do i need a shrink or what?!

[jennie]

o.k. the saga continues with my boyfriend of three years now. he is so easily stressed out and gets so irritated and becomes a jerk and gets really impatient with me and others.

 

he has been fairly well until recently when some of his business deals have been going down the drain.

 

am i blonde (no offense) but how long does one stay with someone who puts you up and down like this, not intentionally but just business wise cause it is his business that is doing it to him.

 

it comes and goes and when things are going really good i love him to death but as soon as he turns into a jerk again, i want to bolt for the door!

 

that is not unconditional love is it? i wonder if people just stay together dispite a spouses moods from work or otherwise?

 

i'm really confused, cause when things are good he is so good to me and so sweet and loving but as soon as something goes wrong he is so opposite.

 

which is he true side, i wonder? any advice? this is really getting to me as i never know when he is going to be in a a bad mood again......

 

is this normal? do people leave people they love cause of reasons like this? or am i just being too sensitive and too critical? help! thanx jennie

[Laurynn]

Jennie, seriously now.....how many times are you going to come here and explain the same situations and ask for the same advice? How many?

 

Many of us have told you time and time again.......you are a grown adult. You have to make a choice about whether you want to remain in a relationship that is so up and down. We can't tell you what to do, that is completely up to you. I don't know how many times people here, myself included, have given you volumes of sincere advice.....suggested you see a counselor or therapist......but you just don't seem to 'get it'....I don't know why.

 

Why keep complaining about your relationship and your boyfriend? If things are not changing, what are you going to do? He is the way he is. You've been with him long enough to know this. You're not going to change him. Either you accept him the way he is, mood swings and all, or you don't and you move on.

 

I know you'll accuse me of being mean and harsh and lacking in compassion but I offered compassion to you on this situation of yours, what, a couple months ago? I even offered you my email address because I felt bad for you. Now I don't feel sorry for you because it doesn't seem like you're DOING anything to change your situation. People on this board are not going to be able to hold your hand and "fix" things for you. It's up to YOU to take some time and decide for yourself what YOU want out of life, your relationship, etc. You complain about the same things you did 2 months ago. I'm not saying you don't have justified complaints but there comes a point where you have to take personal responsibility for your own happiness and contentment.

 

What do you hope to gain by coming back here over and over and asking for advice on the same problems? Our advice isn't going to change. The ball is in your court. You have to be the one to decide for yourself what you're going to do with your life. I'm not being mean or unfeeling but sometimes a person needs to hear the cold, hard truth in order for them to wake up and do something concrete to improve their life. Hopefully one of these days you'll do that, for your sake.

 

L

[Tony T]

I did not answer this post before I went to bed for the same reasons outlined by Laurynn. However, I did hope somebody would get to it before she did. She has given you her mind before and I knew she would do it again rather than ignore it like I tried to do.

 

This post was almost word for word like a number of previous ones. You are spacing them out a bit more now but the problem you post remains essentially the same.

 

I don't mind putting an answer on MS-Word and copying and pasting the same answer here each time. But I don't think you deserve this indignity and it would be demeaning for anyone to patronize you that way. I was hoping and praying that someone would stop by overnight who had never seen your post before and give you a new slant or a new idea. But that's not going to happen. Frankly, the advice we have given you previously is about the only advice you will every get. It pretty much stays the same.

 

I really don't mind if you post this problem every day but if you do I can promise you that Laurynn and others are going to get really upset and let you know about it. And you will have basis for coming back at them in anger. I, like Laurynn, gave you my personal Email address so you would not have to suffer the consequences of posting this identitical problem over and over. I think twice or three times is sufficient to get a variety of answers. It seems usually I am the only one willing to take it on.

 

If you absolutely must do this, I suggest you will get far better results if you post in a different forum each time. But I give you fair warning. A lot of people who stop by here go to some of the other forums, Laurynn being one of them.

 

I will not answer this post again. If you have new issues, please bring them here and I will be happy to address them. But the one you've placed here I will never touch again, nor will I have any remarks, nor will I defend you against any hostile words you may face. The long, nasty threads that are always created by the exchanges between yourself and others are meaningless.

 

To come back with the same issue time and again, written nearly the same each time, is symptomatic of problems you must address with your psychiatrist or counsellor at your earliest possible opportunity.

 

I do commend you for using your usual name. When people see this or similar posts coming from your same ISP address under multiple names, it seems to arouse even a greater degree of frustration (and anger).

 

I recall addressing a medication issue for you four or five days ago. You were lucky. Laurynn's computer was down. But while I still am no boss here and cannot tell you to stop posting the same identical issues over and over, I can tell you that if you do, you can have absolutely no grounds to be angry at Laurynn or anybody else who may become upset...because there are people who simply won't ignore the redundant nature of your posts. If you won't do something to extricate yourself from your situation after receiving lots and lots of great advice, some people here are apt to get really pissed off. You should not be the least of them.

