please someone read this im sick of analyzing a depressed friend/lover

[angelj]

Confused ... and really needing some outside advice. This is a long one!

 

The situation is this (in a nutshell):

 

The boy and I met about 2 years ago at work. At first glance, we were both drawn to each other, but surprisingly neither thought anything would ever happen. I knew it would be right if it did, but I thought he was too gorgeous and too taken and he thought I was too far out of his league.

 

I moved away, only to never forget him. I moved back about a year later, to find him at the same place where I picked up working again. (Restaurant atmosphere). This time, the flirting began.

 

We are both now almost 22 ... 20 at the time. His now ex-girlfriend was 18. They had been together for almost 4 years and she is 3 years younger than us.

 

A little background on their relationship - breaking up and getting back together often, substance dependent, manipulative, hurtful, jealous, and empty of passion. After the first 2 years, they stopped having sex and stopped truely enjoying each other. Basically, you could say the relationship was lifeless. It had turned more into a dependency and comfortabilty, leaving no room for either person to grow. He lost his outside friendships and became stuck in a rut.

 

Our flirting grew and grew and so did our physical attraction to one another. I would not let anything happen because I refused to be the homewrecker. I held strong morals. and he never really tried, knowing I was not one of the many easy girls that throw themselves at him on an almost daily basis! I also did not want to be a rebound. Our tension started going crazy at work and he and her invited me to his 21st bday, which ended up in his father telling me how beautiful I was and how I should date his son. I felt extremely awkward, apologizing to everyone, including the girlfriend and leaving abruptly after about the 1000th comment made by every male in the room.

 

Shortly after, the boy was fired and I was crushed, thinking I would never see him again. Two months later, he was re-hired, and neither of us thought he would actually come back. This was in September of 2004. This was when things with us really began. The boy and the ex were still together, still miserable in their relationship, holding onto the last strings. The boy began to show extreme interest in me. started to call me and find ways to work whenever I worked or hang out.

 

Finally, a few weeks after this began, the boy confessed to my roommate the feelings he had for me. He also said that he had a girlfriend and didn't think they were ready to break up yet, thus meaning if things were different with them, things would certainly be different with us. This was also the first night he kissed me/I let him kiss me. I thought it would remain the same, and that I could handle the feelings. Well, I was completely wrong.

 

Our feelings escalated, strongly. We began to work on a great friendship. We both had trust issues from past romances and invested time and energy into allowing each other to trust and believe in the other person. I did not make any efforts, although I would agree to his advances. I would not let anything sexual occur. It was not right!

 

Our flirting at work took over and our friendship blossomed. This entire time him and the ex broke up and got back together, fought and made up, still lacking intimacy. One night at 2 AM, the boy showed up at my doorstep because he couldnt stop thinking about me and wanted to say hi. Basically, things went on in this manner until the inevitable happened. They broke up. really broke up. He really begn to call more and more because he felt he didn't have to hide it. and I know he was lacking emotional security. However, the entire time, he reminded me he did not want to be with her, but that he needed time to heal. He was crazy about me and knew we would be together in the future, but needed the present to smooth things out.

 

I agreed and only offered him a shoulder to cry on and, yes, did begin to engage in a slightly more affectionate sexual relationship. We never had sex, both of us stopping when it started and saying maybe we should not ... that maybe it was not right yet. Still, it was hard to keep our hands off each other. Every time we hung out, it went deeper than physical attraction. I became the only person he would turn to for his problems and he became the only person I felt comfortable sharing feelings with. (As I said before, we both have trust issues.) I became his rock. but he began to grow and start positive relationships with other people.

 

Things had been off lately. I knew his break up was having a toll on him because, although he was ready and knew it was over, it's been hard for him to really move on. He repeatedly said he did not want me to get hurt, he knew he wasn't ready to move into a relationship ... that we should slow down and he would definitely be with me in the future. He thought we were inevitable, but he refused to talk to me about his pain from his past. He said it was not fair for me to hear that he wanted me in his future and he should not drag me down with him. Therefore, he wasn't talking to anyone about it at all. He has far too much pride. (They have also been officially broken up for a month.) That brings me to today.

