hugznkisses21 Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 Hey everyone.... As some of you may know im a worry-er. Since my mom passed away (when i was 15- at the time my parents were divorced) my step father whom has raised me with my mother since i was 3 monthes old had us three kids....he did everything in his power to make sure we had what we needed and wanted we wanted as well if that ment him struggling and sacraficing. Since then my dad has gone on dates but nothing serious. I feel like all I do is worry about my dad. being the oldest i worry about his health...when he is sick im in constat anxiety until he is better....if he is hurt same thing....if he isnt well and something is up and we go to the ER im just a mess.....and currently I am feeling so much guilt. I really want my dad to be happy I really want him to not be alone anymore. I am afraid that he is lonely or will be alone for the rest of his life, im scared he is sad of feeling lonely, im scared he needs someone.....to the point where im almost upset to leave, grow up and move out and leave him alone. I feel guilty that I have someone who loves me and he doesnt.....I dont know what to do it really saddens me to think my dad goes t bed at night alone after all these years. I think what if he cries, what if he thinks he is going to be alone, what if he feels depressed, what if he feels like he is going to be alone forever or even die alone, or what if he feels bad about himself.........what do i do. My dad isnt big on bars or funtions like that....everything he does is for us...he works, cooks, does hockey for my brother all week and relaxs.....i want to bad to grow up and move out anf get married knowing my dad isnt alone and he is going to be taken care of and happy to feel what love is like again. It just brings tears to my eyes......i feel like i should not be happy cause the one person who has sacraficed everything for us isnt in love and happy. I guess im not really asking anything.....just venting a bit....i dont know what to do....i feel terrible and i dont know how to shake the feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted March 1, 2005 Share Posted March 1, 2005 Hugznkisses, of course there is no way you can make him have someone to share his live with nowadays. Maybe he will end up alonel maybe not. I understand your concerns. He is not alone. He will not end up alone in the sense, that no-one will think about him. This posting shows that he is not alone. He might not have a woman in his life to share his life with. But he has you. And your brother (and another sibling). He is there for you, and does what is in his powers to make the 3 of you happy. For him it is true, that as long as you are happy, he is happy. Once you move out, things will change. But your bond will not simply disappear. Especially if you will see him from time to time. There will be special moments in your life, and he will be there. And the love he has will remain. And even if he does not find a woman with whom he wants to spend the rest of his life, his life is far from over. He may be alone then, but he'll spend time on things he wants to spend his time on. Take up a few interests; people can be happy without being in a relationship. So for you, he wants you to live your life. And the same will be true for your brother. Live your life, and make him proud. That is why he made all these 'sacrifices', because he wanted to give you the best start in life. And your touching post shows, he has succeeded. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted March 2, 2005 Author Share Posted March 2, 2005 d'arthez, Thanks for responding. I am in complete tears after reading your post becasue this is a topic that is so dear to me. I know you are right....that he is happy when we are happy. It is so very tough for me cause i think about my life without my love and i think about how lonely and scared i would feel especially whe u need someone like that through tough times. I know he isnt alone per say casuse he has a loving family but i can not help but feel and enourmous amount of weight and responsibility on my shoulders as the oldest in this home to make sure my dad is alright eventhough he is quite independed and has many hobbies and things to keep him busy. I think what did it for me was a while back when my mother was alive but seperated my dad met someone whom he was with for a while. She was deciving, caniving and hateful towards us. As i was approx 13 i was honest and told him i didnt like her....even though he cared and loved her i despised her because of the way she treated me and the way she acted towrds my family. soon incidences happened where he realized this and left her. I feel now that I want to go back and not say a word and just get her back so he will not be alone anymore. I feel an amount of guilt for "ruining" that and now i feel like i dont care is a woman doesnt like me as long as he is happy. Since then he hasnt not dating anyone serious...this is tough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted March 2, 2005 Author Share Posted March 2, 2005 I think whats most gut wrentching is that years back he did say to us he gets upset he is alone (this was when he was giving us the talk about ur mother and i arent getting back together and we may date other people speech) and i cant get it outta my head that....thats dad he isnt suppose to cry of feel alone and it breaks my heart that he really does feel that way sometimes i sometimes get so upset thinking about him crying when we are all asleep. That hurts. Cause he admitted to us he feels the pain of being alone sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 You did not ruin it for him. Eventually he would have realized that this woman was not good for you, nor for him. You have such an incredible strong bond with your dad, that he would have chosen to see you happy. You told him what was on your mind, and a while later he made up his mind. He did not want you to suffer because of that woman. You as the oldest child, and oldest woman in the house, will always have that extra special bond with your father. That is the way relationship dynamics work. That bond will last a lifetime. Of course, sometimes the loneliness hurts sometimes. But that is easier for him to live with, than with a woman who might make him unhappy, or would cause you to feel unhappy. Otherwise he would not have been alone. And you know, you have a lot of reasons to be proud of your dad. Without a doubt you have many fond memories of him. He has them too, of you, and the others. You could give word to them, you can think of them. You can share these memories with him. If you move out, these things remain. The thing is, he is a great dad. And he wants to stay that way. He may have been dating, but he could simply not find a woman that lived up to his standards. And you know that it is a very special woman who deserves your dad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted March 2, 2005 Author Share Posted March 2, 2005 and he deserves her i just wish i could find her for him cause it would mean so much to all of us and him. I couldnt be happier knowing my dad is being taken care of and not alone that would be the most amazing thing. Thank you so much for posting it really means alot to me....this is tough for me. I so afraid after loosing my mom that I am going to loose him....and what if something happends when i move out and he has no one to help him or drive him here or there.....for instance he broke his foot and has a stomach bug right now and im terrified to leave himt o go on my vacation next week. I so afraid something will happen and he needs someone u know. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Do you intend moving away for a big distance, or remain living close by? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted March 2, 2005 Author Share Posted March 2, 2005 probably within 40 mins. Not for a few years but I think what triggared some of the fears was me leaving him for a week next week while i go on vacation Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 40 minutes would be managable. As you keep living fairly close to your dad, you would always be able to be there for him in times of need. It is not that if you move out you'd disappear from the world. You must realize that. And with 40 minutes of distance, you could spend for instance, your Sunday afternoons with your father. Accompanied by your bf / husband. Given the fact that he has been such a great father to you, I find it hard to imagine that he would grow to become grumpy. Those fears are fairly logical for you. But he is not alone. There are others there. And most often you will be close by, even after you have moved out. You can't find the woman who can make him happy. Only he can. And do you know? That because he is succeeding at making you and the others happy, he is making himself happy. As if he is still youthful, vibrant, radiating with a passion for life. Sure, he will have his less happy moments. Everybody has these. But by doing what he cares most for, he also gives himself the best shot at finding that woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted March 2, 2005 Author Share Posted March 2, 2005 you absolutely right. Thank you so much for all your kind words. I really appreceate it...you have made me feel much better. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Don't mention it. Glad I could be of help. Link to post Share on other sites
invincible summer Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 By reading your posts I've decided that I think your a gem. I hope you have a great life. Really. (I'm not flirting!!!) Link to post Share on other sites
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