NotMeToo Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 I have been surfing this site for a while now...first time I have posted. My situation: I have been seeing MM for about three months. My story seems the same as everyone else (didn't mean to fall for him, etc). Wife found out (I think he wanted to get caught because he was really stupid about the whole thing). Now he says he is leaving her. My question is this to each of you: Would you personally be able to trust your MM if he left his wife? Would you believe that he wouldn't do the same thing to you? Thank you in advance for your advice. Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinTX Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 I wouldn't trust him Should he remain friendly with wife, I would wonder what they were doing while alone Link to post Share on other sites
Leaf Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 I dunno... If you are going to give it a shot you have to trust him. Would I trust my MM... hum... yes and no. W would really have to be out of the picture.. for good. Link to post Share on other sites
curly Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Depends on the situation with W, How long have they been married? Kids? Why did they get married? lots of variables... Everyone has lied. yes, MM lie. You may have to feel it out. However, and I'm going to pause on this.... Your best bet is it to leave the situation NOW..........!!!!!!!!! If he wants out, he'll get out. Don't stick around. Don't do it to provoke his separation from W. Just walk away. RUN AWAY! Yes, I heard this sooooo many times, but I realllly like him. Didn't matter... He's MARRIED, I don't care who who are... Everyone knows that marriage is not something you walk away from lightly. Even if he left tomorrow, je would not be dateable - especially deep relationship material - for a while. RUN - WHILE YOU ARE NOT THAT INVOLVED!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
curly Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Depends on the situation with W, How long have they been married? Kids? Why did they get married? lots of variables... Everyone has lied. yes, MM lie. You may have to feel it out. However, and I'm going to pause on this.... Your best bet is it to leave the situation NOW..........!!!!!!!!! If he wants out, he'll get out. Don't stick around. Don't do it to provoke his separation from W. Just walk away. RUN AWAY! Yes, I heard this sooooo many times, but I realllly like him. (Why didn't I listen?) Didn't matter... He's MARRIED, I don't care who you are... Everyone knows that marriage is not something you walk away from lightly. Even if he left tomorrow, he would not be dateable - especially deep relationship material - for a while. RUN - WHILE YOU ARE NOT THAT INVOLVED!!!!!!! Please read these messages and know that dating a man who is continuing to be committed to W is not planning to leave W. If he were, he would leave before you got there. You are only enabling.... (yes, cliche). You only bandaging the wound W put there or boosting ego that W has forgotten about. Either way -- "I do believe he doth protest too much...." Link to post Share on other sites
Author NotMeToo Posted March 2, 2005 Author Share Posted March 2, 2005 I don't know what to do...I have been thinking about ending it. I realized I have very strong feelings for him when I started crying at the thought of saying goodbye (this despite promising myself it was just physical). I just don't know what to do. I see myself heading down the same path as the other heartbroken people on this site. But, he says he is leaving, and I don't know if I should wait. He is worth the wait. Link to post Share on other sites
GetOverYourself Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 If he did it with you he will do it to you. Ethics are a matter of what you do when no one is looking. His last wife was not looking 24/7 because it's not possible unless you are magical............he will find time and opportunity......and after all....... he is STILL the SAME MAN you met............when he was married (having vowed to God,himself, his wife and before witness) with the same urges...... roll the dice, it's all you, kim Link to post Share on other sites
SummerRae Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Originally posted by GetOverYourself If he did it with you he will do it to you. Ethics are a matter of what you do when no one is looking. His last wife was not looking 24/7 because it's not possible unless you are magical............he will find time and opportunity......and after all....... he is STILL the SAME MAN you met............when he was married (having vowed to God,himself, his wife and before witness) with the same urges...... roll the dice, it's all you, kim what she said! Honestly, I believe that anyone who experiences being an OW goes through so many different emotions, each one like a right of passage into another one. Your feelings become one big mess, until you have no choice but to walk away. I have grown a TON from this experience and yet I don't wish it on my worst enemy. It sucks going through it because there are NO set answers. You will wonder so many things, did he love me? Did he love his wife? Why? Why? And WHY? And even after asking yourself 1,000 questions, you still won't come out any further ahead. In the end, the only thing you can do is help yourself. Slowly repair the damage that was done. But every so often it all comes back again. You have control but to a certain extent, you don't. It's hard. Link to post Share on other sites
MsMree Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 i would trust him completely. Link to post Share on other sites
newby Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 i dont know the answer not me too, because every situation is different but if he is really intent on leaving his marriage this might be what is known as a bridge affair. a way out. it doesnt neccessarily mean that he will do it again, the big thing foor you i think is that if he manages to find a way to keep you both in he might do. i think you should say to him "well if this is what you want to do, for you then i will let you do it alone as i think my presence will over complicate things. look me up when you are no loonger married." if you can do that then you will know the truth quickly. its what i should havedone Link to post Share on other sites