 

I haven't spoken to him since last Wednesday. I speak to him usually once, twice or 3-4 times a week. He usually calls, I never would until he told me to start. I never wanted to chase him. I knew he needed space. Saturday and Sunday we spent together at a concert. Nothing sexual occured, just a ton of fun and drinking =). Monday, he called and made plans to hang out, but broke them, saying friends showed up, etc. Tuesday nite, he called me at work telling me about his day and how happy he was and how I needed to see the work he did on his house etc. He told me to call him the next day after work and not to forget. I called him Wed. and he said something about the ex. calling and how it was strange, but still sounded ok. He said he would call me after running some errands and I joked saying, "Don't stand me up." So, he called around 10 pm., drunk, and said that the ex came by and they hung out and didn't embellish. He still sounded OK and not depressed, upset or any strange emotion.

 

He called again later, talked for a bit and said he was going to eat and would call me back if I was awake. To which, I jokingly said, "Yeah, if you remember you will call me back." He joked back and said, "Fine, if that's what you want me to say, if I remember I will call you back." (He's not so great about returning his phone calls right away to most people and it's always been a joke between us.) This was the last I heard from him. I left him a message Friday evening because I was having a get together and thought to invite him. No reply. I was told Sat. by a mutual friend that they couldn't get a hold of him.

 

I realized I had not heard from him either. I thought it was odd and called. No answer. I didn't leave a message. I was told Sunday, by another friend, that they couldn't get in touch with him and I began to worry, so I tried again and left a message. Still no answer. Monday morning, the same friend called again. This time he answered because he did not know the number. He told the friend that he would meet up with him later, but when the friend stopped by and called, there was no answer. Very, very odd. I was told Tuesday morning by another person, that they could not find him and they were worried. So, I called for the last time and left a joking message and asked if he would call someone because we were all worried. No call. He's not just avoiding me, he's avoiding everyone but...

 

I found out from a fellow work gossip bitch that she saw him this weekend at his exes work (a bar). She said that he is OK, but he is not OK. She said that he seems to be a mess, because the ex is dating someone else. She said he was begging the ex to talk to him even if just for a little while.

 

Now I'm confused. He is a great person, not the type to play with emotions and lead someone on. I've known him long enough to know so and I know he deeply cared for me. I am a bit confused on why he has not called and I dont want to analyze it any longer. The truth is, he hasn't returned my messages. Even before they began to break up, he did return my messages. He always regarded our friendship highly and was always the one to put my feelings first.

 

What is going on? (Besides the fact that he is depressed about his ex, he is out of work due to an injury, cannot afford his car insurance and is stuck in his house with no money, no car, and no life. I think the depression is consuming him and I think he refuses to talk to me about it.)

 

Any advice?

[d'Arthez]

Now I'm confused. He is a great person, not the type to play with emotions and lead someone on. I've known him long enough to know so and I know he deeply cared for me. I am a bit confused on why he has not called and I dont want to analyze it any longer. The truth is, he hasn't returned my messages. Even before they began to break up, he did return my messages. He always regarded our friendship highly and was always the one to put my feelings first.

 

What is going on? (Besides the fact that he is depressed about his ex, he is out of work due to an injury, cannot afford his car insurance and is stuck in his house with no money, no car, and no life. I think the depression is consuming him and I think he refuses to talk to me about it.)

 

Any advice?

 

Probably he cannot handle the fact that his ex is moving on for some reason. His behavior does not seem depression-like at all in these events you described. Until his ex moved on.

 

What actually transpired between him and his ex-gf is not something you know, nor should have to deal with. It's simply none of your business, even though you'd probably feel it is some of your business as you have grown so close to him. Only he has to deal with it. And he deal with it in this way.

 

Don't put your life on hold for him. He should regain his composure by himself. He knows your phonenumber - and that is why he has not responded to you. If he wants to call you, he will.

 

Move on, someday there will be another lover till the end.

[angelj]

i agree with what you say..

 

i think my problem is i know the truth but i choose to build up assumptions and over analyze situations in my head. i start thinking it was all a joke. i pushed him away or he really never cared. and of course the most immature and irrational thought of them all...i wont ever hear/speak/see him again.

 

my life is definitely not wrapped up in his phone call, although i wont lie at one time it was. (but most women who have a huge childish crush on a man will think irrationaly at times.)

 

hopefully i see this boy again, when he is a bit more healed and able to think clearly. i would hate to think our friendship is just dust in the wind.

[lost_in_a_dream]

I played that game quite a few times with an ex of mine (break up, get back, break up, get back...) We finally decided that enough was enough and we had to move on. He moved on a lot sooner than I did. It hurt and it was like the reality of our relationship finally being an end that hurt more than anything.

 

Give him some time to deal with it. Letting go is something you think you've done and when it finally hits you it's like a death. Kind of a dramatic approach to this all, but relationships are weird things. I say go find his butt if he doesn't come out hiding within a reasonable amount of time. Letting a person sulk and be unhappy is healthy if it ends with a smiling face.

 

Good Luck!

[d'Arthez]

Sorry, it was not what you had hoped for. I hope for the best for you.

 

You should not wait for him; if you do wait, you would join in his misery, somewhere else and also alone. Your life does not revolve around a man, especially as you cannot know beforehand how long he needs to heal. And even if you might not end up as lovers, because you might move on to another man, chances are still that you can remain / become friends in the future.

 

Sometimes we meet at the wrong time, or find ourselves in the wrong place. And because of that all our dreams, all our future love simply cannot grow. I can honestly admit that I have had my fair share of these things.

[angelj]

its amusing how these are the exact things i am thinking. but they sound so much clearer when said by another person.

 

i was thinking give him complete space before he stopped calling me back anyway. dammit he just did it sooner

 

ill let him be, he always comes back around. i figure give him a month or more, he will either be back at work, i will have run into him in the same town (we live approximently 1 mile from each other) or ill have showed up at his doorstep saying where the heck have u been?!

 

thanks s o much, i really need the support. and again amusing to me - this is the first time ive used a messageboard and complete strangers have helped me more than my best friends of 15 years

[d'Arthez]

No, don't show up on his doorstep. If he wants to talk to you, he can call you. Or speak to you at work. Simple as that. As long as he does not call or speak to you, you know he has not moved on from the break-up.

 

 

Concerning the usage of messageboards:

That's often the case. Might be almost half a world of distance between us geographically, but on these messageboards it does not show. We're all people trying to help others.

 

Sometimes closeness to a person can prevent a person to see the larger picture. So it does not necessarily say anything about your friends. And remember friends are trying to look after your best interests.

[angelj]

not to worry...

 

i dont think i could show up at his doorstep even if offered huge sums of money to do so.

 

i simply dont have the courage.

 

in the meantime, i'll do what i can to remain sane and not worry about his well-being. mine is important enough and i had forgotten it in the past few weeks. filling someone with motivation and ignoring your own needs can really begin to effect you.

 

and just like our favorite jimmy buffet song - only time will tell

[clynn]

Yeah, I agree with the person taht said relationships ending are like a "death" -- even if it is time for it to end.

 

Sounds like they are one of those couples that bounce back and forth forever. Who knows?

 

I would say just wait and see what happens. But don't WAIT.

 

I'm only sad taht you got involved even against your earlier instincts to stay away. I mean, it all seemed pretty solid, for sure.

 

it is hard to know about what he SAYS about the relationship and what is REAL aobut the relationship between he and her. And sometimes it doesn't really matter.

 

I hope things work out, keep in touch and let us know.

[angelj]

funny the getting involved against instincts - instincts said to get involved but i did not let myself, and forced myself to think he would never fall for me.

 

what is scary is how close we became, as i expressed earlier. how he told me i got into his heart, and thats a very difficult task. (same goes for me)

 

anyway as previously stated, im just sick of analyzing it. i do truely hope to hear from him again and yes its only been a week. so i shouldnt be so dramatic as to say oh my god its over forever. thats just me though, i love to jump to conclusions...

 

keep up the advice it helps!!

[Mary3]

I think he is more involved emotionally with his x ....so much so, that he is grieving her right now , that she has found someone else. She may continue to play him because he has FEELINGS for her and as long as he does , then you are not that important to him. At least not the way you would like it to be...

 

My advice : Move on...easily said I know...harder to do ....but you must...

[SuperFantastico]

AHHH MY eyes. The goggles, they do nothing!!! Please break LONG posts into paragraphs. I nearly had an stroke trying to read that.

 

I think he is using you as a crutch but still is in love with his ex. And the fact that hes in such a crappy situation and cant move on probably makes his ex moving on that much more painful for him. No on like to see thier ex doing better than them

 

I would back off for a while and let him deal with his problems. Perhaps give him a call once a week to say whats up. Trust me, you dont want to become his emotional life support. Its no good for you at all. It will just drain the hell out of you, and it might end up with him getting back together with her anyways. So you are a double loser in that situation.

