Man Mountain Makino Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 So the OM was in your house sitting on your couch and you......shook his hand:sick: Dude you seriously need some self respect like badly being a nice guy wont work in this situation You are allowing another man to take your family without any fight its actually kind of sad GYBB (GET YOUR BALLS BACK) I don't believe in fighting over women. This guy isn't taking his family, only his wife. She's likely not worth keeping, anyway. In any event, there's no downside to standing up to her as has been discussed in this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JHS045 Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 Here's the thing: Her lover hasn't moved in. He has his own obligations like his 9 & 11 year old. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Tell him to leave your house. And not come back but he can take your wife with him. Your child(ren) should NOT be exposed to this at all. Your wife is being bloody selfish and shame on her for bringing the OM around like that! WTF. You can tell her priorities, not caring at all what this is doing to your kid(s). Link to post Share on other sites
Author JHS045 Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 Additional information: I f'd up and texted her that I'm coming home tonight, and that he better not be there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JHS045 Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 Tell him to leave your house. And not come back but he can take your wife with him. Your child(ren) should NOT be exposed to this at all. Your wife is being bloody selfish and shame on her for bringing the OM around like that! WTF. You can tell her priorities, not caring at all what this is doing to your kid(s). She's under the fog. She's making the most irrational and dumb decisions in her life right now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
james1989 Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Additional information: I f'd up and texted her that I'm coming home tonight, and that he better not be there. :mad: why did you do that?? Your still trying to be nice STOP BEING NICE ABOUT IT. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JHS045 Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 F...K I hope she doesn't use that as an excuse to go get court order. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JHS045 Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 Longest 3 hours of my life. Stuck in this office waiting to get home just to get this over with. Link to post Share on other sites
james1989 Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 F...K I hope she doesn't use that as an excuse to go get court order. Buy a VAR and protect yourself Also someone mentioned athol kays website Married man sex life Buy his book married man sex life and also no more mr nice guy go to the married man sex life forums and post your story there as well Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 I don't see anything wrong with "being nice about it." I'd be perfectly nice abot the whole thing but I'd also he completely inflexible about my hard-line boundaries. If it's my (or our) house, I'm not leaving and he's not staying. I could have been a better husband (and I'm prepared to be) but having an affair in front of our daughter is not acceptable. The more upset they get, the more calm you get. But be decisive and be on the right side of the argument. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
james1989 Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 I don't see anything wrong with "being nice about it." I'd be perfectly nice abot the whole thing but I'd also he completely inflexible about my hard-line boundaries. If it's my (or our) house, I'm not leaving and he's not staying. I could have been a better husband (and I'm prepared to be) but having an affair in front of our daughter is not acceptable. The more upset they get, the more calm you get. But be decisive and be on the right side of the argument. ahhh you cant nice your wife out of an affair. Thats what he has been doing and it has failed him miserably he has warned her he is coming over he is trying to be nice to her so she can have time to prepare herself for his arrival Link to post Share on other sites
Author JHS045 Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 She called me last night wondering how I was doing. And we talked for a bit. Read her my letter to her which she responded with that's very nice and that it's not fair to give her an ultimatum of cutting all ties with her affair. Talked with my baby girl as well. It's like she's in pain, and she urged me to start seeing other people too. I know that is a sign of her guilty conscious. I mean, is there any hope at all there? Link to post Share on other sites
james1989 Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 She called me last night wondering how I was doing. And we talked for a bit. Read her my letter to her which she responded with that's very nice and that it's not fair to give her an ultimatum of cutting all ties with her affair. Talked with my baby girl as well. It's like she's in pain, and she urged me to start seeing other people too. I know that is a sign of her guilty conscious. I mean, is there any hope at all there? WTF??? yes there is hope but you need to show her you can be a man and stop trying to nice her out of the affair you need to take a hardline with her and set boundaries and if she does not agree she can Fu*k off Link to post Share on other sites