lynnered Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 i would give him a chance,but if he played around i would walk away once he leaves his w their are no excuse!!for not doing what he said he would I've told xmm that . know what he says ?he says i need to be understanding when he leaves? and i haven't been understand of your dumb @ss for 4 years? i am nc for like 5 or 6 weeks,(except email+I'm he started like crazy last week) i love this jerk &have known him 6 year 4 years A to be honest ,i want him to leave. i love him at the same time i have that fear of when he leaves ,if he doesn't do all he said he would ,like basically treat me as i should be treated . trust i do trust him ,we communicate very well ,i know what went wrong with that relationship,we were friends for 2 years before A started i am the first time he's ever cheated ,he's enjoyed me &feels thats we fell in love &it just happened. so i don't totally agree once a cheater always a cheater. and also I've cheated on him (he don't know)during first year together he didn't call me (for no reason)for 2 months ,i slept with guy was dating before all started with him ,and i did it cause i was pissed at him , i did this 2xs through relationship,i know me &i wouldn't do that in a relationship i was happy in . And as any relationship i can hope if he becomes unhappy,that the communication will be open enough that he wont be such a p***y about talking to me about it ,he knows with me he!! you don't wanna be here? ,there's 3 doors out at my house pick one . Link to post Share on other sites
lynnered Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 i feel in any relationship there's a chance really depends on the persons reasons some do it just for sex ok that person probly will always cheat,he did it after being with someone for 5years feeling stuck &when he was ready to go she got preg. we met when she was preg ,we were friends for 2 years before A began ,he felt pressured into marriage cause of child ,anyway when he first married(i had no intention of A at time)i saw him in the mall i was like call me,i cant I'm married i said no just as friends ,he didn't call me at that time. i think me &him have a good chance cause of the friendship first for so long ,it wasn't just sex. anyway it scares me i kind of hope during nc ,i meet someone else i am going to try!! i love him but i am pissed inside at him ,i don't know if i could make it work !!! there is too much to deal with once A is over ,his wife is violent has at least 50 pounds on me, lol,his kid,then when he leaves i think in my state he has to legal separate for a year?before D final , and he also says don't pressure me ? he wants to get married to me wants to get me a ring wants to have a little boy WTF I've put my life on hold for you loser !!! anyway we all know i tend to ramble i don't know if i can deal with all this at that time ,even just the resentment of him keeping me waiting so long &of course all the drama ,and having to still hide "us "for awhile once he does leave . Link to post Share on other sites
1Yoyo Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 If my MM decided to leave, I only want him to leave because he wants to, NOT for me or what he might have with me. If I were anything like the wife or started acting like her, I am certain he would find time to play around and see other women, just as he has with me. I guess it has to do with trust. Though he is married and is cheating with me, on her, I trust him in "Our" relationship. He has done nothing thus far to break my trust. Yo Link to post Share on other sites
lynnered Posted March 3, 2005 Share Posted March 3, 2005 Originally posted by 1Yoyo If my MM decided to leave, I only want him to leave because he wants to, NOT for me or what he might have with me. If I were anything like the wife or started acting like her, I am certain he would find time to play around and see other women, just as he has with me. I guess it has to do with trust. Though he is married and is cheating with me, on her, I trust him in "Our" relationship. He has done nothing thus far to break my trust. Yo well said!! Link to post Share on other sites
LittleMiss Posted March 3, 2005 Share Posted March 3, 2005 Well, I have been with my MM for 6 months he moved out after 2 months. We live together now, and the wife knows about me. He has two small children 11 & 5. He loves his children and sees them a lot. He will go over there 3-4 times a week. Sometimes more sometimes less. His wife is always there when he goes over, and I trust him completely. There are times when he will go over there after work at 5p.m. and not show up at my house until 9 or 10 p.m. They hang out, play video games, watch movies, or he'll take them out sometimes. He even eats dinner there sometimes. I am not jealous at all. He always tells me how much he appreciates my understanding of his situation. He has so much love for his kids and I know it hurts him to be away from them so much. He is always playing with my son and sometimes he feels guilty that he is not there for his own. I trust him completely. If he wanted to be with his wife he would stay. He wouldn't be coming home to me. He told me he hasn't so much as kissed his wife since we've been together and I believe him. They just exchange hugs. That's fine with me. I mean they have been married for 10 years and this has been a big change for both of them. I'm glad that they are friendly with each other and not always fighting. It's better for his boys. Link to post Share on other sites
tiredofbeingtheother Posted March 3, 2005 Share Posted March 3, 2005 i would want to but the doubt is there. i tihnk in time it would fade if the relationship worked. Link to post Share on other sites
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