 

He knows you like him. So in the mean time(inbetween girlfriends) you are like a FVB. And thats all well and good except you want more....er.....so its no good for you.

 

Remember love is made by lucifer to torment us all!!!!!!!.....uh its in the bible..........er........somewhere at the back.....

[angelj]

my bad about the long posts...

 

it was my first time!

 

agreed - being someones emotional life support is draining and unfair.

 

sorry im new at this but what exactly is an FVB..i mean i get the idea but explain please...

 

thinking ill give him a few weeks call him sometime..we are friends and behind all those stupid feelings, it all started with a friendship.

[angelj]

there was a part i did forget to mention...

 

over the past 4,6 however many months its been...one thing is certain. he is a huge communicator. he always (almost always) initiates "talks" with me. he is BIG on staying on the same level. he also knows i tend to hold more in, i dont initiate serious talks and i write in my journal probably more than i should. he always said he wanted to break me of these habits.

 

anyway -

 

these talks always were about "us," starting with the hey im really starting to like you and i dont know what to do to hey i really do like you more than a friend we have to put this on hold because i need to heal to the last which were "wow you mean a lot to me but right now i dont know what to do with you. i miss you when you arent around but i still care about the ex. im still grieving about her but i want a future with you." and the one that should give me hope but sucked the most since i live in the present..."can we be friends right now and start something down the road? i have immense feelings for you but if we take it any further, it will screw up. i wont be stuck on her forever, just right now and we have the future for us."

 

i can respect that. i can respect that a lot because that is being cosiderate of my feelings and i agreed with him. but i did tell him my fears which are sure thats fine and dandy but who knows what the future will bring i might meet another guy and how is that fair to ditch him for you? (obviously put in much kinder terms..)

 

ok just wanted to add that in so u get a bit of a clearer picture. oh hell i just had to get more off my chest. obviously this is bothering me and at least this is a healthy way of venting?

[Curt]

I believe I can only echo what the others in this thread have posted. He needs time to sort out his feelings for his ex. Clearly, he has a major hangup on her emotionally, and needs time to come to terms. Only then will he be able to either;

 

A. Try to continue his current relationship with her, or

B. "Cut bait," take time to heal/reflect, and in an appropriate timeframe, move on.

 

Of course, the problem is that there is no real guarantee that this would involve yourself. You need to assess within your own mind whether or not holding on to this hope of a relationship with him (at some time in the future) is something you should (or even could) reasonably "do."

 

clynn made an interesting comment on it all...

 

Originally Posted by clynn:

"it is hard to know about what he SAYS about the relationship and what is REAL aobut the relationship between he and her. And sometimes it doesn't really matter."

 

There is a lot of truth there. It really doesn't matter in the bigger picture. The fact is that he is still majorly torn between his affection for her, and that for you. He appears to still hold a huge "flame" for her.

 

All this aside angelj, I think the most impact you made on me was when you said the following:

 

Originally Posted by angelj:

"i think my problem is i know the truth but i choose to build up assumptions and over analyze situations in my head. i start thinking it was all a joke. i pushed him away or he really never cared. and of course the most immature and irrational thought of them all...i wont ever hear/speak/see him again."

 

See hunn, I went through the same types of feelings and emotions myself. Given the bond that (at least I felt) I had with a certain girl, and then, the way things ended up being between myself and her, I am left doubting my experience as possibly having been a huge misunderstanding. I am not even certain that, even if she and I even wanted to, that we could feel comfortable to speak about it all ... perhaps too much water under the proverbial "bridge..."

 

Anyway, I would reiterate what d'Arthez said ...

 

Originally Posted by d'Arthez:

"Sometimes we meet at the wrong time, or find ourselves in the wrong place. And because of that all our dreams, all our future love simply cannot grow. I can honestly admit that I have had my fair share of these things."

 

Sometimes, what feels so convincingly real, is nothing real at all. Sometimes babe, it's all a fabrication of fate or circumstance. In the end, we feel drained, even questioning our own ability to trust our instincts and logic.

 

Let time take it's own course. Entrust the situation to God's will ... and let the hurt, resentment, pain, and self-doubt go.

 

God's speed.

 

Curt

[Mary3]

You need to step out of the picture and let them both work this out.

