Agree or disagree? "if two people can be friends after break up then,

[Sweet108]

Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

 

"If two people can remain friends after break up then, either they are still in love or they never were."

[CarrieT]

Totally disagree.

 

I am now 50 years old with dozens of relationships behind me. Six of those relationships were long-term but, for a variety of reasons, did not last.

 

I believe we - as people - were drawn to each other for a reason but even though the romantic attachment could not continue, the affinity we had for each other does not need to end.

 

I recently got married (last November) and with one exception, I am friends with ALL my Ex's; including one that goes back to childhood. There will always be a level of love and affection, but not on a range or scale that could make a life-long relationship possible.

 

My new husband has met a number of my Ex's (we've had them over for dinner or whatnot) and there is no jealousy and no fear that I am still pining for any of those men.

[carhill]

All depends how the person defines friends.

 

My emotional attachments to people I call friends are too strong to maintain with past spouses/partners. It simply wouldn't work. We're too entwined in each other's lives.

 

Acquaintances, sure. My exW wife and I get on fine when we, rarely, have any contact. Friends? Nah, if we were friends we'd still be married.

[Mister Zen]

Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

 

"If two people can remain friends after break up then, either they are still in love or they never were."

 

Since every situation is different, I think its dangerous to make "carved in stone" rules about any human behavior. People are not like math problems where 2+2 always equals 4.

[salparadise]

I would say not true, but it does depend on a few things, including the definition of friends, as carhill said. I've had only one serious relationship (meaning I would've considered marrying her) since my divorce 4 years ago. It was long distance and she ended it because all of the travel couldn't be sustained and we couldn't move (both had kids in school), plus some fundamental differences (she's very religious and I'm not). And I think she has an idealized image of the man she wants, and it isn't quite me. I was heartbroken for awhile.

 

But we had a nice relationship in that we both conducted ourselves with integrity and we treated each other extremely well. She is highly intelligent, caring, feeling and communicative. She thinks like me in a lot of ways, she understands me and I her. She definitely raised the bar for what I seek in a relationship. I think we were in love at one time but no longer.

 

We are now "friends" by some definition. We talk about once a month, typically for 2 hours whenever we get started. We share feelings and frustrations. She is the one person in this world to whom I feel I can say how I feel and she will care and understand without acting like it's a burden. I try to be the same for her.

[FitChick]

It depends on the people. You can be friends with someone you once loved generally if you've been seriously involved with others since that time. If I still loved the guy there is no way I'd want to see him.

[2.50 a gallon]

For me, once we cross over into lovers in love, there is no going back. We can never be just friends again.

[carhill]

Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

 

"If two people can remain friends after break up then, either they are still in love or they never were."

OP, got off on the friendship definition tangent and didn't directly address this. IMO, the scope of choices is too narrow, so I'd disagree with the choices offered. There might be other choices I'd agree with, again dependent upon the individual's definition of aspects of relationships like 'love', 'in love', 'friendship', etc.

[Toodaloo]

What a load of Bull*&%@.

 

It depends on the people and the relationship. I have many great friends who are also exes and no you would never know. In each case we decided that friendship is what we were good at and a relationship wasn't for us. It took time and effort but its worth it. Equally I have exes that I will never speak to again.

 

Just because you love someone doesn't mean you should be in a sexual relationship with them. Love can also develop in many ways from initial whoo hoo to a gradual deeper connection. To generalise like this is stupidity.

[Maleficent]

Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

 

"If two people can remain friends after break up then, either they are still in love or they never were."

 

Disagree.

 

I think two people who were together for x amount of time and are now friends shows a lot of emotional intelligence and stability from both parts.

 

I never got the whole 'we loved each other for years but now we hate each other unless something really bad happened (cheating and such). I also never got the whole 'evil ex' or 'bitch new girlfriend' mentality either...

[Mr Scorpio]

I suppose it depends on the circumstances that led to the breakup.

 

If two people mutually decided to breakup and the relationship remained amicable than it sounds entirely possible.

 

If one person pulled the rug out from the other, no way.

[MissBee]

I'm not good friends with any of my exes personally. We broke up and naturally grew apart. Just like some friends growing up. There were people I was close to and as our lives went in different directions we simply did not remain connected as friends.

 

My last ex, we don't speak AT ALL mostly because things ended badly. I have no ill feelings towards him anymore but the me who dated him and the current me are so different and I have no desire to be friends although I could be cordial with him at this point. I have two others where we are friends on social media and once in a while might "like" something from the other or comment or say how are you but that's a far cry from a genuine friendship. Again, things ended and we grew apart.

 

While I'm not good friends with any ex, some people are, and I think while it could be that you weren't in love so found a friendship easier to transition to, it may also be for other reasons. I doubt it's because you're still in love most times, as if you are, it's difficult to be that person's friend.

[2.50 a gallon]

Lovers in love, plans for the future, the pieces of a broken dream, like humpty dumpty can never be put back together