anxiety and relationships

[amyO]

not too long ago, someone had posted on LS about how those that are single for a while usually have an underlying issue or suffer from some mental disorder. I am someone who is affected by a few anxiety disorders and depression. I've had little relationships (nothing too long or serious) so it is possible for those with mental health issues to find success in getting into a relationship. However, it can definitely be a struggle to find someone you feel confident with and may take longer.

 

After that post, I was thinking about that topic a lot more-especially the last two weeks or so. I wasn't really thinking in particular about that point I made above, but more along the lines of dealing with anxiety in relationships and with dating. I definitely had a great deal of anxiety while with the guys I dated, but the reasons we broke up had nothing to do with my mental health problems. It actually was due to other problems each one of us had in life or we just didn't want the same type of relationship (exclusive or hookup,etc.)

 

I've been panicking a great deal lately. I have many fears when it comes to relationships. However, I started thinking about my anxiety and when it comes to relationships. I'm single right now and I already have fears of feeling like I'll never meet the right guy or have a wonderful and long-term relationship. I think it's even deeper than that sometimes. I'm scared that not only will I never find the right guy, but that I will never truly find someone I'm comfortable with or understands what I go through on a daily basis. The last guy I was with knew a lot about my anxiety and depression, but I still hid a large portion of the things in life I have severe anxiety over.

 

I guess overall I wanted to ask: if there are people out there that have mental health issues or any other problems, at any point in your life, were you able to find someone that understood the darkest parts of you? How did you get over the fear of relationships and letting someone see you in different states? How did you push yourself to let down your guard and meet people/date? I know I've dated, but I feel like I still wasn't with someone long enough for them to see the whole picture, or I was just lucky in a sense to have met them. I also felt like my anxiety held me back at times in relationships. I'm scared I'll never have a truly fulfilling relationship because of my anxiety.

[preraph]

Yes, you may find someone who will be able to tolerate and/or understand your special issues, but what if that someone isn't the best you could do if you got yourself healthy by seeking help for your anxiety? Anxiety is usually pretty easily treated. You should work on freeing yourself from what is holding you back.

[Potz4prez]

As a girl, you'll be fine.

 

Work on your anxiety for yourself, not someone else. Long-term therapy is probably the only way to effectively deal with anxiety.

[preraph]

Sometimes meds work very well on anxiety, too. But long-term therapy and meds is optimal so you don't backslide.

[yesterdays]

I registered just for this thread, since this is a very relevant topic for myself. I've only very recently, at 24 years, been able to take my first steps into the world of dating after years of anxiety and related issues. I've progressed a great deal after waking up and starting with therapy around 8 months ago but I still fear it's too little too late. That's because I still have a long way to go socially and emotionally, which both are pretty essential areas in dating and relationships. I've been getting a bit panicky and desperate at times since I do obviously realize I'm not getting any younger.

 

Since I do not have actual relationship experience, I cannot answer your concerns about that. I can imagine my issues causing problems if (when!) I get to that point and I sometimes wonder if I even have the right to ask someone into my life, as messy as it is right now. But to answer some of the questions: I've still to find anyone that understands my darkest parts and I'm still early in the process of letting my guard down. I'm scared I'll never have a fulfilling relationship either and at times very scared I'll never have a relationship at all.

Edited August 27, 2014 by yesterdays

[Mirages]

Be cautious when you speak of "Mental disorders." There is anxiety, I knew a lady who had anxiety diagnosis, eventually became successful and married. Good stuff. Anxiety might be overcome with some boundary testing, i.e. hiking in a thunderstorm, a rough plane ride, overcoming any other random fear in your life. It works for some.

 

I also have known several with Narcissistic / Borderline Personality disorder, Anti-social PD, etc. They are dangerous, nasty, unfixable folks. So, i'd refer to what you have, it is the least of the evils out there, not refer to oneself as having a mental disorder .

[amyO]

Be cautious when you speak of "Mental disorders." There is anxiety, I knew a lady who had anxiety diagnosis, eventually became successful and married. Good stuff. Anxiety might be overcome with some boundary testing, i.e. hiking in a thunderstorm, a rough plane ride, overcoming any other random fear in your life. It works for some.

 

I also have known several with Narcissistic / Borderline Personality disorder, Anti-social PD, etc. They are dangerous, nasty, unfixable folks. So, i'd refer to what you have, it is the least of the evils out there, not refer to oneself as having a mental disorder .

 

I know what you're trying to say, but anxiety is very well a disorder. Hence why I have "Generalized Anxiety Disorder." I believe you were trying to point out it is just not as severe as other disorders. I was a psychology major; Sorry just wanted to clarify for you. However, anxiety can consume your life just as much as any other disorder. There's a difference between overcoming a fear and having anxiety everyday of your life.

[HeartDesires]

Hi amyO,

 

I have found that being on meds is the only way to treat my anxiety......

[D-Lish]

I guess overall I wanted to ask: if there are people out there that have mental health issues or any other problems, at any point in your life, were you able to find someone that understood the darkest parts of you? How did you get over the fear of relationships and letting someone see you in different states? How did you push yourself to let down your guard and meet people/date? I know I've dated, but I feel like I still wasn't with someone long enough for them to see the whole picture, or I was just lucky in a sense to have met them. I also felt like my anxiety held me back at times in relationships. I'm scared I'll never have a truly fulfilling relationship because of my anxiety.

 

I feel somewhat the same as you do about relationships. Yes, there are people out there that will understand and accept the darker parts of you. Anxiety - even the extreme kind you are talking about is more common than you think.

 

I've always found that I bond better with people that are a little broken- because I feel like they'll be less likely to judge me. I don't necessarily think that's been a good thing.

 

I'm not sure what sorts of anxieties you experience. I have pretty severe GAD where my whole physical body is in a constant state of panic. I worry even when there's no need to. I have found a medication that has changed my life with regard to calming my anxiety- physically anyway. Perhaps you might want to discuss this with your doctor if you haven't already, think bout getting some therapy. Therapy has helped me quite a bit.