SouthernMan111 Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 Hi everyone, My girlfriend and I have been dating for around 9 months. She's 22 and i'm 26. We have an amazing relationship and she is the most wonderful woman i've ever known or had the privilege of being with. I love her with all my heart and look toward spending the rest of my life with her. On our second date about 9 months ago we were having a conversation about our histories, relationships in general and our expectations going forward. During that conversation, she told me that she would never consider being with or marrying any man that had done anything sexual with a stripper. A few years ago I was going through severe depression with medical issues, was hospitalised for months, had thoughts of suicide and was generally in a very rebellious state, and during that time a stripper gave me oral sex with a condom. This is the only time i've done anything of that nature. I lied to my now girlfriend when she asked me if i'd ever done anything with a stripper because I wanted things to go further with her, instantly regretting it afterward but doing nothing to remedy it. Now I see myself as being a generally conservative guy, having slept with 6 women in my life, 3 of them in relationships, and having done very little as far as being adventurous goes. However, my girlfriend has slept with more people (guys and girls) than that, has been in a threesome etc. The difference is that she has always been completely honest and open with me about her past, and whenever a conversation comes up about mine I know that I have lied about this one issue. I can honestly say that there is absolutely nothing else in our relationship I have lied about, sexual or otherwise, and I am terrified that if I come clean about this lie (as i want to) it will completely destroy the trust between us and make her question everything else i've ever told her, all of which has been the truth. She is very insecure, has had abusive relationships in the past and guys cheating on her, and it is killing me to think that this will destroy the relationship we've built. I know that having kept this lie while preaching honesty makes me a hypocrite and a lier, and I want to take responsibility for my actions, but I don't know how to do so without causing irreparable damage to the trust we've taken so long to build. Any advice appreciated, thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
acapelo_dp Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 I think it is kind of hypocritical of her to say that she would never be with a guy who has done anything with a stripper, yet she has had threesomes, etc...strange. But to each their own. I think if she is being honest with you, you should open up and be honest with her as well. I am one to never really bring up past sexual endeavors, but if my partner asks me a specific question I will answer honestly. I think that is what you should do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 No offense but her sexual past is definitely not as innocent as she wants you to believe. I guess she just wants to protect herself from the "slut"-stamp society would give her if anyone else ever found out; which makes it even more remarkable that she still opened up to you. Well, there's only 2 options: 1. Risk something and tell the truth 2. Just forget about it 'cause obviously you're not the type of guy that meets strippers every weekend next to having a GF If you decide to tell the truth, then tell her what you told us here - with her past about abusive relationships, you didn't want to be honest about it first because you didn't want to destroy what you have or make her loose trust in you. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 Stop worrying about it. It was a one time thing, and it happened 2 years before you met. You are not obligated to mention it to her, in fact you are not obligated to reveal ever little indiscretion you had. I also feel your numbers are no ones business either. If she is that damaged, boy you have some struggles in this relationship ahead of you, even in your marriage.....choose wisely. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 it is a double standard and not really fair ......and you responded with a doubel standard, I am going to suggest coming clean,and standing by your own principals whatever happens stay true to who you are..... i would have a problem with a guy using an escort while i was seeing him or going to strip clubs while in a relationship with me.....what he has done in the past i would not judge.................because it would be hypocritical for me to judge him....truth .....i cant judge any man for his sexual history ...nor would I. Your gf ....has double standards...so dont follow them and come clean..deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author SouthernMan111 Posted September 1, 2014 Author Share Posted September 1, 2014 Thank you everyone for your advice. I sincerely appreciate the time everyone took to help me out. I took your advice and told her - it was a tough conversation but she took it much more understandingly than I expected and I feel a lot better about the fact now that I've come clean and have a clear conscience. Smackie9, noted your opinion also and thanks for taking the time. I'll be keeping an eye on things going forward. Thank you everyone again. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Hope to god she doesn't pull that one out of the hat when you have a heated argument. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 It is strange to me she doesn't like strippers, but is the type to have a three some. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Hope to god she doesn't pull that one out of the hat when you have a heated argument. He could well respond with his opinion of threesomes.... The more sensible approach, of course, would be to suggest that the past belongs to the past, and if she insists on using previous experiences to combat present arguments, she already reveals a weakened position, because she obviously feels that current issues are insufficient ammunition with which to beat him over the head with. Anyone resorting to using old gripes, is clutching at straws, and unattractively so. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts