online dating woes: why would they block me after reading these e-mails?

[Snakechammah]

Read above for the most likely reason they blocked him. It's nothing to do with being delusional or self-entitled, it's to do with the bunch of jerks on the site that mail nasty torrents of insults when they don't get a positive reply.

 

But no, Eddy wasn't PROVEN to be a jerk or a creep or anything in between. It was just an honest message that he sent. For those girls to judge him by OTHER PEOPLE's actions is wrong. Just because some men were creepy does not mean ALL MEN are creepy.

 

There is no excuse for them. Zilch. All he did was send ONE thoughtful email. That is no reason to block anyone.

[PegNosePete]

For those girls to judge him by OTHER PEOPLE's actions is wrong. Just because some men were creepy does not mean ALL MEN are creepy.

Right. So if a guy in a long black coat follows you late at night as you walk home through a dodgy part of town, you're not going to be worried? That guy hasn't done anything to you, after all. You're judging him based on the other 8 or 9 other guys who have attacked single women as they walked home through that part of town last week.

 

People learn behaviours to protect themselves, physically or emotionally. If a woman gets abusive follow-up messages then she is going to start preemptively blocking those she is not interested in, to prevent further abuse. It's totally logical and makes sense from her point of view.

[sillyanswer]

But no, Eddy wasn't PROVEN to be a jerk or a creep or anything in between. It was just an honest message that he sent. For those girls to judge him by OTHER PEOPLE's actions is wrong. Just because some men were creepy does not mean ALL MEN are creepy.

 

There is no excuse for them. Zilch. All he did was send ONE thoughtful email. That is no reason to block anyone.

 

There aren't any rules on when someone can press the "block" button on a dating site. On some sites there's no indication to the person who got blocked that they've been blocked (unless they try to send another message! and sometimes not even then) but on sites where it does let the person know then perhaps some people also use this as a way of sending a rejection message without having to type anything out.

 

Nobody is owed a reply on a dating site.

[Snakechammah]

Right. So if a guy in a long black coat follows you late at night as you walk home through a dodgy part of town, you're not going to be worried? That guy hasn't done anything to you, after all. You're judging him based on the other 8 or 9 other guys who have attacked single women as they walked home through that part of town last week.

 

People learn behaviours to protect themselves, physically or emotionally. If a woman gets abusive follow-up messages then she is going to start preemptively blocking those she is not interested in, to prevent further abuse. It's totally logical and makes sense from her point of view.

 

In real life and online, it is a different matter. In real life, the threat is immediate and physical. Online, if you know how to protect yourself, there is no reason to fear a random stranger messaging you online. And it is OLD for sh*tsake, if a girl does not want to be messaged, why the hell would she join OLD in the first place?

 

The thing is Eddy did not give a creepy vibe in his email (not to me, at least).

 

Everyone has their own opinion. TO ME, it is rude and arrogant of someone to block someone just because they "find him unattractive" or consider him creepy (what? from just ONE innocent message?)... it all boils down to one's empathy level and respect for other people's time and effort.

 

If you think it's good and dandy and ok to block someone without apparent reason, that's your prerogative. This is mine.

[Snakechammah]

There aren't any rules on when someone can press the "block" button on a dating site. On some sites there's no indication to the person who got blocked that they've been blocked (unless they try to send another message! and sometimes not even then) but on sites where it does let the person know then perhaps some people also use this as a way of sending a rejection message without having to type anything out.

 

Nobody is owed a reply on a dating site.

 

Of course, nobody is owed kindness or empathy but it says a lot of a person's character not to show it.

[PegNosePete]

If you think it's good and dandy and ok to block someone without apparent reason, that's your prerogative. This is mine.

We don't know why these women blocked Eddy. Maybe as you point out, their perspective is different from yours and they did find his message creepy or find him unattractive. If you think it's good and dandy to call someone delusional and self-entitled just because they clicked a "block" button then that is your prerogative indeed. I find it to be rude and arrogant to label people as such, based on one button they happened to click on a website, without even knowing the reason they clicked it.

[Priv]

I don't do OLD (well years back for kicks for a week or 2) but whatever the reason be grateful they blocked you. Whether or not this is learned behaviour due to past angry messages or not, I would liken this the female equivalent of these same angry/rude messages.

 

 

No response is fine. But you didn't write 'if you don't respond I will hunt you down for the rest of my life'. So blocking very much not fine. Would you really want to go out with a woman this rude? You put some thought into the messages and boosted their ego. The least they could do is not block and leave you with the feeling you are some kind of misfit or something to be avoided at all costs.

Edited August 28, 2014 by Priv

[Eddy Street]

Here's my actual profile description now:

 

Hedline:

 

Live, love and learn!

 

Description:

 

 

I'm just a genuine guy who loves to discover new things about the world and have lots of fun doing it. I'm looking for a laid-back, spontaneous girl with a similar mind-set. Someone who could teach me something new, challenge me as well as someone with whom I could share my passions. Let's start with a few basic facts about me:

 

- I'm very passionate about my career in teaching and I'm currently pursuing my master's in pure mathematics to further it. I teach foundational math at Wilbur Wright college and I honestly love my job. It's sort of like a stage. We have a non-traditional approach to teaching, which allows a lot of room for creativity.

