cranberry Posted February 16, 2001 Share Posted February 16, 2001 Thanks to those who replied my previous message today I have another question. This boyfriend is my first one. He's the first one I kissed, etc. It feels great but sometimes I wonder about other guys - not because my bf is doing something bad - we're in love & all - but sometimes I get really curious about other guys - just to have something to compare to I guess - natural curiosity, no? Curiosity only in the physical sense though, mentally I'm happy with my bf and don't want any other. It's a very current issue because my dance partner just asked if i want to go to a movie after practice, so ... So - should I just control my curiosity? I have thought about taking a break (say, a couple months) with my bf and trying other people (both of us) and getting back together if we still want to... However, I'm afraid that won't wokr because he has already mentioned engagement and stuff, and seems to be really sure he wants to marry me & all... which is cool with me but... Sometimes I really wish I met him a bit later in my life, so that I could explore more before him... Any advice? Do you understand how I feel? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 16, 2001 Share Posted February 16, 2001 Don't get pressured into getting married. You aren't nearly ready. You've got to get a lot of things out of your system...I guess kissing is one of them. If you don't see other guys before you get married, you will have a burning curiosity all your days and you may be quite inclined to cheat. Now, I can tell you from a man's point of view that women are somewhat different from each other. Their style of relating romantically...holding hands, touching, kissing, etc. etc., really varies. Each has her own individual feel. So I guess it's the same way with men. I don't go out with men so I can't say for sure. But I can certainly understand what you mean. If you were really in love with the guy you were seeing there wouldn't be a morsel of curiosity inside of you or any desire whatsoever to take a few months off from the relationship to see what other guys are like. So, I think you need to take as much time as you desire to find someone you really love deeply...someone you won't need a vacation from...someone who will end for all time your curiosity about other men. Yeah, maybe you might come back to this dude you are seeing now...but maybe not. The more you sample the guys out there, the more you may want to sample. Good luck and happy travels. Link to post Share on other sites
Curious in Concert Posted February 16, 2001 Share Posted February 16, 2001 I would agree with Tony on this one, that if your love for this person isn't strong enough to stop you from wanting to "experiment" with other guys, to compare, then I don't think your love is strong enough to start considering marriage. I love my girlrfiend completely, and I don't want to try anyone else, even tho I know that there are other things that I've not tried with other people, I don't want to at all. I think you should do what you feel is right tho. Is his love your you strong enough that a few months with other people won't change his mind? Are you willing to try that? Link to post Share on other sites
cranberry Posted February 16, 2001 Share Posted February 16, 2001 Well no - i don't think he'd forgive me if i went with someone else. Thats why i've controlled my curiosity until now - i rlly dont wanna lose him. He's always telling me how he'd hate for others to touch me or kiss me... Marriage: no pressure, and it's a few years away anyway since we're in college. Do you think a couple one-night-stands behind his back is really mean? Cuz they might only make me realize i do want him for life. And if not - i'll tell him..... Thanks for advice Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 16, 2001 Share Posted February 16, 2001 Screwing a few guys behind your boyfriend's back sounds real fine with me. I mean, why be in a relationship if you can't be free to have a little side sex behind your boyfriend's back? I mean, if you find that it works out real well for you, you could recommend it to all your girlfriends. You may have just hit on something here!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Curious in Concert Posted February 16, 2001 Share Posted February 16, 2001 I'm seriously hoping that Tony was joking this comment of his. I think your idea of screwing a few guys behind his back is completely the -wrong- thing to do. If I found out my girlfriend had done that to me, even if it made her realize she only wanted to be, I'm not sure how I would react. I mean, what could I do? Leave her, because she cheated on em, or stay with her? Do you want to screw with your boyfriends head just as much as you seem to want to screw other guys? Link to post Share on other sites
Bobby Dygytul Posted February 16, 2001 Share Posted February 16, 2001 I think anyone that would cheat on someone like that, is the worst most low life scum of a human being on this earth. How can you play with someone's feelings like that? Do you have a conscience? If you do cheat on him, i will warn you now that you WILL GET CAUGHT. If someone has the need to sleep with several different people other than the person they have dedicated themselves too, then they shouldn't be in a relationship with anyone!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW, TAKE THAT YOU CHEATERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm seriously hoping that Tony was joking this comment of his. I think your idea of screwing a few guys behind his back is completely the -wrong- thing to do. If I found out my girlfriend had done that to me, even if it made her realize she only wanted to be, I'm not sure how I would react. I mean, what could I do? Leave her, because she cheated on em, or stay with her? Do you want to screw with your boyfriends head just as much as you seem to want to screw other guys? Link to post Share on other sites
