Cheating and Faith

[Sherbet]

I have only ever had 4 boyfriends, and I have been cheated on or left for for someone else each time.

 

My faith in men has become virtually zero.

 

I do not take what has happened in the past as a personal affront, because I know it is their loss because I am a damn good girlfriend.

 

But nonetheless, the pain each time has been immense.

 

I don't know what to think anymore.

[Tony T]

I think that these guys were definitely not meant for you. But keep the faith. Love will find its way if you hang in there, think positive and pay attention.

 

Could it possibly be that you are too nice and sweet to these guys? If you are a challenge and keep the electricity going, men are less inclined to look elsewhere. Men are hunters...don't let them ever completely catch you.

[Sherbet]

Perhaps I am. I'm a very giving and loving person. Jeez, I would never have thought that would be boring.

 

Maybe I'm the only one out there who finds total comfort in giving, receiving, loving and knowing it's directed towards me. My ex was exactly the same as I am in that regards, but he left anyway.

 

Gosh, who knows hey? I've never jumped at a man's beck and call. I've always taken time to do things without them too and I am definitely not smothering. Just affectionate, honest and a one man woman with a lot going for me, and not dependant on a man at all.

 

Hmmmm, the mysteries of life....

[cranberry]

I think being really nice and all is good, but the guy should not get you with your niceness upon request. He also shdn't be sure that he's the only one. Just to peak curiostiy

 

Good luck!

[Fishbulb]

I have only ever had 4 boyfriends, and I

have been cheated on or left for for someone else each time. My faith in men has become virtually zero.

 

I do not take what has happened in the past as a personal affront, because I know it is their loss because I am a damn good girlfriend. But nonetheless, the pain each time has been immense. I don't know what to think anymore.

 

Sherbet, (good name!) don't give up. There are still a few of us out here that appreciate a damn good girlfriend, but, unfortunately, we keep getting screwed around by the female equivalent of the guys that screw you around...you can see why everyone is so not confused...I agree. Pain sucks. I've been through enough lately to fill a book myself. I'll bet by 'damn good girlfriend', you meant that you were sweet, thoughtful, affectionate, giving, generous, open, honest...all the things you expected in return. So was I. Nonetheless, we sit here alone again. And nonetheless, the pain is immense. I can identify completely. One of the problems(?) that people like you and I have is that when we care for someone, we often, even subconciously, assume that the level of emotion is equal, and we 'make' ourselves believe that, because it makes us 'feel' equal emotionally to the other person, when in fact this almost always sets us up for failure, because the other person may NOT feel that way, and by transferring all that unreturned emotion to that person, it dooms the relationship, because our own expectations were too high, too fast, of the other persons, which is a lot of pressure. (boy, there's a long sentence...) Which makes them run. Which, unfortunately, is what makes our particular brand of pain hurt so bad: simply put, we loved them more than they loved (or could love) us, and we have so much love to give, how could they not want it? I don't really have any answers, I just know that each time my heart breaks, if I don't learn from it, then I'm a fool. What I've learned this time around is that I can be very proud of the work I've done on myself, and I can't let anyone lessen that growth by transferring their insecurities and issues onto me. You shouldn't, either. You are a beautiful, vital, vibrant person that deserves to be treated as such, and you have a lot of love to give. But the thing we both have to keep in mind is, we can't give away our hearts too easily: Love, like respect and trust, should be EARNED. I've learned this the hard way too many times...I hope this helps. Fishbulb

[gary]

I have only ever had 4 boyfriends, and I have been cheated on or left for for someone else each time. My faith in men has become virtually zero.

 

I do not take what has happened in the past as a personal affront, because I know it is their loss because I am a damn good girlfriend. But nonetheless, the pain each time has been immense. I don't know what to think anymore.

 

ours is the same story only from the mans side.

 

i find it hard to go on,but impossible to not

 

best of luck to you.

[Sherbet]

Thanks Fishbulb (good name too!!).

 

It's now come to the point where I just don't understand, if that makes any sense.

 

I mean, my last boyfriend, God, he was soooo affectionate, all over me, would do absolutely anything for me and was so obviously rapt in me, and yes, it was genuine. At first, I was a bit off-standish with him because my previous relationship was basically a crappy one where the guy would be like "don't touch me", "Don't show affection to me in public". It was bad.

 

You're right - when I say, "Damn good girlfriend", I mean loyal, honest, trusting etc. When I am in a relationship, I really believe that someone deserves to be treated the way I would like to be treated. Unfortunately, I end up with the guys who don't think the same way I do.

 

It's weird, because with my ex, I was returning to him all the affection and emotion he was giving me. It was really great for a long, long time, and then it happened (cheating). I just don't get it. I mean, I know I have such a lot to offer. I'm kind, loving, trustworthy, independent, funny, intelligent, very attractive, yet I don't seem to be enough. It is confusing. I know I sound like I just gave myself a big rap then, but I am honestly not conceited at all. I just know what is good about me.

 

Pain does suck. I guess cheating is not strictly confined to males. Girls do it too. But I can honestly say it is the one thing I know I will NEVER do. It goes against everything I believe. There are many reasons that I wouldn't cheat on a person, none the least being it is an incredibly painful experience. I could never do that to anyone. And believe me, one of my ex's was such a pig, I had MANY opportunities to cheat on him, yet I never did.

 

When I fall for someone, I fall hard. And I end up getting really hurt. I just want to heal from all of this. I can't wait for the day when a guy can HONESTLY say to me, "You are everything to me, and I sincerely mean that", and not feel the need to stray elsewhere. It's also kind of disheartening when I see pain-in-the-arse people get the really nice guys, only to have the guys fall flat on their face. It makes me angry actually.

 

It's just so weird the way relationships are!!!

 

Thanks Fishbulb. I've ranted so much here. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say!!! :-)