishername]

This part made me feel sad for you. While you've proclaimed yourself to be amazing and beautiful, it's obvious clueless was left out of your self description. Please try and educate yourself to the fact that what a person does for a living in no way defines what kind of person they really are. There's plenty of us out there that although not military pilots, five days wouldnt go by without so much as "hi" after having been intimate with another person. While it seems most have replied to this thread proclaiming this guy is a player, which I do agree with, it's apparent that the bigger problem for you is yourself. That became obvious once you described yourself as being beautiful rather than choosing attractive. Vanity appears to be crippling you, what's worse is you're projecting it onto this guy.

 

Yikes :/

I guess I have been vain. I feel like a ****ty person for vocalizing that here.

[venusishername]

The sooner you understand that the excuse he gave you wasn't for YOU, but for HIM... maybe you'll get past that.

 

He's trying to justify his lie by using what would seem to be an iron-clad alibi. It makes him feel better. HIM. Not YOU.

 

The intention isn't for you to feel better about anything. Sometimes liars fabricate a second part to their lie so it justifies and lessens the guilt factor of the first part of their lie.

 

I guess I couldn't wrap my head around it because I'm an honest person. My mind doesn't work that way. I understand what you're saying though.

[Mrin]

I guess I couldn't wrap my head around it because I'm an honest person. My mind doesn't work that way. I understand what you're saying though.

 

Ya man. I missed pages 8 - 13 but it sounds like things haven't improved and there is some duplicity going on here. Move along. Dude wants to play the field. You should too. Make a profile on an OLD, set the location in the nearest decent sized city and go have some fun.

[venusishername]

Because if he said "I'm busy with another woman", he knows you wouldn't sleep with him again. But he doesn't want you to think he's COMPLETLEY blowing you off, either, so he needs a specific reason that makes him look good.

 

 

 

This is exactly why he's succeeding: because you can't believe the truth.

 

 

 

"Sure, he's a very busy man who spends what little free time he has going out on dates with multiple women, but I don't think he's out on the prowl!" What? Listen to yourself. You know that when he isn't working or visiting his kids (which takes up most of his time), he's dating at least several other women. That's exactly what players do.

 

 

 

Emphasis on "physical". Great chemistry is a must-have, but great chemistry does not a relationship make.

 

 

 

Herpes?

 

 

 

Suddenly everything else about you makes sense. You're impressed by a military pilot?! Ten bucks says he's from Chair Force.

 

 

 

He got exactly what he wanted from you with very little effort on his part. Now all he has to do is give you just enough so that he can still sleep with you whenever he wants.

 

 

 

He did. You're the one inviting him out and asking him to do things. He already knows he has you on the hook.

 

 

 

He doesn't need to. He has plenty of women to choose from.

 

 

I know it's embarrassing to admit when you've been played, but you've been played. If you have such great self-esteem and consider yourself selective, why are you immediately settling for so, so much less than you want? This guy is not offering you love, affection and romantic beach dates; he's offering you the bare minimum to ensure he can get laid whenever he feels like it. Delete his number and go meet a guy who will drop everything for you.

 

Wow, what a post. You really make him sound like a slimeball jerk. I don't see him in that light, but yes the plain fact is that he's dating around while I'm obsessing about him. You're right about one thing for sure: that he's not offering much of anything worth pursuing. I haven't been the one making the invitations. I just said before I leave for my trip. I'm not sure if he's just offering the bare minimum, I wonder why bother at all?!

 

Either way, My interest has waned over the past week. I just feel like it would be strange to not at least speak again. We'll be seeing each other around whether or not we continue 'seeing' each other.

[Zahara]

I'm not sure if he's just offering the bare minimum, I wonder why bother at all?!

 

It's a benefit to have several options open and available. If a woman is willing to accept the bare minimum, why would he give that up when he doesn't have to put any effort into it and it can be accessible when and if he needs it? It's very simple.

 

You have to stop projecting your views and start understanding that people will play games to get what they want.

[venusishername]

It's a benefit to have several options open and available. If a woman is willing to accept the bare minimum, why would he give that up when he doesn't have to put any effort into it and it can be accessible when and if he needs it? It's very simple.

 

You have to stop projecting your views and start understanding that people will play games to get what they want.

