kkat Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Ok so I am in very little (still too much for my taste) contact with ex-MM who recently has this lame-brain idea that he wants us to have this public friendship. He has called me constantly over the past two weeks to discuss this idea and chit-chat, most of the calls I have avoided. He left me three messages today, each more desparate than the prior - I was sitting here but not answering as not to engage with his negative energy. His last message says please call him back, it's very important. It turns out his dog had to be put down today and this was the context of his desparate calls. I have a pet that is like my child, so I can understand how difficult this is. But he then starting yelling at me when I, after listening for a half-hour and trying to say all the right supportive things, finally said I was sorry for him and his family but felt I can't offer true support to him because of our situation and quite frankly, because I am not feeling particularly close or trusting of him, and that I know this is a difficult time for him and could he perhaps talk to his wife or friends about it. He went berserk. Am I crazy other than for spending the half-hour listening? I am desparate to make my final break from this addictive relationship and for me it's hard not to fall right into being his shoulder, his support, but really, I can't. I just can't. Am I mean or crazy or both? Head is spinning. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Seems he's unfortunately manipulating you (though sorry for his loss of the dog - I can give him that one -but he's being a real jerkoff by using that to get to you) and you give him support then he dumps on you because it is not as much as he wants. From what you've said and hearing his reaction - I think he's feeling and knowing that you're slipping away..His ego is bruised, that feeling of "oh I'm having a hard day, she'll make ME feel better and help ME through it. Know what I mean? He's like a big kid right now throwing a hissy fit cuz he ain't getting what he wants. Now he's got to get used to eating his cake...NOT having it too. Stick with what you're doing....You'll only get stronger and with that strength you can walk away from him knowing you did it because you wanted to. Keep posting and I hope you're doing OK. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kkat Posted March 2, 2005 Author Share Posted March 2, 2005 Thanks, especially for the use of "hissy fit" which I am howling over! Link to post Share on other sites
carla Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Be true to yourself. You deserve more dedication then a MM can ever give you. Don't let him manipulate you. Link to post Share on other sites
izzybelle Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 kkat - no you're not mean or crazy! and as hard as it may have been, you did what you had to do for both of you. when we care about someone it's easy to fall back into that trap of being their shoulder, their support system. and i think WWIU is right on the money, he feels you slipping away. and as unfortunate as this event may have been (and i have many, many pets and have shed too many tears over them) this may have been the "crisis" needed for him to see the reality of what is happening. kudos to you for not being pulled back into the sticky web and <<hugs>> it's hard to stand your ground when you know someone else is hurting. izzy Link to post Share on other sites
SummerRae Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 You're not mean and you're not crazy, KKat, let me reassure you. (But then again, maybe you're talking to a mean and crazy person who doesn't know the diff ) Reading your post, I could TOTALLY see ex-MM doing the same thing. In fact, everytime there has been the slightest inconvenience in his life, he has up and called. They are really like little kids who constantly need their hands held. Well, not by us and not any more. I know that breaking away is soo hard and sometimes I wonder if I would still be seeing exMM if he lived a little closer. Love is blinding and when it comes to these addicting sort of relationships, they're sooo hard to break away from. You are doing awesome. You are getting stronger all the time. How you handled it reminds me of a mother who has just decided to stop allowing her kids to have their every desire. Someone who has just realized that what he has to offer is NOT enough. You want more. Breaking away is tough, but you will do it. Why? Because the alternative is much worse. And you've gotten all that you'll get from this relationship. Good luck and keep posting! Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Good for you - you did it, you turned him down. Next time you'll be strong enough to ignore him completely or to listen for only 5 minutes...you're making progress! You are neither mean nor crazy - if anything, you are overly nice to listen for 30 minutes. Link to post Share on other sites
newby Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 in much agreement with everyone else and applauding your strength.xx i dont know if this is true but in my experience mm was never there to support me but when something happened in his life that was rarely as harsh he acted like a big poor me. Link to post Share on other sites
SummerRae Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 QUOTE]Originally posted by newby in much agreement with everyone else and applauding your strength.xx i dont know if this is true but in my experience mm was never there to support me but when something happened in his life that was rarely as harsh he acted like a big poor me. TOTALLY! That's exactly how the ex was. Poor him. Link to post Share on other sites
MsMree Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 What are we big f'g shoulders for these men to cry on?? Here's a question for you... what if you still didn't respond... would it have ended there? or would he call when his Mom, sister, brother, father, neighbor, 3rd cousin twice removed died? This man has no respect for your boundaries - he KNEW you'd be upset about the dog... I'm actually pissed (can you tell?) You aren't crazy but if you are not completely PO'd about his assinine wants and him doing whatever he needs to get his desires met i think you should be - WHAT A SPOILED LITTLE BOY!!! Send him cry'n to his Mama - ya know, the one he wed!!! Link to post Share on other sites
SummerRae Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Originally posted by MsMree What are we big f'g shoulders for these men to cry on?? Here's a question for you... what if you still didn't respond... would it have ended there? or would he call when his Mom, sister, brother, father, neighbor, 3rd cousin twice removed died? This man has no respect for your boundaries - he KNEW you'd be upset about the dog... I'm actually pissed (can you tell?) You aren't crazy but if you are not completely PO'd about his assinine wants and him doing whatever he needs to get his desires met i think you should be - WHAT A SPOILED LITTLE BOY!!! Send him cry'n to his Mama - ya know, the one he wed!!! hahahahaha, MsMree, you're too funny. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyRLD Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 You did great KKAT. My MM tried to manipulate me by telling me his best friend committed suicide. Then the next week his cousin died. I acted like "how sad" and then got off the phone. Men know that manipulating women with death will reel them back in. But you proved him wrong KKAT. The reason why he was pissed was because it didn't work and he was really hoping it would. I called my MM a week after he told me about both deaths and he acted like he didn't even remember. He had to catch his breath for a minute. I was just curious to see if he was telling the truth or not. What got me was he was still going to work after both his best friend and cousin died. I would think someone would need to take time off to mourn and why the hell would he think of calling me about it, unless he was trying to manipulate me. That's the only reason. When nothing was working to his advantage he finally just let me have it. He cursed me out soooooo bad that I thought the devil just jumped in him. Wow, what a loser :0) Keep it up KKAT!!! You have more control than you ever know!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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