First time LDR

[oleggy]

I'm currently in a long distance relationship with a girl from another country. This is the first relationship i'm in also. So i totally don't know what to expect at any time i feel. We haven't met in person, but we have known each other for 8 years and will soon enough start to skype with webcam i think, she said she would buy one soon at least. Until now we have just sent messages and played games together and made connection there.

 

I'm going to visit her next summer where i will spend my vacation entirely at her place. When i realize how good this was turning for me, i mean when we started to talk about the future, because she want to move to my country and we have plans to live together.

 

For one week we talked romantic like or so, what we would do, how nice it would be, all the fun we would have together.But after this first week my personality traits and insecure attachment style started to show. I became too clingy and needy, even its LDR. I felt i couldn't go a day without talking with her either.

 

But i finally got back to the real me, this time i'm not sure if it's too late either. Because when this incident happened i had a couple of days where i tried to be so sweet, romantic and funny to her i could be in my eyes because i wanted to hold on to the feeling i had when we had first talked about next summer. Even this happened, we still talk and play games together when we are online and we still acknowledge the same things about next summer.

 

For the last week or two i feel maybe the connection we once had might be gone. We are having great times together as i mentioned, but for a period now we aren't talking as much as we did before i feel(maybe just natural ups and downs and she has alot to do in her life, even lately it's maybe abit more than usual).

 

Because i've never been in a relationship also, im not sure if this is totally normal, or if its missing abit of romance?

 

Thanks in advance!

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

obviously something happened... you said 8 years of knowing her, the old you and indecent happened. Something tells me she is stepping back a bit.

 

If you both care the same for each other, you can talk it out. Bring up what she expects and what you feel may have been a problem to your understandings of each other.

 

Being LDR sometimes simple things can be misunderstood and lead to big problems. I found poking at her wants, needs and expectations will keep things in order. Plus will allow her to feel she is understood. As when things pick up and roll along without a check here and there, things can get complicated and bring issues that seem to put things on hold.

 

I know checks can interrupt the flow but in normal relationships you have time to do more discussion and feel things around a bit. So with wee moments you must be observant on how she is plugging along without you pushing the issue or getting to carried away.

[oleggy]

Thanks for the advice. I feel i ****ed up big time with this, and its not the first time it has happened either i suddenly get this way of being/attitude or so before i get control of myself also.

 

After the incident we have talked though and plans are still the same and she has said everything will work out good for us although. And at times i got to admit we got abit spark back but not as much as it should

 

I felt it was a big wow moment for her, and i excused and explained my intentiond, but not whole reason behind it. I sense it must be most because of me it ended here, even in between i use the excuse to myself that she has a troublesome everyday life to handle which takes a huge toll on her.

 

But i will follow on your advice and ask what she expects of the future, and especially of me. And i think it's time i lay all cards on table too i feel, even though it could make it worse.