 

I understand. I am the kind of person when I meet someone I like, I only date that one person, no matter how short or long term. I don't expect everyone else to be that way. If it becomes physical I think that puts it on a totally different level. I know this was whirlwind and went fast but I admit, I was longing for that rush and I was lonely, and I liked him a lot. It's not so much about the fact that he's going on dates with other women, being that we just met. It's about the fact that he's put in such minimal effort once I slept with him that's my deal breaker.

I'm not going to contact him once I return home. I think it's a possibility that he may start to wonder and reach out to me, maybe not. I think he knows that he acted like a jerk, especially if he happened to spot me the other night.

If that happens I'll revisit it then, but if not, I can at least appreciate the good times while it lasted. Of course I would've liked it to continue on. It was a really good feeling I've missed for a long time. I don't feel rejection, so it doesn't hurt that way. I'm not angry, I'm just very disappointed.

Edited September 17, 2014 by venusishername

[venusishername]

It's a benefit to have several options open and available. If a woman is willing to accept the bare minimum, why would he give that up when he doesn't have to put any effort into it and it can be accessible when and if he needs it? It's very simple.

 

You have to stop projecting your views and start understanding that people will play games to get what they want.

 

I understand. When I meet someone I like, I only date that one person, no matter how short or long term. Particularly if it becomes physical. I guess I can't expect everyone else to be that way. I am also a very honest person and when I'm not interested in seeing someone anymore I come right out and tell them and don't lead on.

 

I know this was whirlwind and went fast but I admit, I was longing for that rush and I was lonely. I just liked him a lot and the way being with him and the excitement of hearing from him made me feel. It had been a long long time. It's not so much about the fact that he's going on dates with other women, being that we just met. It's about the fact that he's put in such minimal effort once I slept with him that's my deal breaker.

 

I've been with blatant players once or twice before, willingly, and at that time I was ok with it. I wasn't interested in anything serious at periods in my life as well. But I don't have time for that anymore. It's tempting, seeming to be better than nothing. But I'd rather meet the right person and be available to someone at the same level as I am in that regard. He is simply not in the same place as I am at this time. It's no ones' fault.

 

I'm not going to contact him once I return home. I think it's a possibility that he may start to wonder and reach out to me, maybe not. I think he knows that he acted like a jerk, especially if he happened to spot me the other night.

If that happens I would know what I'd be walking into if I agreed to see him again. It's tempting to 'want to know for certain' before writing it off completely, so I could say I gave it my best shot and a fair chance. But if not, I can at least appreciate the good times while it lasted. Of course I would've liked it to continue on. I don't feel rejected, it's not about rejection. I don't feel angry because I don't see the benefit of exerting that energy. I'm just very disappointed.

Edited September 17, 2014 by venusishername

[Vyliss]

Been following this thread (great read by the way!). I think there is a LOT of negativity in this thread about this guy being a player and how he is going to hurt you etc etc. Let me say that other posters are just projecting their OWN fears onto you and you should definitely NOT listen if they do not feel right for you.

 

Remember, no one can hurt you unless you allow them to. Ok, you started to develop this fantasy with this guy because everything was so great and wonderful in the beginning, then when reality didn't live up to what you envisioned, you were disappointed... no big surprise there!

 

If you expect a lot, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. So you just don't expect too much next time. This guy came along and swept you off your feet. Made you feel incredible, feelings you hadn't felt in the LONG time. How about focus on the act that you are still capable of feeling these feelings, and being able to LOVE again - instead of what a "player" 'jerk" "liar" this guy is (which by the way I don't think he is).

 

Appreciate the times you had for what it is instead of what you think it could lead to in the future. (The future is undetermined, we don't know what will happen. Although a lot of ppl here seem to think they have the power to predict the future *roll eyes*).

 

News flash: everyone has problems and everyone have fears when it comes to relationships. The problem is, the more fear you have, the more you PAIN you're going to feel. Whether that's pain from being alone or pain from potential men hurting/rejecting you.

 

In my opinion, this guy was honest with you from the start. As far as I'm concerned, he seems like a decent, respectable person because he at least did NOT lie nor lead you on. Actually, most guys are decent and tell the truth if they know they don't want a relationship.

 

Whether you want to cut him off or not is up to you. But personally I think you need to stop putting yourself through so much unnecessary pain.

