Don't trust and Jealous of my brother..

[bohica]

Hi

 

I am a 39 yr old guy with a younger brother who is just a few yrs younger. We get along for the most part and speak several times a week. We have some of the same friends and we sometimes all hang out together.

 

He is a smart guy, well read on various subjects and has various little ventures either currently active or he chases. He is also well traveled and tries to be a stylish guy. Knowing him as well as I do I often think he tries to hard to be that guy. To me he tries to hard to be this mash up of Hunter Thompson meets Jack Kerouac meets Tom Waits meets a higher education....and he likes to flex his intellectual muscle.

 

I've spent much of my life a little lost, searching for myself. One day, recently, someone said life is not about finding yourself it's about creating yourself. Manifesting who you want to be on the inside. I loved this and wish someone said that to me years ago. I am confused about my brother because I am not sure if he spends a lot of time creating himself or a lot of time being full of ****. That he doesn't project who he is on the inside but some fake version of it because he wants to be cool. I don't know the truth. A big problem is that I think I am jealous because the person who he has become is the person I feel I am on the inside but continue to be trapped. I am also held back because he is so protective of who he is. Anything I've done, said or wore in the past that is similar makes him upset. What he doesn't realize is most of the things he's in too was influenced by growing up around me.

 

I have these serious trust issues with him. I don't ever feel like he has my back, particularly when it comes to women. He is the first one who would crack a joke at my expense in front of a women or to a women or even to a friend. It's always about making himself appear funny or cool. It's never 'my brother is a good guy'. Of course this is all my opinion, my views but that's just how I feel. I feel if I left him alone with someone I am interested in or a girlfriend then he would lay on the charm, try to act cool or to be the interesting person he actually is.

 

Lots of venting here because he recently moved close to me into a tight knit community...do I have issues or what? How does one cope or deal with this... Probably all in my head.

Edited August 27, 2014 by bohica