Lipitor11 Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Another post on here, got me thinking, in order for someone to have a dating life, be in a relationship, a person has to have their own group of friends and actually have a social life? I can't really say I have a social life or even a group of friends. I don't have alot of friends and the ones that I do have, I just talk to them on the phone once a month and they are not even interesting in going out... I told guys before that I don't have a group of friends and sometimes they tell me that I could meet his friends and hang out.so... Do guys think its weird if a girl he's interested in doesn't have friends, and not even a best friend? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 nope.............. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
TayTay415 Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 I wouldn't date someone who doesn't have friends. If you don't have friends, that tells me you have problems relating to people. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 I wouldn't date someone who doesn't have friends. If you don't have friends, that tells me you have problems relating to people. Same here. It's not impossible to date but good luck. Big red flag to me so I wouldn't date someone with no friends. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
R3d Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Same here. It's not impossible to date but good luck. Big red flag to me so I wouldn't date someone with no friends. What about very few friends? Link to post Share on other sites
endlessabyss Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Take all comments on here with a grain of salt lol. All you need is a few close friends and you're good. Most people who say they have a ton of friends have mostly acquaintances. A guy I work with just got engaged to a dime, and only has 2 close friends, doesn't do facebook, or any other social media. It's a maturity thing. Granted, you will have a harder time, because women are seeking out social status, but you still have a chance. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
endlessabyss Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 Same here. It's not impossible to date but good luck. Big red flag to me so I wouldn't date someone with no friends. Location: Southern California I wouldn't date someone who doesn't have friends. If you don't have friends, that tells me you have problems relating to people. Sounds like female logic to me lol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 I wouldn't date someone who doesn't have friends. If you don't have friends, that tells me you have problems relating to people. Well...that really depends on what you call "friends" I am a popular person because of what I know and do, yet at the same time I am a very private person and do not necessarily need to have a circle of friends around me....Guys like me are beiieved to be "Lone Wolfs"... I spend my entire working day dealing with people...Therefore, when I am not at my company, the last thing I want to do is surround myself with a bunch of people... Are there people I know that would do just about anything for me at the drop of a hat? Yes, and I would do the same for them...Do I enjoy quiet time, reading, working on a project or just listening to some music by myself, rather than hanging with a bunch of guys? Sure... There are many people like myself... some people are "loners" by choice...Doesnt mean they necessarily have problems dealing with people....They just choose not to.. TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 People who can't have friends are not equipped to have a romantic relationship, period. They're asocial. Now, I quite agree that all you need is a few friends, but a few close friends who know you well and you actually spend time with, not someone you wave at down the block. You don't have to be Mr. Popular, but you do have to have social skills because romance is friendship plus sex, so if you can't do friendship, well that's more than half the equation. A friend of mine got involved with a guy with no friends and it has been like living with a recluse and he's no help at all because he won't be around people. It's a disaster. Don't ever assume someone is "just shy." She says he doesn't like being around people because he always has to be right and no one agrees with him on various and sundry topics. So to him, the whole world is wrong and he's right. Not good mates. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 I would seriously not care if my girlfriend didn't have any friends. As long as she isn't super clingy and is fine doing things by herself every once in a while, I'm perfectly happy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 As if people with a ton of friends are so great to date! Maybe they are the ones who can't relate to people so they just tag on to everybody who lets them. They are often chameleons who don't even know themselves. Some people who don't have a lot of friends are people who do relate to people and are caring, so much so that they don't want to be fake and collect a bunch of "friends" and pretend they like people when they don't. People with tons of friends tend to learn who their TRUE friends are in tough times after all the rest have scattered away. But when you have that one friend who has been there for years, they are the one you need to have your back when you need it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lipitor11 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Share Posted September 2, 2014 What about very few friends? I only have like 3 close friends at the moment, I really don't have a social life when it comes to going out with friends, eating out, weddings, that type of thing etc, etc... I do enjoy meeting new people and if someone is interested in being my friend, then I'm all for it. Friends just come and go in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
TayTay415 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Sounds like female logic to me lol. Wrong. It's called human interaction logic. Link to post Share on other sites
TayTay415 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Friends just come and go in my life. That's an even bigger red flag to me. Link to post Share on other sites
