Looking for more from a friend- Need outside opinions on situation...

[lost_in_a_dream]

So after a very hard and nasty breakup last May I've transferred schools, new town, new people. Made some new friends and now I'm starting to actually have real feelings for someone.

 

We flirt, we talk like old friends, we've gone out for coffee and quick bites to eat. Nothing other than friends. His girlfriend of 2 years broke up with him the day I met him(two months ago). We've become pretty close in discussing love, graduating college, and where we'd like to see our lives head for the next five years. We're on a similar path.

 

The thing is- every time we start the whole flirtatious behavior I change into some bitchy person and clam up. He cornered me yesterday and said that I would scare away any potential guy because I pretend to be so independent and harsh when he knows I'm about as needy as an infant when it comes to relationships. His ability to see through my antics scared me and I ended the conversation and said goodnight. Our co-workers keep telling us to get it over and date one another but he said he can't date anyone he works with incase it doesn't work out.

 

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place wondering if this is a 'crush' that I'll get over or if I need to somehow make my feelings known. Easier said than done when it's crucial we maintain a professional relationship as we work in close quarters. I've tried to distance myself from him but the feelings are still there and grow with every conversation, look, touch we share. The flirting is fun, it keeps things alive when we're working late into the night- but I can't keep that up if we're never going to date or move this relationship further. The other night in the middle of one of our classic 'bickering' fests I got frustrated and turned to him and yelled 'I don't know whether to hit you or...' and in my head the other part was 'kiss you' and it sucked because he knew and got that smile on his face that said he knew and then he said 'or what?' and I couldn't say it.

 

Sigh... I'm not even sure what my question is. I just am looking for insight on what others might do in my situation.

[greeneyedgirl23]

HI!

 

I know how frustrating it is, having feelings for someone you are friends with. You should read my post. It sounds like he knows how you feel for him, but that he is kinda scared of making a move on you. This could be for a couple of reasons. 1. he is worried about working with someone he is involved with. Or 2. He has feelings for you and is afraid of a commitment. Maybe he see's how the two of you are good for eachother, and he doesn't want to rush into things. It sounds to me as if he has mutual feelings, but can't talk about it right now for some reason. I know its hard, but just give him some time. Like you said, he just got out of a long term relationship. maybe he just wants to play it cool for a little bit and knows that there is good potential for something more between the two of you!

 

Keep Me Posted!

[angelj]

i think you should give it some time.

 

this was how my boy (in my post) and i began. if you feel a chemistry there, you are generally correct. its just that one or both of you dont know how to approach it/handle it and maybe its just not the right time. the stupid old cliche is if its meant to happen it will happen. and TRUST ME i hate hearing that. but its true. time is both your friend and your enemy. time heals but time also makes one move on. for now, keep the flirting and the bickering up and alive. one day one of you will give in and then it will be a whole new can of worms.

 

try reading mine. im absolutely fabulous at giving advice but i completely SUCK at taking it.

 

good luck keep me posted as well

[angelj]

one more thing...

 

i recently attended a speech given on worrying and anxiety at a local church. i dont know how religious of a person you are but it gave some valuable insight. one of the examples the speaker gave stuck with me. it was about the daily bread you are given and how you should not worry about the bread of next week. he put it like this - if its sunday you are given sundays bread. it does not pay to worry about wednesdays bread because if you were given wednesday's bread on sunday, it would be stale by wednesday! put it this way - its not good to wrory too much about the things you have no control over. contain your emotions and work on bettering yourself and them in the process. but dont worry.

 

i wsih i could listen to myself!

[lost_in_a_dream]

minor update-

 

so yesterday after the posts and what not I got the courage to talk with him for a few minutes. (actually, he asked me if I needed to talk because I was acting funny)...

 

I said something about not being able to express myself the way I wanted and he started in with how he can see what I mean and what I wanted. He also made me describe the last three guys that I've gone out on a date with (all of whom were complete dicks or a**h***s). He said that putting up this front shows the 'good guys' that I'm hiding something and then we started to talk about why I put up the front and he got frustrated and said that I need to stop talking in puzzles and metaphores and just say what I need. Feeling a bit like he just attacked me I shot the same thing back to him. We sighed, walked in silence, and after a couple of minutes he changed the subject and we parted on a good note.

 

I'm not sure if that whole thing was good or bad...

[alphamale]

Originally posted by lost_in_a_dream

He cornered me yesterday and said that I would scare away any potential guy because I pretend to be so independent and harsh when he knows I'm about as needy as an infant when it comes to relationships.

most women are like this.

[Jardin]

Alpha--

 

Neediness and immaturity are not gender specific!

[SuperFantastico]

You know a trick of the big companies is to put the flashy expensive stuff up front when you first walk into a store. They want you to buy the first thing you see that you like, and it will probably be the most expensive and possibly not the best thing for you.

 

Same thing in this situation. You just moved into a new town, new start. This is the first guy you seem to like. Dont impulse buy. There are better deals and better products if you shop around some more.

 

My friend and i use to joke about how we were more married than him and his wife. When you work with someone day in and day out, you become close to them. Its like pop music stations. You are stuck listening to what they like, until you like it too. Some of your feelings might be for the very fact that you see him everyday, you get use to him, takes the guess work out of meeting someone new.

 

........bah im blathering.....probably the rye and coke

[organic chemistry]

Originally posted by lost_in_a_dream

So after a very hard and nasty breakup last May I've transferred schools, new town, new people. Made some new friends and now I'm starting to actually have real feelings for someone.

 

We flirt, we talk like old friends, we've gone out for coffee and quick bites to eat. Nothing other than friends. His girlfriend of 2 years broke up with him the day I met him(two months ago). We've become pretty close in discussing love, graduating college, and where we'd like to see our lives head for the next five years. We're on a similar path.

 

 

hey...u r just like me...exactly the same...haha...

 

me too...got thro a tough break up last march...transferred sch last fall...new town, new people, made some new friends and now i'm starting to acutally have real feelings for someone.

 

but i try to put flirting to a minimal...we r ok gd friends...we've gone out for coffee and quick bites to eat...nothing other than friends...we have been friends for 5 months...but we r friends...nothing more...but my feelings r growing...

 

to a point like i dun care...i just wanna wanna tell him how i feel...coz i'm not a super flirty type...and i'm so independent and tough girl...that i dun think he'll realize until i said something....

 

SHOULD I SAY SOMETHING TO HIM? i'm so tired of feeling depressed...

[organic chemistry]

Originally posted by lost_in_a_dream

 

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place wondering if this is a 'crush' that I'll get over or if I need to somehow make my feelings known. .

 

and me too...i know this crush...i'll get over it anyway....now i'm really feeling sad and depressed...but somehow i'll get over it given enough time...

 

BUT if he's really a great guy...i dun wanna lose him as well....why do i have to let this crush go away....

 

should the girl say something to the guy...