newdaynewstart Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 It has been a week or so since I have posted last. Well...my initial try at NC of course did not last. Started off telling him NC, then I say we can be friends...well a few days later we are talking and carrying on as usual. Well in the past week...I lied and told him that I had been hanging out with someone. Of course he hates this. In his own little way he attempts to act like he does not care but then he ends up saying something where I know he can't stand it. For me...telling him this kind of helps me feel better about the situation because in some way it is my way of making him feel like he makes me feel. But then the other part of me feels terrible for lying and almost worse because it is not actually like there is this other guy in my life filling the void of not having MM there when I want him there. I go up and down with this whole situation. Some days I feel so ready to tell him to f off and then others I struggle so much with it all! Bottom line I keep telling myself is...if he wanted to be with me...he would be with me!!! Any others have experiences with lying and saying you are dating someone??? I know it is wrong but it in some ways makes it easier for me to just pretend that with him and try to gradually move away from this situation. Advice??? Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Lying is not per definition bad. Sometimes it can be an instrument you really need. There is nothing wrong with lying to get away from MM. If you want to get away from him or him to show the divorce papers, I would feel it is a permissible tactic to force him to make up his mind, or for you to begin moving on. You force the issue, by pretending you move on. Right now he is having his cake and eating it too. By pretending to move on, he will try to lure you back in, one way or the other, as he has not had enough. But as you have not moved on you are more susceptible at his attempts to lure you back in, than when you were actually moving on. So, the problem is that you have to remain strong and keep up the NC as much as possible, and don't fall back into the affair. Otherwise you become some sort of human yo-yo. Sometimes close, sometimes relatively far away from him, but always attached to him. Link to post Share on other sites
newby Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 its only bad if it makes you feel bad, i tend to swing to extremes of action and method when i am feeling out of control. you are only doing this to get some sort of control on a situation you feel you have no control over. thing you have to think is, why am i resorting to such tactics??? what kind of a situation am i in that makes me have to lie or play power games??? ideally you will be in a relationship where you dont feel the need to resort. do ya know what i'm saying? if you feel you are not secure then get out of the place that makes you feel that way. you have started, this is merely a stage in the process, it doesnt matter, let it slide. yu have already started moving in the right direction, you are doing something you are not used to doing and trying to find your footing, thats all. Link to post Share on other sites
SummerRae Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 hahaha, I laughed when I read your post, not because it was funny, but because I had thought of doing the same thing. I thought of telling him I was getting married just so he would think I was living happily-ever-after and not worrying about his sorry a$$. Unfortunately, I had time to think about it and reconsidered. I just didn't want to be "dishonest" because somehow I thought he would know, he would somehow sense my dishonesty and i would be just playing games. Quite telling about where I was. I just wanted to do ANYTHING to end it. When I did finally end up dating other men, I told him and he wasn't exactly happy about it. But he KNEW that I didn't feel for these other guys and even if I had lied about it, I'm sure he would have seen through it. He knew me that well.... If I were you, as much as it hurts, I would lose his number and do whatever you can to keep busy and keep your mind off of him. At first you're going to experience withdrawal, but you will get over it in time. Just keep trying, hun. And everytime you feel the urge, post here instead. I know it's helped me. Slowly restoring my sanity. Link to post Share on other sites
MsMree Posted March 3, 2005 Share Posted March 3, 2005 but i just did the very same thing - when MM was in TX i told him not to call me while he was there and to make a long story short, i told him i had a date (didn't have one!) I did not feel bad!! I felt bad that i didn't have a date (hahahaha!) - this was just my way of lett'g him know that i wasn't going to be home sulk'g (and i wasn't ) Well, yesterday i told him i have plans on Saturday - in fact i have been doing this nearly every weekend (which we spend together) - making plans doing something w/o him like going out w/a girlfriend - he asked me if it was the w/the same guy - then wanted me to elaborate on my date - so i know he got the mess'g. But i'm not just doing this to play games - the time is coming for me to leave this relationship and see what happens - it's my way of preparing him i suppose - because nothing will be settled w/us while he has his W in TX taking care of their children and me here being his semi-proper girlfriend. Don't feel so bad - we spend enough time doing that. Link to post Share on other sites
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