 

- Both of my parents are artists (painters) and I seem to have inherited their creative tendencies. I love all art and art-museums are one of my favorite hang-out spots in the city. In my spare time, I enjoy drawing, photography, creative writing and improv. I'm sort of new to the improv scene, but I love it very much and want to explore it in more depth in the coming months.

 

- I love animals. I used to have the sweetest Dobermans named Trouble and Troya and when growing up I always had hamsters, gerbils, guinea pigs, etc... I would like to adopt a Greyhound in the near future.

 

- I'm a bit hooked on exercise. I walk everywhere and bike whenever I have the time. Just bought a new road-hybrid, planning to do a multi-state bike trip with a couple of friends before the fall semester starts.

 

- I love tea, fog and English literature. - I'm huge on gardening and I enjoy experimenting with foreign foods. - I once tried to create my own language. Will add more here...

 

Although I was born on the other side of the pond, Chicago is the city that shaped me and served as the constant companion and backdrop to the drama of my life. Culturally, I'm the best of both worlds. But despite having spent so much time in this city, I feel there is much I don't know about Chicago. I’m looking for a fellow-explorer. Maybe you’re new to this town or maybe you’re like me. Either way, we can go exploring this city together like Bonnie and Clyde.

 

Favorite things:

 

hot tea with anything sweet (preferably chocolaty), 90s video games, gelato, art museums, animals, libraries, bike trips, hiking trips, storms, beaches, fog, science, sci-fi...

 

For fun:

 

Hanging out with awesome people. Being creative, spending time with my mom, gardening, hiking, cycling (solo or with friends), experimenting with foreign languages and cuisine.

 

Do I still sound too formal, too dense, or overall too uninteresting?

[hellon]

I don't do OLD (well years back for kicks for a week or 2) but whatever the reason be grateful they blocked you. Whether or not this is learned behaviour due to past angry messages or not, I would liken this the female equivalent of these same angry/rude messages.

 

 

No response is fine. But you didn't write 'if you don't respond I will hunt you down for the rest of my life'. So blocking very much not fine. Would you really want to go out with a woman this rude?

 

It has nothing to do with rudeness. It's wrong to assume that these women are blocking to send some kind of message to the guy like "ew, as if." The blocking is more likely, as many of the previous posts have mentioned, as a learned response to prevent further, possibly antagonistic, messages, or even just to prevent follow up messages from someone they're just not interested in clogging up their inbox.

[preraph]

Yeah, I guess. I'm not very photogenic. Maybe, since this is the kind of sh? I've been writing since mid July and have gotten a grand total of ZERO replies, I should just put up photos of some good looking guy to troll the hell out of that site. I've written to pretty much 80% of the women on that site, it just won't happen, not today and not a year from now. I payed 270 for it, I might as well have some fun, no?

 

I'm telling you that isn't the problem. You are above average in looks. The only thing you might try is completely shaving your face but leave the hair and see if it photographs you better. In a small photo, the face hair looks just kind of blurry.

 

I think you might be onto something about putting a little bit older age range. Based on your photo, I think "mid-20s to late 30s" might be appropriate. I remember even when I was 27 thinking that this band manager couple who were only slightly over 30 looked ancient. It's more about just generation recognition. Trends change rapidly in the young crowd and it makes everyone not following them look dated. Once people are out of school and working, all that dissolves over time, but that's why very young people aren't going to hit. So at least overlap your age preference with your own generation. I mean, to me, you look younger than 30, but if you're getting nothing from that generation, then go a little higher.

[Priv]

It has nothing to do with rudeness. It's wrong to assume that these women are blocking to send some kind of message to the guy like "ew, as if." The blocking is more likely, as many of the previous posts have mentioned, as a learned response to prevent further, possibly antagonistic, messages, or even just to prevent follow up messages from someone they're just not interested in clogging up their inbox.

 

You and I will have to disagree about that I guess. Like I said, I don't do OLD, noone is blocking me. But surely you agree there is a vast difference between not replying and blocking, which I find is antagonistic in it's own right.

[preraph]

I read what others said about brevity -- and I basically disagree, but this IS the texting generation, although how is THAT working for people? No one knows how to meet people anymore because of it. I wouldn't make it real brief and smart-alecky. It wouldn't hurt to cut it back by half and tell them one interesting thing about yourself and what you like to go do and then those who think you sound desperate instead of literate, like I do, will have nothing to criticize about.

[hellon]

Here's my actual profile description now:

 

 

 

Do I still sound too formal, too dense, or overall too uninteresting?

 

Eddy, I think this profile is great. It really says a lot about not just what your interests are, but who you are, what you're looking for, and what you want out of life. Personally, I would nixt some of the details, such as the name of the college, but that's just me.

 

So let those first contacts be bait.