 

I can only assume that your unwillingness to correspond with either myself or Laurynn through private Email is still another issue. But the attention you will get by continuing what you are doing is not the kind of attention you will enjoy.

 

I pray that you will get immediate, decisive, correct and lasting treatment for your psychological and domestic issues and that you will take firm, direct, effective and definitive measures to correct them at your earliest opportunity. Call your doctor today.

[catt]

Tony,

 

I couldn't help but notice that in your post, you referred to Laurynn several times. What, exactly, is your problem with her? Why are you making her out to be some cold-hearted dragon simply because she chooses to tell things like they are?

 

ie:

I did not answer this post before I went to bed for the same reasons outlined by Laurynn. However, I did hope somebody would get to it before she did. She has given you her mind before and I knew she would do it again rather than ignore it like I tried to do.

OR:

I really don't mind if you post this problem every day but if you do I can promise you that Laurynn and others are going to get really upset and let you know about it.

OR:

 

But I give you fair

warning. A lot of people who stop by here go to some of the other forums, Laurynn being one of them.

OR:

I recall addressing a medication issue for you four or five days ago. You were lucky. Laurynn's computer was down. But while I still am no boss here and cannot tell you to stop posting the same identical issues over and over, I can tell you that if you do, you can have absolutely no grounds to be angry at Laurynn or anybody else who may become upset...because there are people who simply won't ignore the redundant nature of your posts.

I, for one, find her approach refreshing in this forum.

[i'd rather not say]

catt, the reason tony said those things about laurynn is because i keep posting here about the same ole problems and being a pest to others for it.

 

i do it to look for some different ideas or responses. laurynn and i got into a big battle on here that was way out of line for both of us and totally unnecessary.

 

tony is not putting her down nor defending her, if you read the posts back then, then you would understand what he is talking about, in other words it is a very long long story!

 

jennie

Tony, I couldn't help but notice that in your post, you referred to Laurynn several times. What, exactly, is your problem with her? Why are you making her out to be some cold-hearted dragon simply because she chooses to tell things like they are? ie: OR: OR: But I give you fair OR: I, for one, find her approach refreshing in this forum.

[Tony T]

I have absolutely no a problem whatsoever with Laurynn and my post above does not even remotely imply that I do. As a matter of clear fact, I support her position not only in the body of my post but in the heading as well, where I stated she was RIGHT. However, Laurynn has a very major problem with Jennie. Jennie keeps posting this same identical problem, sometimes using different names, and it drives Laurynn up a tree.

 

I can see Laurynn's point of view and I was really hoping Jennie would get a chance to have someone who didn't know her background on the forum help her with this problem before Laurynn lit into her butt again. I don't have a problem with that either. But I AM entitled to my hopes, dreams and wishes. Please don't take those away from me!!!

 

Please site one reference where there was an implication that I in any way, shape or form that I have a problem with anything.

 

I don't think Laurynn is cold hearted at all. If you will read my post, you'll see where I supported her position. As far as telling things as they are, I think we all tell things as we feel they are from our own personal perspective. I don't think your take on my post was accurate at all from my perspective, although you obviously, for reasons that are baffling to me, think I have a problem with Laurynn. Oh, well.

 

As a matter of fact, I really don't worry about much at all, especially the content of anonymous posts on Internet forums.

 

But the fact remains that we have now started what will be a very long string of stuff here that just doesn't have to be. And here I am participating in it.

[catt]

I believe that I *did* cite a number of examples. It just seems to me that every word directed at Laurynn is written through gritted teeth, so to speak, and very frosty. For instance, when she questioned your advice to Tiggi about apologizing to her boyfriend despite the fact that he had slapped her, you requested that she not direct anything to you.

 

My post obviously had nothing to do with the fact that you agreed with her advice this time, it was what was in the body of your text that raised the questions.

 

Over and out . . .

 

I have absolutely no a problem whatsoever with Laurynn and my post above does not even remotely imply that I do. As a matter of clear fact, I support her position not only in the body of my post but in the heading as well, where I stated she was RIGHT. However, Laurynn has a very major problem with Jennie. Jennie keeps posting this same identical problem, sometimes using different names, and it drives Laurynn up a tree. I can see Laurynn's point of view and I was really hoping Jennie would get a chance to have someone who didn't know her background on the forum help her with this problem before Laurynn lit into her butt again. I don't have a problem with that either. But I AM entitled to my hopes, dreams and wishes. Please don't take those away from me!!! Please site one reference where there was an implication that I in any way, shape or form that I have a problem with anything. I don't think Laurynn is cold hearted at all. If you will read my post, you'll see where I supported her position. As far as telling things as they are, I think we all tell things as we feel they are from our own personal perspective. I don't think your take on my post was accurate at all from my perspective, although you obviously, for reasons that are baffling to me, think I have a problem with Laurynn. Oh, well. As a matter of fact, I really don't worry about much at all, especially the content of anonymous posts on Internet forums. But the fact remains that we have now started what will be a very long string of stuff here that just doesn't have to be. And here I am participating in it.

