90% versus 10%

[Esoteric Elf]

So, it's quite dated, but in Hitch, there is a quote from Will Smith's character that seems applicable to the initiating of DSR: the 90/10 rule. That is, the man gives 90% of the effort, while the remainder is left to the woman.

 

 

In my life, I see evidence to a similar capacity. Let me explain.

 

 

I used to be painfully shy. So shy that I had no friends, would grow red anytime anyone said anything to me, etc. Years later, I am no longer conventionally "shy". I am around young women quite often and banter with them, making them laugh, smile and so on, yet I can never get past that point. With multiple girls, I can share details of my life with her (and she with me) and get her to laugh, but, since it would seem if this rule is true, nothing ever comes of it. Around female coworkers, girls I meet randomly, it doesn't matter. It is almost as if I am on the cusp of something more from time to time, but my social retardation, hampered love life (25 years old virgin who has never had a girlfriend), and vestigial shyness keep me from attaining more, and the women never seem to initiate beyond this.

 

 

Am I just getting "acknowledging laughs"? Are the girls actually not attracted/receptive to me, or is this rule that the male will indeed have to put out 90% (or the majority of the effort, if you will) true? Will I have to make the first move every time since I am not involved in a similar social group?

 

 

Help appreciated.

[sid3]

Yes. You should be making the move most if not all the time. Just not in a creepy way. You'd be surprised how often women I encounter are almost shocked that someone actually had the confidence to approach them. Seems most guys don't or won't these days. Not sure if you should use words like vestigial though, just saying.

[Assasda]

So, it's quite dated, but in Hitch, there is a quote from Will Smith's character that seems applicable to the initiating of DSR: the 90/10 rule. That is, the man gives 90% of the effort, while the remainder is left to the woman.

 

 

In my life, I see evidence to a similar capacity. Let me explain.

 

 

I used to be painfully shy. So shy that I had no friends, would grow red anytime anyone said anything to me, etc. Years later, I am no longer conventionally "shy". I am around young women quite often and banter with them, making them laugh, smile and so on, yet I can never get past that point. With multiple girls, I can share details of my life with her (and she with me) and get her to laugh, but, since it would seem if this rule is true, nothing ever comes of it. Around female coworkers, girls I meet randomly, it doesn't matter. It is almost as if I am on the cusp of something more from time to time, but my social retardation, hampered love life (25 years old virgin who has never had a girlfriend), and vestigial shyness keep me from attaining more, and the women never seem to initiate beyond this.

 

 

Am I just getting "acknowledging laughs"? Are the girls actually not attracted/receptive to me, or is this rule that the male will indeed have to put out 90% (or the majority of the effort, if you will) true? Will I have to make the first move every time since I am not involved in a similar social group?

 

 

Help appreciated.

 

I dont think that this rule is true at all.

I think that guys may initiate 90% of the contact, but after women initiate with guys they are receptive to.

 

What you do is you become a new YOU.

Beco9me someone that is cool, and what chick doesnt want to be with a coool dude.

If you have culture, morals, and love to offer you should never be down on yourself.

 

And let me tell you this, girls that have such high insecurities, that they have sex with everyone that shows them any love have more of a conundrum than you being a virgin. Think about that

[guest569]

90% ? That's not cool. I vote for 50/50. But one thing is, if you see someone you are interested in, you make the move. You cant expect them to come to you.

[DazedandConfused8]

So, it's quite dated, but in Hitch, there is a quote from Will Smith's character that seems applicable to the initiating of DSR: the 90/10 rule. That is, the man gives 90% of the effort, while the remainder is left to the woman.

 

Your post is based on a false premise. The 90/10 rule applies to how far the people lean together to kiss. It's not about the amount of effort put into the relationship. And it's been around much longer than Hitch.

[Esoteric Elf]

Your post is based on a false premise. The 90/10 rule applies to how far the people lean together to kiss. It's not about the amount of effort put into the relationship. And it's been around much longer than Hitch.

I know, that is why I wrote "seems applicable"; that is, taking the idea that a man has to go 90% of the way for a kiss and extrapolating it to the initiating of dating, sex and relationships in general.

 

 

I will also mention as an example that, a couple years ago, I did have a "girlfriend" of sorts. We started chatting a bit in class at college, and, before we left for the holidays, we had an hour-long chat in the hallway. From there, we moved to social media and talked for hours everyday, eventually escalating it to the "relationship" area. However, when we returned to school, I was too shy to initiate anything physical, and, because of this, she left me. I can even recall her saying, "why don't you initiate?"

[Imported]

Yes OP, most women are submissive. Even the ones that like to think of themselves as "strong and independant". Not that being submissive means you're weak.

 

I'm not talking about kinky sex club **** with dog collars and leather mask. It's just you're supposed to be in charge, so you should behave like you're in charge.

 

Have you ever been in charge at work? Generally, you come into work before everyone else so you can see what needs to be done and how to direct everyone and then you stay later than everyone to complete all the paper work for the day....or whatever that applies for whatever job. In many if not most cases, people in charge work longer hours and then takes their work home with them.

 

Women are equal? They are, but you're still expected to be in charge. When you go on a date, women expect you to plan it out and pay right? I have had women that I know were..well, crazy attracted to me. It was obvious. They don't ask me out. They behave like giddy weirdo school girls just waiting to say 'yes!', but most of them won't actually ask.