 

You are not number one priority here and you are going to get hurt while he says " Oh gosh wait ! Stay near me...no um I am confused...I still want her...but Wait !"----- I say Bull #@#$ ! .

 

Step back...this is not a 3 way relationship. NEVER get involved with someone who is still FEEELING things for someone else. THe snake bites hardest when its confused !

Get out now

[SummerRae]

Originally posted by SuperFantastico

AHHH MY eyes. The goggles, they do nothing!!! Please break LONG posts into paragraphs. I nearly had an stroke trying to read that.

 

 

hahahahaahah, sorry, that was soo funny. I need to go to bed............

[angelj]

yes yes again with the long post, im sorry!

 

 

i still havent heard and its been over a week. not that even the phone call bothers me now, im just confused as to what the hell happened. as a slightly less mature woman, i once dated a guy i'll call "p." i met p at a night club thought he was kinda cute, gave him my number and let him start calling me. we began to hang out but i still was hooked on my ex. i didnt even like p actually, and i was moving to another city 2 1/2 hours away in less than a month. p tried to talk to me all the time about our future and our present and blah blah blah. i finally just got sick of him and stopped answering his calls. but he used to call me about 10 x a day and repeatedly if i didnt answer the phone. i understand he just got hooked easily and quickly but after a few days??

 

anyway - the point of the story is i cant help feeling a bit like p right now.

 

obviously p was just a rebound. i began to feel like thats what i was to the boy. but can you really be a rebound if its a friendship/lust that fell into something over the course of many months?

 

no one can really give me answers but him. i just need to know what the heck i did wrong? or what happened? obviously as everyone says "its not you, its him," but how much does that help? it worries me that i was some annoying void filler like p was? i sure hope not. it should be interesting to see if he ever comes back to work.

most think he will just try to pick up where he left off. i think he just needs his space and well, who knows. he has always been a hard one to figure out.

 

putting all this out in writing has really helped to clarify the obvious. why waste your time confused and wondering about someone? shouldnt love really be so much easier?

 

and why would someone, who spent months cornering my friends and saying how much he cared about me/wouldnt want to hurt me/trusted me with his life and valued our friendship do something like this?

 

i heard from a co worker he was driving by the restaurant the other day and saw a few people standing outside so he drove up and said hi and asked who was working/how everyone was. he isnt stupid, he knows exactly what he is doing.

 

guess you are right curt, in time all will be answered.

[d'Arthez]

Don't doubt yourself. You don't get any answers by doing that. And like, as we said it is not your fault, that he has some issues to resolve. Hopefully he can give you some answers in time. But don't expect them soon, and you can't be certain he will give them at the most convenient time for you.

 

Yes, some people can grow attached to others very quickly. It is not necessarily something related to stability / instability. Usually it is though. It does not necessarily imply you were some sort of rebound. What you were to him, only he can answer in due time.

 

Life is never easy. Because most people do imagine life is easy, they will have hard times to make sense out of whatever befalls them. The same is true of love. Love is never easy. Look at the quote of Rilke in my signature.

 

As always for most people it is easy to say things, but hard to back their words up with actions. He took life easier than it was, and found himself struck with the inability to handle the fact that his ex-gf moved on quicker than he did. And you are paying the price for that.

 

Sorry to make it sound so simple, which it is not in everyday life. Especially for you as you were so heavily involved with him.

[angelj]

i may have meant more to him than i knew. all the trust i gave him and all the trust he had in me, and the time we spent together may have made him feel like he already had a new relationship. he had hinted at that before, so i slowed down and left him alone, but maybe that just didnt work. again we will see in time, its the present that bothers me because i am left confused thinking a good friend has left me. whereas he might have seen me as more than just a good friend and is completely incapable of maintaining our "relationship" now that he cannot cope with the fact that they are really over.

 

as slow as we were taking it, i guess it all just moved too fast. but what can you do, sometimes things are weird that way. you cant exactly control the way you feel, but you can contain it.

 

the questions remain unanswered and hopefully one day shall be answered. but for now im enjoying my life not worrying where his is going.

[SuperFantastico]

Ah angelj my darl'n you are the best. Fixed up the first post real nicely

 

Ok back to the topic. You did nothing wrong. You both clicked, got along famously and got it on a little . Sometimes though, you dont get what you want you only get what you need.....heard that somewhere..... You want to have a nice fufilling relationship but you get a fantastic friendship with real deep connection.

