Cry for support

[kahn2154]

I really don't see any reasons things will improve in my life at this point. Just seems like they can only get worse. I'm almost 30 and don't expect anything to change at this point. After trying to hard for years 'putting myself out there' I just don't have it in me to do it any more after nothing but failure.

 

I've been really depressed for two years now. It feels my entire life has just been going through life trying to keep my head above water. Nothing is fun or a distraction, just existing is torture. Suicide is not imminent but seems inevitable whether in 10 years, or one year.

 

I just feel completely alone at this point. I have no friends, no one to talk to. I've had one person interested in being around me over the course of my life. I barely knew her for a month, I blew it, remember I was told it would get better with time and it only got worse. I think about her everyday, fantasize that things went different, then think about how pathetic I am for still dwelling over someone I knew for a month. I don't think I will ever be over her.

 

I really just don't know what to do at this point.

[me85]

I'm sorry you are going through such despair and I promise, I can relate.

 

I have zero people in my life to turn to for anything.

 

Look, I have made many mistakes. I'm 29 and single. Never married. Never proposed to. No children. Drive a 16 yo vehicle. Work retail. Do not have a college degree...yet. Was arrested for the first time in my life a few months ago. And my Grandmother (who I've always been very close to) died 2 weeks ago.

 

I mean, the past year of my life has truly been a nightmare.

 

I've taken care of myself my entire life and have gotten through many hardships/traumas and I'm going to continue to take care of myself and get by on my own.

 

I love myself despite all my flaws and failures and you should too.

[Mr Scorpio]

I really just don't know what to do at this point.

 

You've come to the right place. Although you may feel alone, this site will help you realize that you aren't. Is it a replacement for actual human interaction? No. But it is a good supplement IMO.

 

I you are suffering from depression, the first thing you should do is treat your condition. This is especially so if you are actually feeling suicidal. There are many ways of doing this, medical and otherwise.

 

My personal favorite is exercise. There is no quicker, cheaper, easier way to feel some relief immediately than exercise. Force some endorphins into your blood stream. If you can run than jog, if you can't jog than walk. You will feel less pain and sleep better.

 

Beyond that you really need to decide to feel better. I don't mean that in a "this is your fault" sense. Depression can become a habit. You need to actively stop yourself from thinking negative thoughts.

 

For me, when I catch myself dwelling on a mistake I made in life, my response is "next!" (as in 'so what are you going to do next?') or "onward!" (as in 'get your self to the next step, NOW!').

 

Occupying yourself can certainly help with this. You say that nothing is a distraction. I disagree. It might not be easy, but again, you have to actively pursue it. A good book or movie, a new recipe, learning an instrument.

 

Dedicating yourself to living in the moment, you soon realize that these endeavors aren't distractions, they are purposes.

 

Now watch

.

[Thruster]

kahn:

 

 

They make songs about love hurts

 

 

well it is life -- might be hard to get over

but

feeling sorry for yourself -- BLAH!

get's you no where fast

 

 

time to scuffle the cards and get on with a new game of find the gal

[learning_slowly]

Also you have to remember life can change suddenly. If you change your behaviour, your life could be entirely different.

 

I have seen people I know, who people would call a loser, change into people with good jobs and lots of friends.

 

I can't imagine it will be easy. I agree with exercise: you will feel better and also begin to look more attractive. I don't know what your income is, but if possible get a personal trainer for a bit and explain you want to attract the opposite sex. This maybe scary, but it's got to be better than suicide?

 

As for making friends, go to meetups, learn to listen and to voice an opinion.

As your suicidal, also see a doctor. I think you may need anti depressants to help you out of your hole.

[georgejungle]

I would see a Therapist or Psychologist. If anything just to get evaluated... I was surprised myself at how easy It was to see one. I always thought it was hard. If you have Medical Insurance, look one up that your provider covers and see who's in your area that you could talk to.

 

 

Do it Now.