Obsessing Over My Ex

[LoneSurvivor]

I am a woman who was in a dysfunctional same-sex relationship for almost the past four years. There was definitely a deep connection that we both had for each other, however we consistantly fought because I was too insecure in the relationship and she was too flirtatious with too many men. When she met me, she was actually married to a man, and fell in love with me, and got divorced, and persued a relationship with me. Well now that we are broken up, which happened 3 months ago, I found out that within these past three months she has been with countless men... she is bouncing from guy to guy to guy which leads me to believe that her entire time with me was just an experiment for her, and I feel very inferior, used, and worthless. And I also cannot stop thinking about what she is doing with these men - it's obsessively taking over my thoughts and I don't know how to cope with it. Has anyone else ever had this problem? I mean I can't stop picturing her with all these other guys, when I really thought she was going to be with me forever .. I thought we had a genuine love that was going to last forever, and I guess I just wasn't good enough/nor have the right physical anatomy. How do I get over this woman? I can't stop obsessing over the fact that she left me and got over me so fast - and is sleeping with so many people, and I'm clinically depressed. I miss her so much, but at the same time I don't know if I would ever take her back after all of this. Any suggestions from anyone? I'm pretty scared I'm going to love her forever and always pine for her. I want to get over her, and hopefully love someone else... but I'm just so stuck on her. I don't know what to do. I can't stop obsessing over how she left me, or what she's doing with these other men.

[Davidlarsson]

No you are not the only one. I have also had those thoughts, and am not sure how to deal with them. I try to block it off, then I try to picture it as in detail as i can (i know stupid right) just to get familiar with the idea that it will happen. How did you get that information about ur ex?:s

[NewHumbleMe]

You have to face it. Its your insecurities and your ego that is hurt. See how fragile it is.

 

You lived your life through her and now you sort of experience what she does as a part of you. You was her in a way. So everything she do feels like a betrayal. And you are obsessed with her.

 

Can you see how you give up all your energy to this person who clearly is in high need of others and their energy to feel good. We all are in need of human warmth and touch of course.

 

What she does has nothing to do with you. You wont get the STI/STD if you dont take her back and are physically intimate with her. But look at you now the risk of you doing something with her is high. Stay away. Set higher value on your self. When we obsess about people we are setting our selfs up for hurt and bad choices.

 

Basically what i am trying to say is that this is a weakness. Its not really love. Because self love would be to take that energy that you poured on someone else and pour it back on your self. I think many people dont think they are worth it so they idolize a partner who really knows how to manipulate you and pour your self over them. And when you are low in energy they dont support and give back. They find others.

 

Okey a bit cynical and mumbo jumbo post. But read between the lines. Focus on your self and value your self and become friend with the pictures in your head. And acknowledge them as a way to deal with the hurt. To get over it. But also understand that it can be your own internal torture system. What happens if you see her giving a man a blow job and now change the picture to see your self giving another woman oral.

First of all you give these visions the power over you. You are in a state of affection. Its no fun but on the other hand its all you who manifest and visualize this. Its your anger and frustration towards the situation and you feel betrayal and the realness is probably that she is missing you too and this is how she deals with it and in fact it wont make her more happy. In fact the road she is on is destructive and has far worse consequences than dealing with the hurt and pain and making a change with love and respect towards your self and others.

But sex is like food and drugs a way to cope and forget. And we can all fall for it. Try not to blame and pass judgment or hate.

 

A religious person would pray for the other and send love. But your ego is hurt. Its only when we go beyond the little ego that we can heal and see the real picture

[NewHumbleMe]

Look at the choices you made that led you to this situation.

 

Understand that you have your self to blame and you know this and its hard to deal with. You got involved with a married woman.

 

What goes around comes around and now you reap what you sow.

 

Im sorry to say. But its true for all of us. You need to make better choices and next time dont get involved with someone on a relationship. Why would you not expect this person to do the same again. Expect what you see is what you get. Change is real but trust more in what you see and hear is what you get.

 

Redeem your self. And let go of the negativity.

Everyone might hurt you in some way. But you can work to find someone with good intentions who is secure. First become more secure in your self. Then manifest trust and positive things. Always question the negative and find the positive equivalent. Force your self cause manifestation is a real thing. So you better realize this now and try and save your self from your self. Cause you drive your own mind or it drives you.

 

Manifest a good happy life and find the ways to do it

[oracle]

...When she met me, she was actually married to a man, and fell in love with me, and got divorced, and persued a relationship with me....

 

 

What starts in blood ends in blood.

 

You engaged with someone who was married, and in turn broke them up.

 

What comes around goes around.

 

People who will leave others for you, will leave you for others.

[TribalE]

I can really feel what you're going through. I've also obsessed Ex's for way too long. Heck, I'm doing it right now.

 

Here's what works for me:

 

- Writing in a journal. Bottling **** up doesn't work

- Crying. It's a healthy release

- 12 Step Meetings. Alanon, Love Addicts Anonymous, and/or CODA are all good

- Thinking. When someone can just toss me (or you) away and start sleeping around like crazy, it says a lot more about them then about me.

 

Above all, don't beat yourself up. This is the best thing that's ever happened to you! Rejection is God's Protection.

 

Good luck!

[TribalE]

And DO NOT listen to anyone who tells you you get what you deserve. This isn't karma or what goes around coming around. This is life. It's messy. And it hurts.

 

Be good to yourself. Don't take on any more guilt if you can.

[LoneSurvivor]

Thank you for everyone's responses. One of the main problems that I am having is that I still can't get over the guilt that I feel for being part of their marriage breaking apart.

 

However, they say that it takes two to make or break a relationship. So it wasn't all my fault, but just by these posts, I guess I'll always appear to be to blame and the culpret for thier divorce.

 

However, my ego and self-esteem really is damaged, and I know that I have to heal. I've decided to remove myself from every social situation I could possibly run into her, and also delete facebook and stop contacting mutual friends.

 

I need some time away - a long time away -to disappear for awhile, get my stuff together, self-reflect and grow from this heartbreak - because it did change me... in a way that I don't even recognize who I look at in the mirror anymore. My self esteem and confidence is truly shot.

[mightycpa]

You know, in terms of steps to relieve guilt, you're about half-way.

 

1) Identify what makes you feel guilty
2) Affirm that it is true (the act happened and it caused the problem)
3) Accept the blame
4) Undo/mitigate the harm, if you can. If you can't, apologize to those you harmed
5) Modify your behavior so that it won't happen again
6) Forgive yourself
7) Move on

That's the quickest way.

 

As to loving her forever, you may indeed not ever be able to think about her without feeling loss or sorrow. But you will not pine away forever, and you will not think about her every day of your life. Nor will she prevent you from falling in love again. Just live your life, you'll see.