4 years together, broke up, now back together - HOW SHOULD I TREAT HER?

[lambert3331]

Hi all,

 

I've been together with my GF for 4 years. We split up at the beginning of the summer since she felt that I was too needy/clingy. She was also looking for constant validation from other men via Facebook/Instagram.

 

When I asked her why is she doing that, she told me that I'm not enough intimate with her and she feels that I don't care about her.

 

I think she has/had personal issues and she is just 21, so probably some sort of GIGS as well.

 

Anyhow, we broke up at the beginning of the summer. Were in LC and she constantly told me that she wants to get back together and fix herself and become a better person. However, she didn't take any actions.

 

Well, time went past and I decided to get over from her and I went NC for 20 days. She went completely nuts about it, she sent me letter, emails, text, phonecalls telling me that I'm the best thing in her life and she can quit everything and quit talking to other men all together if I just take her back. At first I was sceptical about it, but it was continuous and even her mom called me and told me that she hasn't eat properly for weeks and she is constantly crying.

 

At this point I thought that I should really give her another chance.

 

We met and talked a bit. I found out that she was hanging with another guy for a while and I told her that I'm not accepting this. She told me that this guy is only her friend and they don't have anything.

 

I snooped a bit and found out that this guy was flirting with my ex and wanted to start a relationship with her, but my ex refused. However, they still hangout and I think she have friendzoned this guy. Should I be worried about it?

 

How should I treat my girlfriend now? Should I act calm, relaxed, nonchalant or should I tell her EXACTLY what to do - quit talking with this guy, quit seeking validation etc (she promised she will do that if we get back together)? I don't know which side to choose. Perhaps I should just wait a bit and see what will happen? Any help would be much appreciated

 

TOO LONG/ DIDNT READ

 

Was together with my ex for 4 years, broke up since I was too clingy/needy. She was constantly looking for validation from other men and doesn't seem to be interested in me. We broke up and I went NC. She started to become a wreck, cried, tried to get in touch in several ways until I gave up.

 

She has a guy who she is hanging with. My ex says they are only friends, but I found out that this guy is in love with my ex and wants to start a relationship with her. However my ex refused. But they still hangout.

 

Should I tell my ex to REALLY change (quit validation seeking, quit talking with this guy) or just see what happens? OR just be nonchalant/calm/relaxed about it?

 

Thanks

[d0nnivain]

Your reconciliation will most likely be short lived because neither of you addressed the things that broke you up in the 1st place.

 

If she wants to make this work, this other guy has got to go. He's not a good buddy from before she ever met you. He is an active rival. Her need for external validation is still there only now it went from Instagram to RL.

 

If she doesn't get rid of him, then you two can work on being more romantic with each other but her criticism from before doesn't make sense. If she claims you are too clingy/needy how can she simultaneously want you to be more intimate & show her more affection which she claims is missing?

 

I suspect this girl doesn't know what the heck she wants. She thought it wasn't you but then when she found out how scary change is or based on your NC freaked because -- OMG she realized you figured out it was possible to live without her -- that she came running back out of fear not because your relationship is healthy.

 

So either work together to fix all the problems or stop wasting each other's time & break up for good.

[somegoodman]

Treat her like a wh0re cause that's what she is. She's playing your emotions and trying to make you feel sorry for her while she hops from bed to bed. Women are very adept at stringing along multiple men while playing the victim. Don't fall for it any longer. Just stop engaging her and when she comes to you, **** her and leave. Don't try to get any more involved than that.

[Simon Phoenix]

Agree with d0nnivann. This "reconciliation" isn't going to take because neither one of you worked on s--t. You're going back to the same flawed relationship and she already has a contingency plan lined up. This is bad news bears.

[W101]

In my experience, I give this reconciliation 2 weeks until it folds over and the inevitable "you haven't changed at all! I'm leaving you" comes out of her mouth, whatever you say and do in this relationship probably won't matter or affect the way it'll end up, it sounds to me like her mind changes like a light switch, no sooner are you back together and happy, you'll be broke apart and sad again, I hope it works out differently for you, but ge prepared for some major criticism if you 2 begin arguing and have issues again, it's a life on egg shells for you young man.