I hit my fiance in self-defence - how can I get her back?

[infamousma]

I agree with this 100% - she knows she's in the wrong so it would be too much hassle for her to go to them.

 

Sorry but its not who's in the wrong, again both of you are int he wrong. After this long after the breakup or fight, the scars and wounds have healed so right now this is an all he said she said in court. nothing will come out of this for either of you except more hurt and hatred. I suggest you need to try to move on because getting physically hurt like that is more than enough reason to move on and get closure. This is an unhealthy breakup and relationship.

 

someone has to be the bigger person and either just apologize and/or move on quietly with life.

 

life sucks but we can at least fix it

[bubbaganoosh]

IMO be glad she didn't. Even if you defended yourself, the cops for the most part will side with the woman so if your smart, you'll reconsider if you want to be with a woman who had violent tendencies.

 

Sooner or later it may or will happen again and then you'll find yourself caught between a rock and a hard place so if it was me, I would move on and be done with it. It's a dangerous situation.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

But all I want is some proper closure.

 

 

I have apologised even when I didn't really need to but she hasn't. I feel aggrieved that I haven't at least had an apology from her & I would still like to keep in contact with her at the very least.

 

 

She has just gone about this whole no contact thing the wrong way & yes it has got my back up because I would very much like to know why she did feel the need to choke me.

 

 

I really feel that I can't move on properly until I hear one more time why.

[BC1980]

But all I want is some proper closure.

 

 

I have apologised even when I didn't really need to but she hasn't. I feel aggrieved that I haven't at least had an apology from her & I would still like to keep in contact with her at the very least.

 

 

She has just gone about this whole no contact thing the wrong way & yes it has got my back up because I would very much like to know why she did feel the need to choke me.

 

 

I really feel that I can't move on properly until I hear one more time why.

 

You can't get closure from her because she will not agree to your version of the events. You could tell her a million ways, and she will not agree with you. It's volatile, and I would stay away. You can't win by talking to her. As others have said, she might get physical again, and the cops will likely side with the woman.

 

You really think she is going to apologize? Why do you want to keep in touch with her?

[mightycpa]

But all I want is some proper closure.

 

Closure is bull****. There's no such thing. No matter what you hear from her, you'll have followup questions, or you'll disagree, or you won't understand.

 

There is only one closure. It is the day when you wake up in the morning and you realize you just don't give a **** anymore.

 

Want to do yourself a favor?

 

Look forward to that day and stop looking backwards to change the outcome of something that has already happened. You can't do it. The Universe doesn't work that way. What's done is done.

[CarrieT]

That "proper closure" is a Hollywood myth.

 

You have to make your own closure and cement it; stop looking for whatever you *think* you deserve that will never happen.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

You really think she is going to apologize? Why do you want to keep in touch with her?

 

I really don't know if she would ever apologise, probably not - it's not in her nature.

 

 

I would want to keep in touch with her because underneath it all she was a good girl & I still love her.

[mightycpa]

That "proper closure" is a Hollywood myth.

 

You have to make your own closure and cement it; stop looking for whatever you *think* you deserve that will never happen.

 

Great minds, and all that!

[Hollywood-Tourist]

There is only one closure. It is the day when you wake up in the morning and you realize you just don't give a **** anymore.

 

 

That won't happen soon if at all ever.

 

 

I just feel that there is 'unfinished business' between us & this no speaking to her is really eating me up.

 

 

I just feel more & more agitated by it & it is damaging me emotionally.

[Art_Critic]

I really don't know if she would ever apologise, probably not - it's not in her nature.

 

 

I would want to keep in touch with her because underneath it all she was a good girl & I still love her.

 

 

You need to move on and never contact her again. That doesn't mean you don't love her, it just means you are leaving her alone and moving on.

 

Time to let this one go before this winds up in the courts and you have restraining orders and legal complications on you from this.

[infamousma]

That won't happen soon if at all ever.

 

 

I just feel that there is 'unfinished business' between us & this no speaking to her is really eating me up.

 

 

I just feel more & more agitated by it & it is damaging me emotionally.

 

to be honest, maybe if you guys mutually broke it off, then yes there is unfinished business, maybe. but in this situation, it got physical, to phsyical than should be. I wish i could be supportive but this situation is messy. Ive been in a hazardous relationship with constant arguements, lying, and drug use on her part but for some reason i kept at it blindedly and now that I look back at it. im glad i did not commit any further

[BC1980]

I really don't know if she would ever apologise, probably not - it's not in her nature.

 

 

I would want to keep in touch with her because underneath it all she was a good girl & I still love her.

 

I'm sure there is good in her, but the situation is too volatile right now. You are not thinking long term. Give it a year, and I bet you will never want to speak to get again. I get that you are in a very bad place and want to set the record straight, but she won't give you that.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

but in this situation, it got physical, to phsyical than should be.

 

 

But this was the first time that we had ever had a violent altercation, of course we've bickered in the past but never ever been violent before.

 

 

She lost it that night & now I'm being made to pay the price for it - where's the fairness in that?

[Hollywood-Tourist]

I'm sure there is good in her, but the situation is too volatile right now.

 

 

Understandably. Maybe because she is so angry by my response to her attack and because she never expected me to lash out she is being stubbornly bitter/difficult by not allowing me to speak to her?

 

 

You are not thinking long term. Give it a year, and I bet you will never want to speak to get again.

 

 

I don't think so. I know deep down that I will want her in a years time or if not it's because I have died from a broken heart & yes that is possible.

 

 

I get that you are in a very bad place and want to set the record straight, but she won't give you that.

 

Just now she won't.