[Tony T]

Whatever...

[Laurynn]

This statement of yours:

 

"But the fact remains that we have now started what will be a very long string of stuff here that just doesn't have to be. And here I am participating in it."

 

Who's to decide what SHOULD or SHOULDN'T be on this board? Just like your post about people using the chat room (I know damn well you were referring to "girl's view" and myself......all because she asked some HTML questions, 7 responses on that thread, big woopdeedoo. How is that thread any more irrelevant to this forum than someone posting about painful infected gums?.....or someone asking for advice on their antidepressant medication?)

 

The point of my response to Jennie here was NOT to scold her for repeating the same posts here.......NO....my point was that her doing that is NOT going to solve the problem/change the situation. How much advice does she hope to receive before *she* actually takes the bull by the horns and makes a decision/figures out her own worth and happiness?

 

I'm a 'tell it like it is' person, and I won't apologize for that. Sometimes that's really what is needed. I remember coming to boards like this, a few years ago...when I was in a blatantly unhealthy relationship (no, not my marriage)......I didn't know where to turn, what to do, I doubted myself, wasn't able to objectively figure out if I was being treated badly (I was)......Maybe subconsciously I was looking for validation ("Yes your boyfriend is treating you like sh*t")......because I was so insecure and so confused that I didn't know which way was up. The people who, after a few of my posts, were the most straightforward with me......yeah, at the time I was upset with their abrasiveness and seeming lack of compassion.....but you know what? It was THEM 'calling it like they saw it' that clicked for me. Their advice was basically: if you're not happy with your life, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Stop complaining about it. How many times do you have to ask if someone is abusing you before you wake up and realize you ARE being abused? They surely didn't sugarcoat things or coddle me......they were abrupt and truthful. That's exactly what I needed.....becuz like I sense Jennie is, I was really very lost. I didn't know my a$$ from a hole in the ground. My self confidence and self esteem was so low that I could't see the truth in things, and it was right before my eyes. It's sort of like the theory of TOUGH LOVE, I guess. All the complaining I was doing about how badly I was being treated was pointless.........if I didn't like it, I needed to change it, which meant 'for me', leaving..which I did a month later. Best thing I ever did.

 

The fact that Jennie posts the same things here over and over, and asks for the same advice, and obviously isn't *doing* anything about her situation........that was once me. I think she's crying out for help because she's stuck in a huge rut. But all of us running to her and saying "your boyfriend is a jerk, oh poor you"...that's not going to help her one single bit. We ALL have to take personal responsibility for our lives. Our happiness. That was my point.

 

Tony you mentioned that you hoped that someone 'new' would come along and give her a different slant on things (in advice to her).....what more could anyone possible advise? If someone new DID respond, they'd likely give the same advice that many of us have given in the past.....many, many of us. All the advice in the WORLD is not going to help Jennie. She has to actually DO something, make some CHOICES. That was my point. Personally, Tony..I don't know what business it is of yours, my response to Jennie. No offense.

 

Laurynn

[Laurynn]

I responded to Tony in this thread, just now. Have a look at it...because I shared a little about myself (in the past) that you might be able to relate to. I don't think you're a "pest"......I just think you're not helping yourself by posting the same things over and over and over, it's like you're looking for some 'magical' piece of advice that will fix your life. You'll wait forever for that, I'm afraid. You are the only one in control of your life, and your happiness. You've been given oodles of advice on this matter. Now it's time to put some of that advice into effect.....into practice. I'm not trying to be a b**ch here. I think you're really in a big rut (like I once was).....I think you're self esteem is low, just as your feelings of self worth are. That's why I've sincerely suggested you speak with a counselor. You don't want, 6 months from now, to still be coming here and posting about your moody boyfriend who makes you feel bad because you're not working, do you? The ball is in your court, as to what you choices you make.......nobody said life or relationships were going to be easy. If you feel that living with your boyfriend and putting up with his mood swings and belittling of you, etc. is something that's not healthy for you, then you have to make choices.

 

L

catt, the reason tony said those things about laurynn is because i keep posting here about the same ole problems and being a pest to others for it. i do it to look for some different ideas or responses. laurynn and i got into a big battle on here that was way out of line for both of us and totally unnecessary. tony is not putting her down nor defending her, if you read the posts back then, then you would understand what he is talking about, in other words it is a very long long story! jennie