 

Date other men!

 

I know you said you don't date, but please try to. The reason you're in so much pain is because you won't open up to ANYONE (unless a guy literally bulldozes his way into your heart). Thing is, you are missing out on some great guys out there, guys even MORE amazing than this one, but the thing with these other guys are, they want a woman who is OPEN to them.

 

I suggest you do the opposite of what you have been doing the for the last 3 years. Go on dating sites, flirt with guys at the bar, accept dates, initiate conversation with guys you're even remotely interested in.

 

Have dates and focus on opening up, getting to know the other person and creating genuine connections (it's not just about sex). Trust yourself that you will not fall in love too quick or allow yourself to get hurt, because you are in control of you and no one can hurt you or reject you, unless you let them.

 

This guy may disappear, or he may not. But the only way you'll have true perspective is by being open to men in general - not just to this ONE guy. He isn't god. He's just trying to find a woman HE can completely trust and open up to. And he's right in taking his time. You should too.

[cif]

Vyliss- no reason to negate what everyone else posted. you basically restated the same things most on here have been saying.

 

P.S. not projecting, i'm HAPPILY married and would wish true love for all

Edited September 17, 2014 by cif

[venusishername]

 

I know you said you don't date, but please try to. The reason you're in so much pain is because you won't open up to ANYONE (unless a guy literally bulldozes his way into your heart). Thing is, you are missing out on some great guys out there, guys even MORE amazing than this one, but the thing with these other guys are, they want a woman who is OPEN to them.

 

I suggest you do the opposite of what you have been doing the for the last 3 years. Go on dating sites, flirt with guys at the bar, accept dates, initiate conversation with guys you're even remotely interested in.

 

Have dates and focus on opening up, getting to know the other person and creating genuine connections (it's not just about sex). Trust yourself that you will not fall in love too quick or allow yourself to get hurt, because you are in control of you and no one can hurt you or reject you, unless you let them.

 

This guy may disappear, or he may not. But the only way you'll have true perspective is by being open to men in general - not just to this ONE guy. He isn't god. He's just trying to find a woman HE can completely trust and open up to. And he's right in taking his time. You should too.

 

This is wonderful. Thank you. That's EXACTLY what I was saying earlier about pushing people away and not being open. I meant it in general terms. It's really held me back! I agree that there is far too much negativity surrounding this situation. I'm happy that I felt those feelings again and WANTED to be open again. I KNOW everyone has their own fears; I know for a fact he was very badly burned and is cautious too so I can't be angry or feel rejected like you said.

 

I don't really expect to hear from him, actually. Not sure that weeks could go by without seeing each other and the interest could sustain, being that we barely knew each other to begin with. But that's not the point. If it comes up again, I certainly wouldn't be against having a drink with the guy and talking. My entire intention has been to get to know him more, being OPEN!

 

I really liked what you said about 'bulldozing into my heart'. That's what I've been receptive to because it's been 'easier' than me putting myself out there. I tried online dating but it wasn't really my thing. I know what I need to do. I don't think trying or looking worked for me either. I need to keep moving forward and let go of the fear that's been holding me back and keeping ME from being emotionally available.

Edited September 17, 2014 by venusishername

[Eighty_nine]

Any updates on what is happening with this guy?

[venusishername]

Any updates on what is happening with this guy?

 

I'm afraid not, Lissvarna. I've been out of town since Monday. We haven't been in contact since last Thursday when I asked if he was available over the weekend and he said no, but to let him know when I got home.

I really do not expect to hear from him again. I'm still thinking about him, unfortunately. I thought I'd lose all interest, but he's still been on my mind.

There wasn't anything substantial between us, we liked each other and got on well, had fun, fireworks sexual chemistry.

But you know, it's happened to me before... Some guys just drop off the face of the planet, people change their mind, meet someone else, decide it's not a good fit, etc.

I'm certain we'll run into each other again, being in the same town and frequenting the same spots.

Edited September 20, 2014 by venusishername

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

He's just trying to find a woman HE can completely trust and open up to. And he's right in taking his time. You should too.

 

This is patently false. If he was looking for a woman he could completely trust and open up to, he wouldn't be kissing random people in bars. He certainly wouldn't be having sex with near-strangers and then not contacting them for days afterwards. He wouldn't want to be out of touch for weeks, either. That's not "taking his time", that's just not caring.

