familygone Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 (edited) I don't know what will happen with the house now. I was going to offer to put it on the market contingent upon getting placement settled. The formal offer my wife made for placement wasn't as good as I thought it would be. Because my wife is trying to claim her paltry antiquing proceeds as current income, even though I would be doing about 45% of the care, yet getting only 29% of the overnights, she wants to use her "current" income instead of imputed income, what she's capable of earning. So then my child support goes up to 29% of gross income for the three kids, what I would pay if I lived far away and never cared for the kids at all. Just a lousy starting point. Wife apparently wants to go through nonsense lowball offers trying to gouge. I will explain to my lawyer that we have to start to assume the worst of my wife's intentions and her side. Describing my ex to a T.She so into herself too.This must happen to WI divorces only.I am in wi too Edited October 9, 2014 by familygone Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 I will explain to my lawyer that we have to start to assume the worst of my wife's intentions and her side. Doesn't mean you have to accept her *****. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Striver Posted October 9, 2014 Author Share Posted October 9, 2014 Doesn't mean you have to accept her *****. I was dismissive to her today at least. Had an hour and a half meeting today with my lawyer to discuss issues. Two main takeaways were that we should not sell the house until placement is resolved, and that ultimate rulings of 7/7 placement in WI are quite common. He gave approximate numbers of 60% 7/7, 20% 6/8, 20% 5/9. Basically nothing below 5/9 is done anymore in any sort of normal case, and my wife is currently offering 4/10. So I came home tonight, she asks about the house. I told her I could sell if placement is complete, not otherwise. She asks me if we are still far apart. I told her I'd get her an offer tomorrow. She gets pissy. I was dismissive. I will offer her a 6/8 schedule, modified from her 4/10 offer. My guess is she will turn it down. The 6/8 offer is to make a deal, and because her financial offer was good. If we go to court I will go to 7/7. She is yammering on again about us needing to be in separate households so our parenting can be evaluated. It's the third time she's mentioned it, and I'm getting sick of it. She can set up two households by moving out, I cannot stop that. We'll see what happens. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 She is yammering on again about us needing to be in separate households so our parenting can be evaluated. It's the third time she's mentioned it, and I'm getting sick of it. This idea of hers is simply nonsensical and irrelevant. It's like those math problems where they throw something in the equation that's got nothing to do with the solution. I'm glad you were dismissive toward her. She's probably not used to the real world stepping in and pointing out to her that not everything revolves around her wants and needs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted October 10, 2014 Share Posted October 10, 2014 I was dismissive to her today at least. Well done. Now be like this towards her until the divorce is finalized. She wanted the easy path, and she's getting it - only without the ease she thought it would have. Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted October 11, 2014 Share Posted October 11, 2014 I do see one major advantage to getting past the House issue. Just that. She will be OUT of your life. Sadly, you're not going to reach her to do anything for the sake of the kids. So maybe selling the house actually would be good for you - like REALLY good - because you won't have HER in it any more. I say do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Striver Posted October 12, 2014 Author Share Posted October 12, 2014 I do see one major advantage to getting past the House issue. Just that. She will be OUT of your life. Sadly, you're not going to reach her to do anything for the sake of the kids. So maybe selling the house actually would be good for you - like REALLY good - because you won't have HER in it any more. I say do it. Given the finances in our marriage I will not be coming out of it with all that much cash. Less from the house in return for keeping almost all of my retirement. So I could not afford to buy her out. She could probably afford to buy me out. But she doesn't want the house. The crosstown move is sort of pointless and wasteful, but at least she's not moving to another town. Things change daily, but she has not responded at all to my offer from yesterday. That means she probably didn't like it. So I don't know what will happen now, she may have a Plan B. Thinks I'm uncooperative or whatever by wanting a 6/8 placement plan. At this point I will do either 6/8 or 50-50 and nothing else. She basically offered me 6/8 with 4 overnights, I am going to take the overnights I am due. The worst I would get in my state through the courts is 5/9 anyway, why settle for that. If she had offered 5/9 maybe things would be better, but she has been lowballing and trying to max out on child support. So who knows how long this will take. Link to post Share on other sites
Oberfeldwebel Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 I am glad that you are starting to move forward. The best thing you can do is to move forward in you and your children's best interest. You are spot on with custody, don't let her talk you down lower and closest to 50-50 is the best interest of the children. Don't let her drag you into stupid battles or let emotions guide you. The house is a business decision and needs to be treated as such. Your STBX is no longer your friend, buddy or pal. She is your children's mother and should be treated cordially for their sake and not hers. Exercise will help relieve stress and make a healthier you. Make the time with your kids special and do as many fun things as you can. It doesn't have to take a lot of cash, it is your attention that they want. Do fun things for you as well, hobbies, friends, sports, etc. You have made a lot of progress in a short period of time, stay on track. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Hugs and kudos; keep up the good work and posts. I imagine putting the details of the divorce settlement will also glean good advice from experienced souls if needed, but sounds like you're more on top of things than you may realize. Sure sounds like getting rid of the house harbors happier days since it will mean getting away from her as a daily trigger. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 Correct me if I am wrong. Your initial post says it was an EA but you have in house separation so she can date OM so it is most certainly not an EA at this point but rather a full blown affair. You cannot expect anything but disrespect from her because unfortunately you have let her cake eat and have herself an open relationship at your expense for too long now. You need to become an absolute bastard and give her a dose of her own medicine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Striver Posted October 16, 2014 Author Share Posted October 16, 2014 Correct me if I am wrong. Your initial post says it was an EA but you have in house separation so she can date OM so it is most certainly not an EA at this point but rather a full blown affair. You cannot expect anything but disrespect from her because unfortunately you have let her cake eat and have herself an open relationship at your expense for too long now. You need to become an absolute bastard and give her a dose of her own medicine. For the marriage, about all I could have done is divorced her myself, speeded the process. I tried other things, confrontation, exposure, she never cared. I'm sure she is well aware that I hate her. It might even be worse post-divorce for a while because I'm caught up in so much other crap that she is bringing on, haven't had time to process all of those feelings. I'm sure she also does not "get" the magnitude of the pain she is dishing out, her selfishness, her narcissism. Otherwise, divorce is no-fault, she is my co-parent, we have a long road ahead, and that needs to be put ahead of her failures as a wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Striver Posted October 16, 2014 Author Share Posted October 16, 2014 (edited) She finally got back to me 5 days after my offer on Friday. Basically accepted everything I offered except she only came up to 5 days placement instead of 6. I'll see if I can throw her a bone to get up to 6. Of course, when she was waiting for me it's rush rush rush, but she can feel free to take her time. Typical of her... She bought two copies of the book "The Good Divorce." Maybe thought we could read it together? I love my books, and I have no reason to pick fights because of the kids, but good divorce? We were not fighting for years. She got bored and never worked on the marriage, never tried. The signs you look for in the past when something like this happens... she had a dog when we met. I loved the dog as well as her; cute, lovable dog. Not necessarily a dog person, just loved this dog. Anyway, the dog ages. I was the one who had to bargain with her to get the dog an extra year of life. She wanted to put it down a year earlier. She relented in this case and the dog had a bit of a comeback and a nice last year before it declined again and it was time. But it was her dog, and still it's just always the same with her. Now she doesn't want to get the same breed of dog, but a different one because that one sheds too much. She is so consistent with this, so project oriented, then gets bored/impatient and wants to do something else. I am the one who wants the stability and continuity. But she is so consistent in her approach that eventually she was going to set her sights on me. What chance did I ever have? Edited October 16, 2014 by Striver punctuation added Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 She bought two copies of the book "The Good Divorce." If she gave you one of those books, I hope you handed it back to her and said "Here, you really ought to read it twice", right? Anyway, the dog ages. I was the one who had to bargain with her to get the dog an extra year of life. She wanted to put it down a year earlier. Big red flag. Always stay away from people who would readily kill their pets. My mother had a friend like that once a couple of years ago (as her son told me, she put their dog to sleep when he got older and wasn't listening as good as he used to). She was our neighbour, I had befriended her son, nice and dandy. She was divorced too, it could have been a pretty good divorced-single-mothers relationship - and then she turned out to have some kind of schizophrenia. One day just told me I wasn't allowed to play with her son anymore. My mother went after her, questioned her, they had a little big fight and within a few minutes a year of 'friendship' ended because *shrug*. I really wonder how her 2 ex husbands put up with it, on the other hand, she got pregnant from both and probably receives alimony from both... and after that little meltdown with my mother, we heard her scream at her son from his room almost regularly. No wonder he transformed into someone very toxic in no time. His little sister too sadly when she didn't make it into a higher school. Either way - you fell for a witch. Grab your pieces and put them together at a better place. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Striver Posted October 20, 2014 Author Share Posted October 20, 2014 She agreed to almost everything in a plan I sent her except for one thing. I will have the kids on a weekend starting Friday evening. I want to return them to school Monday for a 6-8 plan. She is insisting on me returning them to her Sunday night for 5-9. Hers is more awkward, obviously. So I get back to her saying I still want 6-8. She loses it, says she is being more than generous, threatens to force sale of the house (which she likely can't do.) Now she wants the equity from the house to BUY a retail place where she can sell antiques. Buying a single retail property just seems beyond stupid to me, but what do I know. Financially I am going to be better off jumping off her crazy train. Just a case of a formerly sensible person jumping off the deep end and having access to family money. The stability of the kids is another thing. Schools are ?, homes are ?, placement is ?, income of one of the parents is ? None of it my choice. I am getting about 6 days worth of placement but only 5 overnights right now. I'll have to debate on what I want to fight for. The more belligerent she gets, the more hissy fits she throws just makes me want to stand up to her all the more. The kids need a stable presence in their lives, and I'll have to figure out the best way I can meet that need. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Striver Posted October 21, 2014 Author Share Posted October 21, 2014 I gotta add something here. STBxW is so narcissistic and bossy, there have been a dozen times during this whole experience when she has TOLD me what I should be thinking or feeling, what kind of person I should date in the future, where I should live in the future, what kind of relationship I should have with the kids, and on and on and on. Just a couple of days ago I wrote her that while she wants to sell the house NOW, there's no incentive for me at this time since I don't need the money to buy some other place to live right now. Then she writes me and says "yeah, it does not benefit you, but AREN'T YOU sick of tiptoeing around the house, etc." STBxW, you are not my friend. I no longer care about your endless opinions. I am processing and moving on just fine without you, thank you. Yeesh. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Why not just say the last paragraph to her - maybe add no one is listening. I gotta add something here. STBxW is so narcissistic and bossy, there have been a dozen times during this whole experience when she has TOLD me what I should be thinking or feeling, what kind of person I should date in the future, where I should live in the future, what kind of relationship I should have with the kids, and on and on and on. Just a couple of days ago I wrote her that while she wants to sell the house NOW, there's no incentive for me at this time since I don't need the money to buy some other place to live right now. Then she writes me and says "yeah, it does not benefit you, but AREN'T YOU sick of tiptoeing around the house, etc." STBxW, you are not my friend. I no longer care about your endless opinions. I am processing and moving on just fine without you, thank you. Yeesh. Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 Stop all contact, except necessary communication regarding children or aging parents or maintenance bills. Everything else? Talk to your lawyer and have he/she contact my lawyer. 'Nuff said." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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