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I hit my fiance in self-defence - how can I get her back?

Hollywood-Tourist

By Hollywood-Tourist,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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tim_tom

tim_tom

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I really doubt that your ex is a sociopath. You have no medical degree that would enable you to diagnose anyone with a psychiatric illness, so stop focusing on her. She sounds messed up, but it's not right to go around calling her a sociopath. That's just ridiculous and melodramatic.

 

ehh.. he's not making a diagnosis, just forming his own opinion. Sometimes if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck. At the end of the day, if it helps him move on, more power to him.

 

I can tell you that I thought my ex wife was bipolar was for a long time while together, and I was right, she fit all the signs and was officially diagnosed sometime later, not based on anything I said if that is what you are thinking. Her sister was diagnosed first, then my ex wife went to another doctor and got the same diagnosis.

 

Imo, somebody that tries to strangle the life out of anyone clearly has some kind of anti social mental condition. It's just not something that well adjusted people go around doing.

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BC1980

BC1980

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ehh.. he's not making a diagnosis, just forming his own opinion. Sometimes if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck. At the end of the day, if it helps him move on, more power to him.

 

I can tell you that I thought my ex wife was bipolar was for a long time while together, and I was right, she fit all the signs and was officially diagnosed sometime later, not based on anything I said if that is what you are thinking. Her sister was diagnosed first, then my ex wife went to another doctor and got the same diagnosis.

 

Imo, somebody that tries to strangle the life out of anyone clearly has some kind of anti social mental condition. It's just not something that well adjusted people go around doing.

 

I'd bet a heck of a lot that his ex isn't a sociopath, but it's beside the point. Labeling her allows him to focus all of his energy onto her when it's not productive. I understand the temptation to label an ex, but it becomes counterproductive in many cases. People take the idea and run with it. There are certainly some cases of exes having personality disorders, but that is so effing rare. Being a sociopath would be even rarer. Saying someone is a sociopath is not even in the same ballpark as suspecting someone is bipolar.

 

However it goes, it's very careless to label people with psychiatric conditions, and it's not fair in the least to the other person. It's far better just to say that whatever is wrong with this girl, it's clearly dysfunctional, and he needs to be glad he is out of the mess.

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tim_tom

tim_tom

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I'd bet a heck of a lot that his ex isn't a sociopath, but it's beside the point. Labeling her allows him to focus all of his energy onto her when it's not productive. I understand the temptation to label an ex, but it becomes counterproductive in many cases. People take the idea and run with it. There are certainly some cases of exes having personality disorders, but that is so effing rare. Being a sociopath would be even rarer. Saying someone is a sociopath is not even in the same ballpark as suspecting someone is bipolar.

 

However it goes, it's very careless to label people with psychiatric conditions, and it's not fair in the least to the other person. It's far better just to say that whatever is wrong with this girl, it's clearly dysfunctional, and he needs to be glad he is out of the mess.

 

If labeling her helps him to move on, label away. He could be right.

 

As far as fair to her, this is someone who physically assaulted him and didn't take an ounce of responsibility. She doesn't deserve fair, imo

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BC1980

BC1980

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If labeling her helps him to move on, label away. He could be right.

 

As far as fair to her, this is someone who physically assaulted him and didn't take an ounce of responsibility. She doesn't deserve fair, imo

 

We'll have to agree to disagree. I can't condone diagnosing someone with a psychiatric illness when one has absolutely no professional training to do so. Maybe I see things differently because I'm in the health care profession, but I feel that throwing around diagnoses is absolutely cavalier and does a disservice to those with actual mental illness. To each his own though.

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tim_tom

tim_tom

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We'll have to agree to disagree. I can't condone diagnosing someone with a psychiatric illness when one has absolutely no professional training to do so. Maybe I see things differently because I'm in the health care profession, but I feel that throwing around diagnoses is absolutely cavalier and does a disservice to those with actual mental illness. To each his own though.

 

Fair enough, I guess I'm saying it's not a diagnosis. It's what he thinks, an uneducated guess

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Hollywood-Tourist

Hollywood-Tourist

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Imo, somebody that tries to strangle the life out of anyone clearly has some kind of anti social mental condition. It's just not something that well adjusted people go around doing.

 

Very true. Well adjusted people would not go around strangling people just for the hell of it, not even if there was a real reason to - it's just a total red flag.

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Hollywood-Tourist

Hollywood-Tourist

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I have just been to the Doctor & she thinks I am suffering from moderate to severe Depression.

 

I have been prescribed anti-depressants which I've to take for 2 weeks and she wants me to return in a few weeks so she can see how I am doing.

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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I have just been to the Doctor & she thinks I am suffering from moderate to severe Depression.

 

I have been prescribed anti-depressants which I've to take for 2 weeks and she wants me to return in a few weeks so she can see how I am doing.

 

Sounds like a conservative & appropriated course of treatment. So glad you are getting help. Hang in there.

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amaysngrace

amaysngrace

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I have just been to the Doctor & she thinks I am suffering from moderate to severe Depression.

 

I have been prescribed anti-depressants which I've to take for 2 weeks and she wants me to return in a few weeks so she can see how I am doing.

