I hit my fiance in self-defence - how can I get her back?

[FortunateSon]

So what are you saying, she just got fed up?

I think the bottom line was that she wasn't happy and didn't have a reason to justifying ending things, so by instigating and provoking fights it gave her the reason she needed. She was a very poor communicator, looking back it was very obvious.

 

In regards to the physical abuse on both of your parts, once that boundary has been crossed, it makes it that much easier to happen again. As hard as it seems...and I know it's hard, I have been there...for your own good and sanity, extricate yourself permanently from this situation and this woman.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

At the moment I can't accept the breakup because I don't feel it is worth throwing away a perfectly good relationship over a fight that she started & has shown no remorse for.

 

 

I am trying to suggest to her that we go to joint counselling so that she can get the help she needs to fix her anger issues.

 

 

I will not give up until I get through to her.

[Mint Sauce]

no insult meant, but you sound like a co-dependent doormat...(btdt)

 

she should be the one wondering how she can earn your trust back. You should be f***ing p*ss*d at her for pulling that stunt.

 

If you make any allowances for her behaviour, analyse those very carefully. Why do you not expect her to live up to adult standards? How's your self esteem and confidence?

 

I take it she's your first (real) love? Don't let your romantic ideals overrule your common sense.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

If you make any allowances for her behaviour, analyse those very carefully. Why do you not expect her to live up to adult standards? How's your self esteem and confidence?

 

 

Yes I am annoyed with her for choking me, but have since the fight forgiven her & want to forget about it, providing she gets professional help.

 

 

My self esteem has been battered slightly & my confidence has taken a bit of a dive if I'm honest.

 

 

I just struggle to function in life properly now & have lost interest in the things I used to like. I believe I am suffering from depression as a result of this breakup.

 

 

I take it she's your first (real) love? Don't let your romantic ideals overrule your common sense.

 

 

Yes, she's my first real love & first proper relationship.

 

 

You're going to think I'm a nutter here but I really cannot live without her, she is what I lived for.

 

 

I just feel so low & miserable and have often wondered about ending it all because that's how upset & heartbroken I am.

[Mint Sauce]

imo, the best you can do now is to give her plenty of space, and focus on finding something additional to live for. Regardless of the outcome of this episode, it will put you in a much healthier position come future conflict.

 

Keep breathing, you will get through this!

[No Limit]

At the moment I can't accept the breakup because I don't feel it is worth throwing away a perfectly good relationship over a fight that she started & has shown no remorse for.

 

a fight that she started & has shown no remorse for

 

has shown no remorse for

 

no remorse

 

OP, are you serious? You're lucky she didn't have a gun.

How much else would need to happen for you to not marry her? Or is your relationship based on you being her punching bag?

 

Counselling couldn't help her, she'd need serious help from a psychologist, some medicine to cool her moods down and probably some aggression training. You know, there are women out there who won't attempt to murder you because you don't submit to their will... like, almost every woman on the planet. Some are even single.

[PegNosePete]

At the moment I can't accept the breakup because I don't feel it is worth throwing away a perfectly good relationship over a fight that she started & has shown no remorse for.

It is not necessary for you to "accept" the breakup because as soon as one person in a relationship decides it's over, then IT'S OVER. If they are going to get back together then it requires both of them to want it.

 

And luckily for you OP, she doesn't want it. In a few days/weeks/months time, when you come to your senses and realize what a bullet you've dodged, you will be grateful to her for not taking you back. Your judgement is seriously screwed up if you ever want to go near her again. She is saving you from yourself here.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

How much else would need to happen for you to not marry her? Or is your relationship based on you being her punching bag?

 

 

This is more than enough for me to give her one last chance. If she ever did it again or did worse, then yes I would be out of there.

 

 

I know I'm not her punchbag, I'm her fiancé.

 

Counselling couldn't help her, she'd need serious help from a psychologist, some medicine to cool her moods down and probably some aggression training.

 

 

Agreed. But she has got to want to accept the help but firstly accept that she has a problem, I cannot force her.

 

 

You know, there are women out there who won't attempt to murder you because you don't submit to their will... like, almost every woman on the planet. Some are even single.

 

 

What do you mean by that?

 

 

Do you mean they are single for that reason, because they are violent?

[KaliLove]

I think that poster means that they are single and you should try to find one instead of going back to your crazy fiancée.

 

Do you really want this violent and unstable woman to be the mother of your children?

[Hollywood-Tourist]

Do you really want this violent and unstable woman to be the mother of your children?

 

The answer in short is yes.