alayvoa Posted February 16, 2001 Share Posted February 16, 2001 Oh my God, I have no idea how old you are but I think in 19-21. I did that to people when I was your age & left a trail of pain in ex-BF's hearts. That is totally selfish & could really drop someone over the edge not to mention screw up there future relations w/other people thanks to scars from people that think like that. Don't do that to anyone, respect them enough to break it off, then find out what you want. If it's right you'll find your way back & if the door for you is still open it was meant for you to walk through. Take responsiblity for everyone involved & don't mess with people like that. There's enough problems in this world without intentional heart breaking. If he's good to you, he deserves that much! Link to post Share on other sites
Bobby Dygytul Posted February 16, 2001 Share Posted February 16, 2001 Oh my God, I have no idea how old you are but I think in 19-21. I did that to people when I was your age & left a trail of pain in ex-BF's hearts. That is totally selfish & could really drop someone over the edge not to mention screw up there future relations w/other people thanks to scars from people that think like that. Don't do that to anyone, respect them enough to break it off, then find out what you want. If it's right you'll find your way back & if the door for you is still open it was meant for you to walk through. Take responsiblity for everyone involved & don't mess with people like that. There's enough problems in this world without intentional heart breaking. If he's good to you, he deserves that much! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 16, 2001 Share Posted February 16, 2001 Of course I was being sarcastic in my post above. It doesn't matter what age this poster is, she's just plain nuts. If she has to actually ask about this, she has recieved absolutely no moral or ethical training either from her family or in school. Link to post Share on other sites
cranberry Posted February 16, 2001 Share Posted February 16, 2001 Heya guys!! I really appreciate your emotional input. I must have put it wrong however. I wasnt talking bout screwing people. That's too special to do with whoever. I meant just kissing, hugging, fooling around. Do you still say the same thing? Thanks guys! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 16, 2001 Share Posted February 16, 2001 No matter what you want to do with other guys, if you find the need to do it...and to do it behind your boyfriend's back, you are in no way ready for a long term relationship. Why don't you go out there and just have some fun for a while. It would be doing yourself a favor...and your boyfriend a MAJOR favor. Stuff like that always gets back. People talk. You will pay unless you break up with your boyfriend first. Have some great one night stands kissing, hugging, fooling around and all that stuff. Sounds like fun to me. For your information, one night stand usually refers to a sexual encounter but, I suppose, if you're very young it could mean just watching television together...just ONE program. Link to post Share on other sites
Curious in Concert Posted February 16, 2001 Share Posted February 16, 2001 Its almost as bad to "just fool around" with someone behind your boyfriends back, and the screw someone behind your boyfriends back. How do you look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you love him, if you find that you need to feel what it feels like to be with someone else? I don't call that love. I think maybe you like him, but I don't think your in love if you have -any- need whatsoever to be with someone else, even if -you- only consider it "for comparison" Link to post Share on other sites
deepassion Posted February 18, 2001 Share Posted February 18, 2001 Thanks to those who replied my previous message today I have another question. This boyfriend is my first one. He's the first one I kissed, etc. It feels great but sometimes I wonder about other guys - not because my bf is doing something bad - we're in love & all - but sometimes I get really curious about other guys - just to have something to compare to I guess - natural curiosity, no? Curiosity only in the physical sense though, mentally I'm happy with my bf and don't want any other. It's a very current issue because my dance partner just asked if i want to go to a movie after practice, so ... So - should I just control my curiosity? I have thought about taking a break (say, a couple months) with my bf and trying other people (both of us) and getting back together if we still want to... However, I'm afraid that won't wokr because he has already mentioned engagement and stuff, and seems to be really sure he wants to marry me & all... which is cool with me but... Sometimes I really wish I met him a bit later in my life, so that I could explore more before him... Any advice? Do you understand how I feel? To Cranberry, It may be human nature to be curious about how it would feel to be with someone else but you must understand that you should of thought of this before your relationship progressed even further. I know it's hard to for-see the future but hunch of maybe commitment would of probably made you change your mind about settling down and therefore then you would be able to explore other options. What I'm basically trying to say is that if I were you I wouldn't even think twice about other options It wouldn't even cross my mind and if it crosses yours then it's probaly because, like curious in concert said, you may like him alot but your love may not be as strong for him as his feelings for you. Deepassion Link to post Share on other sites
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