[hellon]

You and I will have to disagree about that I guess. Like I said, I don't do OLD, noone is blocking me. But surely you agree there is a vast difference between not replying and blocking, which I find is antagonistic in it's own right.

 

I do agree that there is a difference, blocking is more definitive than not replying. But I don't think that makes it any more personal or insulting.

[lollipopspot]

Do I still sound too formal...

 

In a way, yes. But I think you should leave it. I think you are articulate and careful, and if someone bites, you will attract a woman who accepts the quality that you put out, and that's good.

[lollipopspot]

I'm not clear - OP, what is your age, and what is the age range you are advertising for?

[Eddy Street]

I'm not clear - OP, what is your age, and what is the age range you are advertising for?

 

My age: just turned 28. My age range: 25 through 28. However, I keep getting winks from suspicious 50+ year old women with no profile picture from the middle of nowhere Missouriville. That's the only attention I've gotten since I joined, so basically no attention. Also, these profiles disappear (the users are deactivate their accounts) shortly after the wink is sent. I don't know what to make of that.

Edited August 28, 2014 by Eddy Street

[lollipopspot]

My age: just turned 28. My age range: 25 through 28.

 

Why wouldn't you want to span at least an equal number of years above your age as below? I.e. 25-31?

[Eddy Street]

Why wouldn't you want to span at least an equal number of years above your age as below? I.e. 25-31?

 

31? I don't know, I just have a thing for younger women. Just preference, like some guys prefer blondes or Asians or whatever.

[Eddy Street]

Eddy, I think this profile is great. It really says a lot about not just what your interests are, but who you are, what you're looking for, and what you want out of life. Personally, I would nixt some of the details, such as the name of the college, but that's just me.

 

So let those first contacts be bait.

 

I'll try that, but as an alternative I was thinking something along these lines:

 

I'm just an honest guy looking for a honest girl to have some fun with when not working. I'm not here to sell myself or tell you how great I am. I'm not. What you see is what you get. No games, no bull.

If all else fails, I'll use this.

[preraph]

All men have a thing for younger women, but usually only younger men get to date them. Until a certain age, guys even a few years older seem old. I'm wondering if you're only choosing the best looking women as well. Most of them already have a full plate and are super sick of being liked for their looks and they're smart enough to know that's what attracted you to them, no matter what you say. So try not to go for the dream girl but the girl you're more likely to attract.

[Eddy Street]

All men have a thing for younger women, but usually only younger men get to date them. Until a certain age, guys even a few years older seem old. I'm wondering if you're only choosing the best looking women as well. Most of them already have a full plate and are super sick of being liked for their looks and they're smart enough to know that's what attracted you to them, no matter what you say. So try not to go for the dream girl but the girl you're more likely to attract.

 

Wait, so at 28 I may be too old to date a 25-28 year old? Well, 25 I can see, because they are just kids, but 27 and 28 too??? Man, I missed every boat in town, haven't I...

 

I actually try to avoid women who look like they know they're beautiful and focus on the homely but cute ones.

Edited August 28, 2014 by Eddy Street

[awesome0]

Just be patient, your profile is honest. Eventually people will see it and you will get messages. When I first started online dating years ago I put my interest as Drinking, Drugs and video games and seriously had no issues getting responses or meet ups lol.

 

 

When I attempted OLD again more recently I wrote an honest thoughtful profile didn't get any responses and gave up. A few months ago after not being on the site for a while I had the "you've been messaged by" emails so I checked the site. I had several messages and even met my current gf.

 

 

I'm not saying it works that way for everyone, but your profile isn't bad at all, just don't become discouraged and don't expect immediate responses, these things take time.

 

 

Good luck

[Priv]

Your age range is fine. In fact, I would go lower. You are 28, no reason you can't go as low as say 22 (I want to say 20, but that might be pushing it since you think 25y olds are kids, and don't tell them that especially since you are practically their age too ).

 

 

If it is a numbers game, you are doing yourself an injustice by ruling out the 22-25y old female population and sticking within your narrow 3 year age range.

 

 

Maybe for appearances sake go also 1-2 years above your age range so people don't think you only date younger women (which is totally natural btw, and it goes both ways, so no worries).

 

 

I am getting into the groove of this thing. Think I am going for a profile too soon.

[lollipopspot]

Your age range is fine. In fact, I would go lower. You are 28, no reason you can't go as low as say 22 (I want to say 20, but that might be pushing it since you think 25y olds are kids, and don't tell them that especially since you are practically their age too )...

 

Maybe for appearances sake go also 1-2 years above your age range so people don't think you only date younger women (which is totally natural btw, and it goes both ways, so no worries).

 

I don't think he should post that he's looking for something that he's not really interested in. If he wants a younger woman, he should be upfront and put the range that he wants in his profile.

 

However, to me it's a red flag.

 

OP, you have another thread about how to get beautiful women. I think, given that you haven't managed to get any women in some time, it might be helpful to think more about your standards. It doesn't seem as though you just want young arm candy, but your outward preferences are leading you there.