NJBoss Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Hi I'm new, I came across this site and think this is what I need to get me over the hump. Here's the story I've been going through... Dated her for 5 years, got married and have been married for 12 years. Married in 02 and in 05 my mom went in for the flu and came out with stage 4 cancer and 30 days to live. I surrendered a baseball scholarship and left college in 94 when my dad passed of a heart attack to take care of my mom and pay for the house and bills, she never worked, and wasn't going to have her start. We were close. I spent 05 giving her bedside care. we got 8 months from her but it was a rough painful experience. I never felt we had issues. I worked and got her through nursing masters. She had school, I was working and trying to survive life losing both parents before 30. Sept 2012 comes..I come home from the grocery store she picks a fight and explodes, she goes to her parents locally and said she needs to work on herself. No other explanation. She never answers my calls, or texts and a few sparing emails. I've been dealing with that for 2 years now. We had a an agreement she would pay the rent on our townhouse and I the bills while this separation was going on. Last May she was late, emailed and said she wasnt paying. I had to leave my job, move from FL to NC and stay with my brother. Could only afford what I could fit in my truck. Brought my clothes my dog, and some basics. Had to leave everything else, including all the family items I had from my parents like antique furniture. Told her to store it. Think she sold everything in the house. I couldn't find work in NC for 4 months. Came back to FL and got my old job back. So two years...I'm stupid?? still in love? she must of cheated right? no closeure, I need some sort of closure. or do I? How can my wife who I have been with for nearly 20 years leave and never call. Not sure I have the money that the lawyers are saying it will cost. Not sure what I would be leaving on the table financially. She wanted a marital settlement agreement and thats it. But my friends say probably because she owes me a lot of money. Two years...lonely, and clock is ticking...should I date?? Been hurt with several other small tricks...she cancelled my health insurance with no notice... I will answer questions as they come up....just need some friendly thoughts on all this... live in FL and divorce to start is about 4g. Don't have that right now Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 You have been separated, not living in the same house for at least 2 years? And it doesn't sound like there is very much of financial assets to go around (if her missing one or two months' rent on the townhouse forced you to vacate and move to your brother's)? It ought not cost you 4g to make this divorce final. Check if your local bookstore has a 'dyi divorce kit' for your jurisdiction. (That's where I started, and the whole thing cost less than $1000 including using a lawyer where I could have done it myself...I just didn't want the bother. But it must be different depending on the jurisdiction.) A different place to start would be online or at your local civil court...just search/ask for whatever they have on do-it-yourself divorces where you live. Yes, start dating if you want to. Local to me, there is no such thing as "adultery" after a physical separation. Again, the proper and accurate of this kind of information is easily obtainable including online. You may simply have been limiting your own moving forward by doing nothing at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJBoss Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 Thanks Ronnie, your last comment made sense.Think your right Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Go to the help desk at the courthouse. The filing fee may be minimal...a few hundred dollars. Ask for their input. Request everything you want from her when you file the papers. Link to post Share on other sites
FairytaleNoMore Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Having that loss of closure sounds like an awful thing to go through. I have had that once but never with someone as close as my spouse. Please remember that YOU are the honorable one here. She pulled some messed up **** and you should start seeing her, not as the wife you had, but as the disloyal person that left you. You should speak with an attorney and ask if you file for divorce and she doesn't show up to the hearing, can the divorce be finalized. You do not want to spend money if it takes like 5 years of abandonment before it can be vaild. This is the closure you can get. You can take the power back. Link to post Share on other sites
jakrbbt Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 In my state the divorce papers cost ONE dollar at the local courthouse. Then the filing fee is about $275. I can't imagine states vary that widely. The biggest cost of divorce is usually 1) dividing assets and therefore losing some of your stuff or paying for the value of business, retirement, savings et c; and 2) lawyers' fees (often $150-$500 per hour, many people spend a few thousand on a lawyer for a fairly simple divorce). With few joint assets and no children, a lawyer is a lot less necessary. You think poor people never get divorced? You can afford a divorce. I hope you get closure and I think you deserve both legal and psychological closure. Link to post Share on other sites
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