 

He told you he isn't looking for anything serious and committed. He doesn't want to "trust" and "open up". He wants fun. He's not the devil or anything, but he sure isn't a prize.

[venusishername]

This is patently false. If he was looking for a woman he could completely trust and open up to, he wouldn't be kissing random people in bars. He certainly wouldn't be having sex with near-strangers and then not contacting them for days afterwards. He wouldn't want to be out of touch for weeks, either. That's not "taking his time", that's just not caring.

 

He told you he isn't looking for anything serious and committed. He doesn't want to "trust" and "open up". He wants fun. He's not the devil or anything, but he sure isn't a prize.

 

Everyone (or almost everyone) wants the same end result. Some just want it and are ready for it at different times! I wasn't ready for three years after my breakup for more than just 'fun'. Just a matter of finding the right fit and someone who's on the same page. He knows I'm not ok with something just purely casual; I could venture a guess that's a factor in all of this.

Edited September 20, 2014 by venusishername

[venusishername]

I know the consensus here is that I should avoid this situation.

However, the week went by on vacation and I'm still thinking about him. I can't help it. He told me to definitely let him know when I get back from vacation to get together.

I haven't heard since but I feel the ball's in my court. I don't know if he's still interested, but I can't help but think I'd always be wondering if I just let this 'disappear'. I guess my curiousity is getting the better of me.

I see no harm in just simply telling him I'm back, that I had a good time with him, and if he's still interested maybe we can grab a drink sometime.

I just feel like after what's happened we can't just pretend nothing happened. We liked each other. Hell, if anything I'm just putting my cards on the table and that's always the best thing to do regardless of the outcome. Thoughts? I know, I'm asking for it. Maybe I'm just hoping for some closure.

 

On another note I'm back from my trip and REALLY looking forward to meeting new people and dating.

Edited September 21, 2014 by venusishername

[Zahara]

I haven't heard since but I feel the ball's in my court.

 

I'm sure spinning it that way justifies your need to make contact.

 

But remember you asked him out and he declined and was out with another woman. The least he can do is reach out -- "Hey Venus, are you back? Would really love to see you again." How hard is that? If he was interested, he would.

 

I don't know if he's still interested, but I can't help but think I'd always be wondering if I just let this 'disappear'. I guess my curiousity is getting the better of me.

 

It's not your curiosity. It's your emotional attachment to him and the fact that you feel rejected. How can he be interested if he hasn't even made an effort to reach out to you. He went from sweeping you off your feet at a bar to absolute silence.

 

I see no harm in just simply telling him I'm back, that I had a good time with him, and if he's still interested maybe we can grab a drink sometime.

 

It's because it's your only way to provoke a response you so desire. But aside from that, you can actually do that but you're emotionally attached and invested. You're not on the same playing field and you aren't as casual as you want to be.

 

We liked each other.

 

You like him to the point of stressing about this for weeks. He likes you to the point that it doesn't matter if he hears from you or not. "Like" is relative. You're projecting your value of what you had on him.

 

I know, I'm asking for it. Maybe I'm just hoping for some closure.

 

Yes, you are asking for it. There is no closure for a 3 date/3 week interaction with this man. Regression and stagnation is your closure.

 

On another note I'm back from my trip and REALLY looking forward to meeting new people and dating.

 

Then focus on this.

Edited September 22, 2014 by Zahara

[heartshaped]

I'm a bit worried about how attached you are to this man.

 

15 pages for a guy you went out with a couple of times and barely know.

 

I think this is coming from a place of not having any other viable dating options.

 

I would recommend putting forth all your effort into seeing other people. If this guy is interested, he will contact you.

[venusishername]

I'm a bit worried about how attached you are to this man.

 

15 pages for a guy you went out with a couple of times and barely know.

 

I think this is coming from a place of not having any other viable dating options.

 

I would recommend putting forth all your effort into seeing other people. If this guy is interested, he will contact you.

 

I'm only writing more because I wanted to update. There's nothing more to say about it.

You are absolutely right; this is because I have no other viable dating options at the moment. Also, it's very rare that I am interested in someone, and thought he has a lot of great qualities that I find very attractive and appealing. It's just been a very long time for me that I felt so excited about a dating prospect. I lose interest very quickly most of the time.