 

He had a relationship devoid of intimacy, probably wanted more(obviously) and got a great close emotional intimacy with you instead. Now probably the last thing he wants right now is to get into anouther long term relationship. I mean 4 friggn years

 

I think there definitly is potential for the two of you, but you gotta relax and let him gather himself. It could take 6 months, a year. Who knows. When hes ready you'll probably know. Messed up relationships take a long time to get over. Like running a marathon, you gotta rest and heal for a while. Its very punishing on a person.

 

Keep being his friend. Probably avoid confronting him on this issue. Hearing how much you like him and if he likes you wont really do much to help him. If your friendship is a good as you say it is, and if its in the cards for the both of you, then it will work out in time.

 

I know, waiting sucks. Belive me i know

 

P.S. FVB is friends with benifits. Basically you are friends, but will shag sometimes as the english would say. Not a relationship.

 

P.S.S. One more thing. Dont go saving yourself for him forever. Hes not the only super guy in the world. You will only give him the message that he can keep you as his backup girl. Not to say waiting 6 months is gonna kill you, just saying a year or 2 his REALLY pushing it. IF something good comes along, go with it, even if only casually. Tells him that yes i will give you time, but there are other guys out there. You best make up your mind sooner than later. Sometimes people need a gentle nudge

[Curt]

Originally posted by angelj

"You can't exactly control the way you feel, but you can contain it."

 

This speaks to me on many levels, angelj. Know, however, that containing it will at times be the most frustrating, exhausting, yet necessary thing that you must do. Keep your mind occupied with other things, and people.

 

In this case, letting things take their course is about all you can really do. As you already know, letting him deal with his own issues may be the only wise course of action to take.

 

Warm regards,

 

Curt

[angelj]

i am flattered you liked my quote so much dear curt...

 

 

the past few days have been fabulous. my best friend kidnapped me and drove me to miami (south beach) to get away from the rest of the world. its been a mini vacation. its nice to be away even if its only a few hours south...

 

still no word, and we are going on a surprising 2 weeks! i cant help but feel this "break" was absolutely necessary. as i think i earlier stated, i was beginning to spend more time than i should have thinking about him and not myself. it does really suck waiting...but i dont mind that much. at least i have more time to focus my energy elsewhere, and not into thinking oh no is he hanging out with the ex, or the, "oh no does he still like me?"

 

the worst part of it all still lies within the simple fact that i need to know why the hell he fell off the face of the earth. i have stopped analyzing, which was my goal, but i still sit here wondering why? especially when i start remembering some of the things he used to say...also as i previously stated, i think even though we both tried to move slowly, it took off at rocket speed. but how can you help that? it could have taken off even more quickly if we had not tried our hardest to slow down. like my other quote about the controlling/containing of feelings...sometimes you can't contain them, they just show!

 

anyway - i hope he isnt gone forever. and i hope this isnt just black and white like that stupid book, "hes just not that into you."

 

will keep you posted..

 

it doesnt help that every single day at work someone asks how he is or where he has been. i just have to smile and not get frustrated...

[angelj]

does anyone watch sex in the city?

 

my current situation reminds me of carrie's in the episode when mr bigg leaves her life abruptly and finds someone new. she quotes, "he never wanted to committ to marriage with me. maybe he is like a horse...i broke him in and now someone else gets to ride him."

 

i meant to include this in my previous post. lately ive felt like that. the boy was used to a downright awful relationship, and i built him up. thats the type of person i am. when you are one of my best friends i am a very loyal and loving person. i complemented him and included him in my happiness and brought joy to his life. (something to which he told me he was not used to..)

 

but i cant help feeling as if i broke him in and now someone else will get to ride him.

 

i need to move on from fascinations with alcoholics, workaholics, sexaholics and commitmentphobiacs. is that last one even a word?

[clynn]

I think we all have our own problems, we're all our own kind of

"______ - aholics" and if you stop being one you start being another. It is more about recognizing it I think.

 

Like alcoholics that turn into religious fanatics. Or people like you who are attracted to suporting these people.

 

Anyhow, I am positive that this is one of those cases that isn't as black and white as "he's just not into you".

 

He clearly is / was into you.

 

But he is also clearly messed up and confused.

 

And, that, very sadly, has messed up and confused you also.

 

Good luck moving on.

 

 

Doesn't he get fired for not showing up to work?

 

How bizarre.