 

I'm glad you're taking care of yourself and focusing on being well. The healthier you become the easier it will be for you to move on.

 

So happy to know you're moving forward. Good job!

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CarrieT

CarrieT

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Which antidepressants?

 

Be apprised that some take several weeks to become effective; you won't take a pill and suddenly feel better in a day or two...

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Hollywood-Tourist

Hollywood-Tourist

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Which antidepressants?

 

Be apprised that some take several weeks to become effective; you won't take a pill and suddenly feel better in a day or two...

 

Citalopram.

 

 

I'm not saying I will feel better in a day or two, I know these things take a while to become effective.

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LexiB

LexiB

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I don't know what she did, but you might still call whatever agency is in your area that deals with animal abuse and ask them if there is anything that can be done. Seriously. That dog has no one for protection. Try to do something about it!

 

Why would you want to be with anyone - or even love anyone - who abuses an innocent animal? That's a complete deal breaker to me. Can't even imagine wanting to be with someone like that.

 

 

This. And the dog is really what I care about most in this story. Haven't read all posts but if you haven't done it yet, report her. I don't care if the dog is hers legally. She has no legal right to abuse it. You need to report her and at the very least get the abuse on record once.

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dragon_fly_7

dragon_fly_7

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lollipopspot

She was literally choking him in the dark with the light switch turned off.

 

This. And the dog is really what I care about most in this story. Haven't read all posts but if you haven't done it yet, report her. I don't care if the dog is hers legally. She has no legal right to abuse it. You need to report her and at the very least get the abuse on record once.
Not only for abusing the OP but from my understanding, wouldn't choking someone in the dark with the lights off and not letting them go be considered an attempt murder charge?

 

What she did goes way beyond the spoiled princesses types that slap or threw a lame punch at a man and take advantage of that situation. What did she seems like attempt murder to me.

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Hollywood-Tourist

Hollywood-Tourist

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She was literally choking him in the dark with the light switch turned off.

 

 

And because she was straddled over me she blocked the light that was coming from the TV so I couldn't really see anything quite so easily.

 

Not only for abusing the OP but from my understanding, wouldn't choking someone in the dark with the lights off and not letting them go be considered an attempt murder charge?

 

 

I think it would be considered that yes. Even when her Mum was trying to pull her off me, she was still grabbing onto my T-Shirt.

 

What she did goes way beyond the spoiled princesses types that slap or threw a lame punch at a man and take advantage of that situation. What did she seems like attempt murder to me.

 

 

Agreed. The fact that she choked me twice is rather worrying & it's like she was coming back for more.

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Hollywood-Tourist

Hollywood-Tourist

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This. And the dog is really what I care about most in this story. Haven't read all posts but if you haven't done it yet, report her. I don't care if the dog is hers legally. She has no legal right to abuse it. You need to report her and at the very least get the abuse on record once.

 

I have reported her to the RSPCA for cruelty to the dog & they are sending an officer round to inspect the dogs condition & they will decide then if they are to take the dog into their care.

 

 

I have reported her assault on me to the Police and they have it on file & seemed to believe me rather than usually taking the woman's side.

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loversquarrel

loversquarrel

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OP, I have also been involved with two previous emotionally and physically abusive relationships, they nearly ruined me, especially more so because I didn't learn from the first time.

 

I look back on my experiences now and think back on how much time I wasted trying to work things out and keep my SO happy. I would constantly tell myself that it was ok, it was just an episode, it will get better......but it didnt . In fact, it never did. It remained the same. I was lied to, manipulated, made to feel guilty, made fun of in front of other people, hit, attacked, screamed at, sworn at, in public and private. I own a firearm and one night she came home intoxicated and pulled it out of the drawer, I had to wrestle it out of her hands. You know, just writing this and reading it makes me feel that I can't think of one good reason to be with her. This was a person I was in love with, but if she had felt the same way I did she wouldn't have treated me so poorly. What made it so difficult to leave her was the good times were so good, the sex was amazing, and she told me what I wanted to hear. Since breaking up with her I am in a much better place and in a very stable relationship, it was worth leaving her, being in a healthy, trusting stable relationship is worth everything in the world. I don't think of her much these days and when I do I just remind myself of the pain she caused and how good I now have it. The same can happen for you if you just let it.

 

See her for who she is, an abusive and mean person. Things will get better.

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Hollywood-Tourist

Hollywood-Tourist

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See her for who she is, an abusive and mean person. Things will get better.

 

I think it will help me get over her by seeing her for the nasty cow that she is. I'm still wrapped up in it all & still want her but the more responses I get here saying to think about how bad she treated me at the end, that puts it into perspective for me.

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SoThatHappened

SoThatHappened

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I think it will help me get over her by seeing her for the nasty cow that she is. I'm still wrapped up in it all & still want her but the more responses I get here saying to think about how bad she treated me at the end, that puts it into perspective for me.

Good job, man. You're doing well.

 

You've listened to advice and heeded it, even though you were dead-set against it in the beginning.

 

Please... please keep posting here and heeding the advice. You will get through this and get away from this horrible woman.

 

Your head is catching up with your heart. Keep letting that happen. The heart is so darn hard to overrule, but you're doing it.

 

Keep going.

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