[venusishername]

Yesterday I reactivated my Tinder account. I personally feel that online dating is a total waste of time and I don't like it, but I really am trying to put myself out there.

I did have an online dating account last year but I tried it for a few months and had some extremely boring dates and emailing/chatting seemed a waste of my time. I just prefer the old fashioned way....plus, the dating apps are (mainly) for people just looking to hook up, which I'm trying to AVOID. I'm just not sure what to do. I don't want to go out and screw around anymore.

 

I think trying so hard is what I was doing wrong in the past; for example over the past month or so, I had stopped 'looking' or 'trying' to find someone. Then what do you know, I was just minding my business, someone walked right up to me, and made it clear that he wanted me. Kissed me right on the spot.

See what I mean? That's what I want, something not forced. I don't want to waste time wondering if someone's interested or wonder if there's chemistry...

 

I was just so thrilled about the prospect of meeting someone I was actually interested in, the fireworks were flying, he seemed really into me at first too.. I just don't understand am feeling so discouraged. I know this is a LONG thread and so much has been said already.

 

I just really want to meet someone, date, develop a relationship... but it's just not an 'on-demand' thing! I guess you have to kiss a lot of frogs, right? It's been YEARS since I have had real intimacy. I want it so badly but the minute I let my guard down again I get hurt!! What's the lesson in that?

[HappyLove]

"It's been YEARS since I have had real intimacy. I want it so badly but the minute I let my guard down again I get hurt!! What's the lesson in that?"

 

 

We all want real intimacy unfortunately it takes A LOT of time to find for some. This isn't a total loss. This was a big lesson in dating and ACTIONS to watch for. Please pay attention to ACTIONS not words! You have to learn from this so you can spot it God forbid this ever happens again. We've all been there which is why it was clear as day for some to see what would unfold. Like you said you have to kiss a lot of frogs.

[BluEyeL]

Yesterday I reactivated my Tinder account. I personally feel that online dating is a total waste of time and I don't like it, but I really am trying to put myself out there.

I did have an online dating account last year but I tried it for a few months and had some extremely boring dates and emailing/chatting seemed a waste of my time. I just prefer the old fashioned way....plus, the dating apps are (mainly) for people just looking to hook up, which I'm trying to AVOID. I'm just not sure what to do. I don't want to go out and screw around anymore.

 

I think trying so hard is what I was doing wrong in the past; for example over the past month or so, I had stopped 'looking' or 'trying' to find someone. Then what do you know, I was just minding my business, someone walked right up to me, and made it clear that he wanted me. Kissed me right on the spot.

See what I mean? That's what I want, something not forced. I don't want to waste time wondering if someone's interested or wonder if there's chemistry...

 

I was just so thrilled about the prospect of meeting someone I was actually interested in, the fireworks were flying, he seemed really into me at first too.. I just don't understand am feeling so discouraged. I know this is a LONG thread and so much has been said already.

 

I just really want to meet someone, date, develop a relationship... but it's just not an 'on-demand' thing! I guess you have to kiss a lot of frogs, right? It's been YEARS since I have had real intimacy. I want it so badly but the minute I let my guard down again I get hurt!! What's the lesson in that?

It's because you are approaching things the wrong way. You want to skip all the uncertainty and the "boring" dates and go straight to fireworks and crazy chemistry. If you want to be succesful, you have to look for people who at first sight might (maybe) seem more "boring", because they don't jump your bones right away. You have to put in the time. Slow and steady wins the race. If you continue to date based on first sight chemistry you cannot "build a relationship". Instead, it's going to continue to be a matter of pure luck, like a gamble, something that you have no control over.

 

Tinder probably not the best option, it's a hookup thing. Should try match.com

 

I only found a boyfriend in 1 year and 9 months of intensive dating, loaded with lots of misses, but I'm much older. If you learn how to approach things better, increase your self esteem and confidence, and learn that looking for a relationship is just like a sorting process of throwing away pebbles until you find the gold nugget, you'll find someone to love for sure.

 

But if you keep chasing instant chemistry...like i said, it's going to be pure luck and you can get into the wrong relationships/situations over and over again for years.