[BC1980]

That won't happen soon if at all ever.

 

 

I just feel that there is 'unfinished business' between us & this no speaking to her is really eating me up.

 

 

I just feel more & more agitated by it & it is damaging me emotionally.

 

Honestly, a lot of people who were dumped feel like there is unfinished business, regardless of the circumstances. I think it's one of the most common false perceptions I've seen on LS, and I've felt that way too. It comes from you being the one dumped, so it wasn't on your terms. Trust me, the dumper does not feel any sense of unifinushed business. It's this constant need to set the record straight, so you can end it on your terms.

 

It never works if you read the threads on here. It almost always ends with the dumper not agreeing with the dumpee's perception of things, and harsh words are exchanged. When I tried to say my piece, I didn't even get a response, which might be worse. I felt very confused and even worse for many months. We always view things from our perspective, and you cannot force that on anyone else. You have to know your version of events and realize that it's good enough for you. Trying to convince someone else is exhausting.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

It's this constant need to set the record straight, so you can end it on your terms.

 

 

I disagree about it being the need to end it on my terms.

 

 

I didn't want it to end the relationship (which is the way it's looking) so it was basically her calling the shots & was in no way a mutual agreement.

 

 

It's the fact that she calls the shots, I don't get any say in the matter & her decision is final attitude that fobs me off.

[mightycpa]

I disagree about it being the need to end it on my terms.

 

Really? Because then you say this:

 

I didn't want it to end the relationship (which is the way it's looking) so it was basically her calling the shots & was in no way a mutual agreement.

 

It's the fact that she calls the shots, I don't get any say in the matter & her decision is final attitude that fobs me off.

 

So what you are actually saying is this:

 

HERE ARE MY TERMS FOR BREAKING UP:

 

1) Not now

2) We have to mutually agree

 

YOU HAVE NOT MET MY TERMS, THEREFORE THE NEGOTIATION IS NOT OVER.

But my friend, it is over. The deal is done. Given what you want, she doesn't have to agree with your terms, and you do have to accept her terms.

[BC1980]

I disagree about it being the need to end it on my terms.

 

 

I didn't want it to end the relationship (which is the way it's looking) so it was basically her calling the shots & was in no way a mutual agreement.

 

 

It's the fact that she calls the shots, I don't get any say in the matter & her decision is final attitude that fobs me off.

 

So you want it to end/continue on your terms. When a relationship ends, it's so rarely a mutual agreement. One person can decide to end the relationship without the other party's input or consent. One person can decide to walk away with no explanation, and there isn't anything you can do about it. One person can disappear, and you never hear from them again. Does it suck? Yes. But it's a fact of life. No matter how much you love someone else, you can't control them.

 

Every single person who was dumped has felt the way you feel. Most people here have been blindsided or dumped in ways that left us feeling helpless. But we had to accept it at some point. Right now, you are in a haze of confusion because this is all so new. I'm not saying you have to accept and understand it right now, but reaching out to her is a terrible idea.

[Justaguy30]

I read your first post. It sounds like she was feeling guilty about something she had done which is why she was being so touchy with you. I know its hard but you are better off without her. If someone hits you leave them, they will do it again I promise you that.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

I read your first post. It sounds like she was feeling guilty about something she had done which is why she was being so touchy with you.

 

 

I really don't know.

 

 

She was fine with me days before the attack.

[Mittens]

When someone decides to break up with you, you don't get to agree with their decision...it is rarely a 'mutual agreement', as previous posters have already pointed out to you.

 

If one person decides to leave a relationship, that's it, over, game done.

 

You don't have to like it, and no, you don't get any say in the matter.

 

You need to grow up and accept that. Why the **** you would want to be in a relationship with this horrible excuse for a human is beyond me anyway.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

If one person decides to leave a relationship, that's it, over, game done.

 

 

No it's not. One person just can't have their say & that's it. It takes two to tango & that applies when deciding on the outcome of the relationship.

 

 

Have you ever heard of a thing called reconciliation?

 

Why the **** you would want to be in a relationship with this horrible excuse for a human is beyond me anyway.

 

It was a one-off, she hasn't attacked me before. I love her hence why she is my fiancé.

[CarrieT]

D-F, you haven't even TALKED to her since the incident, have you?

 

There is no more "relationship." It is over.

 

She is no longer your fiancé. If she were, she would be part of your life right now, wouldn't she?

 

Why are you so reluctant to realize this?

[Mittens]

No it's not. One person just can't have their say & that's it. It takes two to tango & that applies when deciding on the outcome of the relationship.

 

 

Have you ever heard of a thing called reconciliation?

 

 

 

It was a one-off, she hasn't attacked me before. I love her hence why she is my fiancé.

 

 

1. Yeah, it takes two to tango. If one person decides they no longer want to dance, that means the dance is over. And if you've not heard from her in this long, that means she no longer wants to dance with you.

 

I left my first husband because he broke my jaw. After he did that, he didn't get any say, that was it. Why would he?

 

2. I'm not just talking about her attack on you. I'm thinking of the way she acts towards her parents, the dog etc.

 

She's made it plain by her silence she doesn't want a reconciliation. She's no longer your fiance, she's your ex.

[BC1980]

No it's not. One person just can't have their say & that's it. It takes two to tango & that applies when deciding on the outcome of the relationship.

 

 

Have you ever heard of a thing called reconciliation?

 

Yes, if one person wants to leave, they can leave. You can't control another person. You statement, to the contrary, is entirely unrealistic. You sound very controlling with this post.

 

Reconciliation is another thing entirely. It's obvious she has no intentions of reconciling.