sidneydt Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 He is a coworker and a friend. Wehave the same group of friends so we usually hang out together. I’m single, he has a girlfriend. Hecourted me before but I rejected him, and now he and his girlfriend have beensteady for over a year. Still, he keeps on pursuing me secretly. I have been resisting his advances,but somehow there are cracks on the wall I have built. There would be theoccasional very long phone calls, the texts. Our friends keep pushing ustogether. It’s been two years since the thing between us and they still keepteasing us. I don’t know when it started, but Isuddenly liked the way he smells, his jokes which used to be so corny startedmaking me laugh, and the things that used to bother me about him didn’t reallyseem to matter. I got scared, so I gave him an ultimatum: to fix thegirlfriend situation, or stop fooling around with me. We talked and he acknowledge thathe can’t leave her, and we agreed that there should be no more ‘weird’ stuffbetween us and we stay being friends. We were ok for a month. Then the textsbegan again. And the stupid me would respond. It would be the most innocenttopics, like the release of a new episode of the series we both like, orcopying a file. Then the calls came next. And I kepton answering. Eventually I came to my senses and told him we should stop it. Iknow he wants to keep me on the side, and I don’t want any part of that. Hedoesn’t seem to get that. And I’m so disappointed that hethinks I don’t deserve more than that. I can see no good ending for this. Ugh, I want this to stop. I want togo back to not caring about him. I want to cut all contact, but I see him atwork every day! I’m sick of being associated with him, but we have commonfriends. We all have the same lunch break,so I have to see him during break times too. Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
StormyEyes Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 You deserve so much more than this man has to offer. If he did by some miracle break up with his girlfriend and started dating you, would you really want him? Knowing what little respect he has for his current girlfriend? What makes you think he won't do the exact same thing again? You know what you have to do. Be the stronger, better person. Respect yourself. Block his number. Tell him if he does not stop you will talk to his girlfriend and present her with plenty of evidence. And if he doesn't, you need to follow through. Apologize to her, but make sure she knows the truth. Men like him will never change unless faced with the consequences of their behavior. So far he is getting just what he wants. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Look, I get it and maybe he can be charming, but the thing is once you told him it was the girlfriend or else, he chose her. He's no prize or he wouldn't be sneaking around with you the whole time. But the fact is, once you called his bluff, he took off in the other direction, just like my old Chihuahua did the time the bunny she was chasing stopped and turned around. This man is a chihuahua who only chases if you're running. Let someone better and more honest catch you. You know how to block him. It's on you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 I have had the same kind of stuff going on for 6 years. I soon told him to get lost. He mostly did but I do know he chats up anyone at work who he finds attractive in some way. He tried hard with me. He met someone a just over a year ago and they live together. He still tries to chat me up in person and via mail but I blocked his mobile. Simple! Link to post Share on other sites
Kamila Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 Those kind of men only respond to action, which should be: do nothing. Do not text him, do not call him, do not respond to his texts, do not respond to his calls. In sum, do not initiate ANYTHING with him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sidneydt Posted August 30, 2014 Author Share Posted August 30, 2014 I want to do the no contact thing, and eliminating the calls and text is easy. The hard part is completely not talking to him. As a friend he likes teasing people, and he does that with me. It's kinda awkward to be aloof with him when we are around friends, and he takes advantage of that, like he's provoking me. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamila Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 I want to do the no contact thing, and eliminating the calls and text is easy. The hard part is completely not talking to him. As a friend he likes teasing people, and he does that with me. It's kinda awkward to be aloof with him when we are around friends, and he takes advantage of that, like he's provoking me. If you don't harden yourself, he's not going to stop taking advantage of you. Because you let him. Beat him at his own game ... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Polak Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 It's kinda awkward to be aloof with him when we are around friends, and he takes advantage of that, like he's provoking me. At the most, you'll have to endure a slight bit of awkwardness in order to get past the point where he might think you're playing along. Be blunt if you have to. Your goal is to make it very well known that you don't want to have anything to do with him, regardless if it's around your friends or not. That way he stops playing games with you. Him wanting you around as just a side attraction should make you all the more determined to shut him down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sidneydt Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 So I started No Contact yesterday. When he noticed he sent me a message asking me what my problem was. I didn't respond. After work we all had to go to this party, and as we were walking to the car he was literally poking me, or tugging at my jacket, my hair, or my bag to get my attention. I kept my resolve to ignore him the whole time. Usually after the party we all go home together, but this time he went home alone. I thought, good, I'm making progress. But just this morning my first thought was to check my phone to see if he has any messages, and I felt disappointed to find none. I felt this dull pain, when I thought I'd feel better. Oh well, it takes one day at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 You need to tell him you want him to stop bugging you. Don't sit by him ever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweet108 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Why can't he leave his girlfriend? And yeah what the other poster said,would you really want him if he did anyway? He sounds like a serial cheater. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sidneydt Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Why can't he leave his girlfriend? And yeah what the other poster said,would you really want him if he did anyway? He sounds like a serial cheater. Reasons he said were that she loves him so much, and his family loves her. He said he'd tried breaking up with her before, but she told him she'd leave her job because she can't bear seeing him everyday. She's the family breadwinner and he didn't want to 'ruin' their lives. All these reasons for me are very lame. And yes, I wouldn't really be 'winning' anything if I get him. I just want to have nothing to do with him, and I told him that. He then proceeded to telling me that I am the woman of his dreams, and he will always love me. Hah! How lame is that? Link to post Share on other sites
Thruster Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Sidney: If you want him no more my advice is -- stop chatting - talking - replying - even glancing his way some of the guys don't get the hint until a few months but you need to cut it off -- well we get that hint real fast Link to post Share on other sites
Author sidneydt Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 Sidney: my advice is -- stop chatting - talking - replying - even glancing his way Noted, but it's gonna be a challenge tomorrow: we're going to have a company bonding and he's in my group. I'll keep the NC, and no eye contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Thruster Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 blow him off as much as you can won't be long until the group figures it out hold you ground - any hint of a chat and BLAM! right back to step one all over again Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Kamila Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 It's kinda hard to forget him if you work with him. Not that it's impossible, it's just something that even I think I could hardly do ... Link to post Share on other sites
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