Author JHS045 Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 I know exposing the affair did a huge number on her because she left work as soon as she got there because word travels fast there. Affairs don't last under critical scrutiny. So, I hear and they also tend to have a high failure rate anyway. What's going to happen is she's going to realize how she f..cked up once reality hits her. Right now, it seems like she's sitting on the fence to fantasy land. She also isn't doing anything with him this weekend so that's good. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 There's just one answer to this level of in-your-face-remorselessness and cruelty: File for divorce ASAP and stop communicating with her at all except as it concerns kids or finances, and even then only by email. F*ck this bitch. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
james1989 Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 I know exposing the affair did a huge number on her because she left work as soon as she got there because word travels fast there. Affairs don't last under critical scrutiny. So, I hear and they also tend to have a high failure rate anyway. What's going to happen is she's going to realize how she f..cked up once reality hits her. Right now, it seems like she's sitting on the fence to fantasy land. She also isn't doing anything with him this weekend so that's good. your wife is fu*king another man she should not be doing anything with him ever. Yeah she will realize how fuc*up she is but only when she realizes that you wont put up with her bullsh*t move back home and tell her to move out Link to post Share on other sites
Author JHS045 Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 She just called me. I tried to stay as calm as possible. She was blowing up. Which they usually do. Said she transferred all the bills to her name and that I can't stay. I calmly tried to let her know that if she wants to continue seeing him, she can move out. She did not budge. Link to post Share on other sites
james1989 Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 She just called me. I tried to stay as calm as possible. She was blowing up. Which they usually do. Said she transferred all the bills to her name and that I can't stay. I calmly tried to let her know that if she wants to continue seeing him, she can move out. She did not budge. who owns the house?? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 ahhh you cant nice your wife out of an affair. Thats what he has been doing and it has failed him miserably he has warned her he is coming over he is trying to be nice to her so she can have time to prepare herself for his arrival I'm not remotely suggesting that he try to "nice her back." Trust me, I get it. IMHO, it's about having healthy, firm boundaries. You can absolutely be firm about what behaviors are acceptable and you can decide what actions you'll take when your boundaries are crossed. That shows strength. Resisting your urge to react emotionally also shows strength. Becoming a violent arsehole doesn't show strength; it shows weakness. Rational decisiveness to protect your marriage and child is the goal here. Just my $.02 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 She just called me. I tried to stay as calm as possible. She was blowing up. Which they usually do. Said she transferred all the bills to her name and that I can't stay. I calmly tried to let her know that if she wants to continue seeing him, she can move out. She did not budge. It's fixin' to get nasty(er). Have a VAR with you any time you're around her. Largely to protect yourself from a false DV claim, but they can come in handy in other circumstances as well. They run about fifty bucks at Bestbuy or Walmart. Link to post Share on other sites
james1989 Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 I'm not remotely suggesting that he try to "nice her back." Trust me, I get it. IMHO, it's about having healthy, firm boundaries. You can absolutely be firm about what behaviors are acceptable and you can decide what actions you'll take when your boundaries are crossed. That shows strength. Resisting your urge to react emotionally also shows strength. Becoming a violent arsehole doesn't show strength; it shows weakness. Rational decisiveness to protect your marriage and child is the goal here. Just my $.02 im not suggesting he go into the house and lose his **** but moving out and shaking the OM hand as he was on his couch is just insanity. Not being nice isint getting angry and losing your sh*t its having a backbone and standing up for yourself and in this case its setting boundaries 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Additional information: I f'd up and texted her that I'm coming home tonight, and that he better not be there. Yep! You f*cked up. Remember to stop off and get that VAR and order a new bed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 She did not budge. Unless she has some legal claim to the house that you don't, then you don't budge either. I'd bet the house is a marital asset. You have as much right to it as she does. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JHS045 Posted August 28, 2014 Author Share Posted August 28, 2014 Unless she has some legal claim to the house that you don't, then you don't budge either. I'd bet the house is a marital asset. You have as much right to it as she does. It's actually just an apartment and the lease is up. She wants me to go half on the upcoming rent as well, since I lived there in August. If that's how she wants to play it, I'll pay for my daughter's well-being but I'm not paying her rent too. She'll have to figure that one on her own. She doesn't make nearly enough to live there on her own. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 It's actually just an apartment and the lease is up. She wants me to go half on the upcoming rent as well, since I lived there in August. If that's how she wants to play it, I'll pay for my daughter's well-being but I'm not paying her rent too. She'll have to figure that one on her own. She doesn't make nearly enough to live there on her own. Okay, in that case I wouldn't pay a dime towards her rent. Your daughter can live with you if that's a financial problem for your "wife". Have you talked to an attorney yet? Link to post Share on other sites
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