mom just threw my dad out

[sickoflove11]

I'm 21 and still living at home because I'm going to school. My parents have always had their ups and downs. There were times I thought they'd divorce when I was younger but now that I'm older my dads retired so he golfs/drinks a lot and it hard to have conversations with when he's home. He just takes things way out of proportion and it starts arguments.

 

Tonight at like 6pm.. my dad comes home drunk starts something with my mom and she kicks him out like full on packed his bags threw his keys out. She has never been this serious and is looking for an attorney. I don't see him much so I guess I don't care as much but we do always get in arguments and I have wished he would leave before. I just never have heard my mom to tell him to get the **** out and such to this extent. He won't actually leave the house though as of yet...

 

I don't know how to handle this I don't know if I should leave where should I go? I don't have close friends in this area I just moved home with my parents here. I have no where else to go and it's awkward. I'm an only child I don't know what to do I don't want to hear them yell

[sickoflove11]

I know I rarely get anyone to respond to my posts but this is the only place I can go to hopefully get some advice. I have no one else to talk to about this stuff so this is where I come to vent and hope someone can relate or care. Everything in my life is falling apart one by one

[Allumere]

Sorry you are dealing with this. There is no reason for you to leave beyond you deciding you don't want to hear it. And, if your Dad actually leaves, you could reach out to your Mom to see if she is OK. She may not want to talk about it, may not even seen receptive to the kindness, but it would be the right thing to do. If you can't stand the tension in being there then take a drive, go catch a movie, if there is a regular place students hang head there for awhile. Chill for a few hours and then head back....chances are your Dad has left or common sense kicked in and he is sleeping off his drunk on the porch, a buddy has taken him away, or your Mom gave him the couch.

[sickoflove11]

he slept in the room next to mine upstairs and is still in the house this morning. My mom works from home and I just feel really awkward like I am tiptoeing around the house trying to avoid them.

I did get out of the house for awhile last night but I wish I didn't have to come back.

I tried to be there for my mom but she didn't want to talk or anything so I just don't know how to act around her now. She's very passive aggressive also

[preraph]

I completely sympathize. I was lucky because I had a horse and a scooter to take off on when my parents fought. You feel like you have to pretend not to hear and can feel the ulcer growing in your stomach. You need to ask your mom to send you away to a relative's for maybe a week if that's possible or pay your way to go visit old friends out of town. Let them hash that out.

 

And please, if either of them starts getting violent with each other, call the police and make them deal with that. He may really go off now she's thrown him out -- or she may take him back. You just never know.

 

Let me suggest this idea since you said you're in school. Please at least try it. Call the school counselor (call administration and find out how to reach the guidance counselor). Ask for an appointment and see if she can see you right away. If not, tell her the story over the phone, emphasizing that you are newly relocated and have zero friends or family in the area except parents. Ask her if there are any temporary sleeping quarters for emergencies of any type anywhere. They might have a place in the infirmary for you or a spare room for temporary. It's worth a shot. So sorry you're going through this. The sooner they are apart, the better, though. Try not to get too involved.

Edited August 29, 2014 by preraph

[amaysngrace]

I'm sorry your home life is so tense right now.

 

Can you put on headphones or something to drown them out?

 

What did your mom say to you when you approached her about the fight they had? Was she apologetic at all towards you?

 

If doesn't sound as if your feelings are being considered at all by either of them. I feel sorry for you.

[bentleychic]

I would say don't leave. Ask your mom if there's anything you can do for her. Try not to get involved in the spat otherwise, but make sure your mom knows you support her.

[sickoflove11]

I'm sorry your home life is so tense right now.

 

Can you put on headphones or something to drown them out?

 

What did your mom say to you when you approached her about the fight they had? Was she apologetic at all towards you?

 

If doesn't sound as if your feelings are being considered at all by either of them. I feel sorry for you.

 

She has spoken to me and I think just realizes she can't be an enabler for him anymore and she just can't live with his drinking and stuff. Sometimes he forgets to turn the stove off or close the garage, little things that could do with getting older but clearly she can't live with it anymore.

 

They won't talk to each other my mom just doesn't talk and avoids him.. They can't talk without nasty tones to each other so that's why she doesn't talk to him but that won't solve anything. I hope they separate I don't know why it's so hard like he can just move somewhere else. I don't think they care to divorce just can't live together.

 

They both say they don't want me in the middle but the fact is, I already am. If I had siblings I'm sure we would all let them deal with it on their own. But it's just me and I can't just move out until they figure it out, that could be a long while.

[sickoflove11]

I would say don't leave. Ask your mom if there's anything you can do for her. Try not to get involved in the spat otherwise, but make sure your mom knows you support her.

 

Leaving really isn't an option anyways and I am trying to help her the best I can but she also has to help herself by speaking up. My dad says he will drink less and stuff but we know he won't so we don't know how to make him realize he needs to get help. He's not abusive or anything at all but just gets dumb and forgetful and also drives around which is super dangerous and stupid obviously. I don't know how we can show him that we are serious if he doesn't get help we wan't him out. My mom bet him he couldn't go a month without smoking or drinking and he said he could but he doesn't want to.. so obviously that's the first problem.

[bathtub-row]

Your mom isn't talking to your dad because she's probably sick of talking to him about their problems. If I were you, I'd try to be upbeat. If your mom says anything to you about the situation, just say something like, "Yeah, mom, I totally understand. I'm not blind. You guys have had problems for a long time. If you need me, I'm here for you." If your dad days anything to you, you could say something like, "Dad, you know as well as I do that there have been a lot of problems in your marriage. I love you to death but, if I were you, I'd stop fighting with mom about this. I'll always be your daughter so, no matter what, you'll never lose me."

 

It has probably taken your mom years to reach this point with your dad and it's probably taking a lot of courage on her part. On the other hand, your dad has issues that he doesn't want to deal with but he still needs to know that you'll never dessert him as a daughter.

 

Try to continue on as though you're pretty content and going about your business. Cook dinner for everyone some nights and help out around the house, if you don't already. The truth is, it's their problem. There's a way for you to love and support them both without letting yourself get caught in the middle, and without being critical of either parent. If you start to feel like you're caught in the crossfire, then say that. Say that you're not feeling comfortable taking sides and leave it at that.

 

Your disposition can have a healthy impact on the situation, and on them. Because there's always going to be the guilt thing going on in their minds about hurting you if they divorce. If you can help diffuse the situation, that would be a good thing. If you just can't do that, then stay away from the house as much as possible, or turn your room into a sanctuary and spend most of your time there.