Annie_bee Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Hello all, I have abstained from talking to anyone about this for years, but I am tired of wondering if what I am doing is worth it. My story is a long one, so I shall keep it brief. I met my boyfriend 5 years ago when I was 18 when I was in college. The more I got to know him, the more interesting he became. I found out that he has been married for a year, then got divorced, he had a son who was 9, at the time. I didn't mind this at all. After 4months of friends, we began to date. My parents disapproved of our relationship because he was 10 years older than me. We began to see each other in secret, I told my parents we were only friends. I faded him out of my vocabulary at home until they thought I was no longer seeing him. We are still together. We sneak around and see each other often, sometimes getting close to being discovered but never definitely. We are very much in love and plan to tell my parents As soon as I graduate from school in a few months. He has been very very supportive of my education and of expressing myself as a person. He is not controlling and even gives me freedom to date so that I gain experience in the world, so that I can say I am not settling for him. He, being so experienced with life, and I, being so fresh to it still, he shows me the world so that I can experience things as he has. We seem perfect for each other. A few months ago I was looking through his computer and ran into some recent pictures he took of his ex girlfriend. From previous events, I knew she was still obsessed with him. And here I find he went to photograph her nude. I took to Facebook and Instagram and found that he had been seeing her about a year ago. I am unsure if it was romantically, but those pictures bothered me. I asked him about her and if he had seen her and he said no, that he only talked about her with a mutual friend. I knew he was lying. Since then, his ex has moved to another state. I believe that they have lost contact. And he is still being the wonderful boyfriend he always has been. His family loves me, and my parents still disapprove. I am more mature now and I can see past the initial actions and words that once made me swoon for him, and yet I still love him. But him lying to me, and these photographs of his ex leaves an open wound in my heart. I have become possessive and demanding and feel that it is hurting our relationship. I am unsure if I should end it or try to mend it. Please. I need advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 I want to tell you give him the benefit of the doubt. But the truth is he lied about it. He's not been honest and forthcoming. After a 5+ year relationship this kind of thing should not be going on. Is he a professional photographer? Even if he is he shouldn't be taking these kind of pictures of his ex. I really think you should consider moving on and finding someone your age. You can't have a relationship with someone that is not honest and forthcoming. Now that you know he is not honest you'll likely see more of it. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Yikes. It's bad, OP. He isn't honest and who knows the extent of their relationship. That would also make me wonder what else he is hiding. I think you would be best to end the relationship. It isn't built on honesty and trust anymore, and it's going to be very difficult to get that back. I wouldn't even be interested in trying, given how deceitful he's already been. Don't waste any more of your younger years on someone who isn't committed to you. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Well, what do you expect? He's even given you "free passes" to check out other guys. He doesn't ask you to be faithful. How can you expect that he's eager to be with you and only you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Well, what do you expect? He's even given you "free passes" to check out other guys. He doesn't ask you to be faithful. How can you expect that he's eager to be with you and only you? That struck me too. I wouldn't see his permissiveness about dating other guys as being an open-minded boyfriend. I would see it as a red flag. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vanhalenfan Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Well, what do you expect? He's even given you "free passes" to check out other guys. He doesn't ask you to be faithful. How can you expect that he's eager to be with you and only you? Exactly my thoughts. Red flag... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Lots of lies by both of you. There's no way to trust him. Stop seeing him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 You are much more mature now? If you were you would see right through his bull crap. Don't think for a minute he was faithful to you all this time. His cock and bull story about it being ok for you to date others, was just so that he could still have relations with whomever he wants. There's no way he was making any sacrifice for you. As for him and these nude pics of his ex, people keeps secrets because they know they shouldn't be doing what they are doing. I think you are here because you are starting to see the wolf underneath the sheep's clothing. Link to post Share on other sites
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