TayTay415 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 As if people with a ton of friends are so great to date! Maybe they are the ones who can't relate to people so they just tag on to everybody who lets them. They are often chameleons who don't even know themselves. You sound pretty defensive. I take it you don't have any friends? Who said anything about having a ton of friends being a requirement? The OP asked whether having friends of their own is a requirement for dating. For me, it's important for two reasons. 1. Not being able to maintain friends tells me that they have a problem relating to people and maintaining relationships. 2. My SO must have a social life outside of me and our relationship. That requires that my SO have friends. Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 You sound pretty defensive. I take it you don't have any friends? 2. My SO must have a social life outside of me and our relationship. That requires that my SO have friends. not really... you can do almost anything alone... and lots of people do 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 not really... you can do almost anything alone... and lots of people do But if you're dating, you're not doing it alone. You have to have the skills to be with someone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 OP, what does 'successful in dating' mean? Is that volume of similar or discrete dates? Is it long-term dating or short-term dating? Etc, etc. Do guys think its weird if a girl he's interested in doesn't have friends, and not even a best friend? As a young man, I gave such nuances essentially zero thought. As an older man, I would be a bit miffed that a woman my age had few friends and no best female friend. As an example, when I met my exW, she had a wide circle of friends and her best female friend, who unfortunately passed earlier this year, had been such for over 10 years when I met her. She actually had two female best friends who she often socialized with, one married (example above) and one divorced. The one who died also became a good friend of mine and our friendship outlived my exW's and my M. That's the kind of stuff I look for. YMMV! Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 "You sound pretty defensive. I take it you don't have any friends?" I do have friends. Just sick of people acting like others aren't worthy of love because of some stupid requirement like fake friendships. Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Location: Southern California And your point? Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 What about very few friends? That's fine IMO. Few quality friends is good. No friends? Red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
D.Mc. Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 I can't really say I have a social life or even a group of friends. I don't have alot of friends and the ones that I do have, I just talk to them on the phone once a month and they are not even interesting in going out... Hi Lipitor11, it seems to me a question of whether or not your friends, however they are "classified", can be an asset to your social life. If you have a few people you are in contact regularly with but you actually never see them in person, then how can your social life expand? You aren't going to parties/weddings etc. that they have & so you are not meeting new people IRL. For certain an active social life leads to more chances at meeting men & therefore dating. Of course if (as in my case) there are only a few & ALL female & ALL married w/no known single men in their orbit...well, no help at all fixing ME up. I also don't see them regularly because they live in suburbs & I don't drive, so I'm not socializing either...I know how you feel. I would be turned off though, by a man who would reject me for the number of my friends...friendship doesn't equal "ability to have a relationship". IMO it is NOT friendship + sex = relationship. People have break ups & want NOTHING to do with each other, it happens all the time. There was no friendship foundation laid down within the relationship. Does that mean that these people were incapable of having a relationship to start with? If a man is judging you by that criteria (# of friends), then he is concerned with "social status". Fine but he's not for you then. Also, aside from socializing in pairs with your friends or his, just what do these friends have to do w/your R/S at a fundamental level? Has anyone NOT accepted a marriage proposal or decided NOT to have kids b/c of what their friends thought? Aren't there are enough "dealbreakers" between men & women... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 (edited) People who can't have friends are not equipped to have a romantic relationship, period. They're asocial. Now, I quite agree that all you need is a few friends, but a few close friends who know you well and you actually spend time with, not someone you wave at down the block. You don't have to be Mr. Popular, but you do have to have social skills because romance is friendship plus sex, so if you can't do friendship, well that's more than half the equation. Eh, good thoughts, but too rigid preraph. The second you try to sort all people into two boxes with preprinted labels, you stifle the ability to appreciate the beauty and uniqueness of each individual. I think on this issue people fall across a very broad spectrum. The way people relate to other people is so complex and varied that generalizations don't work. The way I view relating/interacting is a bit like radio frequencies... the entire range of possibilities is huge and most people have one primary and a few secondary frequencies they operate on with varying signal strengths. You can relate based on a primary/primary match, a secondary/secondary match, or a primary/secondary match. And some people have the ability to tune into other people's frequencies, while others don't have the variable tuning and need to find an inherent match. Some frequencies are more mainstream, some rare. There are many theories and system that attempt to predict how various individuals relate... Meyers Briggs, Enneagram, etc. Granted, there are some people who have a very difficult time relating to almost anyone, and perhaps asocial is a fitting term, but for most it's just a matter of finding people with whose energy your own energy resonates. Edited September 2, 2014 by salparadise Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 "You sound pretty defensive. I take it you don't have any friends?" I do have friends. Just sick of people acting like others aren't worthy of love because of some stupid requirement like fake friendships. See, you don't even view friendship as being real, but you view it as fake, pretending to like someone. That reflects your inability to be a real friend, not anyone else's. And it further confirms my opinion you are unable to have a romantic relationship if you don't even view relationships as having value or being real. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 See, you don't even view friendship as being real, but you view it as fake, pretending to like someone. That reflects your inability to be a real friend, not anyone else's. And it further confirms my opinion you are unable to have a romantic relationship if you don't even view relationships as having value or being real. Ummmm no, the point us that having 60 so called friends doesn't mean they are TRUE friends so why does it matter how many friends a person has? Link to post Share on other sites
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