 

 

All I want in life is my fiancé, she's all I've ever wanted & my love for her just gets stronger.

[CarrieT]

All I want in life is my fiancé, she's all I've ever wanted & my love for her just gets stronger.

Then marry her.

 

And remember we will all be here to help you through the process when the relationship starts breaking down again.

 

Because it will.

 

Those of us that have been around here for a while and have walked these paths know that history repeats itself. You have made up your mind, so I'm not sure what else you want from us.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

And remember we will all be here to help you through the process when the relationship starts breaking down again.

 

 

Thank you.

 

 

I know what you mean is that once an abuser hits someone, they are always going to be like that & carry that stigma.

 

 

But I love her that much that I want to & will give her another chance but of course she has got to want that too.

 

 

I think it's a time thing, we just need time apart just now to reflect on what's happened & com to terms with it whilst considering our next course of action.

[Zahara]

The answer in short is yes.

 

 

All I want in life is my fiancé, she's all I've ever wanted & my love for her just gets stronger.

 

Step out of your emotional bubble for god's sake. The answer is yes, you want her to be the mother of your children

 

Listen to what you're saying. All for the sake of love, you want her at the expense of the wellbeing of you and your future children? You probably don't hear yourself through all the emotional mess in your head.

 

If you want to screw up your life, go ahead. But for goodness sake, don't bring children into the picture.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

Step out of your emotional bubble for god's sake. The answer is yes, you want her to be the mother of your children

 

Listen to what you're saying. All for the sake of love, you want her at the expense of the wellbeing of you and your future children? You probably don't hear yourself through all the emotional mess in your head.

 

If you want to screw up your life, go ahead. But for goodness sake, don't bring children into the picture.

 

I never mentioned children.

 

 

I know what you mean about it being all for the sake of love that I'm prepared to risk my safety (your words to the effect of) but that doesn't matter to me, my happiness would be restored if she would just agree to speak to me & to find out where I stand because it's very unnerving & frustrating all the not knowing.

[Zahara]

Do you really want this violent and unstable woman to be the mother of your children?

 

I believe you said the short answer is yes.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

I believe you said the short answer is yes.

 

Pardon me, I did. Apologies.

[Zahara]

I never mentioned children.

 

 

I know what you mean about it being all for the sake of love that I'm prepared to risk my safety (your words to the effect of) but that doesn't matter to me, my happiness would be restored if she would just agree to speak to me & to find out where I stand because it's very unnerving & frustrating all the not knowing.

 

You sound co-dependent and weak. Like the woman that sits in the corner with a black eye -- it doesn't matter because she's content that her abuser still loves her.

[Zahara]

Pardon me, I did. Apologies.

 

I rest my case. You need a wake up call.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

You sound co-dependent and weak. Like the woman that sits in the corner with a black eye -- it doesn't matter because she's content that her abuser still loves her.

 

 

Do you mean that I'm gullible & will take any abuse just for the sake of love?

 

 

You need a wake up call.

 

 

What do you mean?

[CarrieT]

Do you mean that I'm gullible & will take any abuse just for the sake of love?

Yep. That is what we are all saying...

[Zahara]

Do you mean that I'm gullible & will take any abuse just for the sake of love?

 

"All I want in life is my fiancé, she's all I've ever wanted & my love for her just gets stronger." You answered your own question.

 

What do you mean?

 

You need a wake up call because you sound like deluded love-sick puppy. Speaking of puppy -- this little dog is the only one I feel sorry for because it has no way of getting away from this woman.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

I can't help the way I feel about her & despite what she did, I have forgiven her.

 

 

We have been through a lot in the 2yrs we've been together & I just cannot understand why she would just be so vindictive like that.

[ThorntonMelon]

Just out of curiosity - is there any evidence she wants to be with you?

[Hollywood-Tourist]

Just out of curiosity - is there any evidence she wants to be with you?

 

The only 'evidence' I have is that she's told me she still loves me, cares for me & also said we may get back together soon.

 

 

I just feel like she's messing with my head.

[ThorntonMelon]

I would love to know the whole story here.

 

To summarize, I think.

 

Wonderful relationship. Engaged.

 

She's in a bad mood one day. Physically assaults you the dark to the point you defend yourself, you think you hit her in the face (though you're not sure), she immediately suggests you assaulted her, then announces immediately she will not be able to forgive you and needs total no contact.

 

Is that correct? Are you actually sure you hit her in the face? To me you've got a psychotic actress playing you to get out of an engagement to a man she doesn't want to be with anymore.