time does not heal, it just numbs you

[lxndrea77]

i hate being numb

i hate not being able to do anything due to this numbness

i just feel like not being responsible and just give all to everybody else

i dont want to feel like i have to do anything but to just lie down, stare at the screen, think of what had happened, work myself up and just die inside

i hate trying to make myself feel better because in the end this **** had happened TO ME

and people are expecting me to embrace it, forgive, forget and continue on living

i dont want to do that

i just feel like running away

far far away somewhere noone can find me

J cannot find me

i dont want him to find me anymore

i dont want to look at my screen and remember things that had happened

i just feel like dying

because it really really hurts

still hurts to the deepest core

it is not only on the infidelity, the cheating, the puppeting around

but also the bashing, the spitting, the name calling, the pain

how did i fall back into this

how is it that i dont have a choice but to stay here

 

i can feel the cord around my neck

suffocating me

and the more i pull the more it feels like my neck is going to snap

 

has it come to this?

 

then what about them? (my 4 kids..)

[Poppy47]

We always have a choice. If you have 4 children, get your act together and make the right choice. Perhaps you have posted on the wrong site.

Poppy

[Owl]

I agree...time doesn't heal...it's what you DO with that time that heals you.

 

What are you DOING to heal? How are you filling that time you used to spend with him? What are you doing to help yourself 'get over' him? What coping mechansims have you put into place, what stress-relief methods have you used to help you move down that path?

[Pinklotus]

Therapy, therapy, therapy. Get going on yourself. Never mind him. You have children who need you. You need to take steps to improve your self-image and mood. Good luck and don't give up.

[Owl]

Therapy, therapy, therapy. Get going on yourself. Never mind him. You have children who need you. You need to take steps to improve your self-image and mood. Good luck and don't give up.

 

Therapy is a critical step in this.

 

I'd also recommend a serious workout routine. It helps reduce stress big time, and helps you refocus. It also helps with sleep issues during that time too.

 

In a tangent to that...taking up something like martial arts can help quite a bit. It's both mentally and physically taxing if you really work at it. It can help fill that time and use up the energy you used to spend 'with' him with something else, something beneficial.

 

Getting back into an old hobby, or learning a new one...again, fills the voids.

 

Have a support system in place. Someone safe to talk to...family or friend...that can be a shoulder to cry on, or someone to help you stay strong when you want to cave in.

[Searchin81]

I feel the same way.. Numb towards everything

[MissTakes]

Therapy... and yoga. This has been my new discovery in the past few months. I can't tell you the number of times I've wanted to break NC, have gone to a yoga class instead, and ended up crying letting out all my emotions during heart-opening stretches and come home without any desire to ever speak to him again at all. It has changed my life.

[stillafool]

The first thing you need to do is separate from your abusive husband. The hitting, spitting and punching you will not end until you leave. You are in a highly abusive marriage. His affair is the least of your worries. How long are you going to let him punch on you before you get out. There are shelters out there to help you. Can your mother take the kids until you sort out where you will live and such? At least you have a job so that's a big plus.