I hit my fiance in self-defence - how can I get her back?

[evanescentworld]

correct.

Unless THEY admit fault, realise they need help, apologise, seek your support and say they promise they'll never do it again.

 

As none of those things have happened, and it looks increasingly likely they never will - you should definitely consider this over, and consign it to the relationship filing cabinet, archives, historical.

[todreaminblue]

So basically there are to be no second chances for anyone the moment someone lays a finger on you?

 

 

as evenescent posted....they have to admit fault and promise to not do it again....they have to seek help......if they dont....they will most likely do it again.....no one deserves violence......deb

[ThorntonMelon]

So basically there are to be no second chances for anyone the moment someone lays a finger on you?

 

 

Again - Depressed - refer to my earlier post. You're out of your right mind. You're ignoring half the story. SHE ISN'T SPEAKING TO YOU AND IS BLAMING YOU FOR HITTING HER WHEN IT IS FAIRLY LIKELY YOU DIDN'T!!!!!!!

 

She's dumping you, it's you who'll be begging for the second chance. She's lying to you that she sees you getting back together. She doesn't know how to let you down easy.

 

I should back off - this must be incredibly painful for you. But you're not seeing this at all as it is, and it's going to cause you to make some terrible decisions.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

Unless THEY admit fault, realise they need help, apologise, seek your support and say they promise they'll never do it again.

 

I doubt she ever will do that now to be honest.

 

 

I reckon that deep down she knows she is wrong but just won't admit it.

 

 

I also think her parents know she is in the wrong & are too ashamed to speak to me on their own accord.

[lollipopspot]

If an adult wants to stay in a violent or abusive relationship, that's their choice. But to think of bringing children into it is so very irresponsible. You think she's good mother material?

[Hollywood-Tourist]

they have to admit fault and promise to not do it again....they have to seek help......if they dont....they will most likely do it again.....no one deserves violence.

 

 

She is too vindictive & spiteful to admit that.

 

 

If she wanted to admit to it then I'm sure she would have done by now.

 

 

I fear she will always be an abuser & is basically using the 'I'm a woman card' to get off with it & divert blame onto me.

[evanescentworld]

Right, well you have to stop with the explanations, clarifications, justifications, accusations and determinations.

 

Just give it up, walk away, stop, and move on.

That's it. I believe further discussion is going to be academic, because now, you're just going over old ground and wearing a circular hole in the carpet....

[Hollywood-Tourist]

You think she's good mother material?

 

That's difficult to say as we don't have kids at the moment.

 

 

But judging by her treatment of the dog then if that's anything to go by, I don't know if having a child would be a good idea because there would always be in the back of my mind what if she does something terrible.

[lollipopspot]

She is too vindictive & spiteful to admit that.

 

Ok. So if you get back with her and she acts vindictive and spiteful, don't say you weren't warned. At this point you'd be walking into it with your eyes open. If you want this in your life, your choice.

[lollipopspot]

That's difficult to say as we don't have kids at the moment.

 

But judging by her treatment of the dog then if that's anything to go by, I don't know if having a child would be a good idea because there would always be in the back of my mind what if she does something terrible.

 

I can't read all the posts. But can you get the dog away or call the humane society on her, if she hurt the dog?

[Hollywood-Tourist]

If you want this in your life, your choice.

 

She has to want it too - at the moment she doesn't.

 

 

I think she's just trying to make me stew by being a bitter b*tch.

[evanescentworld]

That's difficult to say as we don't have kids at the moment.

No, it's not difficult to say. Given her instinctive, sudden and violent reaction, with no remorse or communication, she is clearly NOT good maternal material. Don't even think of thinking about thinking of having kids with her, even remotely possibly.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

I can't read all the posts. But can you get the dog away or call the humane society on her, if she hurt the dog?

 

I'd love to but the dog is hers legally as she is the registered keeper of it.

 

 

I'd also need proof that she is hurting the dog, easier said than done.

[evanescentworld]

She has to want it too - at the moment she doesn't.

 

 

I think she's just trying to make me stew by being a bitter b*tch.

 

Could you just take a moment please, to explain what part of "walk away and let this go" you don't get?

So many people have given you this advice, yet here you are, still lingering....?

Forger 'stewing'... take it as read that this is over.#

TRhere IS no 'stewing'.

She isn't going to make this easy, mediocre or difficult for you. She doesn't give a flying whatsit.

 

Walk away. Forget trying to guess what she's doing.

leave her in no doubt whatsoever about what YOU are doing.

Abandoning this and consigning it to the rubbish tip, as you should.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

Given her instinctive, sudden and violent reaction, with no remorse or communication, she is clearly NOT good maternal material. Don't even think of thinking about thinking of having kids with her, even remotely possibly.

 

Do you think abusive people ever get their just desserts further down the line?

