Thought I was 'safe' to break no contact. Wrong.

[travelbug1996]

Once you lose the FANTASY you will be just fine. In the future, stay away from married men. Most of them are the scum of the earth. They are emotionally and mentally dangerous to their wives and any other women that waste time with them.

 

Find a kind, single guy.

[MuddyRock]

What is it with people in affairs jumping right into wanting to get married. In normal dating relationships you would be looked at like a psycho if you thought that way. I mean, you don't even KNOW this man and you want to marry him someday? You cant know someone from phone calls and texts. Its from real living and doing daily things together.

You cant possibly say you love him, when you only love what you know of him, can you?

[Scorpio Chick]

Muddy Rock, I agree with you up to a point. We were classmates for 3.5 years and then reconnected via Facebook and we are of the same beliefs on a lot of big issues. He and I have very similar senses of humor. Without giving any details on some things, I know of him and about him through other people, including family. Outwardly, he's a very nice guy. But you're right about not 'really' knowing him. I don't know how he treats wait staff at restaurants. I don't know if he's a control freak. I was more saying of what I fantasized about with him. I FULLY understand almost completely the psychology behind all of it, believe me. Yet, I'm not living in fantasy land. My last and final gripe with him, I believe, is justified. When I reconnected, I thought I made it clear I wasn't interested in starting back up the texting, emailing, etc.. and in fact, I didn't. He started in on texting me. I did respond, but not flirtatiously. At the point that he started to send flirty texts again, that is when I sent him a text saying, look, I'm not sure exactly WHAT I feel about you, but for all intents and purposes, I 'feel' I might be in love with you. Am I wrong that I have that feeling? I didn't ask him, I'm posing that here. In order to give him an out, to realize he should stop playing with my heart, I said, I ask if you are not in love with me, that we leave this settled with this text (the text of me telling him how strong I FELT my feelings were, are, whatever). I asked that he not respond at all, not even with the word 'ok', I told him that his silence would be my answer and that maybe one day in the future we could be true friends. Feelings aren't facts, so I think telling him that my perception was one of being in love towards him was fair. I also told him that I don't just send flirty texts to someone for the fun of it, that it would mean I had feelings. Obviously for him, that is not the case, so I was letting him know, look, I have very strong feelings so if you don't, don't respond. So not only does he respond but he rubs it in my face by saying, 'with those strong feelings you have for me, I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT YOU MUST BE GOING THROUGH.'

 

Insult me, scoff at me all you want, but he was wrong to respond, and he was arrogant and condescending to take it to that level of basically saying I must be being tortured by being in love with him when he isn't with me. How insensitive could he be??

[Cali408]

Don't tell the wife, block him on Facebook, if it were me, I would get off Facebook. Better yet stay off social networks.

 

Change your phone number.

 

Basically, you were being used for his cheap thrills. And it stinks. Have enough self esteem to realize your worth more than that.

[Quiet Storm]

I agree that you were being used, but I also feel that you were offering yourself up for that. Not that you wanted to be used, but you didn't protect yourself or your feelings. You should avoid emotionally dangerous situations (married men). You hoped it would turn to more, but you were bartering in a way- offering sex talk in exchange for his attention & love.

 

I know you hoped for more with him and you are disappointed. I think it's OK to tell his wife, as I think your motivations are redundant. It is information that his wife should have, regardless of your intent. But he will likely just say it was harmless flirting, and that he never intended to cheat. He'll say that you pursued him & contacted him first, and he liked feeling like he's "still got it", but never intended to go further.

[gettingstronger]

You did wrong for/about yourself and you know it so no lecture from me-brush it off and get back on the NC horse!

[Scorpio Chick]

Thank you everyone, for taking the time to give me responses, some tough and blunt, but I need and DESERVE to hear them. I'm not going to tell the wife, and I do have solid proof he started the whole sexting thing, the WHOLE thing in fact, both times, solid proof, but like someone said, if he had shown up at my door with roses, etc.. and professed love for me, if I wouldn't have tattled then, then there is something wrong for me to tattle because it didn't go the way I hoped, and he honestly did lead me to think. No matter what, I think this has taught me that I have some big issues to tackle within myself that have nothing to do with him.

 

I was DEAD wrong to respond flirtatiously to a married man. I wish there was a way to make amends. I'm sure I was thrilled that the guy I had a crush on for 3.5 years was finally paying some attention to me. That's why I said in one of my posts here, we are wicked. It's hard to believe I'm one of many, it's a sad thought, but why should I think he had any special thing for me when obviously he is being unfaithful to his wife? I am so grateful it never got to the physical level, on that note, I am lucky.