 

 

I know it's not a good idea to have kids with her (this was planned) but I would only retract that statement if she agreed to get professional help & proved to me that she was a reformed character.

[evanescentworld]

Do you think abusive people ever get their just desserts further down the line?

Why down the line? To my view of thinking, she is suffering right now. She is in emotional pain, but it's utterly inexcusable that she is inflicting it on others, both emotionally and physically.

She is getting her just desserts now - by being isolated, and cutting herself off from others, she perpetuates her own pain.

[lollipopspot]

I'd love to but the dog is hers legally as she is the registered keeper of it.

 

I'd also need proof that she is hurting the dog, easier said than done.

 

I don't know what she did, but you might still call whatever agency is in your area that deals with animal abuse and ask them if there is anything that can be done. Seriously. That dog has no one for protection. Try to do something about it!

 

Why would you want to be with anyone - or even love anyone - who abuses an innocent animal? That's a complete deal breaker to me. Can't even imagine wanting to be with someone like that.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

Why down the line?

 

 

Because anyone else that she encounters may see through her fairly quickly & turn the tables on her.

 

 

To my view of thinking, she is suffering right now. She is in emotional pain, but it's utterly inexcusable that she is inflicting it on others, both emotionally and physically.

 

 

Suffering?! If anyone's suffering, it's me - emotionally & physically.

 

 

But where would this emotional pain stem from? Childhood factors?

 

 

She is getting her just desserts now - by being isolated, and cutting herself off from others, she perpetuates her own pain.

 

 

That is of her choosing though & she can't say that I haven't try to sort things with her because I darn well have, she's the one who hasn't given a flying hoot.

 

 

She had the opportunity to get back with me but she didn't want that. Most people would run for the hills after behaviour like hers, but I didn't yet she still doesn't want it - her loss I say, her loss.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

Why would you want to be with anyone - or even love anyone - who abuses an innocent animal? That's a complete deal breaker to me. Can't even imagine wanting to be with someone like that.

 

I will try & call the RSCPA tomorrow & inform them of my concerns.

 

 

I don't condone any cruelty to animals & had previously told her this on a few occasions but she just shunned it off in a moody tone as if to say what do you know about owning animals. I nearly said no, but I'm engaged to one!

[evanescentworld]

Because anyone else that she encounters may see through her fairly quickly & turn the tables on her.

You are looking to some great unseen force coming round and kicking her up the sit-hole and 'punishing' her. Life doesn't work that way, or at least, doesn't mete out "justice" in the way you'd want.

 

Suffering?! If anyone's suffering, it's me - emotionally & physically.

Not as much as she is.

You at least have support, counsel and a listening group of members helping you with advice. She has voluntarily isolated herself and is inflicting more pain and anguish upon herself through her actions. You may have felt the sting, and gradually, that is receding into the past. She is living her emotional pain constantly, and doing nothing to relieve her own suffering.

 

 

But where would this emotional pain stem from? Childhood factors?

I wouldn't even presume to speculate. However, I believe in past lives, but I keep my own opinions....

[pteromom]

She has slashed her exs car tyres & I think pinned him to a wall when they finished. She is a bit of a tomboy I should add.

 

 

 

So her choking you WASN'T the first indication that she has major issues.

 

Consider this possibility.... Up to this point, you've been doing everything she wants you to do, so there was no reason for her to bare her teeth to you. But wanting to leave was enough to push her over the edge and cause her to be violent.

 

If you go back with her, you better be ready to be a complete puppet. Be at her beck and call and do exactly what she says, or else...

 

You should get that puppy away from her too. Someone like that should not own a pet.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

Not as much as she is.

You at least have support, counsel and a listening group of members helping you with advice.

 

 

She has voluntarily isolated herself and is inflicting more pain and anguish upon herself through her actions. You may have felt the sting, and gradually, that is receding into the past. She is living her emotional pain constantly, and doing nothing to relieve her own suffering.

 

 

It's daft though, why would she put herself through all that suffering if she's inferior to having any conscience or remorse for her actions?

[todreaminblue]

She is too vindictive & spiteful to admit that.

 

 

If she wanted to admit to it then I'm sure she would have done by now.

 

 

I fear she will always be an abuser & is basically using the 'I'm a woman card' to get off with it & divert blame onto me.

 

 

spite is the devils playground...vindictiveness......is horrid......tell me her redeeming traits please....the reasons why you love her..why you wish to stay with a woman who is spiteful mean aggressive angry and vindictive..a woman who will not change because she actually loves you...........deb

[ThorntonMelon]

Honestly I am almost to the point I think this is trolling.

 

She dumped you. Ask her parents. Why are we talking about animal control?

[lollipopspot]

Why are we talking about animal control?

 

Because an animal is being hurt and someone needs to step in. They can't leave on their own.